Raising Hell
by High on the Rainbow
Summary: Yagami Light is in an asylum for many reasons... At least it provides him cover for his work as Kira. Then, L arrives and... all kinds of shit happens. L's brother Near is using all of Mello's instability against him, and Light soon finds that L has his own hidden agendas. And what're Ryuk and B's ulterior motives? Love, hate and drama... Hell is being raised in more ways than one.
1. Welcome to Tokyo's Insane Asylum

Hey, everyone. This is my very first story and since it was a rather complex plot, I decided to write out the whole thing and figure out the pacing for each POV (there are FIVE) so that things stay interesting and make sense, but so my readers don't forget other characters or the ulterior plot... So this came later than I wanted (Life got in the way dammit). I think I have done well but I do answer questions and inconsistencies need to be pointed out. This is NOT the anime so all characters are OoC to varying degrees, but I think you will still recognize their original design. Just a heads up, the first chapter is a little slow, but things are always explained later, trust me. :)

Any characters you don't recognize as being from the anime or manga (i.e., Yuki the cafeteria chick, Honogami Mayuri, Imagawa Aizen, Matsumoto Daisuke, Takiyama Kimiko, Kitsuhime Yoko, Hanazaki-san, and L's therapist chick Kyoko, among many others later on) they are OCs and are owned by me, but are only given names because they need them. They are generally insignificant though. Just know that OCs exist, but_ no major effort_ to memorize them is required; I know some people are too lazy to remember OCs, like me. ...They may be my OCs but they are pretty neglected and are usually killed off.

Main pairings are seme!L x Light and seme!Near x Mello. (Don't worry, I made such a thing _reasonable _Light/L and Mello/Near people. I think all of them make fabulous semes.)

IMPORTANT INFO: In this story L's name is Ryuuzaki Lawliet as he is Near's (Ryuuzaki Nathan) biological older brother and they needed a common last name. Enough said. Everyone else's names are canon. Also, Near and Mello's high school, Tokyo Central High School (TCHS) has a Japanese schedule, but uniforms are not in place. It's like American school in the sense of the dress code. MOST IMPORTANTLY, L is NOT the detective we know him to be in the anime.

Disclaimer: I own the plot, but do I _really_ need to say I don't own Death Note? _Really_...?

Raising Hell - Chapter One

"Hello, Yuki-san. How are you today?" a smooth silky voice asks the stout young woman serving lunch that day. The voice belongs to a handsome brunet, lunch tray in hand as he passes the serving counter. The young lunch server looked up.

"Oh, hi there. I'm fine, thanks for asking. Want another apple today, too? I know how you love them. They were shipped in fresh," a cheery voice replied, looking kindly and somewhat wistfully on her favorite patient. Yuki was a nice young woman of about twenty-seven, long brown hair cascading down her rounded shoulders and framing her pudgy round face. She served the in-patients of Tokyo's Insane Asylum with the most genuine of smiles and her demeanor was extremely calming, making her the favorite cafeteria worker of many patients; this was difficult in itself, as most people here were violent or had extremely unstable temperaments, most suffering from depression, anxiety, anger or more often than not an extremely dangerous combination of the three. Of course her favorite patient wasn't like any of those psychos.

"Yes, of course. You know I love them," the young man said. A polite smile crossed his lips, and Yuki couldn't help but become trapped, the patient's charm too much to handle; even in his light gray sweat pants and white t-shirt he looked beautiful... As his warm amber eyes fell upon her a light blush crossed her cheeks.

"Yeah... Well, here you are," she giggled flirtatiously, handing him an apple red enough to combat her ever-brightening blush. "Enjoy. Hopefully I'll see you around later on...?" she asked hopefully. She knew relations with patients were forbidden for a reason and she shouldn't even look twice at someone who was placed in here with other crazies, but surely with someone as drop-dead gorgeous as this anyone would have given in if they were in the same position... right? Either way, she just _knew_ someone like him didn't belong here; He was far too _normal_, far too _charming_. What could possibly be wrong with someone so _perfect_? She just couldn't see why this handsome charmer was in an _asylum _of all places.

"Of course you will," Yuki's crush replied, looking at her knowingly. "You _do_ serve lunch here, after all."

Yuki looked down at her feet, obviously flustered and embarrassed at her ridiculous blunder and momentary stupidity. She scolded herself mentally. "O-oh... Of course... Well, see you tomorrow..."

"See you tomorrow, Yuki-san," the young man replied, heading back to an empty table, giving him a good view of the recreation room's television. His handsome features soon contorted in a clear expression of disgust and revulsion. _'Stupid females...'_ he thought, as his soft pink lips fell to a grimace. He knew he needed to keep up appearances in order to supply Ryuk enough apples and keep him calm enough to tolerate, but did women have to be so damn _irritating_?

000

My name is Yagami Light, patient ID #180629A2, age eighteen, in room 102 at Tokyo's Insane Asylum. I've been a patient here for about six months now, and somehow, life has never been better. At least, that's what I would have said about nine days prior.

Nine days earlier, things were definitely more... manageable. I was able to convince the staff of my faux recovery and had hit them with more sob stories than I care to count. I had successfully avoided being drugged up with unnecessary medication and I had been able to carry out the will of my family, making my father proud without arousing any suspicion. However, things began to eat at me last Wednesday, and since then my grip on this perpetual façade had been slowly loosening.

As I sat down at my solitary table in the white blandness of the recreation room, I had to wonder about some things that had been niggling at the back of my mind for some time now. I've been having the same recurring dream for over a week, and the lack of sleep must have been getting pretty obvious to the staff by now; I've had to work extra hard at convincing them otherwise—I really don't want to be put on any unnecessary medication.

Every night I talk to my family—even if these idiot doctors claim them to be hallucinations—but they seem to be acting up as of late. They're usually the only thing keeping me somewhat sane and prevent me from having a mental break down from all the pressure, but lately they keep warning me about a danger and they never elaborate. Just an unforeseen threat, faceless, nameless, genderless... it may not even be a person, just an event or change in circumstance; either way, it has my nerves wound pretty tight with anxiety. It's getting to the point where I'm even starting to cross the line into anger at their lack of explanation and after what I did to them I deserve no such privilege.

Regardless, it was time I did my daily check on my progress as the savior of all the world's innocents, "Kira". I don't much care for the title the public has labeled me with, but there's not much I can do about it here. In fact, it pisses me off to no end that people just _had_ to derive my name from the English word "killer". I am no killer; I am a God, wiping away the filth contaminating our society with their corrupt mindsets and selfish ways. The world should be _fucking grateful_ that I even care enough to use my powers for _them_, to protect _them_, to save _their_ worthless hides. How _dare_ they give me the same label they give to the scum I'm saving them from! I really will have to change that once I complete reforming the world and can reveal myself...

_"In other news, the serial killer, thirty-two-year-old Matsumoto Daisuke, has struck again. His latest victim was found mere hours ago at Okinawa in a hotel dumpster by a garbage worker who reported a foul odor coming from the dumpster. Thankfully, he made the right decision in calling the police as this is the only victim to be found this preserved and can hopefully provide some much needed insight into the investigation. The police believe that Matsumoto may be using a poison or other drug that decomposes too quickly to be found through the autopsies of the other victims and incapacitates them, where he then moves them to rape and kill..."_

_'I guess this is just another guy to pass judgment on tonight...,' _I think wearily. Being God isn't made any easier with people like him out there. It's not like I care what happens to the victims, though; truth be told my reasons for helping society are entirely selfish. The only thing that matters is my family. I need their forgiveness. I look to the transparent images of my sister and father—Sayu and Soichiro, respectively—and they look back at me, the meaningful look in their eyes evident. They want me to punish him. They want me to carry out the justice that they themselves could not be graced with. They want vengeance on this rotten world.

"You know what you have to do, right, nii-san? You'll do it... won't you? For me and okaa-san and otou-san...? We need you to... People like that need to be held responsible, Light-niisan. People like that killed us, remember? You couldn't save us," Sayu spat with growing contempt. "You can make it up to us by killing them. You can stop being so weak. Do for them what you couldn't, no, _wouldn't _do for us, _nii-san_. Then we might forgive you," Sayu looked at me expectantly. The look in her eyes has changed over the last few months... She looks almost... bloodthirsty now. I know what she wants and I know I can't refuse her. I glance around to see if any of the staff are looking; they're not, so I nod subtly—I can't risk the staff knowing I still see them.

A look of pure yet sinister glee flashes across her eyes. "I knew you would, nii-san! I knew you'd exact justice. Soon the whole world can be reformed..." It was at this point that I'm forced to tune Sayu out; the news segment I had been waiting for was finally being aired.

_"As for last night, the famous mafia leader, Imagawa Aizen was found dead in his home last night after suffering from a heart attack. The autopsy revealed him to be healthy before his death and the police are certain that Kira is the killer. _

_"The Kira Investigation Team has yet to draw up any type of time frame in which these killings happen, but has told us that most of the killings seem to happen between 6 PM and 9 PM on weekdays and vary on weekends, leading them to believe that anyone who is home at this time may be suspect. They will not disclose what jobs they are investigating, but we presume it may be someone with ties to the police or another job of the like. Kira is—"_

_'They have no idea how wrong they are. Clearly I have no cause to worry.'_ There was no way they would guess I was Kira. After all, who would guess a _presumably _unstable mental patient with _presumably_ little to no access to the outside world would be smart enough or connected enough to be a _supposed_ 'mass murderer'? Have I mentioned how much I _despise_ being called that?

_"Controversy still surrounds Kira, though some nations in Interpol are starting to voice differing opinions on whether or not to support Kira or capture him. Many know that all of Kira's targets are hardened criminals such as murderers, rapists, or organized crime leaders. Though the crime rate has dropped nearly forty percent worldwide, the nations are still divided. Many are slowly considering supporting Kira. Unfortunately, no public statements are being made at this time. In other news—"_

_'Perfect, things are finally going my way,'_ I think, proud of the direction things were taking. Guessing that I've seen enough for today and having gathered a lengthy list of criminals in need of judgment, I make to leave, but something catches my attention.

_"A string of suspicious suicides and homicides have been happening all over the Tokyo area, and so far leads are scarce. The police have decided to look to the public for help as the circumstances surrounding the deaths of the victims points to psychological issues developing in seemingly normal civilians over incredibly short periods of time ranging from weeks to mere days in some cases. Most witnesses and friends of the victims claim that the victim encountered a strange man before having drastic changes in personality or behavior. I have with me the Chief of the Investigation, Honogami Mayuri. Honogami-san, what is your take on this case?"_

_A short and chubby man with gray receding hair spoke up, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. "After compiling a personality profile, it has become obvious that this person likes toying with the victims' minds. He uses games and tricks to make the victims unstable. We are not yet sure of his motives, or even his appearance, but we are hoping someone close to one of the victims will remember the victim meeting someone out the ordinary and possibly provide a description. This is an extremely difficult case, as there is no physical evidence to tie this type of criminal to any of the deaths. The victims are seemingly random; we have not been able to make any connections between them, be it physical appearance or family circumstances. We do have several suspects, but cannot disclose any more information at this time. Please call this hotline for any tips you—"_

_'Well, this is certainly interesting... I wonder what this person is like... Maybe he just has a sick sense of humor... Either way I'll keep an eye on this case.' _I stand and move back to my room. As I walk I catch some nurses nearby gossiping; normally I wouldn't listen to the unfounded stories people tend to weave in this place, but after what I just watched, this caught my attention:

"Did you see that? How scary..."

"Yeah, I hope our new patient's not like that..."

"You and me both. You know what's weird, though? The doctors aren't even getting much on this new guy. I guess someone pretty high up wants most of his information withheld..."

"Why would they do that? How will the doctors treat him if they won't tell them anything?"

"I don't know, but I hear the doctor's only instructions are to keep him on a special diet and not to force him to disclose anything he doesn't want to. They said they'll resolve any problems he causes in a personal session..."

"How strange... Did you hear his name...?"

"No..."

_'Now this is interesting. A new patient, huh? Whoever they are I should keep my ears open for anything else. Maybe these gossip whores will drop a piece of useful information later on, who knows? Wait, what are they saying now...?'_

"Hey, have you noticed anything weird with Yagami-san lately? He seems to be taking more and more interest in the Kira case lately..."

"Well, that's not all that strange. You _do_ know what happened to his family, right? Maybe he's looking for evidence of justice for his family; he's probably placed his hopes in Kira."

"Yeah, of course. Poor guy... He just needs someone to comfort him...," the brunette nurse says dreamily. I scoff at their ridiculous assumption. _'What I need are dumb broads like you to stop hitting on me and pitying me.'_

"Oh, you mean like you? Like he would ever go for you anyway. I'm definitely more his type... I heard he likes blondes over brunettes."

"Are not! There's no way! ...Besides, I don't think his interest in the Kira case is wrong, per se; I actually support Kira's cause... His look is just... more _intense_ lately, you know? There's a look when he watches that's different from how it used to be..."

"...I guess so, but a lot of new stories have come up, you know? Like the one with that weird guy messing with peoples' heads. Maybe that's what's on his mind. Don't look into it so much; you're probably over-thinking the whole situation. Yagami-san doesn't like girls like _that_ anyway," the blonde nurse said smugly.

I decide to tune them out at this point; it's clear they're just going to have another routine fight over me again. I enter the room and toss Ryuk his apple before walking over to my dresser and taking out the Deathnote. I quickly work through today's list of wrong doers and lay down on the bed, seeing my family watching me with satisfied faces.

"You gotta get me some more apples, Light. This once-a-day crap is annoying... When can we leave? I want to do something fun," Ryuk pouted. "It's not like you _need_ to stay here anymore. It's so _boring_."

"I know that, Ryuk. Your apple routine can't change, you know that. Second, you know why I can't leave; even with my acting skills they don't see my progress as genuine. It's infuriating, but at the very least this place provides a good cover from the Kira investigators... And as far as your boredom, I heard something interesting—a new patient is coming, and apparently has rather curious circumstances surrounding him. I'm sure things here will pick up very soon, and you probably won't want to leave once they do."

Ryuk's curiosity raised marginally. "I'm not too keen on the apple thing, but this new patient better make up for the lack of entertainment, Light."

000

I'm so _bored_. Why does Light keep on staying here? I hate it... I know it was part of the plan for me to stay with him, but man... I wouldn't even mind hearing from Hell at this point; if they gave me a new idea on what to tell or reveal to him, I might get a kick out of his reaction. He could at least kill people interestingly... Always heart attacks...

I fly outside, looking for a new source of entertainment. Sometimes I go out and mess with other humans when Light gets like this. Besides, he's probably doing that thing where he talks to his hallucinations again. I never thought giving him a Deathnote would do that to him, but it is fun to watch him at war with himself. Unstable yet intelligent—he makes a wonderfully entertaining pawn. ...The best kind, actually. ...The instability makes him a little easier to manipulate.

Maybe I can find out more on this new patient, or better yet that guy driving people to commit suicide and homicide. He sounds like my kind of guy; I can't help ginning at the prospective fun. He sounds so... _interesting_.

000

_I'm at school, and sadly, I can't help but feel bored and angsty at the rather oppressive atmosphere of the place; pasty off-white walls (just like the ward), plain desks, soulless teachers that mechanically spew out lectures in that horrendously monotonous drawl. I hate it all, but thankfully freedom will soon be within my grasp and I can escape this nightmare society has forced upon me._

_The bell rings and I make a calm exit, though my mind is screaming at me to make a mad dash for the door; I do have a reputation to uphold. I walk home and go straight to my room where I finish my homework in record time and wait for the rest of my family to arrive._

_"I'm home," Sayu comes through the door a mere thirty minutes later and immediately seeks me out for help with her math homework. Of course, I do the brotherly thing and help her while our mother makes dinner down in the kitchen._

_As Sayu goes on about how evil her math teacher is and the conspiracies against her, I tune her out, opting instead to listen to the news. I hear the door open, tearing my attention away from the television and see my father enter. He looks worn out, more so than usual; his glasses are slightly askew and his hair is graying and disheveled. This new case must really be getting to him; he had just put a man away for two serious political murders a few months ago and now he was dealing with this psycho. Many people close to the suspect had been dying mysteriously, but otou-san had told me they were closing in on him and the case was nearing its end—all they had to do was arrest the guy._

_Soon after hearing about father's day I head up to bed; it's late, but I get a glimpse of someone suspicious outside the window. This time things are different; I can see a glimpse of his face—bright eyes and black hair... I don't think much of it and go to sleep, but that was probably my one fatal mistake; later that I night I awoke to gunshots and the coppery scent of blood._

…

I shot up in my room, taking a minute to remember my surroundings; I'm not at home, I'm in Tokyo's Insane Asylum in room 102. I don't know whether or not to be relieved—the pressure and fear of having another chance to save my family was overwhelming in the dream, but the reality of having failed and the guilt that accompanies it is just as heavy. _'Things were different though; normally, I never see any facial features in that dream...' _I look over to my digital clock and see that it is early morning, almost time to get up and start getting ready for another loathsome day of tedious lies and meticulous acting.

As I shower and brush my teeth, my thoughts travel back to the new patient. _'Could he be the possible threat otou-san and okaa-san have been warning me about...?'_ I can't be too sure; that why I've decided to keep an ear open to any new information I may pick up around the ward. He sounds intriguing and if nothing else will provide some type of challenge or entertainment... _'God, now I'm starting to sound like Ryuk...'_

000

I see white, endless white, serving as a constant reminder of the flawlessness I seek, but have yet to achieve. I loathe this abyss. I don't know how; I thought I had put things like that beneath me long ago. They are taking me away and I know where they are taking me—Tokyo's Insane Asylum. I know exactly why they brought me here and I also know they presume me to be unwell. What they don't want to believe is that I know exactly what I did; regardless of their denial, I'll continue to do it—I won't stop. If anything else I now have new variety of subjects to work with.

My name is Ryuuzaki Lawliet, patient ID #190633L7, age nineteen and assigned room 104 in Tokyo's Insane Asylum. Supposedly, I am being admitted for a personality disorder, but I know that isn't true. I know myself much better than people give me credit for; I know my faults, my strengths, my motives. They, however, do not know me, nor do they care to.

If I have a personality disorder as they claim, would that be such a bad thing? They say I lack a thing called 'empathy'. It's not like I _don't _feel things, loathe as I may be to admit it; I merely have no _reason_ to relate to others. Relating will not help me understand. I need facts, not results that have been contaminated with biased opinions and weak statements of 'morality'. I don't expect them to understand, but someone has to do this, to find the answers. I will be the one to find them.

The only way to understand anything is through experimentation, observation and asking questions: What is observed about the subject? What about their past influences behaviors prior to exposure to the stimulus? How do they react to the presented stimulus? What do they do? How does the mind react? What problems arise? How can they be prevented in the future? What problems do the solutions present? Can any and all problems be diffused? Is there any perfect solution? Of course there was; there had to be, and I will find it. I will find the solutions to everything.

It is most fortunate for them that I do not expect others to understand my reasons. Most humans are too feeble-minded, too weak or too frightened to face the reality that someone needs to do this in order for society to be saved. Truth be told, my reasons for doing things this way are relatively selfish. I want to save humanity from itself so that _I _never have to face the pain it has caused _me_ ever again. It doesn't matter where they send me as long as it does not interfere with my progress and the pursuit of knowledge.

While I wait for the paper work to go through and pass certain check-points, my thoughts are broken by the sound of a radio show. Normally I wouldn't listen to something so mundane, but the topic was one I often found my mind drifting towards: Kira.

_"Kira is gathering support amongst rather high-ranking officials and we are taking the opinions of our callers this morning. On line one we have a girl from Kanto named Sara. What do you think of this, Sara?"_

_A high pitched voice soon replied, though it was obvious the girl was trying way too hard to be 'cute'. "I totally support Kira! He's so awesome. My family was killed by a deranged drug dealer, saying crazy things about how my mom owed him money, but I know she would never do that... Kira killed him just a few weeks ago! I'm sooo grateful! Thank you, Kira!"_

_The host cleared his throat. "Well, um, thank you for your input, Sara. Next, on line three we have... Oh, God, Amane Misa is on the line! What a shocker! Hello?! Misa-Misa? You have an opinion on the Kira Case?"_

_A squeaky voice erupted from the radio, "Of course, Host-san. Misa-Misa loves Kira! I'm going to marry him one day! Everyone should support Misa's savior, one true love and future husband, or he'll kill you! Marry Misa, Kira! Misa-Misa loves you!" _

_The host made an obvious pause, more than likely shocked by her open and rather blatant support. She should have been more careful of what she said; she is a famous model after all. Marrying a killer might not be so good for her reputation, especially since she is known to have been dating the world-famous Ryuuga Hideki for several weeks. Her Kira-worship would without a doubt damage the relationship. The host cleared his throat before continuing. "Well, Amane-san, you clearly have a strong support of Kira. Is there any particular reason...?"_

_"Of course! Kira saved Misa's life once! This one time when Misa was—"_

I stop listening at this point, opting instead to delve off into my own thoughts on the matter. I admit to having a respect for Kira. Kira and I obviously have the same goal: to reform the world and in a way, save humanity from itself. The only problem is that the world seems to so adamantly disagree with our methods, though why is beyond me. Obviously their methods had been failing them, so why oppose Kira's efficiency? The only thing that comes to mind is the primitive notion of 'morality'. I will never understand people's ridiculous need to cling to morals like a child grasps desperately to their safety blanket in the night.

I suppose I have a rather strong fascination with Kira... I hope to find them at some point during my research. I can't help but wonder what happened to Kira to make him or her act the way they did, and what both of us will have to do to make the rest of the world understand that emotions and feelings will only hinder them. I wonder if Kira truly understands like I do. I often wonder about the enigma that is Kira, though I'm probably more serious than the other mindless idiots giving in to propaganda. I would love to talk to Kira, to know what happened and see if I can figure out the most effective way to project that view onto the rest of the world; if I have to hurt them to do so, then so be it—it doesn't matter, so long as the end can justify the means.

_'No one should ever have to hurt and suffer like Nathan and I did... Near...'_

A young woman came out and told me my paperwork was complete and to come put on my wristband with my patient ID#. I hold out my wrist and go through the motions with her. She introduces herself as my new therapist/psychiatrist, Kyoko, and shows me around before eventually dropping me off in the recreation room with the other patients who were already awake and finished breakfast by this time. Apparently, group therapy is scheduled to start after lunch and people may be called for individual therapy during this time.

Looking around the recreation room and all its pasty off-white blandness, I lay eyes on a brunet watching the news, and more specifically, the Kira case. This act in itself is nothing note-worthy—most the room's occupants are doing the same—but the look on his face says something else, something intriguing.

I allow my eyes to openly roam over his face. His eyes are creased at the outer corners in slight show of what may be joy and perhaps a smug satisfaction. His soft pink lips are upturned in the barest of smirks, and his gaze is full of intent, though the nature of such a look is something I could only guess at. The air about him is similar to that of an artist surveying their work; satisfied, yet somehow wanting more... always striving for more. It is strange to say the least.

Regardless, I walk up to the phones available at this time of day and dial Near's school. It would seem I have a bit of explaining to do lest I deal with his barely-contained wrath when he comes here for his out-patient therapy group later today.

000

_"Ryuuzaki Nathan, please report to the main office. Again, would Ryuuzaki Nathan, please report to the main office."_

_'Why would they...? Whatever. Knowing my flawless conduct at school it probably has something to do with nii-san...' _I get up out of my seat and begin to gather up my things. I was just attending my classes at Tokyo Central High School like a normal seventeen-year-old junior should be and probably just as bored when I was called to the main office. I am glad I get to leave. The giggling females behind me were really getting on my last nerve. They mumble in protest; clearly they didn't want me to leave.

I walk out of class, my soft, white and slightly curly hair bouncing and framing my pale face, slightly covering my dark eyes. I twirl a lock of the snowy white hair around my finger; it's a quirky habit, but a calming one nonetheless. I walk up to the front desk and state my name. At least the receptionist is forward and gets straight to the point.

"Ah, Ryuuzaki-kun, you have a call," the receptionist pauses to lean in close to whisper. "It's from Tokyo's Insane Asylum. I believe your brother has just been admitted. He would like to speak with you."

"Thank you, Hanazaki-san," I reply, holding slight respect for her consideration of my privacy and ability to keep things professional. She nods, smiling slightly before handing me the phone. "Moshi moshi...?"

_"...I know Near has already figured out most of the situation,"_ a deep voice on the other end of the line begins. _"So there is no reason to further explain things to him. I will have to leave him on his own for a while; otouto knows how to take care of himself. I ask that he keeps people away from the apartment as well."_

I can't help but be a bit annoyed at nii-san's response. Yes, I had figured out most of what happened, but what I wanted to know was his _reasoning _for such actions. He had obviously dropped some hint to the police, leading them to be suspicious of him and landing him in the Asylum. Nii-san wouldn't be caught if it wasn't his intention. It more than likely had to do with his 'experiments' and a search for new 'subjects'. I barely hold in an exasperated sigh; why does nii-san insist on doing these things? Honestly, if I wasn't in school with an image to uphold, I would—

_"I also know that otouto is exasperated and barely holding in a sigh or the urge to tell me off. I know whatever theory he has is more than likely correct, and I genuinely apologize for annoying him. However, otouto knows that this is necessary—all for a better world, a better us."_

—Oh, well of course nii-san would know my thought processes this well. I suppose his experiments are necessary to shape the world into a better place where no one will have to feel anything. Nii-san makes me feel more than anyone else, but I know he will never betray me.

_"...I really do apologize... _Near-kun_,"_ Lawliet says before hanging up. I never hear him call me that unless he was truly serious about something. _'Now there is no doubt about his motives; I had known something was bothering him for the past two weeks—he must have seen this as a necessary action, even though it would hinder me. I suppose... I can forgive you this once... L-niisan.'_

I hang up the phone and once again school my face into effortless apathy, turning to thank Hanazaki-san before heading out into the hall on my way back to class. I see a couple of sophomore girls more than likely skipping class walk up to me and say "Hi." I debate whether or not to reply. Girls in general annoy me, like a fly buzzing that I just can't seem to swat away; the more I repel them, the more determined they are to come back in greater numbers. Weighing this against the equally hellish option of going back to class and wasting time pretending to pay attention to a lesson I understood long ago, I decide to talk to the girls for a few minutes. _'At the very least I can enjoy getting their hopes up and then tossing them back down to Earth. Then they can learn that their feelings will only get them hurt and make them weak. I have to wonder if all girls are closet masochists, falling for guys who obviously don't care.'_

"Hello, Yoko-san, Kimiko-san," I say politely keeping my face stoic. I may be civil with them, but I will never smile at them.

Kitsuhime Yoko, a sixteen-year-old sophomore with bright green eyes, blonde hair and tan skin, blushed profusely. She always struck me as a wanna-be beach bunny; she obviously was too shy for the attention her body garnered from other guys at school. Takiyama Kimiko was the exact opposite, also sixteen years old and a sophomore, but she was significantly shorter than Yoko, had pale skin, a round child-like face with stormy blue-grey eyes and sleek, shoulder length black hair. She was scarcely developed, lacking the curves Yoko possessed and was often mistaken for a twelve or thirteen year old. She looked far more innocent and almost like a child, but was obviously more promiscuous than Yoko.

"Oh, Ryuuzaki-senpai, you don't have to be so formal," Kimiko offered, her eyes holding barely contained desire. "Call me your Ki-chan."

This is when I see something out of the corner of my eye, and trying to avoid meeting Kimiko's sorry attempt at a seductive gaze I look to my right and see someone fast approaching. The black and yellow blur rams into me with considerable force, toppling me to the ground and successfully angering Kimiko.

"Hey! Watch where you're going you freak! You could have hurt Ryuuzaki-senpai!" Kimiko shouts in an unwelcome attempt to defend me.

"Urg... What the hell?! That albino freak should watch where _he's _going! Fucking asshole never—"

"Freaks like you shouldn't—"

It is at this time that I look up to see whatever or whoever it was that hit me; I was already having a pretty lousy day and this certainly wasn't helping. My eyes travel up to see ankle-high black boots, tight leather pants, leather fingerless gloves, a form-fitting black t-shirt with a red design—it is a splatter art which to me closely resembles blood—and a dog collar-style choker around a creamy neck before locking onto a rather effeminate face with a burn scar on the left side of his face, icy and rather livid blue eyes and shoulder-length blonde hair. I recognize the guy as the infamous fifteen-year-old freshman, Keehl Miheal, though people call him 'Mello' as a joke—he is not mellow in any sense of the word. From my observations and experiences he is an obnoxious and irritating blonde who calls himself my self-proclaimed 'rival'.

Mello had been absent for the past three months and twenty-six days, and that time had been bliss for me. It was rumored that he was just released from Tokyo's Insane Asylum and was now in intensive out-patient therapy. Sadly, I know this as fact—I am in the same group, though I have an image to keep and no one in school needs to know I'm receiving psychiatric 'help'.

The only information I have been able to gather was that he killed his parents by setting off explosives on some paranoid suspicion that his parents were out to kill him. He wasn't sentenced to a detention center as his lawyer plead insanity and won, so instead he was sent to the Asylum and given psychiatric help. I don't know what to think about his story; all I know is that he irritates me. He just started group yesterday, but my nerves are already fraying, and on top of the stuff with Lawliet earlier, this can only bode badly.

"—And this asshole has the nerve to..." Mello trailed off, catching me staring at him. His face contorts into a look of confusion, before his face become slightly red from what I assume to be anger. I don't really understand why he is so furious; he was the one who ran into me after all.

He opens his mouth, probably about to say some scathing remark in response to my prolonged eye contact with him, but before he can do so, Kimiko steps in to 'rescue' me. "How dare you say those things about Ryuuzaki-senpai! You're just jealous aren't you, you freak? Ryuuzaki-senpai is hotter and cooler and smarter and more popular than you'll ever be, you stupid freshman! You should be asha—" Before she can finish, Mello takes off own the hall, punching lockers and walls, leaving rather impressive trail of damage in his wake.

I look after him mentally replaying the entire situation. Yoko, who had been stunned into speechlessness during the confrontation, offered out her hand to help me up. I politely decline; I can't show weakness, especially not to the females of this school. As I stand I hear Kimiko ranting off about how disrespectful Mello was.

"It's no wonder nobody likes him! He's such an arrogant jerk! Knocking over Ryuuzaki-senpai like that right after coming back to school! He has some nerve showing his face around here! And after challenging Ryuuzaki-senpai and claiming to be a rival, as if he's good enough! It's no wonder his parents hate him!"

That was where I drew the line. Not even Mello deserved someone like Kimiko talking about him as if she was somehow above him and closer to me. Mello may irritate me, but he has some of my respect; it takes guts to call me out and pick fights with someone of much higher social standing and academic excellence.

"Kimiko-san," I began, my tone colder than usual. Of course Kimiko doesn't pick up on it, but Yoko seems to. Before Yoko can warn her, I continue. "Mello did do wrong by knocking me over and blaming me, however, I must be the better person. I know he has poor social skills. It is not his fault he shows his face here; he does go to school here. It takes guts to challenge someone better than you so openly. And don't say things about other people's families when you know nothing. Goodbye." Without looking back to see her undoubtedly stunned reaction, I return to class. I have no idea why I defended him... Maybe it was all the other annoyances piling up that day and I just needed an excuse to lash out at someone... _'Perhaps because I also have no parents...'_

Once I reach my class I take my seat and resume staring out the window. I have out-patient group therapy with Mello after school, and thanks to Kimiko's extremely unhelpful input, I know the session will be longer than usual.

000

Blood was dripping down my fist, but right now I just can't bring myself to give a shit about the pain. How _dare_ that albino asshole ignore me?! If I wasn't under such tight watch I'd fucking kick his ass! _'I will have my revenge! He has no right to act so fuckin' superior! I swear I'll get him back! Right, okaa-san?'_

_"Of course Mello, dear. I won't let him hurt you like this," _the voice replied lovingly. _"I'll help you. Why don't you come up with a way to get back at him?"_

_'Of course, okaa-san! I know, I'll come up with some witty retorts for when the asshole shows his ugly albino visage at group! And Matt can help me with a good prank! What do you think, okaa-san?' _

_"It's a wonderful idea, Mello, dear," _Okaa-san replied. _"Just watch out for him, Mello. He is dangerous; you must watch your feelings around him..."_

_'Of course, okaa-san... but... Why do I have to watch my feelings? I fucking hate that guy!'_

_"I know Mello, dear, but I am just watching out for you. That's what a good mother does, isn't it?"_

_'Of course, okaa-san, and you're the best there is,'_ I reply mentally. _'I love you, okaa-san.'_

I really do love Okaa-san. In fact, she's the only one I'd openly admit to adoring. She helps me with everything. When she told me that my parents were out to kill me, I immediately doubted her. I thought I was going crazy; who the hell listens to a voice in their head anyway? Who even _has _a voice in their head?! Still, she insisted on telling me how to build the bombs and where to place them. I only built the stupid things because she said she would leave me the fuck alone when I did. But later that month, I could say I was genuinely surprised when my parents tried to stab me to death. She told me how to set them off and where to take cover so that I wouldn't get too hurt; after I killed them, I never doubted her again. Okaa-san is the only one I can trust in this fucked up world. She is my 'True Mother'. This is what a mother should be—kind, loving, caring and completely selfless.

I just don't get what she means about Near though. I shouldn't need to watch my feelings around the guy—the only thing I feel for him is _hatred_!

000

You know how just the look of someone can irritate you sometimes and their mere presence rubs you the wrong way? I experienced this phenomenon personally when I looked over at the door to the recreation room and saw... a new face. _'He must be the new patient. What's his deal, anyway? He just keeps staring...'_

I see him finishing up on the phone and I try to figure out what it is about this guy that isn't sitting well with me; he hasn't done anything out of the ordinary yet.

Looking at the guy he doesn't seem like much at first glance. His posture is a little bit strange be slightly slouched over the ways he is, but everyone here has their quirks, so I don't pay it much mind. He could have a back problem, for all I know. He's wearing simple clothes; a white three-quarter sleeve t-shirt and loose blue jeans. His feet are covered by flimsy hospital slippers, but I get the feeling he'd much rather be barefoot. He's skinny and pale, almost reminiscent of porcelain or ethereal. He has disheveled black hair covering his eyes, but when he does make eye contact I drown in a sea of obsidian. His eyes are wide with black shadows underneath; a clear sign of long-standing insomnia. But there was something off about those eyes... Eyes that scan me, observe me, bore into my very being yet never judging me... Those emotionless, listless eyes... Endless obsidian orbs...

I try not to think on it too much, but I'll definitely keep an eye on him. Whatever the guy's deal is, it will be revealed when the group therapist forces him to introduce himself. _'For now I'll go back to my room and write in the Deathnote. The world will always need Kira to rid this rotten world of evil. I _am _the God of the New World, after all.'_

Turning to my family beside me I see them smile at me, but the gesture seems forced. They seem to tense as they see the new patient, but quickly turn back to me, a meaningful look in their eyes, watching to ensure I hold true to my promise.

**End Chapter One**

7600 words! Damn!

I must say I think this went well. All of the main characters have been introduced and some foreshadowing has been set... I'm rather content. (WOW this was a 16 page endeavor...) I will try to make each chapter 6000 words minimum. It was hard to find a place to stop... This story requires patience! If you have none, then this is not for you. It has inner monologues galore! I suck at second and third person...

I hope transitions between POVs was okay; I try to tie them together with connecting emotions (the Mello to Light shift) and events (The L to Near shift). I really need opinions on what people think of that.

I would appreciate reviews so I know if you agree, disagree, love, hate or anything in between. I try to answer questions the best I can without giving stuff away. If my writing or portrayal seems off then please explain why you feel it is. I won't spend massive amounts of time and space at the beginning of the next chapter answering but I'll try to encompass all answers into the "Important Info" corner.

Special thanks to Sae-senpai. You have no idea how much you helped. Really!

Hope you keep reading. This was just to establish the way the character's minds work.

Ja ne

Rainbow-chan :3


	2. The Love-Hate Theory

Hey, everyone, Rainbow-chan is on a roll! Chapter two is here! Here you see a little more on how the characters interact and their reactions to each other. Some foreshadowing! Also, Matt is here! Sorry, Matt x Mello fans, he's just a friend. I find his reason for therapy most humorous. :)

IMPORTANT INFO: Tokyo's Insane Asylum Schedule

Breakfast starts at 7 AM, Lunch starts at 12 PM and Dinner starts at 5 PM. Meal times run for 30 minutes. Group therapies are 12:30 PM to1:30 PM and 5:30 PM to 6:30 PM. Groups happen every day and any other time people are seen by individual therapists, psychiatrists, or hanging out in the recreation room if not their own rooms or those of other patients. Visiting hours are from 6 PM to 8 PM on weekdays and 3PM to 9 PM on weekends. Near and Mello's school starts at 7 AM and ends at 3 PM. It is a roughly a 10 minute drive directly from their school to the asylum. (It's inner city) Their out-patient therapy is at Tokyo's Insane Asylum in a different wing and goes from 3:30 PM to 6:30 PM.

I didn't feel like making this up, so I wrote how it used to be for me and a friend way back when. If something doesn't add up, please tell me.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Death Note, but I do own Tomoro, Yuki, Tokomo-san (Near, Matt and Mello's counselor), and Kyoko. I've only had to say it twice and I'm already completely sick of it...

Raising Hell - Chapter Two

I admit the brunet looking at me had rather fascinating eyes. They were a honey-like amber, rather stunning, unusual for a Japanese male and quite different from my own obsidian ones, but even more interesting was the _feeling_ behind those eyes of his—the intensity, being able to personally witness all the gears turning in his mind as he tried to gauge me, and perhaps label me. What he is trying to gauge in me is something I could only ponder and guess at; I am... unsure. ...I loathe being unsure.

He will make a wonderful subject. I have never _felt _so much around anyone other than Near, never had so much raw _curiosity _overwhelm me... I'm certain it is his eyes; something burning—passionate yet menacing, evil yet justified.

As I watch him I see him look beside himself, seeming to relax; interestingly enough, there is nothing there. After sparing me another quick glance, he stands and heads toward what I assume to be the direction of his room; I remember seeing my room from the rather boring and admittedly short tour Kyoko gave me.

After he is out of sight, I find my mind functioning as if he never left—he is still my mind's focus. I can feel experiments forming in my mind, questions and inquiries already making themselves known, begging to be answered: Where does such a look originate? What is his past? How does the Kira case garner such an expression? What was he looking at when he turned to the right briefly? What is he in for? What is his temperament? What is the best way for dealing with the temperament when discovered? What is the best method for obtaining these answers? Would the given solution get a negative reaction? If so, how to handle it...?

I realize that I am getting slightly ahead of myself, and frankly it is a bit disconcerting. I have never experienced this before... _'Will I ever experience this again...? Probably not. There is an 87% chance this subject is invaluable; I shouldn't do anything that would drive him to harm...I normally don't follow a whim, but I'll make an exception just this once.'_

Based on his reaction, he is rather obstinate and stubborn... He will more than likely try to give me hell... There is a 96% chance of it, actually... _'Wait, when did I start using such crude language...?'_

000

_'Things in Hell are finally starting to get somewhere...' _I cackle with glee. Soon, very soon, phase two of the plan would be possible. As I fly back to Tokyo's Insane Asylum, I think back on the events of my most recent visit back home...

_A shinigami with red eyes covering its torso and blue skin looked up as I flew towards him with a look clear impatience. I can't help but get a kick out of the fact that after all these centuries I can still get under Tomoro's skin. _

_"Ryuk, where the hell have you been?!" He exclaims. Well, someone's not happy._

_"Clearly not in hell, but then again wherever you are is pretty hellish. As you know, I haven't been around," I replied, not bothering to hide my underlying message: you walked right into that one. After a look from Tomoro showing his obvious displeasure, I decide to get more serious; I don't want to stay here longer than necessary and Tomoro's incessant bitching loses its entertainment value after a while. "I've been with Yagami Light in the Human World. I thought you were aware of that. That was part of the plan."_

_"Yes," Tomoro replies, a look of pseudo-contemplation on his face. His many eyes narrow as he pretends to take in my statement. It's no fun at all... His condescending attitude is annoying. It's only fun when I'm the one condescending to others. "I believe it _was _wasn't it? But I _do _have a reason for calling you here; why the hell is Light killing so slowly? We shinigami are anxious to get phase two in motion... You know we need him to move faster."_

_"Yeah, yeah," I sigh. Explaining this to them is going to be so boring, but I really want to get back to the Human World. It's far more entertaining; I have all of eternity to get under Tomoro's skin. "You should know why that is; the fear of Kira in the Human Realm is decreasing the crime rate. It's getting harder to kill at the pace he used to... And fortunately for us, he wants to kill hardened criminals, like I planned—we need souls that are automatically Hell-bound for this to work. If it'll get you to shut up and stop acting like a bitch in heat,_ I'll _pick up his slack myself. I know what I'm doing._"

_"Well, regardless, we want to ensure you aren't getting off course," Tomoro says, his many eyes narrowing in suspicion, obviously sore that he couldn't figure this out on his own; hanging around humans has given me a better idea of how things work with them, something Tomoro and the others obviously lack. But he's probably mad about the bitch comment... Oh well. What's he gonna do? Kill me?_

_"Now, why oh why would I do that? You really have no idea how entertaining this is for me, do you, Tomoro? Well, either way, I have to get back, or else Light will get suspicious; he's a smart human. I'll see ya around," I say with finality as I spread my wings and make my way back to the Human World. _'Things are getting interesting...' _I think as I see Tokyo's Insane Asylum come back into view..._

I phase through the wall; I know exactly where Light will be at this time—the recreation room. As I seek him out, I find him looking at a new face. The guy doesn't look like much, but if Light was keeping an eye on him and deeming him worthy of interest, then I should probably do the same. If Light sees something in this guy then he might even be a threat; nothing is going to ruin my fun or—Satan forbid—cause my peers to bug me again...

000

_'Why are so many things bugging me today?' _My mind was plagued with many bothersome thoughts and problems at the moment, namely my peers, school, and Lawliet.

I really do wish nii-san would stop with his foolishness; doesn't he realize that understanding feelings is a pointless endeavor when we ourselves are without them? It is by far more efficient to be without obvious weaknesses like emotion. We should be trying to bring to rest of humanity to our level instead of lowering ourselves to their standard and trying to save them with the incorporation and understanding of such things; if only Lawliet were as emotionless as people believed him to be. _'L-niisan... why can't you see things the way they were meant to be?'_

Why does nii-san insist on feeding this useless fascination with human emotion when we ourselves have been deemed soulless by so many others? Isn't that what we were taught? To live life without feeling, to function on logic alone...? Whammy's Orphanage was kind enough to take us in and teach us all that we know; why was Lawliet going back on what they taught us? _'We clearly have the same goal... why can't we agree on our methods...? I don't want him to drift away from me; he's all I have left... we're brothers...'_

As I leave my thoughts for a moment, I find my legs carrying me away from the school and onto the private bus that will take me to Tokyo's Insane Asylum with none other than the blonde terror himself. Predictably, he was rather upset with my earlier actions; I can almost see him fuming... I can admit to myself that it's rather amusing, though frankly, I'm not sure why he didn't just use his patented 'Mello-bomb' and destroy everything in sight; regardless, it's better and by far safer for everyone that he didn't.

As I take my seat on the bus, I note that he sits several rows behind me, more than likely to watch me. I see his face contorted in a strained look of concentration—it is a rather awkward face, and I don't like the reaction in invokes in me. It is... strange and worrisome, to put it mildly... but, I find that I sort of like the look. The bus driver arrives then, successfully keeping my thoughts away from Mello and the strange faces he makes. However, on the way the Asylum, I hear whispering over the soft rumbling of the engine; I look and see Mello's lips moving in the foggy reflection of the window.

"...Stupid Near, he always... hate him... fuckin' asshole...right up his... right, okaa-san...?"

I pick up bits and pieces of the conversation he's having. I know it's not meant for the bus driver; he's too close to the engine to hear Mello's ramblings. Whatever he's conversing with must be in his mind. I wouldn't have taken him for one to hallucinate, but I wouldn't put it past him either. _'Wait... Didn't he call it "okaa-san"? But, he killed his parents, didn't he...? He's always going on about how he hated them... and the bombing along with their deaths was all over the news... Weirdly enough, his court case was kept off radar...'_

I shake my head back a forth slightly in a rather childish attempt at clearing my mind of Mello-oriented thoughts, and surprisingly, I find it working. The only problem is that it goes back to another, more prevalent problem: Lawliet. Right now, I don't have time to figure out trivial matters like Mello; nii-san's situation is a matter of much higher priority. _'I know nii-san isn't as emotionless as others seem to think he is, and he's also much smarter than others ever give him credit for. He got himself sent there on purpose.'_ I know I needed to figure out why he felt this was necessary and how long he planned to stay for his experiments, along with whether or not he left any tracks for me to cover. But still, it's kind of hard to focus with Mello mumbling to himself...

000

_'Damn that Near, daring to ignore me! I'll teach him to treat me like I'm nothing!' _If I hadn't made my incredibly sour mood obvious to Near before, I was waving it in his face now. That albino freak's groupies just _had_ to go and chew me out; _he _was in the way _not _me! I bet that fucker is always talking trash to them about me; that's probably the reason everyone in school is on his side! Well, I don't give a flying fuck! I have okaa-san on _my _side...

We're on our way to our shit group therapy to hear other whiny bitches complain about their sorry excuses for lives—what a joke! I swear the only reasons I'm going to this lame group are:

1) I was court ordered into attendance and the court will sent me to a detention center if I don't follow the ruling correctly.

2) To see and hang out with Matt—he's cool and often prevents me from hitting the counselor. And...

3) To annoy the shit out of Near, that albino bastard!

I know he doesn't like going to group, especially when I show up, so I'll use that to my advantage; I'll need all the power I can get. Now if only I could figure out his pet peeves this would work...

_'Okay, so we have to go to group for three hours, and at the one and a half hour mark we break for fifteen minutes to take a snack break... what can I accomplish in that time? ...Any ideas, okaa-san? You said you would help me didn't you...?'_

_"Yes, Mello, dear, and I will do what I can, but remember to watch your feelings around Near... I cannot shake the danger I feel emanating from him," _the voice warned. Okay, I admit okaa-san may know the answers to almost everything and I usually have enough respect for her to not get angry, but the way she's pushing the Near issue right now is not _fucking_ helping, especially when I'm_ plotting_! Never interrupt my evil genius! _Never_!

_'But what do you mean, okaa-san? I _hate _Near! I fuckin' _hate _him! You _know _that,'_ I mentally argue. I'm so fucking pissed off that I don't even realize when I start talking out loud. "You _know_ that I hate him okaa-san... He _always_ thinks he's better than _everyone_; he needs to be knocked down a few pegs," I grumbled, anger and frustration at okaa-san's vagueness finally getting to me. "He's got that annoying 'holier-than-thou' attitude and he hates me and he always thinks he can act so _fuckin'_ superior. Why the hell should I be careful, okaa-san?" I question, my voice steadily rising. "I have every fuckin' reason to hate him!"

By this time Mr. Superiority himself has decided to _grace me with his gaze_. Note my _fuckin' sarcasm_. Seriously, what the hell is he staring at me for?!

"What the hell are _you _lookin' at?! Fuckin' albino freak," I spat at him. He has no fuckin' right to look at me like _I'm_ the freak; he's got a lot of goddamn nerve, especially after that shit he pulled earlier... getting in my way... asshole.

Near, obviously deciding I'm not worth a fuckin' response, turns back around and goes back to blankly staring out the window, which I have an overwhelming desire to smash his head through right now. But, because I'm so lost in my anger and fantasies of all the bodily harm I'd like to bring to Near and the screams I'll hear as he begs for mercy, admitting that I'm better than him, I don't hear okaa-san respond to my ranting:

_"Oh, Mello... if only you knew what he'd do... I'm trying to protect you..."_

000

"What the hell are _you _lookin' at?! Fuckin' albino freak," Mello says venomously, icy eyes challenging me to respond. I deadpan, figuring it's too much work to deal with Mello's senselessness at the moment, and I turn back around in my seat, continuing to look wistfully out the window. Really, Mello should know better; I have yet to ever give in to his provocations and don't plan to start now. _'I wish I could be anywhere else right now... I'm not going to say anything to him; I already have to deal with him for the next three hours in group. ...Can't he even talk to himself quietly?' _I'm silently fuming and the stress of nii-san's predicament isn't helping matters. We're almost to the asylum, so I gather up my backpack and other things I had to take directly from school in preparation for reaching our destination.

Once we reach the hospital and enter the group room, Mello proceeds to sit on the far right end of the room on a couch, continuing to glare at me, while I sit to the far left in an arm chair, pulling my left knee to my chest (something I probably picked up from nii-san), and immediately resume staring out the window; something about the action is calming to me. I take up a lock of my fluffy white hair and begin twirling it around my index finger once again, waiting for the others to show up. Mello takes out his iPod Touch and plays his metal music rather loudly; an inconvenience, but he probably planned it that way. I focus on a bird in the tree and become lost in thoughts of Lawliet... The bird makes me think of his lost freedom, regardless of him giving it up willingly. _'I wonder what nii-san is up to now...'_

As other people begin trickling in, I am able to identify Jeevas Mail, though he goes by the name Matt. I presume he goes by that name simply because he doesn't like his own, and if that is the case I don't blame him, however I feel there may be a history behind it that I don't know about. He is a friend of Mello's from another school, and he has been in attendance for a few weeks now. Unfortunately, I don't know much about him other than his obvious friendship and/or alliance with Mello, extreme addiction to cigarettes and his love of electronics. As for his attire, he has a purple-and-white-stripped, long-sleeved shirt and plain, dark blue jeans along with non-descript white sneakers. He has startling, soft-looking red hair and focused, bright green eyes, and his signature accessory, orange-tinted goggles, on top of his head; I don't see what purpose they serve as they don't even keep his hair back... Strange...

"Hey, Mello," Matt says, not looking up from his PSP. "What's eating you?"

Mello directs his glare to Matt as if it should be obvious what is 'eating him'. Really, that's such a strange phrase. "What do you think, Matt? You won't believe what that fuckin' asshole Near did to me in school today! I was just walking in the hall, minding my own goddamn business when—"

I choose this moment to actively ignore Mello; I know he'll recant a completely backwards version of the story making him out to be the victim, even though Matt will see right through him. Matt, of course, will agree with him anyway—the little slave that he is—and agree to help with whatever revenge scheme I know Mello's plotting against me. I already have an image to keep at school and here I have to deal with Mello's childish antics five days a week for three hours a day... I internally sigh; not to mention I have to see L after this, since I'll be done with group almost half-way through L's visiting hours...

Ten minutes later the rest of our group had arrived and our counselor came in taking a seat in the center of the room in a wheeled office chair. We were told to state our names, ages, and why we were here for any newcomers—in this case Mello, since not everyone was here to make introductions on his first day, and a timid brunette.

Matt started first. "Hey, I'm Jeevas Mail, but I like to be called Matt. I'm sixteen and my parents sent me here for being a hikikomori." I already know Matt's reasons for being here—he's one of the few people here I can tolerate—and I quickly decide to tune out the rest. It's kind of ironic in my mind that a recluse like Matt has better social skills than anyone else here.

The other teens here were in this group for pretty standard reasons; they were either depressed, cut themselves, did drugs, hurt others, or were angry and had vicious tempers. When it came time for me to state my information, I turned away from the window to look coolly at the other occupants in the room. My gaze landed squarely on Mello before I spoke in a controlled, even tone.

"My name is Ryuuzaki Nathan, but I prefer to be called Near. I am seventeen years old and I am here because others assume I have a personality disorder caused by the death of my parents and repressed feelings caused by the event, when in fact there is nothing wrong with me; rather, I am enlightened to the uselessness of feelings and others are jealous that I have achieved a higher state of being."

As if to prove my point everyone else in the room silently seethes. I can see it in their eyes, their jealousy, their resentment, their anger at my easy vocalization of such a thought. I know they would never admit it, but I know I am right, at least to a certain extent—my 'robotic perfection' is envy-worthy if their reactions and the admiration of others is anything to go by, and the 'I-couldn't-care-less' attitude with which I stated such an observation wasn't helping to calm them any. Apparently, being a 'pompous brat' was one thing in their eyes, but being a _correct_ 'pompous brat' was another thing entirely. It would be to their benefit to get used to it; I know I'm correct—I am _always_ correct.

000

Group time was fast approaching. I was called for a special session during group after lunch, so the after dinner group is the first one I'll be attending. I know that otouto will be here after his group to see me during my visiting hours; no doubt he'll ask me why I let myself be caught, and how long I'm planning to stay here and experiment, along with whether or not I left any tracks for him to cover. _'Silly, adorable little Near-kun... Always so predictable.' _I know I'm correct; I'm always correct when it comes to Near's patterns.

I know Near does not approve of my fascination with people minds and emotions, nor does he think understanding such a thing to be necessary. Near and I may have abandoned our feelings long ago (with the exception of those we feel for each other), but other people will always have feelings, and until I can figure out how to rid humanity of that fault, the second best option is to understand them and use them to our advantage. The more information I can gather on how they work, the more efficiently I can manipulate them and use them to our benefit. Once I can do that, I can handle any problems that arise and can more freely focus on the eradication of feelings and emotions—then I will never have to repeat the past...

Near's opinion aside, otouto doesn't yet know why I'm staying and hopefully he will see the same potential in this subject that I do; I expect great results from him. Once we file down to the cafeteria for dinner, I watch the subject as he travels down the line conversing with a cafeteria worker called 'Yuki'. This Yuki girl gives him an apple, blushing all the while. _'Is he trying to charm his way out of this place? If so, he's playing to the wrong people... No, it is more likely he's trying keep their attention from something else... but what?'_

As I watch him leave and head to an empty table, I go through the serving line and only get a piece of chocolate cake with whipped cream and a strawberry. Not bad for an asylum. I hold the fork between my thumb and index finger, moving to bring the cake to lips. I notice the brunet watching me once more, but for now I decide I wish to see his reaction to being ignored: he doesn't take it all too well.

Dinner passes without incident or confrontation. We spend it sneaking glances at each other, but never making prolonged eye contact. By the end of dinner, I can safely say this game has grown tiresome. As we get up and make to leave for group, I take one last look at his eyes and I'm surprised to find them full of blatant challenge. I'm not quite sure what he's playing at, but I know I'll learn something interesting and I am never one to pass up new experiences, so I make an effort to attempt to return the look.

000

What is with this guy? He has yet to tell anyone who asks why he's here; hell, he hasn't even _acknowledged_ them! He continues to ignore everyone and everything, with the exception of that damn _cake_ of his, seeming to space out and be unaware of his surroundings. If I didn't see the intelligence behind those eyes of his myself, I'd think he was in here for being a vegetable! It irritates me to no end that I can't read much of anything from this guy.

Even if I did want to kill this guy there are several reasons why I can't:

1) I may know his face but I don't know his name.

2) He has given me no real reason to kill him yet aside from being generally irritating.

3) If I _did_ decide to kill him it would bring massive suspicion to the asylum and, by extension, me. I wouldn't be able to kill him until he had been out of the asylum for at least a week or so if I want to avoid suspicion.

After dinner, I look over at him again, and of course he's ignoring me and everyone else; it almost arrogant. I'm not sure where this need to have his attention comes from, nor do I know where the need to challenge him originates; I just continue staring him down, openly now, and this time he spares me a passing glance on the way to the group therapy room. I know my eyes are set in unspoken challenge daring him to ignore me again. I don't know what has gotten into me but I _do_ know he rubs me the wrong way and I'm _not _going to take it. I can say I'm surprised when he returns the look with a unique one of his own. _'Fine then... If that's the way he wants it...'_

000

Well this is an interesting turn of events; I've never seen a subject so openly challenge me before. I move my thumb to my lips in a contemplative gesture. I have a feeling that this one will not be so easy to break. I'm not sure why, but I love this feeling...

As everyone entered the group room, I made sure to sit opposite the intriguing brunet, pulling my knees to my chest and placing my hands atop my knees, watching him intently. I don't want to miss any of his reactions, expressions or quirks. Everything is being stored into my photographic memory to be referenced later once I reach the experimentation stage. For now, and for weeks to come, I must merely observe and analyze.

Soon the person I assume to be the group counselor enters, and I must say I'm definitely disappointed—not that I had high expectations for the staff this places employs, but I _did_ have a standard. He is a younger man than I would have expected, probably in his mid-twenties, with a boyish face and black hair with slight waves. I also find out moments later that his voice is rather grating.

"Hello, everyone. I am you group counselor, Matsuda Touta. Uhm, please state your name, your age and why you are here so everyone knows a little about each other... Um... Light-kun, why don't you go first?"

"Very well, Matsuda-san," said the brunette, looking pointedly at me before continuing. "I am Yagami Light, age eighteen, and I am here for hallucinations, various psychological traumas, and a particularly severe case of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or P.T.S.D. for short."

"Thank you, Light-kun. Next is..." But it was at this point that I actively tune out Matsuda and his horrible voice. I am much more interested in analyzing what Light had said. P.T.S.D., hm? What happened to him? What does he see when he hallucinates? Are these visions the reason he looks off in the distance sometimes? If it is a bad vision, why does he seem so content to see them? Why—?

"Um, excuse me... sir...?" I am torn away from my thoughts by Matsuda. How upsetting; I was really getting somewhere before he interrupted me. In any case, I look around the room, my eyes settling on 'Light-kun' before I divulge what I feel is necessary.

"I am Ryuuzaki. I am nineteen years of age and as for my reason for being here... I don't believe it is any of your concern," I say monotonously.

000

_"My name is Ryuuzaki Nathan, but I prefer to be called Near. I am seventeen years old and I am here because others assume I have a personality disorder caused by the death of my parents and repressed feelings caused by the event, when in fact there is nothing wrong with me; rather, I am enlightened to the uselessness of feelings and others are jealous that I have achieved a higher state of being." _That's what the albino freak said.

This ass wipe has officially succeeded in making me beyond livid! Where in the _HELL _does he get off saying _that_?! I wanted to kill him right then and there! But of course this stupid whore of a 'guidance counselor' had everyone else go around and introduce themselves. As if I give a flying fuck what she wants, the fucking tramp! She can take her goddamn _guidance _and shove it up her ass as soon as she figures out how to remove that ten foot pole she no doubt has lodged in there. Maybe it'll puncture or rupture her internal organs and she'll die of internal bleeding.

As I fantasize about all the other wonderfully _convenient _ways my counselor could die, I look around and see more than hear the other members of the group introduce themselves—I'm busy listening to my counselor's imaginary screams of agony at the moment. The people here were pretty generic with their weak excuses for problems; there's an emo chick who cuts herself, an angry guy who abuses his girlfriend, and a douche bag of a wanna-be gangster who's probably on drugs and gay, but trying to hide it through a string of short-term girlfriends and his hyper-macho bullshit. There are others, but nothing note-worthy is said; figures they'd have sorry excuses for lives.

Finally, it's _my_ turn to make _my_ impression. I look pointedly at Near before I begin; I'll make sure no one here ignores me! "I'm Keehl Miheal, but call me Mello, got it dumbasses? Call me anything else and I'll kill you! I'm fifteen and those fuckers in court sent me here because my_ real_ mother told me to kill my fuckin' douche bag parents before they killed me. So I blew 'em up! If you got a fuckin' problem_ too damn bad_! And if you insult my okaa-san I will fucking_ kill_ you bastards, you got it? And I'm not fuckin' jealous of you, _Near_! You're just a fuckin' pompous asshole!"

I look around and I'm pleased to see the reactions to my proclamation. Most faces are fearful, some challenging, and others resentful. I'm looking forward to challengers; it wouldn't be any fun if all these pussies gave in on the second day. _'Of course they'd react like this. I'm so fuckin' superior to these punk-ass idiots.'_ But of course, _mother fucking Near _finds a way to ruin anything good. He just _has _to be the one person who ignores me, even when what I say is impossible for _everyone else _to ignore! That _bastard_! How _dare _he look out the window! Do I have to smash the damn thing to get him to pay attention?! He's doing the same thing he did in school! What the hell is out there that's more worthy of your time, huh?! The _least _you could do is _fucking look at me_!

I guess the ten foot pole _didn't_ impale our stupid skank of a therapist and she _hasn't_ died from internal bleeding because she asked me to elaborate on my 'okaa-san'. I guess the hostility I was emitting was too strong if this dumb whore could pick up on it. I turn to her, putting my hatred and Near-oriented frustrations aside, and answer her stupid questions; the faster I do, the easier I'm outta here.

"Fine, you fuckin' dumbass counselor," I start, huffing in my indignation at Near's continued disregard._ 'I guess I can't put it behind me no matter what I do... damn it all.'_ "Okaa-san tells me things, all kinds of things. She says that Near is a douche and she told me when my parents were gonna fuckin' try and stab me to death, the assholes. She told me how to build to bombs and where to place them and set them off so I wouldn't die or get too burned. And she was right 'cause only my face, neck and shoulder got burned. Okaa-san knows every—"

_'Mello, don't say anymore! Near is dangerous; you can't let him know about me!' _

"—Ah!" Suddenly, I feel a sharp stab in my head and grab a fistful of his hair, my face contorting in pain. Okaa-san has never yelled at me before; is Near really that fuckin' special? "...Actually, fuck you all! It's not your goddamn business! Not like you care or believe me... assholes..."

As the pain subsides and I look up, I see that something got Near's attention; he was looking at me with something akin to surprise._ '...But, why is my heart beating faster...? ...Why the hell to I want Near to acknowledge me so damn much?' _

000

I heard Mello's loud and extremely obnoxious introduction to the group; it's kind of hard to ignore him, loathe as I am to admit such. I try to go back to figuring out how I'm going to confront nii-san, but then I hear some interesting things when Tokomo-san, the counselor, asks Mello to elaborate on his 'okaa-san'.

"Fine, you fuckin' dumbass counselor," he starts. Figures his language would still be crude, even outside of school. Then again, he has always been like this. "Okaa-san tells me things, all kinds of things. She says that Near is a douche and she told me when my parents were gonna fuckin' try and stab me to death, the fuckers. She told me how to build to bombs and where to place them and set them off so I wouldn't die or get too burned. And she was right 'cause only my face, neck and shoulder got burned. Okaa-san knows every—Ah! ...Actually, fuck you all! It's not your goddamn business! Not like you care or believe me... assholes..."

Several things about what he said catch my attention: Firstly, insults about me aside, how does this voice in his head seem to know about events before they happen? And how is Mello not privy to the same knowledge as this voice? Second, there was a moment when he stopped speaking mid-sentence, as if someone interrupted him. That would imply this voice doesn't want me to know something and, by extension, has a conscience of its own. If this voice is trying to keep something from me, it stands to reason that having Mello under my watch would be to my advantage; this voice seems to think this information is of value to me and wants to keep it hidden.

Normally, I would think anything a voice in someone's head said was ludicrous, especially if that voice was in the head of someone like Mello. But I want to know what his 'okaa-san' is trying to hide. The only problem is that Mello so obviously hates me, and I don't exactly enjoy his presence. Getting close will be an issue, but once I do achieve that closeness I can see if there is any value in keeping him around. If he turns out to be useless and this hallucination's predictions were just coincidence, then I can dispose of Mello and move on.

000

_"I am Ryuuzaki. I am nineteen years of age and as for my reason for being here... I don't believe it is any of your concern." _If this Ryuuzaki-teme is trying to piss me off, it's sure as hell working. I don't know where this guy thinks he can get off keeping things from everyone else in the group; he's probably doing this as a challenge to me... How dare he. He doesn't know who he's up against. I am 'Kira', I am Yagami Light; I decide to take him up on the proffered challenge and go against his lack of information—he'll learn not to mess with 'the God of the New World'.

"Ryuuzaki_-san_, you must state why you're here, just like everyone else. I understand being embarrassed, but really, you hold no special privilege over the rest of us," I state smugly. I _will_ find out this guy's story. He has no right.

"U-um... Actually, Light-kun...," Matsuda began. His eyes shifted nervously. "We were told to not f-force him to d-disclose anything he doesn't feel necessary in group therapy... and... that it w-will be d-dealt with in a one-on-one therapy session... W-we weren't told w-why..." ...**What**? So he _does_ have a fucking right?

God, I hate when Matsuda stutters. I admit things are tense, but his nervous habits aren't helping. Couldn't they get someone more confident in their abilities to diffuse situations like this? Maybe then there would be less fights on the ward; of course I would never do something so uncouth, no matter how much Ryuuzaki irks me. Speaking of Ryuuzaki irking me, he looks pretty damn pleased that he's managed to one-up me! Anger and irritation waft off me in near palpable waves.

"A-anyway...," Matsuda began again. "L-let's talk about h-how things are g-going for each of you... Things have gotten so tense..." he mumbles. Of course it's so quiet everyone can hear him, the idiot; you could probably hear a pin drop, too.

I know that Ryuuzaki couldn't care less about what Matsuda has to say, so I also decide to tune out Matsuda in favor of pondering this newcomer since I know he is also analyzing me—his gaze makes that pretty damn obvious. Why the hell would the staff give him special privilege? Why was he here? Why is no one else allowed to know? I absolutely can't stand this; I can't figure out why...

All the while this Ryuuzaki character stares me down, watching me with those soulless eyes of his. I can see his hidden amusement, along with something else I can't quite label... He watches me like a scientist watches their subject; strangely enough, I find I don't mind the look. I _would_ be the only one here worthy of his interest, that intelligent gaze. He can study me all he wants; I _will _win this game of ours, this dance that we've started, and when all's said and done, I can assure you _Ryuuzaki_, that _I _will be the one leading this tango.

000

I am rather grateful that group therapy is over; I was nearly bored senseless. I am almost looking forward to Near's complaints about my purposely getting committed to an insane asylum—almost, but not quite.

This Yagami Light person was definitely a worthy subject; if I had doubts before they have been eradicated now. The way Light-kun stood and confronted me head on like that... his reactions are clearly caused by an obviously deep-rooted sense of superiority... Once again, I am completely fascinated by him. How did he get this way? Just how deep does this complex go? Was he born predisposed and his environment merely cultivated it? Or is this the result of the traumas he mentioned earlier? I bite my thumb as I contemplate the possibilities.

As I decide to head down for visiting hours, I immediately spotted Near's fluffy white tresses and by look in his eye, his mood was by far more foul than usual. This was somewhat unexpected; I knew I would be a source of stress for otouto, but not this extent. Something else must be on his mind. _'Perhaps something has happened in his group. He looks a bit disconcerted... Regardless, it is pointless to try and elude his questioning.'_

I walk up and stand before him, rubbing my right leg with my left foot—a nervous habit—waiting for Near to make eye contact and acknowledge my presence before greeting him. "Otouto."

"...Aniki," Near replied. His voice is just as monotonous as my own; I've taught Near well, but I can't help noticing the icy and somewhat frigid edge to his tone. "...What are you doing?"

"Why is otouto asking questions he already has the answers to? Honestly, I thought I taught otouto better than that," was my choice of witty retorts. Before today, Near was the only person able to counter me in conversation and keep me invested. Now I am 87% sure I've found another person able to maintain my long-term interest.

"...Very well, aniki, suppose I do have the answer; who is it?" Near asked, an expectant look in his eyes. I point to Light, not bothering to hide the fact that we are openly discussing him, and Near gave him an appraising look, mirroring the one I used just minutes before. I am somewhat relieved that Near seems to see the source of my interest—much to my good fortune—and doesn't get angry; instead, he merely says, "Keep a close eye on that one aniki; something's off about him. He may be harmful to us, or worse, our cause. Remember our ambitions, nii-san. We cannot fail."

"He may also be useful, otouto. Keep an open mind," I retorted. With Near being even more logic driven and strict than myself, I have to frequently remind him of the less likely possibilities.

"...Very well, aniki. You'd be wise not to disappoint me, but you already know that, don't you?" Near stated rather than asked; there was no room for debate or denial. If there is anything that intimidates me, even in slightest, it is and always will be Near. Sometimes I had to wonder if I taught him a little too well.

I decide to ignore the slight fear niggling in the back of my mind in favor of answering him and hopefully keeping him in the dark about the power he holds over me. "Of course, otouto. Why would my subjects ever be boring? This one should produce... _interesting_ results if nothing else. But at least now otouto knows why I can't leave just yet. I can assure otouto this information will become valuable to him in the future... Do not worry, _Near-kun_."

Near looked up at me as I said those words. He knows I would only ever say them to show him I am serious. "...I expect no less... _L-niisan_," Near replied, showing his forgiveness with his nickname for me. When Near says those words, he makes me _feel_. The sensation is what I assume to be the 'big brother' feeling others get when their siblings hug them, show them affection or make them proud in some way. I like this feeling.

I debate whether or not to perform a display of familial affection I saw on television earlier that day. I know he is still stressed from whatever got to him in his group earlier, and this course of action may soothe him. The consequences of doing so could be rather torturous given Near's attitude towards such things, but even so, impulse gets the better of me and I tentatively reach out my hand. There is a 75.7% chance Near will leave or display some other negative reaction, and either be unsure or unable to react to what I'm about to do. The other 24.3% symbolizes the likelihood of Near having a neutral or—dare I say—positive reaction to this stimulus. Slowly I lift my hand. Near watches it warily; I can see his inner conflict reflected in those eyes that are so like my own—a beautiful onyx—his desire to trust me evident and warring with fear at this unfamiliar action.

I finally decide to hold back no more and ruffle his soft, white tresses, slowly and tentatively at first so as not to startle him, looking down at him inquisitively, as if asking whether or not this action is acceptable; I would like to do this to him again. Near's eyes widen marginally before returning to their normally passive look; he shocks me further by closing them a few seconds, a sign that he actually enjoys this. I put slight pressure on his scalp, continuing the motion; it would seem this is one of those aforementioned 'less likely possibilities'. After a few moments, he stands and says nothing, heading towards the door. I watch as his recently tousled, snowy hair bounces around his face and feel an inexplicable warmth fill my chest; a happiness and contentedness I haven't felt in years. I sit back down with my knees pressed to my chest once more, left hand resting atop my knee and my right thumb pressed to my lips. Outwardly, nothing has changed, but I use this time to engrave this feeling into my soul forever.

**End Chapter Two**

Again, over 7800 words... I'm on a roll~! I'm quite happy. A lot of POV shifting, but I like my style. I find Mello to be very easy to write, as I was in both in-patient and out-patient therapies as an early teenager and had the _exact same thoughts_. I also think Matt really is a hikikomori. And everybody say "aww" to the moment with L and Near at the end. (squee) L's trying to be a good big brother.

Please review, your opinion is valued. Next chapter will definitely be more Mello and Near oriented; the first half will be the embarrassing yet cute, Near/Mello teaser half and the second will be the L and Light oriented, angsty exposition half.

Also, I love L's question tangents. I'm going to keep track of all the tangents and total tangent questions he asks and at the end of this story I'll tell you the total. It should be... amusing.

Ja ne

Rainbow-chan. :3


	3. Premonitions and Exposition

Hey, Rainbows are back in style! I have the third chapter here because after this I am slowing down and heading back to school soon, but wanted to have at least three chapters up... I have some humor (or at least my sorry attempt at it) and some mild angst. This story is perfect for all my fellow angst whores out there! It will be there soon enough.

Disclaimer: Really? No. Just... no. I've said it twice, and for the last time, I don't own Death Note! God damn it, how many times I gotta say it man?!

Raising Hell - Chapter Three

I watched warily as Lawliet slowly lifted his hand, a conflicted look in his eyes, eyes that are so similar to my own obsidian ones. I can see him warring with himself, debating the next course of action. I wait; there are other things I could do—I could get up, leave, say something—but I do none of these things. He's my aniki, my older brother, my L-niisan; I want to trust that he knows what he's doing... but this fear, this trepidation, is a feeling I dislike.

Finally, he waits no more, and he places his hand atop my head. I recognize this as a show of familial affection common among siblings. I try to adjust to the added pressure his palm is applying to my scalp and I relax as he ruffles my white tresses, fingers running soothingly through the locks. I can't help when I close my eyes for just a few seconds, silently urging him to continue for a few moments more. After a while, I stand, remaining silent, and head for the door to make my leave, feeling significantly better. I feel nii-san's gaze on my back, and I silently thank him.

I walk for roughly twenty minutes to get to my nearby apartment complex; Mello took the local bus, as his residence is on the other side of the district. After approximately ten minutes at home, I decide I am too restless to merely lay about, so I gather up my keys, along with my cell phone, and leave, going back outside. I head out to my car and decide to go for a leisure drive. After remembering earlier and letting the soothing feeling linger in my chest just a little while longer to calm myself, I decide that I've indulged in emotions enough and direct my thoughts to the conversation just passed. I did notice that L-niisan made an obvious effort against calling either of us by our true names or disclosing anything that may hint at our pasts. He clearly trusted me to pick up on it and follow his lead. _'Nii-san's overly formal use of 'otouto' at the beginning of the interaction was strange, but if Lawliet is playing this game he has a reason. He was more vague than usual, meaning he didn't want to divulge anything about him, past or present, to his newest subject... I'll have to question him on his suspicions and reasons later...'_ Regardless, I'm fairly confident I have nothing to worry about; L-niisan knows what he's doing—he always does.

Now that things with nii-san have been resolved, I have one more pressing matter in desperate need of a solution: what to do with Mello? Mello appears to have 'special ability' of sorts; his inner voice seems to possess some type of oracle-like ability. It also seems to warn him against divulging information in my presence; apparently I am seen as a threat, though the nature of which is still unknown to me. This... _voice _couldn't possibly know my plans, could it?

I know that the chances of the voice truly being a hindrance to my goals and ambitions are slim to none, but I won't risk any margin of error; I need to find a way to keep Mello under watch. Now it is just a simple question of how... _'What is the most effective and timely way to keep Mello near me and gain his trust...? Mello seems to hate me, but his behavior has been quite strange as of late...Perhaps I can use this consistency lapse in his behavioral patterns to my advantage...?' _It was then that I remembered why I decided to allow L-niisan to conduct his ludicrous experiments in the first place; to help me in situations like this one, ones where I have to admit—however grudgingly—that I don't understand the way people work well enough to take an efficient course of action. I suppose they really aren't completely useless if he can help me with this.

_'Going back to the institution after leaving a mere half hour earlier is a waste; it would be more sensible to call nii-san instead since they should still be able to receive phone calls.'_ I have to make sure not to leak any information on why L is there though; he is obviously being watched. The authorities were more than likely trying hopelessly to build a case against him. I have no doubt in nii-san's judgment. He knows full well what he's doing; I just hope he doesn't hinder me further.

I reach into my pocket and take out my cell phone—an iPhone 4 with a white cover; I loathe this contraption as people always ask for my number and try to reach me on it, especially females—as a result, I have always kept it off with the sole exception of situations like this one. As I wait and listen to the dial tone, I think over how I should go about explaining the situation along with Mello's odd behavior. Where should I begin? I suppose I'll start with school; that seems like the best place to start.

_"...Moshi moshi?" _After some shuffling and rather rude remarks, someone alerts my brother to my call and I finally hear nii-san's tired voice come through on the other end of the line. I almost sigh in relief—almost.

"Nii-san," I begin, unsure of what to say or how to start this conversation._ 'Lawliet knows I'm usually all about business when I call, so I should just dive into it, right?' _I decide to take a more conventional approach. "...Please explain the motives behind your earlier actions." Not the way I had planned things, but I have to start somewhere. It would seem I'm not suited for the 'normal sibling' approach after all; it would seem I can't even ask a simple 'how are you?'

_"...I thought it to be beneficial, otouto,"_ L says after taking a moment to think it over. He probably doesn't want me to misunderstand; nii-san's opinion of me must be quite low. ...This saddens me._ "Near seemed more stressed than I predicted... 21% more, actually. I assume something happened in group, and I believed my actions would help to soothe him. Was I incorrect in my assumption, otouto...?"_

I think over his words for a moment before responding. "You clearly don't want me to misunderstand, though given your IQ and my own, misunderstandings are extremely unlikely, nii-san. Even if they should arise, you know that I am always willing to listen to your explanations, nii-san; I am not so unreasonable. Your opinion of me... is it really so low? I will not deny that you were correct in your deductions, aniki," I say, making sure to keep our conversation vague on the monitored line. "However, have more confidence in me. ...Also, there is an issue with which I..." I pause; admitting this is much more difficult that I imagined it would be. "...I require your expertise."

_"..." _I wait for nearly thirty seconds before nii-san gives a reply. I'm not too happy with it. _"...Excuse me...?"_

Growing frustrated, I speak somewhat harshly into the phone, "I require your expertise, aniki. Are you going to sit there with your mouth open, silent and shocked, as I know you are, or are you going to help me?! I am rapidly losing my patience."

_"...Yes, of course, otouto,"_ L replies, clearly shaken by my unusual change in demeanor. _"Explain the situation from beginning to end. When otouto is finished, I will present him with the solution with the highest chance of success."_

"Earlier today, in school and not too long after my phone call with you, I encountered some girls in the hall; they were a preferable alternative to going back to class, but as I spoke with them, a boy—Keehl Miheal, otherwise known around the school as 'Mello', a widely disliked loner with an anger problem and my self-proclaimed 'rival'—ran into me, knocking me to the ground. I saw him look at me after participating in a rather crude shouting match with a rather detestable fan of mine and his face reddened slightly, though I assume it to be from anger. He was about to say something when the aforementioned fan drove him away, and his face was... distraught, to put it mildly.

"Later that afternoon, on our way to group therapy, Mello was mumbling to himself. He has a voice that I believe is withholding information that it feels is of value to me. When asked by Tokomo-san in group to elaborate on his voice, which he has named 'okaa-san', Mello stopped speaking mid-sentence, as if cut off by someone. Prior to that, he was saying that this voice played a part in his safety long before his parents attacked him. This leads me to believe that this voice has an oracle-like ability and the fact that it stopped Mello implies that it has a will or mind of its own. I feel I need a way to keep Mello under personal surveillance to obtain whatever information his 'okaa-san' is trying so hard to keep from me.

"Before you go and say anything, nii-san, I know that this type of action is out of character for me. I normally would never think of doing something like this unless I perceived it to be genuinely beneficial, but you know this. That being said, what is your advice?"

After finishing, I go silent, waiting a long while for nii-san to process all that I've told him, calculating percentages and sifting through possibilities. A good few minutes pass, and I find my already worn patience thinning further; I know he doesn't normally take this long—he must be stalling.

"A-ni-ki," I state slowly, punctuating each syllable to show my clear impatience with his now obvious reluctance. My grip on my cell phone tightens, further paling my already white knuckles. "I know you are procrastinating; tell me the solution."

_"...Near isn't likely to find the result... acceptable. ...Does otouto still wish to hear this?" _L-niisan asks, letting some of his hesitance and reluctance slip into his voice. I make a sound of conformation. _"...Remember this is what Near-kun asked for; I hope he doesn't regret his decision."_

"..." I say nothing as there is nothing to say; still, Lawliet's serious tone is starting to concern me. His frequent use of 'Near-kun' is disconcerting; every time he says it reminds me of the weight of whatever he's going to say next.

_"...Has Near-kun considered seduction?"_ L asked. At hearing this, I am quite sure I did what is known as a 'mental double-take'. Now, it is my turn to give the same response I found so unsatisfactory mere minutes before.

"...Excuse me...?" I ask weakly. I can't help but hate how adolescent my voice sounds right now. I know what he's implying; I just can't believe I'm hearing it. Maybe I really am crazy and do belong in my group... with Mello... No, no... That's still too much.

_"...Seduction,"_ L repeated. I can hear him sigh into the phone; clearly this is extremely uncomfortable situation and likely to be traumatizing for both of us, yet I still find no solace in this fact. _"It sounds like a logical solution to Near-kun's problem. This situation... I have been privy to witnessing it before in previous subjects. ...Mello seems to act like he hates otouto, when in reality he is more than likely jealous of or infatuated with him. Near-kun says Mello seems satisfied when otouto pays him mind; perhaps all Mello's acting is an attempt at getting close to otouto in more ways than one, though it is still unconscious and he doesn't know it yet. If this 'voice' perceives otouto to be a threat and Mello is unaware of his... affections, perhaps that is the type of which it speaks: an emotional threat. Split personalities are often created from circumstances that leave massive emotional scars and used as a type of defense mechanism. He seems like someone who would try to resist subtle approaches, so Near-kun would be better off with a direct approach. Lust is... raw and emotionless, but is often something that easily clouds a person's judgment and gives the false pretense of 'love.' ...Love... is generally associated with trust, so with seduction Near-kun can play all sides if he acts his part correctly. Though... the chance of this working is a bit of a toss-up; I do not know much about Mello nor have I personally observed him, but I would guess at a 63.5% chance of success. Otouto would be wise to consider the angles first." _

I can't help but shudder at the very suggestion; I would ask if nii-san was jesting, but that would be pointless—nii-san doesn't _jest_; this conversation has been all business from the very beginning. I don't touch people—male or female—with the sole exception of nii-san, and I certainly don't touch him sexually. I can't stand the thought of touching anyone in such a manner, let alone Mello; I always considered myself asexual... Revulsion aside, I pondered this for a moment; could seduction really work? According to Lawliet's explanation, yes, it could. I have no experience in the art of seduction—I've never needed to—but I _do_ need to keep tabs on Mello, and my lack of expertise could easily be remedied with a little research. _'I know that must have been difficult for nii-san... Is _that _what the famed "talk" is like? No wonder people want to avoid it... I should thank nii-san; being a brother-parent figure must be stressful...'_

"Well, u-um...," I loathe when I stutter; not much makes me get to this point, but when I do, I can't help the anger accompanying this fault. "I appreciate your input... L-niisan... I... I have research to conduct." I hang up the phone in a mechanical motion, no longer registering anything and as cliché as it sounds, the world is falling around me; I don't even remember to inquire about nii-san's strange behavior during my visit. I get in my white Honda and drive back to the apartment. I barely remember seeing the road as I lose myself to my self-piteous thoughts. _'I have to research... homosexual pornography... I can't _believe_ I am going home to research the _mechanics_ of homosexual seduction and intercourse... I'll have to _touch _someone... I think... after I get over my shock... I'm going to be sick...'_

000

_'Urgh, I think I'm gonna be sick... Public transportation always sucks... I wish we had our own car... okaa-saaaaan...' _I mentally groaned. So I'm a little bitchy, what of it? Anyone who rides public transportation would know. Fucking Near, being able to drive with his fucking license...

_"I know you do, Mello dear, but you are only fifteen; you will have your license soon enough," _okaa-san replies. I hate when we have to keep our conversations to ourselves, especially out in public; just because these fuckers don't think it is normal doesn't mean I should have to bend to their fuckin' rules. I don't demand they keep _their_ conversations telepathic... assholes...

_'Whatever, okaa-san... Hey... okaa-san...? I have a question...' _I take a pause. Something in my mind tells me okaa-san was expecting this day to come, and she doesn't like it one bit. I decide to press the issue anyway; she's okaa-san—my _True Mother—_there's no way she'd ever be mad at me, right? God, I hate how I sound like such a whiny little_ bitch_, but okaa-san is the only one I can show this side to, damn it! What the hell does anyone else know anyway?! They have others... I only have okaa-san. Only her... _'What was up with earlier...? You know, with Ne—I mean, that albino freak? Is he really so damn special...?! Why does he _always_ hold importance over me?! Even _you're_ talking about him like he's more_ important _than me! You've never even yelled at me before... And after _he_ does something, you're suddenly fucking talking about him _constantly_! Don't you love me?! I thought you were on _my _side...' _

I try to wind down a bit, but my rage at Near is back at full force; why the hell does _he _get to be such hot shit, huh?! I try way harder than that lazy douche bag, but I _always _come out empty-handed—_ALWAYS_! I hate him for that; he has fuckin' _everyone _on his side; the slutty girls at school, the ass-kissing teachers, the bitchy prostitute we call a counselor, Tokomo... and he has a _family _to support him, but he doesn't give a shit! Nothing is _ever _good enough for him! His older brother loves him, _everyone fuckin' loves Ryuuzaki Nathan_! Everything is just _handed _to him!

"_Mello dear, you have to understand; I'm just trying to protect you. You don't know how dangerous he is,"_ the voice tried to explain; I am nowhere _near_ satisfied. That answer is _not _going to _fuckin' _cut it this time; I am owed a goddamned explanation!

_'Well I would know if you would fuckin' tell me what the hell he was up to! You keep going on and on about how fuckin' dangerous he is but in the end you don't tell me shit! Why, okaa-san?! Why won't you... I'm getting so fucking frustrated... Why are you keeping secrets, okaa-san...?' _I feel my thoughts trailing off, but I can't help it, damn it! I don't know why okaa-san is being so secretive... she never kept things from me before... It fucking hurts... She drove me to say those things! Damn it all! Her words _fucking_ _hurt me_! Is she _trying _to offend me?! Does she even _care_?! Or is she just like _them_?

_"If... if I knew I would tell you, Mello dear. ...You know that. I sense evil about him... I can't pinpoint it, so I'm telling you to be careful, okay...?" _Surprisingly, okaa-san's voice is soft and soothing. She isn't angry... Okaa-san is the only one who understands...

_'...Okay, okaa-san... I'll trust you... Also, I'm sorry for—'_

_"Don't worry, Mello dear. I know you didn't mean it." _I can almost hear the forgiving smile in okaa-san's voice... She really is my True Mother...

_'Thank you, okaa-san. ...I ...I love you.' _I gotta remember I'm on the god damn bus; I have a fuckin' image to keep...

_"I love you too, Mello dear. You aren't alone anymore." _I am a not fuckin' weakling. I will not cry. Never again will I let those tears betray me.

…

"I'm home," I call out, hearing my voice resonate against the walls of the empty apartment. It's been eight months since I killed them, but I still greet the vacant space as if one day I'll hear someone respond. "Fuckin' figures. Hey, okaa-san, should I get a damn cat or something? Maybe then people will stop knockin' on my goddamn door asking who the hell I'm talkin' to." I don't bother keeping my conversation in my head when I'm at home; who the hell is here to do a damn thing about it, anyway?

_"You may if you wish, Mello. I support you in all your decisions," _okaa-san replies.

"Whatever. I just... want to be kinda normal, you know? My reputation at school has been set to 'murdering pyro-freak' ever since I accidentally killed this kid's dog and I have a fucked up face from this burn," I pause to point at the scar. "Thankfully, no one in school knows I killed my parents; they said it was a gang issue on the news thanks to connections with my cousin, Misa, and my trial was kept under the radar thanks to my aunt and uncle since I'm a minor and something like that would look bad for the Amane Corporation... But, I want someone to see past all that shit. I want... to be fifteen, mom. I want to, but I can't. I can never have what I fuckin' want," I snarl with contempt. "It always, _always _eludes me. Friends, a social life, a loving family... romance... everything I want to have or try to get... It _always_ goes wrong in the end..."

Okaa-san is silent. Taking this as the end of our talk, I go about the apartment doing all the chores and menial tasks, starting with the laundry. I take off my leather pants and boots first, putting them in the wash along with my shirt. I don't take off my dog collar; I feel naked without it.

It is... lonely in this place. Not a fuckin' soul to interact with; sometimes I can get Matt to get off his lazy hikikomori ass and come over to hang out with me, but it's lonely... and I _hate _it. My fuckin' childhood was just the same; no one gave a shit about me, not even my own god damn parents! I had only one friend, even then... his name was Beyond Birthday. Beyond was the first person I ever met who could understand me and he _didn't _think I was some kind of _freak_! He liked me for _me_. I first met him seven years ago...

…

_"Keehl Mello Miheal, come back here! What did you do to the neighbor's cat?!" Mother is yelling at me and trying to catch me—ha! Dumb bitch! She can never catch me! I'm way faster than that fatty; she can't even catch an eight-year-old. Wait, what is—_

_"Ow," I look up to see something big and tall... or rather, somebody. I look and see someone, a boy of about eleven, barefooted, followed by loose denim jeans and a black three-quarter sleeve shirt. His ebony hair sits in a spiky disheveled mess atop his head, but his most striking features are his bright red eyes. I'm instantly smitten with them; even at this age I knew I was gay. _

_He grins, a crazed look in those blood-red orbs. I should be frightened, yet I only find myself more fascinated, further drawn in by his odd charm. "Hey, runt, you need somewhere to hide?"_

_"Miheal? Miheal! Come out and face the consequences of your actions! How dare you burn the neighbor's cat!" my mother screeched. No way in hell was I going back to that. I grab the boy's hand and nod, running with him to what he called his 'secret place'. Aside from the massive supply of strawberry jam and severe lack of chocolate, it was heaven._

_He turns to face me. "So, Miheal, was it...? What was up with earlier? Your mom looked about ready to blow a blood vessel... not that it wouldn't have been awesome," the boy starts. I look at this guy and decide he's _fuckin' amazing. _He likes blood _and_ burning things?! Not to mention he's _fuckin' gorgeous_?! If he was a sadist he would be perfect for me! I wonder how he feels about sadomasochism and bondage... (I had myself pretty figured out as a kid.)_

_Tossing my thoughts of violent, dysfunctional romance aside, I register what he called me. "Don't ever call me that! Call me Mello," I tell him. "I hate my name. It's the same as my bastard father."_

_"Oh really? Very well then, Mello-chan, you can call me Beyond Birthday. I'll even let you call me B.B. or Beyond for short... But I think I'd like to hear you call me Master B."_

…

I touch my collar, lost in nostalgia. I miss Beyond and I still have feelings yet to be confessed, but he was put away in jail for life ten months ago, and won't be eligible for parole for another twenty-five years yet; if I'm honest with myself, I can't fuckin' wait that long—I won't be celibate until I'm _fucking forty _at the _earliest_. I know I need to move forward, just like I moved forward without my asshole parents. Regardless, I just can't bring myself to remove the only thing I have left from him. After doing all the other chores around the house, I tuck myself into bed, say goodnight to okaa-san and slip into my subconscious. Needless to say my subconscious has a _fucking sick_ sense of humor.

…

_I am in school, gym's just got out and as usual I'm one of the last fuckin' people in the locker room. I had just finished getting dressed and was about to leave, but when I turned around I found fucking Near blocking my path._ 'Figures this asshole would flaunt his superiority even in my dreams,'_ I think disdainfully._

_"What the fuck do you want, asshole?" I snarled. He is the absolute _last_ person I want to see. I wish Beyond were there instead of him; he can't even be bothered to say something to me in my dreams, the bastard!_

_Near silently approached me, looking at me with an intensity I'm pretty unfamiliar with; the only things Near ever looks at me with are boredom and mild annoyance. For some reason, I can't help but find myself liking the look, yet fearing its consequences. It kind of reminds me of Beyond... a calmer, more purposeful Beyond... Near grabbed my wrist and slammed me up against the wall, still boring into me with those empty eyes, unblinking and not saying a word._

_"What the hell are you doing, you bastard?! Get the fuck off me!" I try to move to punch him with my free hand but Near catches it easily, pinning it along with my other under his left hand. Why couldn't I _fucking move_? I can easily beat the shit out of people_ twice_ my size, but with Near all my strength is vanishing! What the fuck?! This albino asshole thinks he can just do whatever he wants to me, even in my _dreams_?! _

_"You fucking bastard! What the hell do you think you're doing?! Get off me! You don't own me!" Near holds me back with ease watching me struggle futilely—so I can admit it; fuck off!—his gaze never wavering. Without warning, Near moves his right hand and jerks my chin upwards, leaning forward and capturing my lips forcefully. "Mmph-!" I open my mouth to try and protest against the sudden contact, but the _fuckin' bastard_ took the opportunity to force his _tongue_ in my mouth! _

'What the _fuck _does this freak think he's doing?! I won't let him—A-ah... yes... Wait, no! This is _Near_ kissing me! _Mother fucking Near_! He can't—ah, God... No no no n—Nnn... Ah, damn it... why the hell does it feel so _fucking good_?'

_I can slowly feel my mind becoming a pile of useless mush; damn my sadomasochism and bondage kinks for working against me! As Near's knee parts my legs and his hand holds my face, slowly moving down my neck and stopping at my collar, I finally snap back to reality; I'm _not _Near's _fucking property_! I use my knee to hit him in the stomach—something I can take immense pleasure in, but will have to revel in later—and get the fuck out of there. I don't know where I'm going, but anywhere is better than being trapped in a room with that molester! My mind is racing; so many thoughts and feelings are running though me, the feelings being shock, fear and confusion (and though he won't admit it to himself, pleasure). My thoughts are going something like this: Oh my GOD what the FUCK holy SHIT I gotta get outta here!_

_I don't know how long I run, but after a while the surroundings fade; finally I'm out of this fucking nightmare._

…

I shot up in bed, drenched in a cold sweat, panic still coursing through my veins. That dream did _not_ just happen and I definitely, _most definitely_ was _not _turned on by it! "Okaa-san, what the _hell _was that?!" I demand, not bothering to speak mentally; I live alone now; it's not like anyone else is trying to sleep.

_"That was a premonition, Mello... I see now how dangerous this has become... This is why I told you to watch your feelings around him, and more specifically, your temper; you let information slip more easily when you get angry, and he now knows that I help you. He will try to trick you, Mello, and obtain more information," _okaa-san explains.

"Trick me?! By sexually assaulting me?!" I don't know whether or not to be silently stunned or scared shitless and start screaming. I guess if it's a premonition I'll need to avoid being caught alone in the fuckin' locker room, not that I try to be; my outfits kick ass and take work, damn it! Do people even know hard it is to rock leather like I do?! "Wait a second... If you knew all this, then why the _fuck _didn't you _tell me_?!"

_"I would never keep things from you Mello, dear; I learn things as you do. As for the vision, I am not quite sure of the logic he sees in this course of action, but yes, apparently he thinks this will win you over to him."_

"NO WAY! I won't lose to him! If this is his game, then so be it! Okaa-san," I begin, already fueled with righteous fury. "You'll stand by me right?!"

_"...Mello, you can't really be considering this? This is a dangerous game you're playing with stakes you can't even fathom... I don't want you involved... getting hurt by him..."_

"The danger and the stakes will only make my victory all the more sweet," I argue. _'Sweeter than a gourmet chocolate soufflé with chocolate ice cream, chocolate sprinkles and hot fudge.' _"Then he'll be forced to kneel before me and admit I'm the victor."

_"Very well, Mello," _okaa-san conceded._ "I won't stop you, but I want you to promise me that you'll be cautious."_

"I promise... Mom." Now I have to go deal with the _problem _I am definitely _not _having.

000

_'What is with Ryuuzaki and that kid that came to visit him? Just thinking about him puts me in a sour mood... They were both giving me that creepy stare... Guess I know where the poor kid got his massively creepy genes from. And here I thought people didn't get any creepier than Ryuuzaki. ...I guess I'll go rant to Ryuk about it; it's not like I have anything better to do—I've already done my work as "Kira". Everything's getting complicated...'_

I enter my room, happy to retire to my only sanctuary in this place, and easily find Ryuk waiting for his apple, which I promptly tossed to him. I look at Ryuk and making sure I have his attention I began by saying the first thing that comes to mind. "That guy pisses me off."

Ryuk looks down at me then, and it's obvious he's not at all surprised that I would come in and say that as I often come in here and release my pent-up anger, even though it usually centers around Matsuda's stupidity or the nurses lusting after me; I noticed that the newcomer had also caught Ryuk's eye along with the twerp that came to see him during visiting hours—he even made Ryuk shudder. Regardless, Ryuk silently watches and I take the action as a sign to continue.

"What the hell was up with the way he was staring at me? It's like he was challenging me... but to _what_? I didn't _do_ anything to him! He just rubs me the wrong way!" I exclaimed, beyond reasonable frustration. This was not good; I only met the guy a few _hours_ ago and had only heard a few words from him, but I am already past my limit.

Hearing Ryuk chuckle lightly, I turn on my heel to glare and the shinigami; he was supposed to be listening! "What?!" I snapped, now absolutely livid.

"Oh, I'm sure he rubs you the wrong way... or the right way..." Ryuk said slyly.

I sputter in disbelief; how could he even _suggest_ such a thing?! I'm not a goddamn deviant! "I sure as hell hope you're jesting Ryuk! You know as well as I do I don't work that way."

"Sure you don't, Light, sure you don't...," Ryuk said, not bothering to hide his disbelief. _'Damn shinigami... How dare he suggest that I, Kira, the God among man, would be GAY...'_

Unfortunately, even if I did persist Ryuk would never believe me, so I decide to forfeit this battle and drop the subject. That is the last thing I wanted to think about—I don't have time to worry about my sexual orientation; I have my work as Kira to complete and once I did that my family would forgive me. _'That's the reason I became Kira at all... It's all for them.'_

I move to sit down on the bed, hands behind my head, completely losing myself in thought. This Ryuuzaki wanted something; that much was clear. I just have to figure out what. That brat that visited him before... Ryuuzaki had called him 'otouto.' He was apparently his younger brother, but why so formal? Not to mention the incredible vagueness of their conversation; whatever they were talking about was obviously centered around me. _'They were making an effort to keep information from me but not the fact that they were talking about me...? Why would they want me to know that I'm the topic of conversation and nothing else? It doesn't add up, damn it!'_

Getting up, my body wanders to the desk and picks up the only photo of my family I had left. "You what to do, don't you...? Light-niisan?" Sayu asked beside me, leaning over my shoulder in her usual curious manner, smiling lightly.

"Of course I do Sayu," I began. I want to appease them so badly; I'd do anything... even turn into this murderer. "I need to rid the world of evil. Then you'll forgive me... won't you...? I've already told you how sorry I—"

"NO!" Sayu exclaimed, suddenly turning malicious. "You have no idea what you did Light! You _murdered_ me! What did I ever _do_ to you, huh? All I ever asked you to do was help me with_ homework_! I did nothing wrong! _Nothing_! Is wanting a decent older brother too damn much to ask?! You are a sorry pathetic excuse for a brother!" Sayu looked crazed and murderous, her hair wild, framing her furious and vengeful features.

"I'm sorry... I..." my voice trails off; I know full well that Sayu would likely be in this state for quite some time; however, the fact remained that it was still painful to hear—the constant reminders of the things I_ couldn't_ do, the lives I_ couldn't_ save. I might have a genius IQ but what good did it do me then? That bright-eyed monster still came, and my family is still dead. How was I supposed to know that killer broke out of prison or that his resolve to get revenge was so powerful? How could I have done anything? I didn't know...

"Son...," Soichiro began, looking at his son with heavy disappointment. "Don't do this to her a second time, Light. I gave you the power to correct this; don't fuck it up again!" His father voice was rapidly rising. "You hear me, you pompous brat? _Do you_?! I swear if you hurt her again you will be no son of mine! Your mother, me and even Sayu went to all this trouble to save your sorry ass! Is _failure _how you'll repay us?"

"No, tou-san," I whispered. I'm close to the verge of tears, but I stopped myself before they could see my weakness; I don't deserve to cry, not after what I've done, what I didn't do. Otou-san helped me become a righteous God with the purpose of purging the world of evil; I can't afford to disappoint them again, not after coming this far. "I won't disappoint you, okaa-san or Sayu-chan. I love you all. I won't let this happen again."

"Then you know what to do, right, Light-niisan?" Sayu asked hopefully, he demeanor doing an unnoticed 180°; Light was too desperate for their acceptance to question their stability. "You have to kill Ryuuzaki. He is a threat to us. You don't want him to hurt us... do you, Light-niisan?"

"...No," I answer quietly, barely whispering.

Grinning with a malicious glee, Sayu leans in close, a maniacal giggle escaping her lips as her image shifts, lips covered in blood once more. I can almost smell the coppery scent and feel her wispy breathe as she whispers her next question into my ear. It seems so real... and it hurts so much, because I know I can no longer touch her, and if I could her body would be frigid and cold. "Then what _will _you do, _nii-san_? I want to hear you tell me. It will please me. Don't you want to make your little sister _happy_, Light?"

"...I will kill him, Sayu-chan. I just have to wait until he leaves; if I don't they'll find out I'm Kira and I won't be able to finish tou-san's work. I will kill him as soon as he leaves the institution, I promise, Sayu-chan," I assure her, my voice full of conviction. Sayu seemed satisfied as did tou-san, so they left, leaving me to wallow in this guilt-turned-self-righteous-fury.

Unfortunately for him, his victim was on the other side of the wall in the room next door and heard his every word.

000

Fortunately, I heard everything on Light-kun's end of the conversation. I was right to withhold information even if on a whim; I thought Light's interest in the Kira case was off slightly. Prior to this knowledge, I was only 21.8% certain that Light-kun's interest in the Kira case stemmed from him being Kira himself or hoping that Kira would serve a personal justice; now I know without a doubt that he is Kira; could I be anymore lucky? I get to have Kira as my subject; I haven't felt anything like this since the last time I was in the candy store with Near. I want so badly to tell Near of this development, but decide against it; Near would no doubt perceive him as a threat and want me away from him. He wouldn't see that this could be a massive advantage for our future plans; besides there really would never be another subject like Kira himself.

My mind is already being overrun with questions about Kira's methods and motives: Why does Kira only target hardened criminals and not minor ones? What part do his hallucinations play in this? How does Kira kill? Are his goals personal or are they selfless? How did he obtain his abilities? I shiver at the prospect of learning the answers to these questions, something so many others will never even get the opportunity to have; I do admit he chose a good hiding place, though I have to wonder if it was intentional—he seems to try to charm the staff in an attempt at convincing them of something... a faux recovery? I don't want him to leave here. I find my selfishness a little... interesting. I never thought of myself as possessive...

Apparently I am already learning a lot of clues to Light-kun's past; Light-kun has either encountered or created four hallucinations, as is evident from his conversation just now; a mother, a father, one named 'Sayu' and another named 'Ryuk.' The one called Ryuk seemed to annoy him; perhaps it was a figment for him to vent his pent up stress to. He also seemed to have a massive amount of guilt about the 'Sayu' in particular. The father, mother and this 'Sayu' all seem to resent him for something... It is more than likely his family.

I have to wonder just what happened to them—perhaps I could have Wedy do some digging around; regardless, I will find out in group therapy since Light-kun doesn't have special rights. Light-kun will be forced to reveal sooner or later; when I do know Kira's story I will begin my experimentation; I already have a wonderful idea in mind that I should thank this Ryuk for later—still, it is best to know about your subject as much as possible right?

I can say with 99.98% certainty that I am looking forward to tomorrow, but for tonight I should let things lie still.

000

I lie still in my bed, pondering every traumatic image I had seen within the past several hours. I... cannot believe people find pleasure in this. All the... the... I'm still not over my shock.

I have spent the last few hours scouring the internet in search of information; I have decided that L-niisan knows best, even if he did irreparably scar my mind for life. These images will _never _leave me... _**Never**_.

The most terrifying thing is that I got a _rise_ out of this; my body reacted without my permission. I know that I'm human and have carnal desires, but I never expected this to happen to me—like those girls at TCHS who have unprotected sex and get STDs or become pregnant; it seemed so unnatural, so unlikely... My findings suggested several reasons for this reaction:

1) I am not an overly sexual creature. I have read that hair on the body is due the production of hormones that play a significant role is sexual activeness; I have little to none.

2) I am, as I suspected, asexual and I have next to no sex drive or preference towards any one gender.

3) I am bisexual, but just have no sex drive.

4) I am, and I quote, "a freak who never took the time to discover their sexuality until they were almost at adulthood."

I don't know what option scares me the most. I hate what I am feeling. It. Is. Terrifying. My onyx eyes remain unseeing as I stare at my white walls, seeing nothing but the abuse I put my mind through. I never knew there were so many forms of this activity; the scariest thing were the _fetishes_: sadism, foot fetishes, furries, tentacle porn, bondage, masochism, role plays, blood fetishes, bestiality... It never stops... I just... and the positions...

I feel something I haven't felt since nii-san and I were orphaned: a tear. A _tear _ran down my face! I... will go through with this plan, but I need a long while to digest all this and find out whether or not I'll survive my psychological collapse.

**End Chapter Three**

7400 words... A little shorter than the past two chapters but hey, I've been working overtime.

I feel so bad for poor Near... But in a sick sadistic way, I find it funny that _this _is what breaks him. It's just an exaggerated version of what we all felt with the "talk." Near's reaction is probably what you would get if you had the talk and showed the images to a first grader and they fully comprehended it—he's that emotionally stunted. There are two puns in here and I didn't even try! You try to find them if it so pleases you. They're both pretty easy. :)

And poor Mello is lonely... He's so cute, using his anger to mask his sadness...

Thanks to Sae-senpai, whose constant encouragement spurs me forward. I appreciate your religious reviews. Lol Also thanks to JayLawliet818, the first person to review aside from my senpai. (hugs) Slowly, but surely, this story is gaining fans.

Ja ne

Rainbow-chan :3


	4. Coming to Terms

Rainbow-chan is back my Deathnote-loving friends! Well... hopefully I'm not hated for teasing or making Near/Mello the focus of a whole chapter... This definitely has more L/Light, so forgiveness, please? Gore and ANGST.

Disclaimer: You know my feelings on it. =_=*

IMPORTANT INFO: In this story, Misa and Mikami never know/knew that Light is/was Kira; this is important for later. Misa never meets Rem, thus doesn't have the eyes and all that jazz. The dream is a mixture of memories and warped events due to guilt mixed in with a premonition/supernatural type jazz... It's explained further in later chapters. Just bear with some slight confusion for now. There will be a flashback explaining _exactly _what happened _for real _much later.

Raising Hell - Chapter Four

_I awake to the sound of gunshots. "M-mom? ...Dad...?" I whisper, though it is more to myself than someone else. I try to tip-toe down the stairs, making sure to be completely silent. I peek around the corner, and I'm greeted with the heavy, coppery smell of fresh blood._

_Sayu is laying over the rapidly cooling body of my mother, Yagami Sachiko, tears cascading down her cheeks, eyes hollow with unfathomable grief and denial. Okaa-san's face is frozen in a permanent look of fear and desperation—desperation to save her family. I am torn from the sight by the sound of a struggle, and look up to see tou-san fighting the intruder. Upon seeing me, he his focus shifts and in a desperate attempt to get to me he tries to force the gun in the killer's hand upwards and away from Sayu and I. _

_"Light, take Sayu and ru—" Those were his last words, his dying testament as a 9mm bullet pierced his skull with a sickening crack, a sound that will forever be ingrained into my memory. Blood gushes from the exit wound in a shower of crimson... I will never forget the scent that hit me or the nausea I felt as his brain matter splatters onto the dinner table behind him, the same one we ate curry rice off of earlier that evening. His body hits the floor with a thud, almost as if he's given up and the fight was no longer worth it. I know he died instantly. _

_"No...," Sayu denies in a barely audible whisper. Her body trembles as she attempts to stand, attempts to grasp the only mental and physical support she has left. "L-Light... t-this isn't happening... is it...?"_

_"Of course it is, girl," the murderer approaches us, calmly and with purpose; not a single movement is wasted as he nears. "And there's no use in denying it. You're going to die—" He laughs maniacally, trembling with anticipation, walking over to the drawer as he pulls out a cleaver. "—and it's all his fault." _

_Sayu then weakly stands, no longer fearful; her body and mind are too wrapped in shock to care about her inevitable death. "Light, this is why..." she starts, as the killer slices up her arms, caressing her cheek with his tongue and ingesting her blood. As he continues to cut deeper, drawing and tasting more blood, her eyes never waver and her tone never varies. "You have to kill him... the threat... is near us... and... You must kill him..." Soon Sayu passes out from the blood loss, the light in her eyes recedes and her body makes the same thud, resonating through my body along with the now silent room._

_"Aw, the poor girl didn't finish," the man says, eyes wild as he looks at me, eyes full of hatred and malice. "That's too bad. But, I can't let you have him," he says, lifting the knife to my frozen form. I try to struggle, but I suddenly realize that I'm not at home anymore, but instead strapped to a morgue gurney. _

_"Her blood was so sweet...," he says, eyes full of nostalgia as he reminisces. "He liked sweet things..." A crazed grin plays across his lips as the knife slices through my shoulder and I cry out in agony. He sings, "Lawli-pop, Lawli-pop, walking through the candy shop... It's where I once saw you... Lawli-pop, Lawli-pop, would like to try a drop of this red candy, too...?" He licks at each wound excitedly and hungrily—I can feel him shiver each time his tongue makes contact with the crimson liquid. He purposely agitates the wounds by forcing his tongue deep within each one, no doubt reveling in my pain. The final design is something I will never see._

_By this time I am minutes away from passing out from the pain and blood loss. He then unstraps me and lifts me up by my now blood drenched hair; as my vision fades, he says his final parting words. "This is all your fault; I killed them for him, all for him, but he still looks at you. You separated us forever; you will never be forgiven."_

…

I bolt awake, and the first thing I do is puke up my stomach acids. I've been having that dream ever since that Ryuuzaki guy came here a week ago, and I'm really starting to panic, jumping at the slightest movement. Normally, my dreams were consistent, never wavering or showing new details, but now new events are playing themselves out, memories and non-memories are surfacing, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I know for a fact that my family's murderer is dead; I killed him myself and stabbed him to death before I blacked out, so why does he say these things in my dreams now?

I dress and put on a plain red shirt and black sweat pants after quickly showering and brushing my teeth. As I do so, I can't help but wonder what I could have done to the murderer in my dreams... I know he never intended for me to survive... And I don't know anyone named 'Lawli-pop'. Also, what did Sayu mean by 'the threat is near?' Is it a message? Why now...?

I enter the cafeteria and school my face into the long practiced perfection I'm so known for. Walking up to the counter, I see Yuki blushing like a school girl; she doesn't seem to notice my sickness, much to my good fortune—Ryuk doesn't care whether or not I'm sick, so long as he gets his apples, and I'm really not in the mood to deal with his withdrawals.

"Hi, Yagami-kun. How are you this morning? You look well," Yuki says, completely oblivious. I suppose I should take this positively, but I can't help getting angry; she claims to know me and have feelings for me, but can't pick up on something like this? Please.

Of course, I say none of these things and instead show her my hundred-watt smile—no doubt one of the parts of me she loves the most. "Yes, I am Yuki-san. You look nice as always," I reply, layering on the charm full blast. _'Please, she's a short chubby girl who's nine years my senior and she thinks she's got a shot? No way.' _"So, what's for breakfast?"

"Pancakes. I could give you some extra sugar... if you want..." she says, blushing an unnatural shade of pink; I inwardly blanch. _'What the hell was that? A come on? We're doing those now? What a whore.' _

"Actually, Yuki-san, I'm not a fan of sweets," I say. A clever double entendre, if I do say so myself. It's technically not a lie, but hopefully she'll take the hint and figure out that I don't want her.

"O-oh, w-well... um, here you go," she says hurriedly, handing me my tray. "Um, enjoy."

"Thank you, Yuki-san. I appreciate it," I say. _'Guess she finally got it through that thick, lust-hazed mind of hers.' _I look around and spot the last person I wanted to see, especially after that dream: Ryuuzaki. Something is... off about him, though... and it has been for a while now... _'He's looking at me like I scandalized him somehow. It's not like I kicked his puppy. What the hell? Is this another challenge?!' _Whatever it is, I decide to take him up on it; I walk over to his table and sit beside him.

He doesn't bother to look up; instead, he goes and fiddles with the _damn syrup_. Who the hell puts that much syrup on pancakes anyway?! Regardless, he won't talk unless I talk first, so I might as well say something. "Hey, so, you've been here for a week already and we haven't been properly introduced; you're Ryuuzaki, right? I'm Light, Yagami Light. Pleased to meet you," I say, beaming my most disarming smile his way and holding out my hand in greeting.

His expression remains unchanging. He glances my way and looks at my perfectly manicured hand in slight distaste before going back to poking at his food. He makes me _fucking furious _but for the sake of information I remain civil, reigning in my irritation before the waves can reach him.

After a few minutes in uncomfortable silence, he speaks. "...Light-kun is quite the manipulative liar, isn't he...?" I can safely say I am surprised. How the hell would he guess that from watching me for just a few minutes? It's probably a damn lucky shot in the dark. I decide to challenge him on it; we seem to be doing that a lot lately. Besides, I'm still sore about last week's group.

"And what would give you that idea, Ryuuzaki?" I inquire, eyes narrowing just enough to hint at my anger towards his insinuation. Ryuuzaki's eyes remain cold and unblinking as he appears to think over my words, almost like they themselves hold the damn answer. I can't stand how long he's taking, but I wait it out anyway.

"...Yuki-san," He finally answers. _'God damn it, was it that hard? Did he have to think for four minutes to say one word?! He damn well better elaborate; I did _not _wait for four _fucking _minutes to hear one goddamn word!' _

Unfortunately, it would seem Ryuuzaki needs prompting. Joy. "Care to elaborate?"

"...Is Light-kun here for psuedologia fantastica? If so, Light-kun's behaviors make a little more sense."

"Just what the hell are you saying, _Ryuuzaki_? That I'm dishonest? That I'm a pathological liar?" I hiss, growing angrier by the second at his blatant disregard and absurd assumptions. _'Who the hell does he think he is? A psychologist? If a real one can't figure me out, why the hell should this guy be able to? He can't diagnose and judge me like this! I won't stand for this insolence!'_

"...No. Light-kun does not need to be so defensive. If Light-kun were a pathological liar his lies would not be as convincing, and would be present as more of an addiction. Also, Light-kun would lie regardless of benefit. Light-kun only lies to benefit him, but if he is trying to charm his way to freedom, he is playing to the wrong people. Why is this, I wonder...? What does he stand to gain...? ...Aside from an apple a day," Ryuuzaki then moves his right thumb to his lips, biting on the sensitive skin. _'Doesn't he know how disgusting that is?!'_

Reigning in the overwhelming desire to hit the guy or tell the guy off, I reply in the most sensible way; if accused of being a liar, deny it. I know that by lying and denying the accusation I am proving his point, but really, who in their right mind admits to lying anyway? It defeats the purpose! "I think you have the wrong idea about me Ryuuzaki," I say in my best brand of faux kindness.

"...Another lie. I know more about you than you would ever care to admit, Light-kun while he knows little to nothing about me. Light-kun is most intriguing but I have many things to do today, and thus cannot play with him as much as I would like to. I will see Light-kun at lunch," Ryuuzaki says, standing from the table.

He pauses a moment, turning to me as if he just realized he had forgotten something. He speaks, his eyes dancing with a barely concealed amusement that just serves to piss me off further. …Bastard. "…Light-kun should know something. When annoyed his left eye tends to twitch a bit. He might want to get that under control before others catch on to Light-kun's act." He then turns and starts walking over to a woman I recognize as Kyoko, a therapist and psychiatrist.

_'My left eye twitches…? God damn you, Ryuuzaki! I keep myself under perfect control at all times! Gah, I can't stand that jerk! What hell gives him the right to say those things?! I hate that bastard! How dare he wear such a smug look on his face!' _I silently seethe as I watch his retreating form disappear behind the office door.

000

I must say I rather like the look on Light-kun's face; it is red with indignation, a good look for him. I have decided against hinting my knowledge of last week to him at the risk of revealing that I know he is Kira. He wouldn't be of much use to me as a subject if he wasn't continuing to act naturally as he normally does. I must admit, our word play is most interesting; on the outside, things were far more predictable, and as a result, boring. Most of my subjects were driven to commit suicide, collapsing under the psychological strain; others lashed out, even becoming violent in some cases and sometimes killing others when their beliefs were challenged and they were forced to look at things another way. But, Light-kun falls outside the norm, and with him I have the rare opportunity to study the extremes I won't see in average people; he won't break as easily as the others. I cannot afford to waste this chance.

I follow Kyoko into her office, and upon feeling Light's angry gaze on my body I inwardly smirk. I can't help the wave of satisfaction that rushes over me, knowing I invoked such a reaction. Kyoko turns and offers me a seat in one of the comfy office chairs. I say nothing, simply pulling my knees to my chest, placing my hands atop my knees and slipping off the hospital slippers I'm forced to wear around the ward. She looks at me oddly, but I commend her for not questioning my posture and the way I sit, along with not asking me to 'sit normally', as this is normal for me.

Clearing her throat, she begins. "Well, um, you're Ryuuzaki-kun, yes?"

Honestly, she had some good points with me before she asked that pointless question; she knows who I am. I think she merely wants to hear it from me. As I have no choice, I indulge her, exposing my thoughts on the matter without filter.

"Kyoko-san knows who I am. If this is not the case, Kyoko-san not only has bad memory, as she gave me the tour on my initial admittance, but she is also lazy, as she did not bother to read my file and figure out all the answers to her routine inquiries. If Kyoko-san wishes to claim she wanted to hear it from me, then I must inform her that hearing this information from me will not garner any differing results from the paperwork. I must refer her to my file for the answers she seeks."

For a few moments, she sits silently processing all that I've told her. I see and feel the moment it clicks, as she releases near palpable waves of anger and her eye twitches. It is most humorous.

"Well, _Ryuuzaki-kun_, I must disagree with your opinion. I'll go and take your advice, though, since you insist," she concedes, flipping through the file; she doesn't think I notice, but she's not reading it thoroughly and is instead skimming through it, confirming my suspicions that she is in fact, lazy. There was a 71% chance of this. "It says here that you're in for... social issues and repressed emotions, disorder not specified. It claims you're reclusive... So you're socially dysfunctional?"

I decide that the sooner I answer her pointless questions, the sooner I can leave and gather more reference on Light-kun. He at least keeps things interesting; everything about Kyoko is mundane, ordinary and predictable, from her appearance and approach to her attitude. "I am aware that I do not conform to the societal standard. I would not consider myself 'dysfunctional', however."

"Well, Ryuuzaki-kun, I have to say I disagree. You are reclusive and anti-social. Your eating habits are extremely unhealthy and frankly I worry for those close to you... You might hurt them with your brash and tactless behavior. It's easily displayed in the way you talk. Referring to others in the third person is usually a sign of someone trying to distance themselves from others," Kyoko says with faux concern. She clearly knows nothing as Near is the only one close to me and our relationship thrives and depends on our blatant honesty with one another. As for my social habits, I have always been a solitary person.

"Kyoko-san has said nothing to support her previous point. None of those things point to my being dysfunctional, but merely abnormal. Kyoko-san claims me to be 'reclusive and anti-social', but I have always been a solitary creature by nature, even as a small child. My eating habits are of no importance as they do not hinder me and all of my blood tests come back normal with the exception of my being slightly underweight. My metabolism is extremely high and I find that I don't gain weight due to burning the calories by using my brain and challenging myself mentally. As for those close to me, Kyoko-san... I only have my otouto, who many find to have similar behaviors to myself. Our relationship thrives on our honesty and brutality towards one another, and as others would say... 'do not attempt to fix what is not broken', correct? As for my speech, it is normal for me. I have always done so, ever since I spoke my first words."

"But your social deficiency isn't right. It's not normal. Therefore, you are dysfunctional, by textbook definition."

"...I'm afraid I must disagree, Kyoko-san."

"And why would you disagree with me?"

"I am able to get things done and function as an average person should; I merely have a unique way of going about it. I am... different. I have a better understanding of myself and others than people want to believe."

"Really...? How so?" she asks, her voice clearly giving away her skepticism and disbelief.

"I will use the earlier conversation as an example. When Kyoko-san asked me who I was, I was 95.5% certain that Kyoko-san knew who I was and was merely asking a routine question in an attempt to dispel tension. The other 4.5% represents the likelihood of Kyoko-san genuinely not remembering me, which has already been proven false. Of the 95.5%, there was a 71% chance that Kyoko-san was being lazy and did not read over my file, wishing to merely have me give her the answers. The other 24.5% was the chance that Kyoko-san was not lazy, but simply asking out of force of habit while trying to ease tension with me as your patient. By your skimming of my file, I can safely deduce that Kyoko-san is lazy as her IQ and intellect are not high enough to absorb that much information that quickly. Based on Kyoko-san's reactions throughout this conversation, the chances of Kyoko-san getting angry or offended are 98% and the other 2% represents her not reacting or saying anything. Of the 98%, there is a 50% chance she will ask me to leave the office. The other 48% is the likelihood of her leaving herself. By this explanation, Kyoko-san should comprehend that I can deduce which actions are acceptable and which are not based on the hypothesized reactions of others. I merely do not care how others react. I simply do what I feel most comfortable doing, and I ended up here because of it."

"...Get out," Kyoko says, voice full of malice and face red in indignation. The look is much better suited to Light-kun.

"...As I predicted. Good day, Kyoko-san," I say before taking my leave. I know nothing can be traced back to me I am rather pleased; only fifteen minutes and I've already broken her. I'm getting better at this by the day, and it's all thanks to Light-kun, my most interesting subject thus far. As I head back to my room to ponder over our conversation at breakfast, my thoughts also wander to the subject of my otouto's experiment.

000

I've had a week to recover from last week's suggestion, and I survived my mental breakdown, emerging stronger than before. L-niisan has further suggested that I find someone to test my abilities on before moving on to my main target. As I recall, the conversation went something like this:

_"L, I have been... thinking over your solution, and I must inquire: what if my skills are not on the same level of others my age? Would that not decrease the success rate?"_

_Nii-san pauses, thinking over this new angle. "I suppose it could. I would recommend that otouto gathers some outside experience before using this technique on Mello."_

_"...I was afraid of this," I admit. I debate whether or not to share my troubles and... _reactions_ to my research with nii-san. I decide that I may as well; I'd like to enter this topic as little as possible, and if I resolve this now, the chances of re-encountering this in a future talk are reduced. "Nii-san, I would like to discuss my findings with you. I find them... most disconcerting."_

_"..." Lawliet pauses, clearly not looking forward to this discussion, but I know he's reached the same conclusion I have. "...Very well, otouto. Please elaborate."_

_I steel my nerves and begin. "In regards to the... heterosexual pornography... I... did not garner much of a reaction. I was... disturbed. The same can be said for lesbian pornography, which I have read many males my age find pleasure in... However... in regards to the... gay pornography... I was... well... I reacted."_

_"..." Nii-san remains silent, so I take that as a sign to continue. "I have been having... dreams, nii-san... And they consist of Mello and I... doing these... acts... I believe... this is... lust, correct?"_

_"...Yes," nii-san replies. I can almost physically feel his discomfort. "...And you have not had these... _dreams_ about females, otouto?"_

_"No," I confirm. "I... fear I may be homosexual, nii-san. I am not sure where I would gain experience with a male without it ruining my reputation at school... And this past week, I did try these things with a clean female who was not from my school, but... I felt nothing. I am... unsure of whether or not to proceed as planned... or seek out experience. My sources say that Mello is virgin, so I am not sure the added expertise would make a difference."_

_"...I agree, otouto. Near should proceed as planned. I have my own experiments to conduct, and I wish otouto good fortune in his sexual escapades."_

_"...Are you making me out to be promiscuous, nii-san?" I ask, daring him to confirm my suspicions. _

_"...I was merely trying my hand at a joke, otouto. If it offends him, I can discontinue." Needless to say I was surprised, but after considering the rarity of such a thing, I grant him forgiveness._

_"It merely caught me off guard. If anything it was enlightening to the weakness of my defenses, _L-niisan_," I reply cheekily. I let the barest of smile cross my lips._

_"...I am glad to hear it, _Near-kun_."_

Looking back, I am relieved that nii-san was not judgmental as most family members can be. Now I can walk into school tomorrow with my confidence renewed.

000

ARGH! I am so _not _in the mood to _deal _with this shit!

My day has been _fucking HELL _so far. First, some kids had the nerve to throw shit at me and call me a faggot; _no one _calls me that, no matter how true it may be. So, I beat the shit out of those assholes for calling me that _and _ruining one of my _favorite _pairs of pants, and as a result I was sent to the main office and given _fuckin' detention_! _WHY_?! It's _their _fault! Not to mention all the other _bullshit _I deal with on a _daily _basis: teasing, fights, pranks, burning my homework and lots of other shit. So, here I am, after school, in detention. With okaa-san, but I'm still pretty fuckin' pissed off.

So being in _fuckin' detention—_where I can't talk or draw or listen to music or do anything aside from homework, which I _won't _do as it'll just get burned tomorrow_—_I'm stuck with okaa-san and my thoughts about the one person I've been avoiding like the _fucking plague_ for the past _week_: Near.

I _hate _how that little albino _freak _has been managing to worm his way into my life and become more securely lodged in my brain than that pole up Tokomo's ass. _Everything _reminds me of that _asshole_! I sound like a _love-sick puppy_! Which I'm not! I'm just... having a fucked up _phase_... Yeah.

In an effort to get over my fucked up 'albinos-with-superiority-complexes' _phase _I decide to start up a conversation with okaa-san. She always knows how to calm me down... kinda.

_'Okaa-san... why do you... help me?' _I mentally ask. It's at times like this that I'm so _fucking glad _that I can school my face and keep up my image; if _anyone _in school found out I could be like _this _my life would be at _rock bottom_.

_"Because I love you, Mello. You're my son. I want to protect you and make you happy; isn't that what every mother wants for her son?" _okaa-san replies. I admit, it is what mothers _should _do and _should _want, but _my _mother didn't, and I want to know what makes okaa-san different from her... It's been bothering me for a while now. Maybe I really am as _fuckin' crazy _as everyone says, and okaa-san is just a crutch or a defense—a split personality to cover my own faults and satisfy my own mental needs; maybe it's the way Near has been acting weirdly, but ever since that premonition last week I've become paranoid of _everyone's _motives... even okaa-san.

_'I know it's what a mother _should _want, but _my _mother didn't... she... she just wasn't like you... I've just been questioning everyone's motives... I'm sorry, okaa-san, but... can you tell me why...? I've... I've been so fucking confused, and I _hate _it! I want things to go back to the way they were before, where Near hated me and I was trying my damnedest to be better than him. At least then shit made _sense_! Now he's all _somber _and I'm acting like a _pussy _and we're avoiding the _shit _out of each other! I hate what I'm like now... I hate it, I _hate _it, I _HATE _it!'_

_"Oh, Mello dear..." _okaa-san, her voice laced with concern and something akin to pity. I _hate _when people _pity _me, like I'm somehow _beneath _them. I don't ever want okaa-san to pity me. Never. _"I want you to know that I'm here for you and you alone. I gain nothing by helping you and protecting you. It only grants me piece of mind. I love you, Mello; you're my son. That will never change... Making you happy and keeping you safe IS my happiness, Mello... I'll always be here, and I'll never leave you..."_

_'Okay, okaa-san... I... I believe you. I'm... sorry for doubting you,' _I apologize. I can't _believe _Near has me doubting _okaa-san_, the _only _person I can _fucking trust_! That _bastard_! This is all _his _fault! Why did he change all of a sudden?! Why the fuck does he look at me weirdly?! _And_ _why the fuck does my heart beat faster whenever I think about him_?! I'm going to a damn doctor if this doesn't get better soon. Knowing that albino _freak _he cast some kind of Ryuuzaki family curse on me.

000

_'Ryuuzaki's already out of his session? Weird...' _I think, watching Kyoko storm off in the opposite direction furiously. He must have said quite a bit to get her like that. Huh, he's pretty impressive, being able to make Kyoko quit in less than twenty minutes—she's known for being the best on the ward and able to get any patient to open up.

Regardless, I decide to ignore him and turn back to the television. The news is on and the coverage is on none other than my handiwork, along with that mysterious case of people committing suicide and homicide I heard about last week. Ryuuzaki sits down beside me in that weird way he does and bites his thumb, watching intently.

_"In other news, Mikami Teru was found dead in his home, having hanged himself three days ago. The neighbors complained of a foul stench coming from his home, and the authorities found his decomposing body in his bedroom. A suicide note was found but its contents have not been publicly released—"_

"...What does Light-kun think of this?" I turn to face Ryuuzaki, surprised that he actually initiated a conversation. Tossing that aside, I ponder the question for a few moments before answering.

"I think that this person is... interesting. They seem like the type of person who might be trying to prove something by doing this; maybe their ability to get into anyone's mind. Maybe they're trying to understand something we can't pinpoint. Maybe they just have a sick sense of humor. I think it's more likely that they're searching for something though. The only thing I can gather about the victims as the talk about their lives is that they had very strong beliefs... they had strong minds, leading me to believe they are looking for something or someone specific, someone to that meets their expectations."

Ryuuzaki seems to contemplate my answer before asking another. "Does Light-kun really think they could get into the mind of anyone with strong beliefs and powerful convictions? Even... someone like Kira...?"

Ryuuzaki's question catches me off guard; I mean, seriously, where the hell did that come from? Wasn't he going to give his opinion on the case? Why suddenly bring up Kira? If I answer that question... it might hint something; Ryuuzaki's smart—it's too risky to answer. I decide I can use this to bargain; if he wants the answer to that question, he'd better be ready to answer at least one of mine. _'I'd better make it something that isn't too conspicuous... or else he won't answer...'_

"I will answer your question if you answer mine: what do you think of Kira? You know, how he thinks, what he's like... What's your impression of him and why?" I watch his face for any reaction, even the slightest twitch; I see none. He moves his thumb to his lips in what I now know as a contemplative gesture (but is still seriously disgusting) and is silent for a minute or so before answering.

"I can say... Kira certainly believes the ends justify the means. I agree with this philosophy. However..." He pauses. I watch him, completely engrossed in whatever he's about to say next. "...Kira is full of himself. He is childish, immature and arrogant. I believe his goals are personal and he does not truly care for the world's innocents... Almost as if he is... driven by something else... And since I know that Light-kun is wanting a reason as to why my conclusion is what it is, I will explain. Kira has received challenges over the news broadcasts from the N.P.A., has he not? He has not once missed an opportunity to get back at them, give them false leads or toy with them in some way. A rather childish thing to do, isn't it, Light-kun?"

I try to keep my shock concealed. _'How the hell did he reach that conclusion? Why is he acting as if he met Kira himself? Okay, so he _has _but why is acting like he _knows _it? There's no way he could know I'm Kira!' _

"...And how exactly would you know that, Ryuuzaki?"

He looks at me owlishly, like I just somehow defied the laws of nature and gave birth to a litter of puppies. It's the most expressive he's been since he was first admitted. "...Because I am also childish, immature and arrogant, Light-kun." _'Well, if that's not the fucking understatement of the year,' _I think sarcastically, mentally rolling my eyes. He says it like it should be a widely known fact of life.

"...Light-kun is to answer my question now," he states. _God damn it, _he _irritates _me so _much_! Where the hell does he get off ordering me to answer?! Doesn't he know how to _ask _and not _demand _or _order _people?!

"...Very well, Ryuuzaki. Fair is fair. I think that this person, whoever they are, would have to talk to and get to know Kira inside and out before making any move to try and change him. Kira seems rather set in his ways, and it would take extremely precise navigation to get to that possibility. Kira will kill anyone he perceives to be a threat to his cause, so it would take a lot to disarm him. I think chance is slight, but it could happen. Why do you ask, Ryuuzaki?"

He looks down at his feet for a while, chewing his thumb all the while. Finally, he answers. "...I am merely curious, Light-kun. ...However, I do have one last inquiry," he says, pausing to look at me. He obsidian eyes seem to bore through me and for a moment, I think he can read my thoughts and motives like an open book; it's terrifying to say the least. "...What does Light-kun think would happen if this psychological predator and Kira were to meet...?" he asks, tilting his head to the side slightly, eyes curious and expectant.

Again, the question throws me off guard; I find myself answering honestly, not filtering what I say to avoid suspicion as Kira. "I think that it would be quite the challenge... for both of them; who would break first? Who would submit to whom? Who would toss aside their beliefs and follow the other? I think the world would be changed, though for better or worse is yet to be determined. It sounds like... fun. I wouldn't be able to wait."

Ryuuzaki looks to the television once more, his eyes open, but distanced and almost unseeing. He then leans in close, so close it almost seems like he's going to kiss me. …Wait, what? "...The way Light-kun says it, he sounds like Kira... doesn't he?" Ryuuzaki whispers in my ear so that only I can hear. My face burns a bright scarlet, but before I can deny his accusation he gets up and leaves for group, and I have no choice but to follow.

000

Light-kun revealed some rather interesting things: first, he is conceding that he may lose the battle to me, something I would not have expected of someone as self-righteous as Kira. Second, he accepted my challenge openly and honestly... I suppose he isn't here for psuedologia fantastica as it would have been more beneficial to lie in that instance... Third, his conviction is driven by something far more personal, but not so personal that he couldn't find another way to satisfy that whole. I want to find the way to break Kira, the one person no one has gotten through to. Then he can join otouto and I in our vision.

Once we take our seats and Matsuda arrives, we begin our session. Today's topic is emotion. We are to choose an emotion and express our opinions on it, along with an explanation of what lead us to our belief. I ignore the others until Light-kun takes his stand.

He looks pointedly at me with focused and sharp amber eyes before beginning. "I choose forgiveness. I believe that it is only used between people as leverage to gain things from others by guilt tripping them until they break down psychologically and give in to the other's demands. I have done things to my family... horrible, unforgivable things, and they will never forgive me... I know this, and yet at the prospect of their forgiveness, I would do _anything_. I can never stop trying to atone for my sins as long as the smallest, most miniscule chance at redemption exists." He sits back down, looking at me once more before his gaze becomes strangely distant.

"Thank you for your input, Light-kun," Matsuda says. I will never get used to his horrendous vocals. I have never been one for violence, but group therapy with Matsuda as the counselor is really pushing my newly discovered limits.

"Um, Ryuuzaki-kun, it's your turn," Matsuda states, looking at me with dimwitted expectancy. I sigh internally.

"...Very well," I begin. I try to think of something that wouldn't reveal too much; I like watching Light-kun guess at my past, motives and thoughts, so I don't want to end the game here. "...I will state my opinions on... faith.

"...Faith is something that cannot be proven, and yet many people will adamantly defend it, even until their dying breaths. Faith is not a science, but a fiction—a crutch if you will—something whose only benefit to people lies in the psyche. It is something mankind would be better off without. We should place our belief in facts, things that can be proven without doubt and will not fail us. With percentages we can effectively prepare ourselves for all manner of outcomes and lessen the blow should the results be undesirable.

"...I once had faith in the ones who said they would protect me and love me, the very people who were supposed to come help and give aid if something went wrong. I had faith that they would show up as planned and prevent a tragedy, but they never came. I had faith that the EMTs could come in time and save my parents, but they died. Faith gained me nothing, and therefore serves no purpose."

The room remains silent after I speak, more than likely shocked at sheer volume of what I said. The air was heavy with almost palpable tension; they had never heard me speak so much in one sitting, however, I wasn't speaking to them—I was speaking to Light. Kira needs to know what is behind me, only a little; he needs to know I understand, but I will not yield.

"W-well, um," Matsuda stutters. Way to ruin a heavy moment. "I... I think that's enough for today, everyone... okay? Let's get you all to dinner... wow..."

As we walk back, I and I stand in line to get my cake, I watch Light; his eyes are still distant, almost unseeing. It is really starting to bother me...

I sit down at a solitary table, watching Light-kun's work on the news. It is... interesting... I wonder how he can do this from here, what power he has, how he utilizes it... I see Light-kun out of the corner of my eye and listen in as he whispers to himself.

"Yes, Sayu-chan," he says, lips barely moving. "...No okaa-san, I'm not... no, tou-san, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I'm not... I'm not losing faith in you... he won't get to me... yes... I will kill him... but not now... I can't... they'll suspect me. ...I ...I love you. ...Don't leave me! Please... forgive me..."

I didn't think that Kira would be so easily shaken; his hallucinations seem to be getting to him. I don't really know what to make of it now, but it would seem that as long as I stay here I'll be safe from him. I am 73% certain he either cannot or will not kill me.

000

After hearing Ryuuzaki, everything became muted; I couldn't hear anything but the malicious words of my family. In the group room I could do nothing to appease them; even if Matsuda didn't notice, others would and it would no doubt reach the ears of the staff. Instead, I walked to the serving line and mechanically flirted with Yuki to get Ryuk's apple.

Sitting down, the images of the deceased Yagamis—Sayu, Soichiro and Sachiko—hovered around me, spitting venomous words and screaming wildly. The only one trying to calm them was that of my mother, Sachiko; she never joins them in spurring me to kill or act as Kira. She seems the least vengeful, sometimes coming to me on her own after nightmares to soothe me like she did when I was a child. The doctors would probably say she was my guilt at killing, my conscience. Either way she loses out to the righteous fury of Sayu and tou-san, eventually pushed back until I can no longer see her image.

"You'll still kill him, riiiiight, Light-niisan? You love us, don't you?" Sayu asks in her usual pep. I can see something hidden in her gaze just beneath the surface, but I can't quite label it; whatever it is, it's dark and evil.

"Yes, Sayu-chan," I whisper, barely moving my lips so as not to alert the staff. If they knew I still say them they would only drug me up.

"You aren't losing you way are you honey?" Okaa-san asks, her voice laced with heavy concern. "You shouldn't push yourself too hard; I know that your father and sister—"

"No, okaa-san, I'm not..." I begin, wanting to assure her that I'll be alright and I won't crack under the pressure.

"You self-righteous brat! You'd better not hurt you mother again, you selfish little punk! Do you know what we do for you? What_ I_ did for you?! What your _mother_ and_ sister_ sacrificed?! After all we did for _your _sorry ass you'd _damn well _better not be losing your way! Or I swear, I'll—"

"No, tou-san, I'm sorry..."

Don't interrupt me, you wise ass!"

"I'm so sorry... I'm not... I'm not losing faith in you..." I nearly whimper.

"You'd better not let him get to you, okaaaaay, nii-saaaaan?" Sayu asks in her overly cheerful tone. Even now it somehow sounds murderous. "You need to kill him... You need to kill him _now_." Sayu's voice shifted dramatically, becoming demanding and leaving no room for argument. I'm almost fearful as I inevitably deny her; if I kill him now I'll get caught.

"He won't get to me... Yes... I will kill him... but not now... I can't... they'll suspect me..."

"I guess you_ don't_ love me and tou-san then, do you Light?! I _knew_ you never loved us! You _hate_ us don't you?! You _wanted _to kill me _didn't you_?! To kill the sister you _never wanted_ with your _own hands_! I know you never wanted mom to give birth to me, to steal _your _parents and _your fucking spotlight_! You _resent _me! You _enjoyed _it! _You_ _liked stabbing me through the heart didn't you_?! That's the one thing I have that you will _never _have Light! _You're _the reason we're _dead_!"

"I... I love you..." I say, desperate to appease her.

"_NO, YOU DON'T!_" Sayu screams. I barely recognize her face when I turn slightly to look at her. "You _hate me_! You _never loved me_! All the times you said it... they were just _LIES_! Just like the lies you tell _EVERYONE ELSE_! You're not even _listening anymore_! Always that damn _Ryuuzaki bastard_! If you think about _his _words so much you must not need _us _anymore! Light is too damn _high and mighty _to need his _goddamned FAMILY_! Well, _fine_! I'm _leaving _Light! This is what _you _wanted! I guess you _never _want our forgiveness!"

"Don't leave me! Please... forgive me..." I whimper, on the verge of tears as their images fade, faces set in disdain and disgust. They were the only thing keeping me together the last six months... I needed them... They were all I had left...

Before I can burst into tears, I stand and dash towards my room, my sanctuary, to release my pain and beg for another chance. I will do whatever I have to in order to gain their forgiveness... _Anything at all_.

**End Chapter Four**

7600 words.

Well, was that angsty enough for you guys? Am I doing better getting back on track with Light and L? Light needs to be broken down before any seducing can take place, so... yeah... Near and Mello take the back burner for a while... I was trying to balance them out and develop them at the same pace, but it seems some people thought I was slightly veering towards Mello and Near. I agree, so this chapter was all L and Light... YAYS!

Whelp, that's that. Thanks to those who stick with me. I love the dream sequence at the beginning... Makes me squee with joy. I know some may be confused about the dream, but I can't give it away; that wouldn't be any fun.

As for Mikami... Sorry—well actually I'm not since I have always wanted to kill him. Maybe I'll elaborate on why he killed himself later. I wanted to use him as a victim simply _because _he's such a religious freak; he is the type of person the "psychological predator" would be looking to break down.

As for those who want L to have competition, well I figured Light's family is his strongest driving force, so that can be what L's up against. I always find internal battles much more fascinating. Besides, if Mikami was the rival, it wouldn't be much of a rivalry; Light never liked him, and it would be Mikami molesting Light and nothing else... gross. Maybe Misa...?

Ja ne

Rainbow-chan :3


	5. Memories Abound

Hey, peoples! It's the Rainbow after a storm!

My excuse for taking my time and being a human as of late? Life got in the way, dammit! I had to get braces put on, do paperwork for college, see my therapist, and console my _extremely needy _friend and tell him I wasn't ignoring him. And I have my four-year anniversary with my boyfriend coming up. My cat was walking all over my laptop while I was trying to type, and while I am pretty adept at ignoring her, she got to me today. ...Evil Miss Kitty... So yeah. Accept the reasoning... or not.

This is chapter five. Disclaimer still applies. I only had to write it four times, but I'm sick of it and now I will simply refer you all to chapter one.

Raising Hell – Chapter Five

I ran to my room, tears quickly preparing to overflow the boundaries of my lids. Unable to keep them at bay for much longer, I hurriedly shut my door, collapsing to the floor, and the tears finally stream down. I can feel my grasp on stability and sanity slowly slipping, and in a desperate attempt at getting Sayu and tou-san to come back, I call out, pleading desperately and begging that they listen—perhaps even offer me another chance.

"No," I whisper, the feeling of abandonment slowly crushing me. My body starts shaking uncontrollably as I try to reach out to them and get them to come back, even if only to lash out at me. "Sayu... tou-san... please, don't go... I'm so sorry... I'll listen... I'll do anything... Just don't leave me, please..."

There is nothing I won't do at this point; I just want another chance, for me to be able to prove to them that I _do _love them and that I _will _avenge them. I won't let the evil in the world run rampant. Slowly, the transparent images of Sayu and tou-san shimmer before me, faces disbelieving and angry, but that doesn't matter right now; the fact that they came back means they're willing to hear me out. I smile, despite my tears.

"You... you came back...," I whisper, voice full of hope and disbelief. I shakily stand, tentatively reaching my hand out to reach them. I know they aren't solid, but I need the reassurance of their presence. "Please, don't leave me... I-I need you... I will kill him later, as soon as I can, I _promise_... But, I can't do it now; if I get caught as Kira, I won't be able to avenge you, b-but I won't let you down... I _won't_. I _promise_," I say, voice adamant. Sayu and tou-san turn to each other, a look passing between them; I know they are debating the worth of my words, but it doesn't bother me. I can only hope they'll let me prove myself to them.

"...Nii-san," Sayu begins, sounding somewhat somber. Her tone surprises me, but I don't show it. "...I don't know what to believe anymore. You killed me. How can I trust you...? For all tou-san and I know, you're just saying that. If you want to prove it to us, stay _away _from _Ryuuzaki_, you understand?" she says. The words 'away' and 'Ryuuzaki' are spat with contempt. I nod in understanding.

"Light," tou-san begins, his voice full of warning. "We need you to be more focused on your priorities and killing criminals, not toying with this Ryuuzaki character, got it? You are trying our patience. If you betray us again, we _will _leave, and _nothing _you do or say will bring us back, you understand?!"

"Yes, tou-san," I say. I'm still shocked that they're giving me another chance at all; I had never heard them be as vicious as they were during group and dinner. "I love you, tou-san, Sayu-chan. You won't regret this." They nod and their forms fade.

Feeling much better, I flop down of my bed and gaze at the ceiling. _'Actually, now that I think about it, Ryuk hasn't been around much... I wonder what he's been up to...'_

000

Things have been moving too slowly on Light's end of things, so I've had to pick up his slack—even if he doesn't know about that slack. He's not supposed to know about my plans after all, hyuk hyuk.

I haven't been around the ward with Light for the past week, only coming back to get my apples. Frankly, I'm surprised he doesn't suspect something aside from my usual boredom. Things around the ward _are _getting interesting, though, I will credit him that.

That Ryuuzaki human is so _interesting_. He knows that Light is Kira, but he hasn't said anything. He seems to want to play with Light for a bit; I have no problem with that as long as he's not in the way of the plan.

Souls have been collecting in Hell quite nicely. My peers shouldn't be bothering me any time soon. It will still be some time before phase two is set in motion, and I still need to kill other humans to speed things up, but I guess I should be making my way back soon... I don't want to miss this Ryuuzaki human _entertaining _me...

000

Well this day has certainly been... _entertaining_, if nothing else. Light-kun's reaction to my words was far stronger than I had anticipated; I suppose I'll have to make a wider margin of error when dealing with him—he is quite unstable. It would seem threatening his hallucinations is out of the question for now; he will most likely avoid me. His voices don't seem to like me or what I said to him. If they perceive me to be a threat, I'll have to be slightly more defensive or underhanded, keeping my prodding from being obvious.

I finish my cake—today's was strawberry shortcake—and head to my own room, right next door to Light-kun's. One can bring personal effects to this place if they so choose, but I need no such thing. The room is exactly as it was when I first arrived a week ago, with plain white sheets, a thin pillow, a desk, and a dresser with my jeans and white shirts. As I continue to think over the day's events and what may have happened in Kira's past, my thoughts slowly travel to my own past a mere six years ago...

…

_I am thirteen years old in familiar surroundings. I am at the Ryuuzaki estate, upstairs in my room. Ever since my cousin Beyond started exhibiting strange behavior around me about five years back, the servants have been taking extra care to keep me indoors. I know they want to shield me from him, but I'm not sure why; his actions don't really bother me._

_Looking around, I see a tray of sweets on my bedside table. I realize I am in bed, curtains closed, and that there's a note from Nathan on my desk. I get up and go to read its contents:_

"L-niisan,

Mello came by and challenged me to a race today. I don't know why he insists on these challenges when he will always lose, and has been for the past year now, but it's less work to indulge him. As a result, I will not be back until rather late, probably around 10 P.M. I have asked the servants to prepare an assortment of your favorites, along with your favorite tea. Take care.

Sincerely, your otouto, Near."

_I allow the smallest of smiles to play across my lips at reading our nicknames for each other. He will always be 'near' me, and has always worried for me by keeping me close in his heart and mind, hence my name for him. I myself am unsure of where 'L-niisan' originated, but it has stuck, and I don't oppose his use of such a term. _

_Taking inventory of the assorted confectioneries on the platter, I take up a fork between my thumb and index finger, poking and prodding at a slice of gourmet cheese cake, eventually placing a forkful in my mouth. I look to the kettle of hot water and pour it into an expensive tea cup—of course it's from my favorite set—and wait for the tea to finish steeping before adding eleven sugar cubes from the neatly stacked pile; Near-kun really does know me well. As I enjoy these treats, I ponder what I should do today to keep myself entertained._

'Since Near-kun is away with Mello, I cannot talk to him or play chess, as none of the servants pose a challenge... And I can't go outside; the servants worry about Beyond too much. I think I'll go anyway, though... I haven't seen the lake in months...' _I open a secret passage Near and I had discovered a while back and slip through, moving through ventilation and other places, winding up in the closet of the lobby. Waiting until no one is in sight, I exit out the front door, keeping to the shadows, and work my way to the lake. _

_Sitting under a willow tree and hiding myself from the view of the servants—as I know they will be looking for me soon—I take out a book on the study of the mind and begin to read, never noticing the presence of another, or the red eyes watching me with intent._

_After several hours, I decide that I have worried my caretakers enough and head back inside. Once they supply me with dinner, which I don't eat, and more sweets, I am left to my chambers while okaa-sama and otou-sama punish the workers in whatever way they see fit. There is a 73% chance someone will be fired, but I don't feel remorseful; it's the fault of my parents for keeping me indoors without telling me why. Besides, the servants can be easily replaced. After a while, I drift off into a rare period of sleep._

…

_Some hours later, I awake to the sound of gunshots and shattering glass. Alarmed, I break my composure and race to my parents' room, finding my only solace in the fact that Near is not yet home and it is only 9:30 P.M. Once I reach the end of the hall, I burst through the doors to my parents' bedroom suite only to find my mother fighting the assassin and my father digging around in the closet—I assume he's looking for a gun. At this moment Near comes through the door, though; I suppose he was home after all._

_"Nii-san, what's going—" he stops mid-sentence, taking in the scene before him; I can see the moments his eyes go hollow with shock and fear. His skin pales further than I thought possible, his hands shaking in a display of unbidden terror. Turning to face him, I force my body to move towards him and shield him from the unknown attacker, moving to hide us in the corner behind the curtains._

_Our view remains unobstructed as our mother is shot through the head, her brain matter splattering against the area of wall to out immediate right—some of the blood staining Near's clothes and my check—and just to be safe, she is shot in both the heart, and stomach, falling to the ground with a resounding thud. My father wasn't able to find the gun in time, and the man shoots him through the head and heart. Near and I cower in fear, trembling as the man approaches us, calm and steady, yet somehow pitying. _

_"...I don't want to kill you," he says, though his voice is distorted by a voice scrambler and his face hidden with a mask. "As long as you don't interfere, I won't have to hurt you. ...I'm sorry, but this is my job. Please... don't make me spill more unnecessary blood, especially that of children." He moves to take some items and papers from my parents' bedroom and study before leaving through the window, just as the EMTs arrive. I can't help but wonder... where was security all this time?_

_As the EMTs scramble to find out what happened and examine forensic evidence, the only thing registering in my mind is the overpowering scent of blood and how cold my body feels. I vaguely register Near held protectively in my arms, but I cling to him desperately—he's now the only immediate family I have left. My parents are pronounced dead on site and otouto and I are quickly whisked away and secretly transported to England; apparently okaa-sama and otou-sama had a plan in the event of something like this—there was a 62% chance they would, given their efforts to keep me from our cousin Beyond and their status. There, an old man in his mid-seventies approaches us, head bowed._

_"My name is Quillish Whammy. Your parents entrusted your care to me, young masters. Please, if you would follow me, I can show you to your quarters. Everything will be explained to you once you're settled in." I nod silently, taking Near's hand in mine and following the man to a large Victorian-style building. This was the last time I would ever see anyone or anything from my old life in the same light._

…

As I leave my thoughts I find my resolve strengthened. I can't allow this to happen again, not to anyone. I begin to plan for tomorrow's work; tonight, I stay awake with purpose.

000

After talking with Nii-san, my resolve has been fortified. I will implement my plan tomorrow. I can't help but wonder when I began to find Mello... attractive. I'm positive this is nothing more than lust; I abandoned emotions long ago. I find my mind wandering back to the first day we met...

…

_Nii-san and I were allowed outside today—a rarity, especially since our parents made an effort to keep nii-san inside for almost three years now, though neither of us are sure why. Wandering around our private Rose Garden, I feel someone collide into me, knocking me to the ground and scraping my knee on the stone walkway. _

_"Hey, watch where you're going," the stranger shouts. I look up to see a boy of around eight years old. His attire is something that catches me a little off guard; he's wearing tight leather pants, leather fingerless gloves, and a black vest with red embroidery, along with a silver cross necklace and what I presume to be a dog collar. ...Maybe it's a strange style of choker? His shoulder length blond hair frames his effeminate face, bringing out his cool blue eyes, which are eying me with distrust and anger at the moment, though why is beyond me._

_"...Perhaps it is you who should watch where you are going," I calmly inform him. I figure that he should know he's trespassing before I have security throw him off the property, especially after damaging and dirtying my clothes. "...Are you a child of one of the servants? If not, I must inform you that you are trespassing onto the Ryuuzaki estate, and I will have security escort you off the property."_

_He sputters in shock, though I'm not sure at what. Suddenly, his face turns red with indignation. "Y-you think I'm a _servant_, you rich bastard?! I'm not a _slave_! And I'm visiting my cousin, Amane Misa, you bastard! What the fuck's with you anyway, you albino freak?!"_

_"...I must admit, I find your language most off putting. I am also displeased at you ruining my clothes," I state, obviously disregarding his insults about my skin and hair. I was born an albino, but there is no point in confirming his suspicions. It will only spur him into making more insults. _

_"Well, it's your own fault for wearing all white, freak," he spits with contempt. "Well, whatever. I just came over to deliver an invitation to my older cousin's party. It's to a... Ryuuzaki Lawliet...?" He asks, looking up at me. "Are you Lawliet?"_

_"...No, you are referring to my aniki," I tell him, anxious to get him off the property and back to the lake at the back of the garden to where nii-san is waiting. I hold out my hand, silently demanding that he hand over the invite. "...I will deliver it to him."_

_"I can do it myself, you weirdo," He says. He seems to think for a moment before speaking again. "I have a better idea! If I can get it to him in less than thirty minutes, I can visit again and challenge you all I like. If I lose, I'll never come back," He states more than proposes. Without waiting for my consent, he gets ready to run off, but then my aniki chose to appear; apparently I've spent too much time messing around with this guy._

_"...What is taking otouto so long? I thought otouto was going to procure me some sweets," he says, before laying eyes on our unexpected—and in my mind, unwanted—guest. Bringing his thumb to his lips and tilting his head curiously, he looks the blonde over quickly before asking a question. "...Oh? Who might you be? I was unaware of otouto having guests. There was only a 7% chance of this, as otouto does not like to socialize, resulting in a lack of friendships."_

_"I'm _not _this jerk's guest!" the boy shouts. "I'm here on behalf of my older cousin, Amane Misa. She's inviting you to her sweet sixteen. I'm supposed to give you the invite 'cause you can't get in without it," he explains. As he hands nii-san the invite, I find it rather rude that his attitude towards nii-san is so different from how he acts towards me. "By the way, my name's Keehl Mello Miheal, but I hate my first name, so call me Mello."_

_"...Very well, Mello-kun," he says, not bothering to introduce himself; clearly Mello already knows who he is. "...This is my otouto, Ryuuzaki Nathan, though he prefers to be called Near. As for myself... you may refer to me as L. I happened to overhear your bet, and I believe otouto now has a rival."_

_After sending a look to nii-san telling him that we _will _be discussing this later, I leave without another word._

…

I note that our first encounter was rather similar to the one we had a week ago in the hallway. He had recently moved back to Tokyo with his cousin, and began attending school here. I wouldn't be surprised if he hadn't remembered me, but it turns out he remembered everything, even our "rivalry."

I decide not to think on it anymore; I'm worried about nii-san. Perhaps after group tomorrow I will visit him. I'll use the time to breach the subject of how to approach Mello—I'd like to do so in a way that won't get me punched.

000

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I'm _not_ attracted to Near, I'm _not_. I _couldn't_ be. There's no fucking way. It's impossible. Never gonna happen. Not ever. ...Nope.

After getting home from fucking detention, that _fucking albino freak _never left my thoughts. I _hate _it. After almost breaking down on the _goddamn bus _the last time I brought up a serious topic with okaa-san in _fucking public_, I decided I'd have to wait until I got home to breach my thoughts to her. _Fucking fantastic_.

"...I'm home," I say half-heartedly. Lately, I've been... depressed? I just can't bring myself to give a fuck. "Okaa-san, what's wrong with me...? I... feel like everything's fuckin' falling around me..."

_"It would seem that something's troubling you. ...Is it Near, sweetie?" _okaa-san asks, voice full of caring, understanding and... Worry? I can't place some of it.

"Yeah, it's that _bastard_," I confirm. "Lately, he's been on my mind all the fucking time, and _I hate it_. I'm not feeling like myself, and those _fucking looks_ he's been giving me are really _pissing me off_!"

_"...I think that maybe... you should talk to your personal counselor in group tomorrow, Mello," _okaa-san suggests. I can't _fuckin' believe _this shit! Now okaa-san too?! That _bastard_! He's fucking _ruining _my _life_! _"I know you don't like the prospect, but it would help to calm me and you, too... Besides, doesn't mother know best? I think it will help you... come to terms with what you're feeling," _she explains.

"...I don't get it, okaa-san," I start. I don't want to worry and hurt okaa-san by not going, so I begrudgingly agree to talk seriously in group. "But, I'll go, if only to reassure you."

000

Now that I have the reassurance that my family hasn't abandoned me, I can think about tonight's earlier events much more clearly. _'Ryuuzaki said something about his family and his views on faith, but his reason provided the least information... Clever bastard.' _I'm not sure about his background, but whatever happened set the precedent for his views as they are now. I know that he wanted to give me a little insight on the way he thinks, though it's clear he won't back down...

Rolling over, I stare at my wall. I don't know how Ryuuzaki can shake me so easily; acting the part is getting harder and harder... I don't want my resolve to falter so soon, so I remember exactly why I decided to take up the Deathnote and act as Kira; repressed memories had been slowly coming back to me ever since Ryuuzaki's arrival...

…

_After hearing gunshots, I head downstairs slowly and cautiously. I make sure to stop by the kitchen and grab a knife before heading to the living room, peeking my head around the corner and meet the overpowering scent of blood._

_Sayu is laying over the rapidly cooling body of my mother, Yagami Sachiko, tears cascading down her cheeks, eyes hollow with unfathomable grief and denial. Okaa-san's face is frozen in a permanent look of fear and desperation—desperation to save her family. I am torn from the sight by the sound of a struggle, and look up to see tou-san fighting the intruder. Upon seeing me he his focus shifts and in a desperate attempt to get to me, he tries to force the gun in the killer's hand upwards and away from Sayu and I. _

_"Light, take Sayu and ru—" Those were his last words, his dying testament as a 9mm bullet pierced his skull with a sickening crack, a sound that will forever be ingrained into my memory. Blood gushes from the exit wound in a shower of crimson... I will never forget the scent that hit me or the nausea I felt as his brain matter splatters onto the dinner table behind him, the same one we ate curry rice off of earlier that evening. His body hits the floor with a thud, almost as if he's given up and the fight was no longer worth it. I know he died instantly. _

_Sayu scrambles to get up, but regretfully, the killer reaches her before she can get away, grabbing her by her hair. "Ahh! Mom! Dad! Light! Help me!" she screams, desperately fighting the grip the killer has on her chestnut hair, now stained with blood._

_"Oh, no you don't," the murderer says in a sing-song voice. His face is now completely clear; he has black hair, and terrifying red eyes. He looks down at Sayu, a murderous excitement radiating off him in near palpable waves. "I'm not letting any of you out of here alive. But if you want someone to blame," he pauses, giggling in a fit of insanity. "You can blame you bastard father when you see him in Hell. ...Buuuuut," he adds, bringing his finger to his lips in a way that is now frighteningly familiar. "You don't even know what he did to me, do you? _Do you_?!" He shouts, shaking Sayu violently._

_"No," she whispers, desperately trying not to anger the killer. "I don't know..." I don't know what keeps me hidden, but I find myself wanting to hear what could _possibly _justify killing my entire family. _

_"Okay then," the man says excitedly. "I'll tell you. Let me ask you, girl, have you ever heard of the Ryuuzakis? It's a common last name, I know, but these Ryuuzakis are pretty famous. You should know who they are. ...Well, girl, _have you_?! Answer me, you little skank!" His grip on Sayu's hair tightens, but in a desperate effort to appease him, she nods._

'The Ryuuzakis? Is he referring to the famous political figures? They're extremely well known for helping the community and impossibly wealthy; how or why would we be involved with them? Besides, wasn't the whole family murdered?' _I think frantically._

_"Well, that's good. That makes this a lot simpler then," the killer says. Dragging Sayu across the floor to towards the kitchen, he begins. I make sure I carefully hide in the pantry. "Let me tell you a little story. It's about a boy named B; Now, pay attention cause I only say it once," He says in a sing-song voice. Terrified, Sayu nods, whimpering in pain, eyes screwed tightly shut and tears silently streaming down her cheeks. "B was a nice kid, but he was lonely, so very lonely. B's parents were rich, but because of the way B looked and acted, they never thought they would have a successor to their company. So they did the sensible thing; arranged a marriage. It was to a girl five years his senior, Amane Misa. She was such a shallow little whore…_

_"B wasn't all too happy with this, so he ran away to his secret place. It was near a relative's estate, the Ryuuzaki estate. B would run away here every day and one day B fell in love. He was smitten with a beautiful boy named L." In his excitement the killer grasps Sayu's hair tighter, jerking her head to the side; she cries out in pain, and angered, he slaps her across the face with a resounding smack, leaving a quickly swelling and reddening mark in its wake._

_"Shut up you little bitch! Don't you know how RUDE it is to interrupt?! Damn, I was obviously right to kill these people; they can't even teach proper manners. What is the world coming to?" I seethe and almost went to say something, but hesitated. Something about this story stopped me in my tracks._

_"Now then where was I? Oh yes, sweet little L… cute little Lawli-pop. He was a year older than B and B's cousin, but B loved him and he wasn't any less cute because of it. B came even more often just to lay eyes on L. L had hair blacker than a raven's wings and it looked just as feathery. His eyes were the color of the purest obsidian... B finally got to meet and talk to L sometime later, but it wasn't enough. B wanted to get closer to L so he started to dress like him, act like him, speak like him and even ate the same things... A true romantic... _

_"But, his family was always too close for B to get near him. Once B started to show his affections by dressing and acting like L they kept L inside and tried to separate the two for three years; incest is frowned upon, you know. All that changed in the fourth year though, when this brat showed up and became a good pawn for B. His name was M. M loved B and B knew it. B was extra nice to M, and he even got him a collar and chocolate, his favorite treat for when he behaved. M willingly became B's slave, getting into the Ryuuzaki house when B couldn't get L outside and he sent messages to L for that final year. Eventually, M got side-tracked with L's younger brother, N. Since his slave was so useless, B decided to do things himself._

_"B decided that if L's parents kept him inside, he would dispose of them; simple, right? So B ordered their assassination and made it look like a political crime. B was extremely intelligent, you know. L would be forced out, and B thought he would run into his arms in grief since he would be sent to live with his only remaining family. But, as you know, this is a tragedy. I don't need to explain that, do I girl?"_

_"...No," Sayu answers in a barely audible whisper. I can see the tears cascading down her face, and her lower lip is split, red, swollen and bleeding from the slap earlier through the crack in the pantry door. I'm frozen to the spot, completely entranced by the murderer's story. _

_"Good. Now, I don't want you to run while I eat, okay? I'm sooo hungry. You wouldn't believe what murder does for your metabolism," the man says conversationally. He walks over to the drawer where our mother kept the special knives and takes out two turkey knifes, using them to stab Sayu through both of her hands and pin her to the wall across the room from me. Ignoring her screams of agony and the blood cascading down the walls, he saunters nonchalantly over to the cabinet. After digging around a bit, he gets out the homemade strawberry jam that our grandmother had made earlier that week and begins to it with his bare hands, which are still covered in blood. _

_"Now, here's where the story goes sour," He says, resuming where he left off effortlessly. "L became more reclusive and got further away from B. B thought that the assassin he hired killed them since they were reported to be killed and legally pronounced dead, but B found out he was put into a protection system and precious Lawli was lost to B for years. Not only that, but while B was busy looking for his lost love YOUR father was suspicious of the set up, so he tracked down and convicted B, keeping him from his precious Lawli-pop! M lost his way with no master to lead and guide him, and now you're going to die because your father got in the way. Okaaay?" The man grins maniacally and slowly trails his tongue up Sayu's cheek cleaning her of the blood staining her face. "Wasn't that such a _sad _story...? Judging by your tears, you must think so... I'm so _happy_ you sympathize," he says, before he resumes licking up, tasting and ingesting the crimson liquid._

_"Your blood is so sweet..." He approaches Sayu with a knife and slowly runs it along her face and down her neck, drawing out her life's essence. "L liked sweet things...," he says, his voice full of nostalgia and his eyes distant. He seems to silently consider something before he speaks again. "Maybe he'd honor your death by tasting your blood himself...? NO," he screams suddenly, eyes murderous and malicious. "I won't share Lawli! Not with a whore like you!" _

_I choose this point to come out of hiding, having finally gathered enough courage to take on this psycho. "Let her go, you bastard!" _

_He turns to face me, a grin spreading across his face like wildfire. His voice is condescending when he speaks. "Oh my, what's this? Another Yagami? I was wondering about you; you should have stayed in hiding—it MIGHT have saved your life..." He trails off before giggling maniacally. "Oh, I'm just kidding... hee hee... You're going to die, ha ha ha... Oh! But, I'll tell you what," he pauses, covering his lips in a not-so-inconspicuous attempt to keep from laughing again. "I'll keep a sample of your blood in a jar too, just like the rest of your family! I can show it to Lawli so he knows how many people had to die when he ran from destiny."_

_I race towards the man, trying to save Sayu with the knife I grabbed from the kitchen earlier, but the killer side-steps me, increasing my momentum by pushing me forward towards Sayu's half-dead form. I can't stop in time; Sayu is stabbed through the heart, her warm blood washing over my hands, rinsing away the last of my innocence. She looks up at me, eyes wide with shock and disbelief before she musters up the last of her strength to speak her dying words._

_"Light... why...? What... did I... do... wrong?" Sayu coughs up blood; the smell overwhelms me as the light in her eyes slowly recedes. I cling desperately to the hope that she hasn't lost too much blood, that my only remaining family can be saved. I tear off my shirt and try to apply pressure to her wound, but she has been stabbed through her heart—I know she's going to die, but I'm going to deny it for as long as I can, damn it!_

_"No, Sayu, please... don't leave me... I didn't mean it... Please... don't die..." I plead desperately. I can't lose her... I _can't_. I _need _her and okaa-san and otou-san... There are so many things left unsaid. I don't even register the killer behind me, preparing to stab me, laughing and eating the last of my grandmother's homemade jam._

_"Well, look what you did, brat. You killed your own sister... Huh... Even I'm not that sick," he says. I begin trembling in anger, my hatred growing exponentially. How _dare _he judge me! It's _his _fault she died; he shoved me into her! "Though, I must commend you. You've become even more heartless than me! At least I killed for a reason; I was all for my one true love, my precious little Lawli-pop."_

_The rest of what happens is a blur; I remember stabbing him, and each time the blade pierced his flesh, he laughed, spewing out more judgmental words. I didn't hear anything he said since everything was muted except the blood rushing in my ears, but I'm sure that's what they were. After a while he stops moving and I feel heavy, probably from the added weight of my blood-drenched clothes, and I black out. Although... Just before my senses completely dull, I could swear I hear I strange laughter in the air..._

…

_Sometime later, the police and EMTs arrive, and I'm taken away in an ambulance. Once I'm stable, I tell Aizawa, a family friend and member of the police force working under my father, everything that I heard. A few days later, the trial takes place, but I'm obviously found innocent—it was self-defense after all. The court orders that I seek psychiatric help to ease the trauma caused by the event, but after a month of getting worse, the doctors commit me to Tokyo's Insane Asylum. It was then that I realized I needed to act the part of 'improving patient' if I ever wanted to get out..._

…

_I was a patient at the Asylum for about a month before a package arrived. I know I didn't have any family left—though I did still see them as 'hallucinations' and I quickly learned to hide their visits from the staff—so I was curious as to who sent it. I had been slowly falling apart, and this gave me a little hope._

_I open the manila folder and inside I find a black notebook labeled 'Deathnote.' Curious, I look at the inside cover and find something that changes everything:_

"To my capable son, Light,

If this has been sent to you, then I have been killed. Ryuk will explain what to do. Finish my work, son.

Yagami Soichiro."

_My hand shakes in disbelief; I finally had a sign, some way for them to forgive me, a chance at earning redemption! Behind me I hear laughter; it is vaguely familiar... I could have sworn I heard the same laughter before I blacked out two months ago..._

_Ryuk explained the rules of the Deathnote to me, and after he finishes, I turn to my family. They smile at me, and my father nods, silently encouraging me. It is all the motivation I need._

…

I leave my memories, my purpose clearer and my resolve stronger. I can't let Ryuuzaki get to me. I _need _to do this, lest the image of Sayu's face before her death haunt me for the rest of my life.

000

Meanwhile, Outside the Asylum

At the police department, things are complete and utter chaos. The Kira case is getting nowhere, and to make things worse, this new psychological predator has appeared. A conference was assembled to discuss things further in regards to both cases.

"Honogami-san, you are in charge of this new case of the psychological predator. Please, update us on the details and status of your case."

A short and chubby man pushes his glasses higher up the bridge of his nose. His brow is covered in a thin line of sweat, an obvious sign that things aren't progressing too well. "Yes sir," he begins. "As far as my case is concerned, things are at a standstill. The latest victim, Mikami Teru, committed suicide three days ago and was found dead and decomposing in his home after hanging himself. We did find a note at the scene, and I shall relay the contents to you now:

'We have been abandoned. The God I know has forsaken me, my redemption and salvation lost. What is faith, really, but a farce for the weak? Can we face reality without this disguise? If these words are true and this is so, then I am weak, and do not deserve to live. No God would need followers so easily shaken. Open your eyes to the truth, and know that we can only seek our freedom in facts and in death.

Mikami Teru'

These were the last words he wrote," Honogami states, shuffling through other papers and files before continuing. "We did not relay this information to the public, but before he died he murdered all the other members of his cult in the same way. He carved the pentagram into the chests, backs and stomachs of each victim after strangling them to death. We believe that this references the five elements his religion practiced: air, water, earth, fire and spirit, though we are unsure of why he placed them as he did. It's something we are still looking into.

"Our main suspect has been admitted to Tokyo's Insane Asylum by recommendation from our hired psychologist, but the attacks have not ceased. We don't know how he is doing so, but his work is still carried out. He may have an accomplice or accomplices. Obviously, we can't arrest him, as we have no evidence, be it physical or circumstantial to tie him to any of the crimes...

"We have all of his calls monitored and have the staff alerting us to anything note-worthy, but so far, things aren't going anywhere. My team is working on a new strategy as we speak," he finishes. The other men look at each other, worried glances and hushed voices discussing this new information.

"Thank you, Honogami-san," the board man replies, silencing the others. "I assume there have been no new developments in the Kira case?" he asks to the room as a whole. The room's occupants nod their confirmation or make noises of agreement. The board man sighs in exasperation.

"Very well," he states, ready to leave for the night. "We will reconvene again in two weeks to see if any of you have ideas on what to do. You all know our own government is debating whether or not to support Kira... as much as it sickens me. I bid you good night, gentlemen."

000

"All right, guys, ten o'clock! Lights out everybody," a nurse shouts through the ward. I was already in my room, as were most of the other patients, so I don't know why they still shout like that; most of us were probably sleeping anyway.

As I lay trying to sleep, I remember from my earlier thoughts that the killer mentioned Ryuuzaki... I don't believe that _this _Ryuuzaki and the one he was speaking of are one in the same; Ryuuzaki is a common last name, after all. Still...

I try to ignore the niggling in my mind and drift off to sleep. _'Thank God Ryuk hasn't been around lately... No doubt he'd only make things worse...'_

I find my last conscious thoughts drifting back to Sayu... and what I wouldn't give for the company of a sibling.

000

_'Nii-san, why can't you understand?' _After recalling memories that should have been long since buried, I can't help the direction that my mind has traveled. My thoughts go back to pondering how our goals are one in the same, but our methods are so different. Why does nii-san want to understand those feelings? When will we be able to rid the world of them? I wish he would follow me, walk along side me in my vision and put my methods into play... I don't deny that his methods have some benefits—like the Mello issue—but I still feel distanced from him...

Trying to get away from this negativity, I shower. Everything in my apartment is white, the same purity and flawlessness that Lawliet and I will blanket the world with; it is only a matter of time. I allow the warm water to wash over my pale frame, drenching the white tresses and soothing my inner turmoil; I'll have to figure out how merely bathing can accomplish such a thing.

I leave the bathroom and pull on a pair of white pajamas, preparing for bed and drying my hair. I even made sure my accessories and appliances are white. I often have people question my affinity for it. If I were to ever answer them, I would say I use it to remind my aniki and I of all that we can help the world to be, but that we ourselves can no longer become; our parents blood stained us, and carrying this burden, we move to keep other from the same fate.

I stack my dice for a while; it soothes me. After a while I crawl into bed and I let sleep overtake me—another dreamless sleep. The white abyss never leaves me, not even when I close my eyes.

**End Chapter Five**

7300 words

Sorry, this chapter was not put out at inhuman speeds like the others. This was the exposition chapter. I've purposefully left some ends open to be filled in later, but hopefully this ties up and clears the dream-oriented confusion some people may have.

L and Light are coming to terms and conclusions, some of L's past is revealed this time around, and later on I will be explaining his time at Whammy's. Next chapter will be lighter; I was feeling "Meh" today. (YES "Meh" is an emotion in my book!) I will put more playful banter between L and Light in, and give Near and Mello—they are my children and writing them is very fun—some more time, but no more that 40% of the chapter.

Thanks to those who stick with me. I honestly wasn't planning on Light's massive flashback until later, but it is here, and I can work with this. Not gonna change it.

Strangely enough, my cat's name is Squeaks, because she has a squeaky meow, but I called her Miss Kitty and now no one calls her by her name. When someone does, I'm like "Who? ...Oh, you mean, Miss Kitty!" My friend thinks it's kinda sad, but she's my evil Miss Kitty and I love her. Hence the kitty face after my signature at the bottom of each chapter... :)

Ja ne

Rainbow-chan :3


	6. Ignoring the Shit out of Life

Hey, everybody! Who's ready for their daily dose of the Rainbow? I know I am!

I got to work on this immediately after the last chapter was posted because when I have a stroke of inspiration I run with it damn it! If I didn't, stuff would never get done. I start school part time on August 28th, so yeah… It sucks, but Life's gotta be lived… Grr… So I'm doing my damnedest to make sure there's enough posted before I'm bombarded with other assignments. I'll be kinda mad and hurt if people aren't appreciative of the effort. As hard as it may be to believe with me pumping this out as fast as I have been and all the stuff I deal with outside of FF I am human peoples. A mere mortal! I mean I've typed like, over 40,000 words on here as a _hobby _and this has been up for what? A week and a half? Two weeks?

Near and Mello have half the chapter. More of L's past at Whammy's. Hope my lame excuse is enough. It serves its minor role just fine. You won't hear much about it again unless you ask.

IMPORTANT INFO: I know people are gonna be like "But wait, Rainbow-chan, you said in the last chapter that they (Lawliet and Nathan) were pronounced legally dead and stuff! HOW would they prove their still the living heirs?!" And to this I say D. N. A! The false death certificates were just to (hopefully) keep BB off their trail but alas… Things always go awry with him, don't they? Honestly, stretch your suspension of disbelief peoples. (Shinigami for not-god's sake!) I'm a fan fiction writer, not a legal genius. I've read stuff that makes less sense, and so have you. I tried to cover my plot holes. I really did. I consider the one here to be one of two in Raising Hell and god damn it, it's minor. The other was fixed before someone brought it up. Yay me!

Disclaimer: I refer you to chapters 1-5. 'Nough said. I've put up enough disclaimers. The only future disclaimers will be for lemons or limes.

Raising Hell - Chapter Six

The melancholy of everything that I've learned, heard, seen and ultimately dealt with in the past week has yet to loosen its grip on my life. As I listen to Ide-sensei ramble on about some socio-economical concept I have long since understood, my thoughts travel to Mello and how to approach him. _'I can't very well ask him, be it subtly or outright; nii-san already made it clear that he is likely to respond negatively to those types of advances... Should I just spring it on him and kiss him? Surely even someone as dense as Mello would understand the implications of such an action?' _

I subtly shake my head back and forth. _'Of course he would; he's a fifteen year old freshman. Not even Mello is that stupid and moronic.' _I decide to make my move at lunch. It is best to put him under surveillance as soon as possible; then I can find out what his 'okaa-san' is hiding. This... _plan_ is nothing more than the means to an end; I will get the information I want.

As the bell rings I gather up my things and make my way to the freshman lunch hall. A few passing underclassmen blush and whisper as I pass them; this gets me to thinking: what will this action do to my school image? I know I had it as something I never allowed to be jeopardized, but in 'pursuing' Mello there are sure to be negative consequences...

Regardless, I continue forward. I won't back out of this now; besides, there aren't many alternatives at my immediate disposal—nii-san had warned that I may not like the aftermath, yet I accepted this course of action.

Unfortunately, I run into my biggest fan girl, Takiyama Kimiko. After all the trouble her words caused me in group a week ago, she is the last person I want to see right now. Her sleek shoulder-length black hair is pulled into a sloppy up-do today, probably in a sad attempt to play up the 'messy yet sexy' look. Honestly, I don't know how many guys in school have had a piece of her or what diseases she might have. I shiver internally, even more so now because of my recently established sexuality. Kitsuhime Yoko shows up behind her, her waist-length blonde hair in a loose ponytail that falls over her right shoulder. He green eyes sparkle as she smiles shyly in greeting.

"Oh! Ryuuzaki-senpai!" Kimiko calls out. Why is her voice so shrill? It's dreadful; does she honestly think it's cute or attractive? Someone should tell her that screaming like a grade-schooler is neither cute nor seductive. "Where are you going? Do you want to eat lunch with us?" She attempts to grab my arm, but I hastily pull away; she looks momentarily disappointed, but recovers quickly, much to my dismay. "We've been looking all over for you! ...Wait, what are you doing in the freshman wing?" Her stormy blue-gray eyes look to me in question.

"...I have things to attend to," I say simply. I have no need to further explain to _Kimiko _of all people. At least Yoko is courteous enough to not question me further. If I were to ever date a girl, it would most likely be someone like Yoko. "...Ja ne, Kimiko-san, Yoko-chan." Kimiko looks rather miffed as I enter the courtyard. She gives Yoko a rather harsh and somewhat betrayed look, most likely caused by my use of a more familiar honorific with Yoko. I hear her rant off to Yoko about back-stabbing her along with questions of when we became so close, and I admit to feeling some guilt towards using her to get under Kimiko's skin—she really is a nice girl. Though once I implement my plans, girls like Kimiko will be off my back for good—a rather pleasant albeit unexpected benefit.

I see Mello in the court yard taking out his bento and readying his chop sticks; apparently he has yet to notice me. Looking over his body, I take in his chosen attire for the day: the typical tight, black leather pants held up by his favored studded black belt, leather fingerless gloves, a tight, form-fitting black t-shirt and white skull design with a red hoodie and a sliver rosary along with his dog collar-style choker. I find myself wondering briefly what the story is behind that choker—he's worn it for as long as I can remember.

As I look over and finish taking inventory of his clothing, I inevitably notice his body—the primary reason I began to avoid Mello. His build isn't too muscular, just toned enough, like a swimmer. His face is effeminate and beautiful, despite the burn scar, and I can't help noticing how soft his hair looks. _'It's so shiny... I wonder what products he uses... He must take really good care of it...'_ Of course I noticed none of these things until L-niisan made his... _suggestion_. Swallowing audibly and calming my nerves, I approach him; it's now or never.

000

I see fucking Near across the court yard and only have one thought: _What the fuck?! _Why is _that fucker _in the _freshman _lunch hall?! Isn't he a _junior_?! We've been avoiding the _shit _out of each other for the past _fucking week_, so why is he coming to me _now_?!

'_Okaa-san, what the hell is he doing here?! What the fuck should I do?! I gotta get the hell outta here,' _I think frantically. He has me panicking like a _fucking school girl_! I'm _not _gonna tolerate this shit! Not from _him_!

"_Calm down, Mello dear," _okaa-san says, her voice soothing. I can tell she really is on my side. _"If you panic you can't think rationally... Maybe he just wants to discuss the distance between you as of late...?" _Ha! Yeah, no. Like he would ever come to _me _about some _rational bullshit_. Has okaa-san lost it?

'_No offense, okaa-san, but that is such a load of shit—' _I begin to retort, but then I realize that Near's right in front of me. _God damn it_! I should have been using that time I was arguing to _fucking run_!

"...Mello, I need to speak with you," he begins. _That dumbass_! He did _not _have to come in here and make a _fucking scene _just to– "...Privately." –oh. …Well, shit.

"...Fine, asshole," I say, anxious to get away from all the prodding stares asking why the fuck the _fucking amazing _and _perfect _Ryuuzaki-_senpai _is requesting an audience with _me_—the fucking _social outcast_. "But next time, don't make a fucking scene." I stand; guess I have no choice but to go with him now.

"…Hn," he replies. We walk a ways to a bathroom in a currently empty part of the school, my nerves getting worse with every step. Am I really so anxious to go to my _fucking death_?! Or worse, his evil hands?! Once we go in, he locks the door behind us. I raise an expertly waxed brow in a perfect 'what the fuck' expression, but clearly he ignores it, only serving to piss me the hell off.

"Hey, asshole, what the fuck did you bring me here fo—" Before I can finish, his lips are on mine.

000

I know that otouto's plan was to be implemented today... I wonder how it's going. He has probably begun by now... There is an 83% chance otouto will be punched by the end of his encounter with Mello. _'Poor Near-kun... I wonder why he didn't call me to ask any further questions... But, then again... He knows more about Mello than I do... even as kids they were around each other all the time.' _

I leave my room and head to the recreation room—lunch should be served soon. _'I wonder what cake they have for me today...?'_

I see Light-kun come down the hall shortly after me; he looks haggard. I have never seen him this unkempt—even the staff take notice—and he wasn't present during breakfast this morning. I allow my eyes to widen marginally before moving to a table to eat my cheese cake. Taking up my plastic fork between my thumb and index finger, I move to bring a bite to my lips, stealing glances at Light-kun all the while.

I see him sit at another table as far away from me as possible; as I predicted, he is ignoring and avoiding me. I find myself... disappointed. I'm not quite sure why, though I have theories:

1) I was subconsciously expecting Light-kun to be more stable and/or independent of his hallucinations.

2) I won't have anything to entertain me as he is the only one on my level intellectually.

3) I won't be able to gather reference if he's not in his normal state and acting naturally.

Things are becoming... complex. I like the challenge, but this just means it will take more time to get Light-kun to join otouto's and my vision; as much as I enjoy playing with Light-kun I am timely as well.

Matsuda calls us in for our after lunch group session and strangely enough, I find myself looking forward to it—most likely because here Light-kun will be forced into interacting with me. I hope he will put up more of a fight than his appearance suggests.

000

I spent the morning in my room, thinking over how I was going to handle Ryuuzaki in group today; I even skipped breakfast. I know I look horrendous—another reason to stay cooped up in my room. Sighing, I head out to the recreation room and find Yuki has noticed the extreme difference in me today—if she hadn't I'd be appalled, as every other staff member has taken notice. She sends me a worried glance before speaking.

"Yagami-kun! How are y—? Oh my gosh! You don't look so good... Are you feeling ill?" She asks, firing off a barrage of questions. I internally sigh; I don't have the patience to deal with her today. "Did they put you on a new medication...? I know those can have some nasty side-effects," She offers.

"...Yuki-san," I start, trying to reign in my growing frustration. If I lash out at her, things will only get worse. "...Please... just get my lunch... and an apple, too, if you please."

Her face shifts into dawning recognition. "O-oh! Of course, Yagami-kun! Here, just one moment," She says, gathering up portions of today's meal. After a few moments, she hands me my tray with a small smile. I feel her 'get well soon' vibes and attempt a grateful smile before sitting down at a table far away from Ryuuzaki—I know he's watching me, though the look in his eyes show... disappointment? ...I'm not sure. Ryuuzaki is so god damn confusing and I'm not in the mood to figure him out; besides, Sayu and otou-san are trusting me to avoid him and kill him when he leaves—I can't very well get attached. It's his fault I'm like this today.

After eating, Matsuda comes and herds us into the group room. I'm sure things are going to be hell—I'll be forced to confront and acknowledge Ryuuzaki now.

"Okay, everyone," Matsuda begins. He seriously needs to do something about that awful voice of his before I rip out his vocal cords with my bare hands... _'Wait... when the hell did I get so violent?' _"Let's begin with some casual talk. How was everyone's night? I know the last group was a little...," he trails off, glancing to Ryuuzaki and I before finishing. "...Tense. U-um… Why don't we start with you, Ryuuzaki-kun?"

'_Well, this is interesting. Normally Matsuda picks on me or someone else he's not intimidated by.' _I turn to face Ryuuzaki, no longer avoiding his gaze as it rightfully settles on me—I may be avoiding him, but I know I'm the only one worthy of his attention.

"..." He remains silent for a moment before responding. "...Light-kun and I had an... interesting encounter," he says, clearly not wanting to divulge anything useful as per usual. God, he is so damn _irritating_!

"Oh, really? Light-kun," Matsuda turns to look at me expectantly. _'Dear God... No, Matsuda! NO! Don't you dare do this! If you're going to press anyone, stick to the person you started with, dammit! Why the hell are you shifting victims now?! Damn Ryuuzaki... probably planned this, the bastard.' _"Care to explain? It's not like you and Ryuuzaki to be this distant... I've been feeling a weird vibe with you two. Oh! You know, group is the best place to resolve things like this!" He says cheerfully, as if he's _actually helping_. ...Ugh.

'_How in the blue hell would _you_ know what "isn't like us"? You don't know us! And I'm surprised you pick up on _any _vibes with how dense you are! You _caused _this tension! We wouldn't have anything to _resolve _if not for you, and I'm pretty damn content to ignore the shit out of it, thanks.' _God damn, I hate Matsuda. I wonder if Ryuuzaki hates him as much as I do.

"Well, Matsuda-san, last session Ryuuzaki and I stated our views on forgiveness and faith," I start. "I had a bit of a... coming to terms, if you will. That is all."

"...But Light-kun," Ryuuzaki interjects, thumb to his lips, head tilted ever so slightly to the right. Obviously he's hell bent on getting something from me. "...If this is as Light-kun says why would he avoid me so fervently? Surely once he came to terms with his stance he would come to me? That is how things usually happen between others once an issue or dispute is resolved, is it not? Or is something holding Light-kun back?" Damn him! He's going to hint at my continued hallucinations now?! Doesn't he know they're the only ones keeping me sane?

"No, Ryuuzaki, nothing is holding me back," I bite out through gritted teeth. I make sure to direct my palpable hatred and warning towards him and him alone. Of course the bastard disregards them. Ever heard of those things called _fucking boundaries_?! 'Cause you seem to be crossing a lot of them, Ryuuzaki.

"...Is that so? I heard some rather... interesting things last night, Light-kun. As Light-kun was speaking I had to ask myself: was anyone else in the room with him? It was past curfew and against the rules. Or perhaps... Light-kun is still unwell and hearing voices?" That _bastard_! _'Why the hell is he doing this?! To get a rise out of me? What the hell does he gain by ruining my perfectly sculpted image?'_

"Shut the hell up, _Ryuuzaki_," I hiss. I'm so not in the mood for his bullshit today. I can see the damn amusement in his normally soulless eyes. I hate him _so much_!

"...But Light-kun is my very first friend. I like him. I was merely concerned for my _friend_," Ryuuzaki says innocently. _'Yeah, innocent, my ass… Wait, did he just say friend?! Like hell he's my friend! Bastard!' _I open my mouth to speak, but find my voice abandoned me, so instead I look like a goldfish. ...Great.

"Light-kun, is this true? If your hallucinations are still happening, I think we need to set up a private session with your psychiatrist and therapist," Matsuda says.

"Matsuda-san, I believe other people have things to say," I offer, desperate to get attention off me.

"Oh, yes. O-of course," Matsuda replies. "Takuma-kun, what about you? Any news of your sister lately? I heard she was put in the hospital and lately it's been rough on you…"

I am going to kill Ryuuzaki. He can chew on his damn thumb all he likes. That false contemplation, those soulless, penetrating eyes... The way he brings his damn thumb to his soft lips... That cute way he's pouting right now... It seems he was expecting something more... _'Wait, did I just think _anything _about Ryuuzaki was _cute_?! ...Damn, I really do need to see the therapist.'_

000

Ah, things are working out like I planned; Light-kun really is rather predictable, just like otouto. When his image is threatened, he will defend it, thereby returning him to his natural state; I will be able to collect reference once again and he will be too focused on acting to notice, not that he has thus far.

I'm not sure what prompted me to claim Light-kun as a friend; he is more of a toy than anything, but I suppose it is more than I can say for my past subjects… Not that many are alive to speak of. I am still unsure myself of whether or not I meant that statement. I must admit, that kind of reaction was not something even I would have predicted. There was a 92% chance that he would have denied my claim and insulted me. The other 8% was the chance of him playing along for the sake of his image. Light-kun always has a witty retort, so his speechlessness was not anticipated. Interesting... Light-kun never ceases to surprise me.

I really have to wonder what it is about Light-kun that makes me crave him so. I have never gotten this kind of high when focusing on or studying any subject; I merely attributed this to him being my most interesting and by far strongest subject, yet... I don't completely believe it to be so... I believe I will contact Near and ask him to look into it for me—he should be able to after his group today...

In the meantime, I think back to my reasoning, foundation and driving force. I can never allow myself to get off track, lest things revert to the way they were in the past…

…

"_Welcome to Whammy's, young masters," Quillish greets us kindly. "I trust that you are all settled in then?"_

"..._Yes," I reply. Near grabs onto my sleeve, trying to get away from the man. I am a bit surprised—this is probably the first I've seen him act close to his age._

"_Very well then, sirs, allow me to explain why you were sent here as opposed to a run-of-the-mill orphanage. You see, we take in heirs, such as yourselves, and raise them to be able to take over their parents' companies so that said company is not taken over by outsiders or corrupted, as many try to do. People try to take over or use the heirs as ransom or some other such thing. Other times, legal issues can come into play, but we deal with such things as well. Basically, an orphanage to the wealthy. Politically, situations such as what happened to your parents can get out of hand if not for us. The balance of power in the government could be disrupted with the power each family heir here holds. Though you need not worry; we will teach you to handle your future responsibilities. I was asked to do this as a personal favor to your parents, as they were close friends of mine," the man explains._

"..._Either way, why were we not sent with family? Our cousin Beyond Birthday is still alive, as are his parents," Near pointed out._

"_Yes, but your parents were concerned with your cousin's behavior, and felt that you would be safer and more secure here than with him," Mr. Whammy answers. _

"..._Otouto, I think it is best if we leave things be," I say. I feel Near's grip on my sleeve tighten as he turns to face me, tears threatening to pour down._

"_But, nii-san—" _

"..._Otouto," I cut him off. Never having been cut off before, Near falls silent. My voice sounds somber to my ears as I continue. "...It is the dying wish of our parents. ...Does Near wish to disobey their final request? Otou-sama and okaa-sama had our best interest at heart. I am sure they have a reason for keeping us from Beyond. Whammy-san, my otouto and I will be heading to our quarters now," I state. I make sure it is clear that it is not a request. I turn to leave without waiting for a reply, dragging Near by the arm to our room. I enter and close to the door behind us before facing him._

"..._Near, we will follow their instruction, for now," I begin. Near looks at me wide-eyed, a look so similar to my own that I have to turn away. My eyes become glassy with retained tears as I speak. "... I... do not like the way our parents... died for each other... I do not understand... and..."_

_I feel Near's hand on my shoulder; just because I was older did not mean I was not as distressed as any other thirteen year old would be at the loss of their parents—I was doing my best to be strong for Near. I would have to play the brother and the parent now. I had no time to grieve; Near would come first—no doubt he is grieving. "...I understand L-niisan. I do not understand their actions either..."_

"..._Perhaps... it was... sacrifice?" I ask, unsure myself. I loathe being unsure._

"..._Whatever it was, nii-san, feelings and emotions played a part. Their course of action wasn't logical... If they were only after father or mother... one of them could have survived..." Near says perceptively. His eyes look almost hollow and soulless as he says this. I wish I could take this all from otouto... we didn't deserve this. _

"..._This is true, Near," I respond. After some internal debate, I decide to voice my prior thoughts. Near and I only have each other now—no point in keeping secrets. "...Perhaps if we rid ourselves of such things, we can also rid ourselves of the pain?"_

"..._Yes, nii-san, but... I don't think anyone deserves this... pain... this suffering..." Near says solemnly._

"..._I agree, otouto...," I begin. I decide to voice an insight. "...However, this is a part of being human... How are we to rid ourselves of this, let alone the world?"_

_Near twirls a lock of his fluffy white hair in thought. "I am... unsure, nii-san. ...What do you propose...?" he asks, looking to me expectantly. _'I suppose I should get used to this look; he'll be looking to me for a lot of answers from here on…'

"..." _I am silent as I ponder over a solution. If emotions are a part of being human—and otouto and I obviously need time to figure out a way to change the nature of humanity itself—what would be the next best option? _'It would require otouto and I giving up morality, but...' _"...The next best option to ridding humanity of feeling would be to manipulate them," I explain. "...If we can use them to understand how they work, we can control them. If we can predict every possible outcome and know how to deal with every path in a chain reaction, we can prevent certain outcomes, such as our own. And if, by chance, an undesirable outcome were to surface then we could implement the solution with the highest chance of success. Then, we will never have to deal with another heedless sacrifice, otouto, nor will the rest of the world." _

"..._Those outcomes would be near infinite nii-san," Near says. "...It would takes years, not to mention predispositions, environments, and mental states. There are many things to take into account…Humans are extremely varied in that regard..."_

"..._Yes, and Near-kun will leave it to his aniki," I say endearingly. ...At least it is endearing by my standards. "...It will take years, and we will begin here. It is important for otouto and I not to develop feelings ourselves, or else everything will backfire. Otouto will focus on his studies so that we can operate efficiently, while I will study the psyche through experimentation. It is the only way to understand anything. Near must be remorseless—if we must hurt humanity to ultimately save it, then so be it. Otou-sama and okaa-sama helped the community often anyway. ...Would we not be doing it a service as well?" I ask rhetorically. I give otouto a meaningful look before continuing. "...It is merely the means to an end. Never forget this... _Near-kun_." _

_Near's eyes widen as he takes in my words. He nods in understanding. "Of course... _L-niisan_."_

_Near and I then left and spent the next five years Whammy's Orphanage. We avoided unnecessary friendships, only making bonds that benefited us. Several suicides happened, but of course none were linked to otouto and I. Once I reached eighteen years of age, I went back and told the company workers that Near would inherit it and run it as he saw fit—I had too many experiments to conduct and it could not be done behind a screen. Until Near reached eighteen, our advisors would run things as they had been. _

_Once I was of age, we left Whammy's Orphanage. I began to experiment in Tokyo, and Near attended high school. I have learned many things, and Near is continuing to learn._

_I finally understand the significance of the white, otouto. It is what we have lost, but others gain... are you okay with this...? It is far too late to back out now..._

…

I really should contact Near-kun soon... I'm beginning to worry that he'll get a scar from Mello's attacks.

000

I must admit, I am pleasantly surprised that Mello has not attacked me yet; the more pressing issue is what does it mean? I suppose I'll have to ponder that later, as I focus on the kiss.

Initially, I was terrified. Even I am intimidated by Mello to an extent, though for some strange reason, Mello is exhibiting behavior akin to that of a caged animal. I don't really understand why he would feel this way.

When I had turned to lock the door he looked at me with another of his strange faces.

"Hey, asshole, what the fuck did you bring me here fo—" he begins to speak, but before he can finish, I press my lips to his. I am still for a moment, before slowly moving my lips against his; his lips are so much softer than I would have imagined. I feel his body tense, but I persist—I've come too far to back out.

Recalling what I researched and letting some of my instincts take over, I slip my tongue forward, running it against his lower lip, giving the pretense of asking for entrance. After I while when he does not respond, I disregard his wishes and force my tongue through, tasting him—of course he tastes of Godiva… or maybe Ghirardelli—and try to encourage him into responding; just because I am forceful does not mean I wish it to be unpleasant. Moments later, his tongue is engaged in mine, trying to wrestle dominance from me. I have to wonder if he is doing so out of defiance.

"Mmm..." Mello concedes after a few minutes, and I run my fingers through his blonde tresses—soft, just as I imagined. Suddenly, I grab a fistful and pull hard, earning a pleased moan. I use the opportunity to tilt my head and deepen the kiss, furthering the contact. I never would have imagined Mello would like to be dominated, as he is often an aggressor.

Mello's hands try to reach for me, to run his gloved fingers through my white locks, but I refuse him, grabbing his wrists and slamming them against the tile. I ignore his groan of pain. I won't give him any power; if I do, he'll likely run too far with it. If I want to have Mello under surveillance, he needs to be compliant and know his place, right alongside his 'okaa-san'. Once Mello submits, his 'okaa-san' will follow suit.

"Nnnn..." Mello moans into me, and I can't help but love the sensations it sends through me. I never knew something could feel this good. "Mmm..."

I break away from Mello's lips to look at him. His eyes are half-lidded, full of unspoken and unacknowledged desire, his lips are pink and slightly swollen from the force of this kiss, and his cheeks are dusted with a light flush, increasing the feeling I can now familiarly label as lust building in my lower abdomen. It is as I take in the scene that I take in the tile behind him and remember my settings.

"...You are mine, Mello," I state with absolute authority, leaving no room for argument. Once I say this, I head out to get my own lunch, leaving a stunned Mello in my wake.

000

"..._You are mine, Mello."_ That's what the albino said to me. I can only watch, scared shitless and stunned into fucking silence as he leaves like he _didn't _just get through sucking face with his enemy, like he really _did _just have a _talk _with me. _Talk my ASS!_

"Okaa-san... what the fuck was that...?" I don't even register that I'm fucking talking out loud. Excuse me, but _you _didn't just get _mouth-raped _by your enemy who verbally labelled you as their _fucking property_! _So excuse my fucking slip-up_; I'm a little _traumatized _at the moment!

Okaa-san is silent—fucking fantastic. I don't even know what happened! My body reacted on its own, damn it! It betrayed me! I didn't _want _to kiss Near back! It's impossible! Besides, why the hell would he do this _now_?! This whole thing is off… What the _FUCK _is he _planning_?! I know that bastard's up to something, god damn it! That son of a bitch!

I can't _stand_ this shit! When he stuck his tongue in my mouth... my body... I hate these back-stabbing hormones, dammit! No matter what I did, I couldn't stop it... I'm so fucking confused... He can't possibly be serious... He cares too much about other peoples'_ fucking opinions_ to do this shit to me! What the_ fuck_ did I do to _deserve_ this shit, huh?! I can barely keep my_ fucking thoughts_ coherent...

Oh, fuck it. I'll do with this shit what I do to everything else I can't deal with; either beat the shit out of it, ignore the shit out of it, or drown it in chocolate. I think ignorance sounds nice. I don't bother walking back to lunch—totally lost my damn appetite.

000

I don't get Ryuuzaki at all. Why the hell did he claim to be my friend? I hate that son of a bitch! I have never—and I mean _never_—been stunned into silence before that moment. Never.

I try to think things through logically; what does he stand to gain from this? Not my trust—if anything it's more reason to suspect him and distance myself… Even though it is probably futile as I'll be forced to interact with him in group… The only thing that he got was a reaction… Is that what he's after? My responses?

I think it over; it is the only thing he's getting from any of our encounters, but I don't know why he would want such a thing outside of amusement. Thinking about him using me as a play thing really pisses me off! Geez, I'm not some toy! I'm on the same intellectual level as him, why would he look down on me, the bastard!

Wait... Maybe he interacts with me _because _we're equals...? It's the only way this makes sense. I know some people here do some sick things for entertainment, but perhaps Ryuuzaki is above the others? He is the only one I've ever taken as a serious threat... Perhaps if things were different, we may have been friends...

I head back to the recreation room and sit at a table close to the television to watch the afternoon news on the Kira case.

"_In regards to the Kira case, the Japanese government is taking supporting Kira into consideration as the crime rate has continued to steadily decrease around the world. The nations in Interpol still have not reached a decision in regards to whether or not to support Kira's ambitions. _

"_In other news, the notorious leader of the Black Dragon gang, Himomochi Zakurai was found dead in his home after suffering from a heart attack. Once again, the victim was healthy and this is believed to be the work of Kira as opposed to a natural death. His latest crime was a murder of a young girl and her family after one of its members supposedly tried to get out of the gang. He was—"_

"...Light-kun has been taking noticeable steps to avoid me whenever possible," Ryuuzaki rudely states. Can't he see I'm watching this? Rude, creepy, stalker-ish, socially retarded, sugar dependent, irritating son of a bitch.

"...I have, Ryuuzaki. Why you so blatantly disregard them and talk to me anyway is beyond me," I say tartly. I am so not in the mood.

"...Collecting notes on who to kill? Or is Light-kun just surveying his work to fuel his massive ego?" My eye twitches at this, but I won't humor him, not today. "...Why does Kira do it I wonder...? If his goals are not independent, it is a bit... disappointing. I hope Kira breaks away from his chains soon," Ryuuzaki says before shuffling off to his room. Frankly, I'm not sure what the hell is up with him lately.

A couple of nights ago, I had figured out that he knew something of my activities as Kira from his underhanded hints, but I can't kill him anyway, since I don't know his full name. I don't think he'll say anything as he hasn't done so already, and even if he did, I'm confident I could get out of it. I'm sure he has an ulterior motive for keeping this between us, though. He must have known for quite some time... I guess I've been getting too lax... Knowing his observational skills, he probably picked it up in subtle physical giveaways. But then, how did he hear me last night...? Was I really that loud?

"...Ryuuzaki," I begin, unsure of why I opened my mouth in the first place; I'm pretty damn sure I was ignoring him. He stops, but doesn't turn around. "...I don't know what you stand to gain from our encounters, but you seem hell bent on getting something. It's also obvious you know a lot more than you let on. I'm the only one on your level, so why won't you be forward with me?"

Ryuuzaki turns at this point, biting his thumb again, not bothering to disguise his amusement this time. A slight smirk plays across his lips before schooling into his usual impassive look, the one he knows irritates me. "...What would be the fun in that, Light-kun?" he asks. I can safely say I'm appalled. Am I really just a _game _to this guy?!

"...I'm just some plaything for you to play your twisted games with! I don't appreciate being condescended to, _Ryuuzaki_," I say, gritting my teeth.

"...Whoever said that, Light-kun?" he asks, obviously still messing around. I swear he was put on the planet for the sole purpose of annoying the hell out of me.

"You seem to make it your job to harass me, Ryuuzaki. I don't know how you benefit from this, but I won't tolerate it," I state, the challenge remaining undisguised.

"...No, Light-kun. It is merely a hobby," He replies. Seeing my obvious incredulity and confusion, he sighs before explaining. "...A job is something mandatory and generally unenjoyable, Light-kun. I enjoy my encounters with Light-kun. Also, I would hardly consider my actions towards him any form of 'harassment'." He then turns and shuffles back to his room.

"Tch, teme," I mumble, walking past the gossiping nurses and heading to my room. Closing the door behind me, I write down the names I collected in the Deathnote. I leave the apple on the bed side table for Ryuk before looking up at my white ceiling. Sayu soon shows up.

"Heeeeey, nii-san," she says. "Just making sure you've held up and ignored that Ryuuzaki-teme."

"Of course, Sayu-chan," I reply, quite happy that she seems like her old self, before she was saddled with the bitterness of her death. "I am waiting patiently for the moment he leaves so I can kill him for you."

"Yay! I'm sooo happy to hear that, Light! If you didn't tou-san and I would have left for good! You'd be all alone," She says, false pity in her voice. It would seem she still hurts, and really, how can I blame her?

I tell her of my accomplishments like I used to and she listens; this is one of the rare times she doesn't act with malice or hatred, not having one of her murderous mood swings. I miss the days like this. I drift off that night with relatively pleasant dreams. Little do I know of a raspy laugh, or Sayu's evilly glinting eyes.

000

Light-kun is really fascinating. He was quite blunt today, something I have not seen until now. I can feel Light-kun's psychological barriers slowly crumbling; it is almost time for me to implement a plan of my own. I wonder how Light-kun will react to such an advance. Will he push me away? Will he be stunned into silence? Or will the prolonged lack of physical contact cause him to give in immediately? No... That is not probable. His 'family' will most likely hold him back from that option, unless... I can trick him into believing he can use that as an advantage? An interesting test indeed...

Regardless, I find my thoughts drifting towards his most recent reaction. _'He didn't react to my reveal as I thought he would… Perhaps it is his mood? Or maybe he figured out I knew a while ago and decided I wasn't a threat? He seems secure in the knowledge I won't say anything since it won't benefit me—he would be correct in such an assumption.'_

I feel my thoughts slowing down and can recognize my lack of sleep catching up to me. I lay my head on my thin, crisp pillow and drift off... Though the dream I had was a first, shocking me into remembering the base needs of my humanity, something I thought I had long forgotten and repressed into nothingness.

**End Chapter Six**

You are all in for some L/Light action next chapter. Though it is a dream sequence, L remembers he is human! Yay me!

Whelp, here it is. It is just over 6700 words, because I have minor writer's block. I can't get into character as of late... But this chapter has been edited and is now acceptable to me. Sorry it took a while.

I did say hi to my cat for those of you wondering.

I titled the chapter "Ignoring the Shit out of Life" because it is not only something I like to do whenever possible, but the phrase was used often in this chapter and the characters seem hell bent on not talking to each other and solving their problems. (Except Near. Kudos on his initiative!) Silly, adorable Mello... he has the world's worst case of denial, but not for long~

There will be more forced interaction between L and Light in Matsuda's group next chapter because my muses seem hell bent on ignoring the shit out of each other (Mello too! Again, only Near seems to take the initiative…) but I am the God of this story and they will obey! (Lol, Light moment) It's what I love and hate about psych wards: I can force it in my story, but when you're there yourself you want to fake sickness (like I did) to ignore people. Sadly it only works for so long before they force you out regardless…

Well, enough rambling. I will try for more fluffiness later but now… no. Just… no. I can't. I also don't know how long writer's block will last, but please stick with me. I got my Ritalin re-prescribed, so a week or two, maybe?

Ja ne

Rainbow-chan :3


	7. When I Voice My Desires

Hey everybody-! Rainbow-chan is in a good mood this time around! I'm feeling much better, and writer's block didn't last as long as I thought it would! Some interesting things happen…:3 Yays!

WARNING: Some mildly graphic sexual thoughts/dreams on L and Mello's part. Then again… this story is rated M. It will be getting more intense in later chapters, though I will mention when citrus presents itself in a given chapter. Also, I like being _extremely_ graphic, yet tasteful—at least it is to me. Unless it's from Mello's POV (which I'm not sure I'll do unless someone _really _wants me to) I avoid profane terms and slang. I just don't like the way it sounds being read. You'll see what I mean in later chapters.

This is my first time writing and publishing anything like the following dream sequences. I read many M-rated, lemon-ridden stories, and I think it's good, but feedback is love.

Raising Hell – Chapter Seven

I feel my thoughts slowing down and can recognize my lack of sleep catching up to me. I lay my head on my thin, crisp pillow and drift off... Though the dream I had was a first, shocking me into remembering the base needs of my humanity, something I thought I had long forgotten and repressed into nothingness…

…

_I am in my room, and shoot up from my crisp white sheets. I'm not sure what happened, but I know my dream was unpleasant. I turn and sit upright, trying to calm my body. I don't remember screaming, but I must have made some noise to alert someone to my presence, as a nurse comes in, Light-kun close behind her._

"_Are you alright?" she asks, peering at me curiously through the darkness. I hesitate before I warily respond._

"…_Yes," I reply. The nurse turns to Light-kun, a look of relief on her face. _

"_Well then, that settles that," she says. "I think you should head back to your room, Yagami-san." Before she can leave, Light-kun places his hand on her shoulder, an obviously practiced look of pleading and faux concern on his face._

"…_Do you think… I could stay with him, nurse-san? …He's my friend ...and …I don't want him to have another nightmare," he explains. His pauses are well placed, giving a pretty convincing pretense of trepidation and desperation to help his 'friend.' I find myself beginning to loathe the word._

_A blush crosses the girl's cheeks before she nods, giving a noise of confirmation and understanding. Must all women get weak in the knees at a mere look from him? How pathetic._

_After thanking her, he closes the door, walking over to my bedside. His eyes are focused and his strides are full of purpose—I feel my body's desire to fidget with anxiety, but I resist, instead schooling my face into my practiced impassive look; I don't want to reveal anything he could use to his advantage. _

"…_What is Light-kun really doing here?" I question, looking at him with open suspicion. He merely smirks before sitting down, leaning in close, our faces now inches apart. I barely repress a shiver at his breath across my lips._

"…_You are always mentioning me being Kira, and I have to wonder…," he begins, looking at me with eyes full of an emotion I can't quite identify. "…is this a fantasy of yours? Why else would you keep your knowledge of me to yourself?"_

"…_Wha—?" Before I can ask what he means, his lips are hungrily pressed to mine. I am momentarily shocked and my body stiffens, though when I feel his wet, silky tongue run the length of my lower lip, I grasp his shoulders tightly, digging my nails harshly into his skin and causing him to gasp—I use this moment to seize control from him; I may have been caught off guard, but I will never submit to him. My tongue tastes him, dancing and wrestling with him. After a few moments he gives in and he moans into me before he breaks the contact, gasping for air. He smirks lightly, his face lightly flushed a soft pink, the same color as his now slightly swollen lips._

"_A-as I thought," he says breathlessly. "You want to dominate Kira, don't you? You're more possessive and aggressive than you let on, Ryuuzaki."_

"…_Shut up," I order. "…Light-kun talks too much." I hastily move to forcefully capture his lips once again. I force my tongue pasts his lips, taking in all I can before the need for oxygen overcomes my body once more. Parting from him, I move to his neck and once I find his pulse begin to lightly suck on the sensitive skin. I grab a fistful of his soft auburn hair and tilt his head back to give me better access. _

_"Haah!" Light-kun gasps. I'll have to keep in mind that this area is sensitive. …I'll come back to it later._

_"…Light-kun's pulse is sensitive it seems." He struggles to answer me._

_"Y-yes… R-Ryuuzaki…" Light-kun seems to stop resisting me at this point, willingly baring himself to me, and I continue to nip and suck at his neck, moving to his collarbone. _

"_Mmm… Haaa… Ughn…" Light-kun reaches his hands towards my black hair, clearly wishing for more contact. I deny him, trapping his wrists under my hand and pinning him to the bed. As I part his legs with my knee and move to settle myself between them, he speaks. "…You r-really won't… give me any power, R-Ryuu… za… ki?" he asks between pants and gasps._

"…_No, now shut up," I repeat, getting annoyed with his interruptions. I can't give him any power lest that massive ego of his overinflate further. I am rather childish and somewhat immature; I won't let him win. Besides, I can't help wanting to be selfish with him. I unbutton his shirt and kiss down his chest, taking in his perfectly sculpted form and deliciously creamy skin, which is lightly tanned. Travelling downward, I close my lips around his right nipple, earning a moan from him, and begin to suck gently, gradually becoming more forceful, teeth occasionally grazing the sensitive skin._

"_Nngh… Ryuuzaki," he moans, writhing beneath me arching into my touch and seeking more of me. I can feel a heat slowly building in my lower abdomen at the wanton sounds he makes, the way he says my name, almost pleading. I wonder what his begging sounds like…_

_I begin to tease his left nipple with my thumb and index finger as I continue to use my tongue to play with his right. Once satisfied, I move back to his neck and bite down hard, drawing blood, tasting the coppery flavor as it washes over my taste buds. Perhaps it is only because this is a dream, but he tastes so... sweet. I hear him hiss in pain before a shaky breath of pleasure comes forth, and I use my tongue to soothe the area, leaving my mark. I realize with some bitterness that he was right—I want to own him, to own Kira, to be able to mark and possess him as mine._

"_Ryuuzaki…," he whines as I slowly move my fingers across his torso, occasionally rubbing his sides. "S-stop teasing… Ngh… D-don't make me… w-wait any m-more… A-aah!"_

"…_No," I say, my own breath becoming labored, though I retain my authority. "…Light-kun will wait. I do not take orders from him." He may be the mysterious and powerful Kira, but I love showing him that he holds no power or influence over me; I am not someone he can manipulate or intimidate into submission, and I won't allow him to think otherwise. I continue to torture him with gentle touches, memorizing every curve and dip of his lithe body; I can tell he wants more contact and his skin must be extremely sensitive by now, but I want to see him become a withering puddle of desire and neediness before I relieve him._

"…_Light-kun," I say. He looks up at me with half-lidded amber eyes. _

"_Y-yes…? Ahh… Nnngh…" he asks, clearly impatient and at his limit with my slow pace. I slowly drag my fingers down his stomach towards his waistline._

"…_Light-kun wants me to go further, doesn't he?" I inquire. He nods quickly. I lean in close before whispering my next words into his ear huskily. "…If Light-kun wishes for more… then he needs to beg me. …I might consider if he were to ask nicely." I must admit this sadistic and power-hungry side of me is not something I would have thought myself prone to. It is a little surprising._

_I feel him shudder beneath me at the feel of my breath on the sensitive skin of his ear, but as he registers my demand he looks at me defiantly. Once I start to lazily move my finger in a circular teasing motion against his inner thigh, his eyes seem to swallow his pride and concede defeat. "… Haah… R-Ryuu… z-zaki… Oh, god… Ple—"_

…

I sit upright, suddenly feeling light-headed from moving too quickly. I look to the wall clock, realizing that only a few hours have passed. I sigh in exasperation; it felt like so much longer, and I almost wish it was so—the silence leaves me alone here with my thoughts, something I normally wouldn't have a problem with, but given the dream…

Honestly, I am a little afraid to think back on the dream I just had and my reaction to it—I almost wish I had heard Light-kun's plea. I have never had a dream like that before now. This is the same type of dream that Near had been having with Mello… _'If those dreams were a result of Near feeling lust towards Mello, it stands to reason that I have lustful feelings towards Light-kun. Is that why the feeling around him is different than with past subjects? Will it leave once I sate it?' _As I ponder over these thoughts, I come across what Near had said to me in a previous conversation:

"_I… fear I may be homosexual, nii-san."_

Does this also make me homosexual? Like Near, I had never given much thought to my sexual orientation as it was never necessary, nor was I ever attracted to anyone aside from an experimental interest. I am unsure of what this means; if I am not and this is a one-time attraction, does it make me bisexual? No, as I have never been attracted to a female… Though, I don't find myself completely disgusted with women… Would I be asexual? I would not know how to classify this, as the only one I have ever felt this for is Light-kun, and there is no term for a sexuality towards a single person…

I try to think of why I am… _attracted _to Light-kun, as I am not one to deny something when the evidence is presented so clearly—my subconscious would not have shown me such a thing otherwise. At first, it was the same pull I felt towards any subject—I had an interest in his reactions. After a while, I began to see the intelligence behind his eyes, and grew to be obsessed with his mind… Is that where this stems from? I suppose Light-kun is physically attractive, though I never noticed until tonight… and he is the only one on my intellectual level. I suppose I want his mind.

I figure that I can accomplish two things with a single action; if I can advance with Light-kun I can not only sate this… _lust_, but I can convince him that he can use such a method to his advantage, making him less adverse to me, perhaps even letting down his guard. Seeing how he would react and use these circumstances will provide me with interesting reference as well. I do not expect him to be easily swayed, like otouto's subject—there is only a 29% chance of it, actually and is significantly lower than the 63.5% chance I predicted with Mello—but on the off chance that he is, I can use him to further my vision. He and Mello will make very useful assets. I decide to be forward with him; knowing what I do already, he will attempt to withhold information as he is not used to my being straight forward with him. It will be interesting, that much is certain… I wonder… how shocked will he be?

Deciding that I have mulled over the topic long enough, I lay on my side once more, no longer expecting sleep, but rather staring at the pure white of the walls, awaiting the morning. It is then that I will call otouto and ask about his results. In the meantime, what to do about my problem… Thankfully I am not as ignorant as otouto was.

000

All in all, things with Mello went better than I could have anticipated. I left the bathroom unscathed, and Mello has yet to approach me on the matter, not that I am unprepared. I believe he will either ignore the situation in the hopes of it simply evaporating—which won't happen and is rather naïve of him—or he will confront me, most likely with violence. I hope he chooses the former; he'll be easier to control and deal with that way.

I find myself recalling the sensations I felt as Mello moved and struggled beneath me, trapped against the tile by my body. I realize I love having power over someone like Mello, someone normally so defiant, so resistant to commands. _'Is this really all about his okaa-san anymore? I will still get his ability under my control, so I can get enjoyment out of this while also achieving my goals, can't I?' _I find that I'm worried about these new feelings, but not necessarily insecure. I know that I like it.

I decide that the pleasure I feel will not hinder my focus and go to shower. I gather my towel and products, lathering up my hair. I focus on the soothing feeling, and I can't help wondering what Mello's hands would have felt like running through the locks, if I hadn't held him back… I shake my head; I can't allow myself these thoughts—the temptation is too great, especially as I am now. I quickly finish bathing, and towel off, pulling on my white flannel pajamas and leave to my bedroom. Looking around, I taking in my bed, my vanity dresser and my toys. Walking to the pile, I take out my box of dice and a bin full of Legos (all of them white, as I custom ordered them), carefully building some random imaginary structure subconsciously, stacking my dice around the city in the hopes of distracting myself from Mello long enough to fall asleep.

After a few hours, I find that my usual methods aren't working, and instead my thoughts travel back to past times spent with the blonde terror…

…

"_Hey, freak! Ya home?! I challenge you! This time I'll definitely win, you bastard!" An eight and a half year old Mello calls up to my room from below the window, in the rose garden. I sigh in exasperation as I slowly lift myself from my bed. Just as I am getting dressed, my aniki walks in, apparently fed up with the noise, though his impassive face reveals nothing. _

"…_Otouto's rival is making quite a bit of noise," he states monotonously and without inflection. "…It is rather disruptive. …I suggest otouto quickens the pace of his morning routine. Is there any way to calm or quiet otouto's guest…? He has interrupted a rare moment of sleep," he explains tiredly. I know aniki has severe insomnia, so I tell him I have things under control._

"…_I have informed the maids of Mello's presence," I begin. He rolls his eyes, and I agree with his thoughts; everyone should be aware of his presence by now with how loud he's been. "...The quickest way to quiet him is to serve him with chocolate, preferably Godiva or Ghirardelli. During the time he is quiet, I can only hasten to get ready. I am sorry he awoke you, L-niisan. I will reprimand and punish the maids harshly, and see to it that they do not falter again." _

_Nii-san nods before leaving and heading back to his quarters. I sigh and finish dressing. After closing my door and walking downstairs, I am greeted with the sight of a rather livid Mello. _

"_Hey, teme! Where's L? I got something to tell him," Mello says. I look down at him with silent irritation; I was under the impression he came to challenge me. Perhaps his affections and true motives lie with nii-san? For some reason this possibility annoys me._

"…_Anything you have to say to aniki can be relayed through me," I state coolly. "…Besides, I was under the impression you had another challenge to burden me with?" I inquire, knowing that being thought of as inferior or burdensome gets under his skin; I can't help but find some pleasure in the fact that _I _illicit these reactions, _not_ nii-san. I wonder… why do I crave his attention so?_

"_Tch," He turns and glares at the maid holding the silver platter of gourmet chocolates, causing her to flinch—I will have to correct this imperfection later as such flaws are not acceptable—before grabbing another and chewing it angrily. "Never mind, fluff ball. I'll kick your ass! You won't win today! Then you won't be able to be so damn condescending, ya fuckin' albino freak!"_

"…_Very well, Mello," I say. I look at him with blatant lethargy and in a bored tone address him again. "…Although, you may want to invest time in devising more creative insults. Regardless, what is today's challenge?"_

"_Asshole! You _are_ an albino freak! Whatever… Today's a swimming contest! I _will_ fucking win this time, jackass!"_

"…_Of course you would pick something physical as your intellect pales in comparison to my own. Nonetheless, you hold no advantage, and I will emerge victorious. Also, your language is so uncouth. Please act more civilized and try not to yell. Perhaps cutting your hair would also stop others from mistaking you for a female."_

"_W-why you… You bastard! I'm not girly, damn it! At least I'm not a fluffy cotton ball!"_

…

…Of course I beat him once again. I then find my thoughts travelling to the day he moved away…

…

"_Hey, freak!" I turn to see none other than nine year old Mello running towards me waving his arms frantically in a rather excited fashion. I am used to his rather obnoxious and extremely uncivilized behavior by this point, but the next thing he says catches me off guard. "I'm moving!"_

"…_Excuse me?" I ask, rather dumbfounded. I was expecting another fruitless battle with him, not him leaving… _

"_Yeah, I'm going to live and travel with my cousin Misa. It's because of family circumstances, okay?! …I just …didn't want you to think you won yet, you bastard! …So …I'll be back in a few years, and when I come back, I'll fucking beat you, ya got it?! …Fuckin' albino freak," he grumbles. He pauses before suddenly looking up at me determinedly and speaking again. "…So …today will be our last challenge for a while. And… I don't want you to go easy on me or pity me, got it, teme?!" I'm not sure why, but I find myself feeling rather empty. I nod and leave the property with him after leaving a note and sweets with nii-san. Later that same night, our parents were assassinated and we were shipped off to Whammy's Orphanage…_

…

I suppose that these… _urges_ have been building and developing for a long time now; I can see traces of them when I think back on my time with Mello with my recent insights. I decide to lay the thoughts to rest, reveling in my small victory.

000

As I lay in my bed, I'm full of self-loathing at my fuckin' defeat at the hands of _Near _of all fucking people! I know I've lost to him before, but this kind of defeat is too fucking much! I toss and turn, occasionally biting audibly into my bar of Godiva milk chocolate and chewing angrily. How dare he be so presumptuous! That fucking bastard!

"Okaa-san, what the fuck went wrong today?!" I shout in frustration, taking out my rage on an innocent wall, cracking the surface. I really don't know what the fuck is _wrong _with me! I'm not _supposed _to like it, but I _kissed back _like it was the most _fucking natural _thing in the world!

"…_I am unsure, Mello dear," _okaa-san answers slowly. _"…I do not believe you would have acted this way if you did not have some feelings or experience some pleasure… Do not misunderstand, Mello dear, I support you and only you—I am on your side—but I think you should look at your heart deeply and honestly," _she replies, choosing her words carefully.

"…Okaa-san," I begin, my voice deadly serious. "…I think you've fucking lost it." And with that final statement, I allow sleep to overtake me. I should probably stop fucking sleeping (along with punching the fucking wall; my landlord will kill me)—my subconscious seems to have a fucking sadistic streak and takes immense pleasure in fucking around with me lately…

…

_I am walking to my homeroom class; already a pretty fucking obvious hint that this is a dream—I never go to homeroom. Turning the corner, I suddenly feel a sharp pain shoot up my arm to my shoulder as I'm pulled back and forced up against the lockers. Wincing at the sudden jolt of pain, I force open my eyes and see none other than _mother fucking Near. _Haven't I had to deal with enough of this asshole in school today?!_

"_Tch," I look away, deciding to try and talk my way out of this. "What do you want _now_, asshole?! Can't you see I'm _sick _of you and your shit?!" At this point I decide to give him my best death glare, fiercely looking into those hollow black eyes. I fucking hate those emotionless eyes of his; is the bastard even human?!_

"…_You are mine, Mello," he states monotonously, authoritatively and without inflection. I hate those fucking words! I hate everything about this asshole! I want to slap that confidence right out of his fucking mouth! He can't _own_ me! You don't fucking _own_ people! He tightens his grip on my shoulders and I know what's coming; I gasp at the pain and of course his fucking tongue enters me. I twist and slide my own tongue against his, doing anything I can to gain the upper hand. After nothing works, I decide to suck on his tongue, and I finally get somewhere._

"_Mmm…" Near moans softly into me. _'Yes! I'm finally fucking getting somewhere! I won't let you get the better of me again, you fucking albino!' _I think as I try to fight back. Figures my little win would be short lived._

_Near decides to use my own fucking strategy against me, sucking my tongue and tilting my head back, deepening the kiss. _'Wait a fucking minute—this isn't a kiss; it's fucking oral assault!' _Despite my thoughts and resistance, he doesn't stop. Figures even my fucking _dream body _would fucking work against me. I can feel my body weakening and giving into his ministrations, the back-stabbing, horny little—_

"_Nnn…" I can't hold back as I moan into him. He slowly releases my lips, trailing wet, warm kisses down my neck and sucking on a particularly sensitive area beneath my ear. "Nngh… Ughn… N-Near…"_

_My eyes snap open as I feel him run his fingers along my inner thigh. I whimper pathetically and shiver involuntarily as he whispers his next words. "…You are mine, Mello." He bites my ear lobe until it bleeds before moving back down to the base of my neck. I hiss in wonderful agony as his lips move against my skin, and I feel the warm crimson trickle down my neck. "…You will know your place." He bites down violently on my collar bone, drawing more blood before slowly licking it up, running his tongue over the hickey to soothe the stinging pain. "…You cannot escape me. Don't ever forget that." _

_He pulls my hair sharply, and I cry out, pleasure fusing with and becoming indistinguishable from the pain; he swiftly covers my mouth with his own one last time, swallowing my voice, before he turns to leave. I fall to my knees on the cold linoleum floor and everything fades to white, mocking me, just like his fucking albino face._

…

I jolt awake, but somehow… I'm not all that fucking surprised at the dream. I'm just so fucking tired… Physically from looking over my damn shoulder all day and mentally from trying to figure this shit out. I decide to ask a question that I obviously have the fucking answer to, but I can't help holding out hope for a different answer.

"Okaa-san, is this another fucking premonition?" I ask in a tired and bored yet frustrated tone.

"…_I think you already know the answer to that, Mello dear, but yes, it is. The majority of your dreams will be from now on," _okaa-san replies. I hear something in her voice though that I can't quite place… Regret? Fatigue? Concern? …Wait, can a fucking voice even _get _fatigued? ...I guess it could get mentally exhausted. …Oh, fuck it. I need to figure this dream out. I try to take okaa-san's earlier advice into account; she hasn't been wrong yet, and I'm confident she's on my side—she wouldn't fucking betray me.

As much as I fucking _hate _to admit it… I liked Near kissing me… I don't fucking know _why _but I do—I can accept that as a _fact _and _just _a fact. I mean, why _wouldn't _I like a guy kissing me? I'm fucking _gay _after all. …That doesn't mean that I like _him_, though! _'I don't know what to fucking do… I need an outside opinion… Wait a damn second! Why didn't I think of this sooner?' _I jump out of bed and grab my cell phone quickly dialing the number of only person I can trust aside from okaa-san—Matt!

"…_Moshi moshi…?" _After some groaning and shuffling, I hear Matt's tired voice answer me, and I _almost _sigh in relief. _Almost_, damn it.

"Matt, I know it's, like, fucking one in the morning, but I have a fucking emergency! Stop being a lazy ass hikikomori for ten minutes and fucking help me! And put down the goddamn game console or controller or whatever it is I _know _you're playing with; this is some serious shit!"

After some more shuffling and routine complaints, he gets back on the phone. About fucking time! ...I mean, I know that he's a lazy ass hikikomori and all, but damn... Just because it's early doesn't mean he needs to be such a bitch about it. Is he PMSing or something? (A/N: Like Mello's one to talk.) _"…Okay, Mello, this had better be important. I'm on the final boss and this moment was critical. If you interrupted me for some stupid shit I'm gonna be pissed," _he says lazily. Of course it's about a fucking game.

"It is important, you asshole! Near _fucking kissed_ me! He fucking cornered me in the bathroom at lunch and _mouth-raped _me! Fucking full-blown _oral assault_! What the fuck do I—?"

"…_Wait a second," _Matt says, cutting me off. I almost snap the damn phone in half. What the hell?! He knows how much I hate being ignored and interrupted! _"…Let me clarify something. I just need to make sure I heard you right. …You called me at 1:03 in the morning—an unholy hour of the night, when I was gaming—_and_ made me _put down _my console to tell me that _Near_, the guy from group you're always ranting about hating you… _kissed _you…? …Dude, don't lie to me, man. This is way too far for a fucking joke and I'm so not in the mood."_

By this point, I'm shaking with rage and my phone case is cracking; that's the fourth one I've broken this week. If I didn't need his damn help so much I would go over there and cave his fucking face in! I don't care what fucking time it is! How _dare _he accuse me of _fucking lying_! When the hell do I ever lie to him?! (A/N: I refer you to chapter two.) I _know _not to do this kind of shit unless it's a _fucking emergency_!

"Matt, I might not know much about friendships or have ever had many friends, but I'm not fucking retarded! I wouldn't go that far just to play a fucking prank on you! Now tell me what the fuck I should do!"

"…_Well, just go with it man. He might not be all that bad. …Maybe he actually does like you and your incessant hatred of him has held him back," _Matt answers. By this point the world may as well fucking implode on itself. Matt is on his side, too?! What the flying fuck is this bullshit?! He's probably answering like that because he's too fucking lazy to give me his real answer! That had better be it, or I'm going to fucking cut him!

"Dude, what the fuck are you impl—?"

"…_Ten minutes is up; I'll finish this talk with you in group tomorrow. -click-" _Dial tone. …Really, Matt? …That fucking game takes precedence over shit like this? Well, I have six fucking words for you, Matt: I. Fucking. Hate. You. Jeevas. Mail. I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU FOR THIS SHIT! I punch the wall once more, cracking the surface further and staining it with blood; for some reason innocent walls make great recipients for my wrath.

000

Group today was beyond anything else I've dealt with this past week, and I've dealt with a lot—mainly Ryuuzaki's constant harassment and underhanded attacks. He really needs to find someone else to mess with… But, whenever I think of that, I can't help feeling a pang of jealousy; no one else here is worth his interest… How contradictory of me…

I lay awake—I haven't been able to sleep tonight. I've been spending my time thinking over everything that has happened with Ryuuzaki, asking myself what he's after… _'If it is my reactions, is it just for entertainment? And if he knows I'm Kira… could it be a form of blackmail? But what would he do with that…? He knows I could easily fool the authorities if necessary. …Does he want to use me for something? If so, why hasn't he made his demands by now…? Damn it, he's so confusing!' _

I have never dealt with someone I couldn't figure out before now, and I must admit that as much as I enjoy the challenge, this is becoming a nuisance. The sooner I know how to deal with him, the sooner things will regain a sense of normalcy. I drift off and decide to deal with the issues as the come.

…

"Good morning, Yagami-kun," Yuki says in her usual cheery greeting. "You look much better today! This morning we have French toast sticks and scrambled eggs." She hands me my tray and places two shiny red apples on my tray. I look at her 'gratefully'. "An apple a day, Yagami-kun," she explains. "I figure an extra might help you recover even faster." If only she knew I never actually deigned to eat the disgusting things.

"Of course, Yuki-san. I appreciate it," I say, looking at her with my practiced 'sincerity' before moving to sit at my usual table, keeping distance between Ryuuzaki and I. Of course Ryuuzaki comes up and sits in my immediate vicinity anyway.

"…Light-kun is rather predictable," he states. Fucking great way to start off my morning. Thanks a lot, Ryuuzaki-teme. "…When I threatened Light-kun's image I did not expect such a rapid cover up. Light-kun could, as the saying goes… 'color me impressed'. Light-kun never ceases to surprise me. Although… perhaps it is the pre-established affections the staff hold for Light-kun; it must make it easier for him to get back into their good graces."

"Rather talkative this morning, aren't we, Ryuuzaki? And what was up with the saying?" I ask, my voice tinged with annoyance. I watch as he drowns his food in syrup; I briefly note that breakfast is the only meal of his that isn't specially made—he usually has cakes for lunch and dinner. He's either going to die or become comatose from all the damn sugar he eats, I'm sure of it.

"…Perhaps," he answers slowly, as if he hadn't noticed it himself. He seems to mull over something for a while, absently pouring syrup, before actually offers me an explanation. "…The sayings were recommended to me by Kyoko-san. She claims that using such things will help me to relate to others as I am 'emotionally deficient' and 'socially dysfunctional'. It is a form of treatment and I am merely following through to appease her and not listen to her ramblings and complaints. …I am comfortable with myself and I feel nothing is wrong with me. I am different. …Would Light-kun come with me a moment? I have something I wish to discuss with him."

'…_Where in the hell did Ryuuzaki learn his transitioning skills? …Whatever. Either way,_ that _is seriously suspicious. What in the hell does he want?! Should I even risk going? Group isn't for a few hours, and neither of us have appointments with our treatment teams… Maybe I can use this to figure out his real motives… It might be the only chance I get…'_

"…Very well, Ryuuzaki," I answer, letting just enough warning and suspiciousness into my voice. I know he picks up on it, though he shows no outward signs. "I assume you want to talk privately?"

He rolls his eyes—the first time I've seen him making such a… _human_ gesture. "…Of course, Light-kun. I believe it goes without saying. If he will accompany me to my room, I will inform Light-kun of my… _intentions_. I believe I have avoided this long enough." For some reason I can't quite place, my face heats up slightly, though I'm sure it's not from what he said. I nod and stand, following Ryuuzaki down the hall and around the corner to his room—room 104—entering after Ryuuzaki and closing the door behind us; neither of us benefit from the staff knowing of our… circumstances.

As I turn to face him, I come to a sudden realization; since I never saw him actually leave or enter his room, I never knew which was his, but his room is right next door to mine. On the surface, it doesn't seem significant, but the walls are somewhat thin and that could explain how he heard me talking to my hallucinations two nights ago when I had my break-down... How else could he have known to bring it up in group? And if he heard that, he could have heard me plotting to kill him or talking with Ryuk when he first arrived here... I could have said so many incriminating things then... Damn it! I knew I wasn't that loud. Just how much did this bastard hear?!

"…Okay, Ryuuzaki, we're alone. Now what the hell is up with you?" I ask outright. There's no need to keep up appearances here, and he knows it. I have nothing keeping me back from being forward with him. He smirks lightly.

"…Patience, Light-kun," he says chidingly. "Let's get the ground work laid out in the open first. Light-kun may start with his conclusions about me, and I will state mine about him when he is finished. We have quite a bit of time. …Of course, Light-kun is already aware of this, yes?"

'_God damn, he's infuriating! I'm not a small child! He's only a year older than me anyway! Where in the hell does he get off condescending to me?!'_

"…Very well, Ryuuzaki. You clearly know something about my activities as Kira. I figured out as much a couple days ago—you weren't exactly subtle with your underhanded hints. I'm going to guess you overheard me through the walls. You wouldn't have known to bring up two nights ago in group if that wasn't the case. Honestly, I can't believe I didn't figure it out sooner.

"I assume you don't know how I kill, nor will you ever. I don't know what you stand to gain in keeping this information to yourself, but it's obvious you get something; if you haven't said anything yet, it is unlikely you'll do so any time soon. Obviously blackmail wouldn't work as you know I could easily manipulate my way around the authorities if need be. I believe you have something with which you need my help, and I'll tell you now, I won't do it. The only reason I _haven't _killed you is because it would bring attention to _me_," I finish, satisfied with my explanation.

"…Now, Light-kun knows that isn't true," Ryuuzaki states. "As Light-kun said, he could manipulate his way around the authorities, so why would suspicions matter to him? He is a talented actor and he knows it. I can only conclude that Light-kun _can't _kill me," he explains smugly.

"…" I neither confirm nor deny his suspicions. I'm not entirely sure why I didn't deny it; maybe because he would have seen through it anyway?

"…Judging by Light-kun's silence, I can assume I am correct. Light-kun is correct in his assumptions as well—I do not know how Light-kun kills, but I do know that Light-kun seems to need a name and face, based on those who have been broadcast thus far. I have kept my first name from him for this very purpose, even though I initially did so on a whim; not even the staff have it. I do not intend to blackmail Light-kun, nor do I wish to turn him in; I actually support his work and have a similar goal. For now, I am merely interested in what makes Light-kun tick. I wish to understand Light-kun, to know him… to own him," he finishes, the last words barely audible. Before I can ask what the hell he means by 'own' and tell him that I'm no one's god damn property, his lips are on mine for a brief moment; it's so short and chaste that I'm pretty damn sure I imagined it, but his light smirk clearly says otherwise. For the second time in my eighteen years of life, I am stunned into silence.

"…I find great pleasure and amusement in Light-kun's reactions. Another hint to the inner workings of his mind… What other things will I learn, I wonder?" he muses. He moves his thumb to his lips—which I have now confirmed _are _in fact soft—and looks off into space, lost in thought. As for my own thoughts… my... my brain short-circuited. I don't even notice he skirted around my confrontation on his eavesdropping. I mechanically turn to leave, going next door to my own room to wallow in self-pity, fear and confusion until my senses return and I can process this turn of events.

000

I can't help the thrill and exhilaration that rushes over me as I process the recent turn of events. I never thought I would be able to implement a plan this quickly—it took slightly less than two weeks. I had initially planned to observe for much longer—at least a month—but of course, Light-kun is the exception to most of my rules.

I will see otouto after his group to see how he is progressing—I cannot call him as he is in school at the moment. I suppose I should inform him of my own progress as well. No doubt he will worry and not be too happy with my actions, particularly my most recent reveal. Regardless, it is far too late for otouto to interfere, and once I explain, he will surely see things my way. Of course, I'll wait until I have Light-kun fully supporting us.

**End Chapter Seven**

6800 words.

Well, did you all like it?! By far my favorite chapter, but I had to be _extra _careful with it! Things will be getting hotter and funnier, also introducing more angst, a bit of Matt's life (his role gets bigger) and… Misa. Again. She has a role as a necessary evil and will be bashed—if you hate character-bashing leave now.

A focus group with Near, Mello and Matt next chapter. I will try to evenly balance them with L and Light, but if I can't then chapters eight and nine will either have individual couple focus or be much longer than normal.

I'm in a good mood lately. Hope you enjoyed. I was thinking of my one friend in HS while writing Mello. Seriously, my one friend punched way too many innocent walls in high school. She broke her knuckles three times freshman year. What did the wall ever do aside from hold up the roof that provides you shelter? Poor wall…

This chapter is dedicated to Sae-senpai (because she's awesome and encouraging and deserves any and all praise), JayLawliet818 and Seishirou Hitsugaya _especially_ (I know you've been waiting for this and thanks for pointing out the inconsistency here; it is now fixed) for reviewing and sticking with me. Thanks to my real life friend Eulas too, who has been reviewing and proof-reading for me, even though he is not a fan of the citrus like am. I also thank my followers. I have six now~ I even have one person who favorited!

Ja ne,

Rainbow-chan :3


	8. No Matter Where You Hide I Will Find You

Hey, so I was fooling around and dabbling in humor, but writing Uchiha humor is really hard, so I'm back! My muse hath returned! It has not forsaken me! I have nothing to say about rainbows this time, except that they are _awesome_, and we should bow down to their colorful glory! Except pink. ...Never pink.

This time, we are witnessing much of Near, Mello and Matt's group counseling. L and Light have roughly half of this chapter. I think I balanced them nicely, but there may be slight confusion. There was _much _to cover here. If someone got lost, I will try to fix it. People make their stances and courses of action known here. Light-chan is so confused, poor baby.

Well, onward! Matt's POV is present simply because it needs to be. He's the only normal one here and I find I like him a lot. I think I will write him again in the future. Also, there is much of Mello's bitching to witness! …I love writing a bitchy Mello. :3

Raising Hell – Chapter Eight

I'm not sure what I was expecting when Mello came in to group today after last night's phone call, but it sure as hell wasn't this. This is… this is just frightening. What the hell happened?

Near came in as he always did; calm and quiet, dressed completely in flawless white, fluffy hair falling around and framing his pale face and highlighting his dark eyes, silently moving to his preferred corner of the room, gazing out the window and twisting his hair around his index finger in that way he does, seemingly ignoring Mello into a blind rage. The only problem with this picture was Mello's lack of the aforementioned rage. Or at least the open expression of said rage. It would seem all the animosity that is normally aimed towards Near is being directed solely towards me today, and it is the masterfully calm type—not like Mello at all. Is this what Near puts up with _all the time_? …How unfortunate.

I decide to be daring and glance away from my Kingdom Hearts game to take in Mello's specific expression (as always he looks androgynously gorgeous)—it'll help me get a better grasp of what kind of anger I'm dealing with today. It's not good. …I mean worse than usual. Much, _much _worse. We are talking the 'I am trying to cause spontaneous combustion with my eyes even though I damn well know it's impossible but I'm going to prove science wrong' type hatred. Like 'I am going to kick you so hard in the balls I will make a vagina' bad. The kind of un-adultered loathing that makes anything possible. And I mean _anything_. He's so damn calm about it, I'm not sure how to go about defending myself or stating my case, either. …Damn it, I'm so screwed.

I see that I'm going to have to do some serious skirting around things here if I don't want to be shanked. …I remember last time; I am not too keen on a repeat. I still have a pretty nasty scar and it itches when I remember how I got it... Anyway, we still have time before Tokomo-san comes in. I turn off my DSi and put it in my backpack—I need to be alert in order to hold off any possible attacks and I can't afford distractions. I choose to chance a question; it's pretty clear he's gonna keep glaring and trying to prove that looks really _can _kill a person—knowing him, he's probably succeeded at least once. …Maybe the victim died of fear or an anxiety-induced heart attack, who knows?

"…So," I begin, making sure I miss no changes in his expression—it could mean life or death. "…I—"

"…I am waiting for your real answer Mail," he says. Oh, shit, he never calls me Mail. I am so fucked. …But, what does he mean, 'real answer'? "The only reason you still have your dick intact and I haven't already ripped out your spine, snapped it in half and shoved it up your ass is because I have chalked up your bullshit last night to you being a lazy ass hikikomori, being distracted, a lack of sleep, a _severe_ lack of common sense, and not wanting to give me your true answer. …I am waiting, Mail. Think_ really_ carefully before you speak," he finishes. He doesn't even look at me while he says those words. He didn't say the word 'fuck' once. Damn, this is so baaad…

Regardless, based on that, he must mean last night's phone call. I should have never agreed to talk to him in person about this—the risk of physical damage is _way _too high. I know he was in some serious shit _now_, but did he_ really_ expect me to_ believe_ that? That his rival for the past seven years that he claims hates him more than Marilyn Manson hates holy water _kissed him_? …Please. But… apparently, he's expecting something. Oh, man… I don't want to talk about him and Near… I want him to talk about _us_… But it'll never happen… Sigh… Now, do I act like a good friend should and tell him I was serious last night in a likely-to-be unsuccessful attempt to get through to him and his hidden feelings that I _know _are there, inevitably walking to my undoubtedly painful death? Or do I tell him what he wants to hear, like I always do, in the name of self-preservation? Decisions, decisions…

"…I wasn't in my right mind last night, man," I begin. Like hell I'm gonna die trying to get him to realize his feelings! There's no contest! My feelings don't override survival instincts! I'm a human first and a friend second. I admit, fear is a flaw and instinctual reaction that I am momentarily giving in to. "…I was tired and anxious to get back to the game. You know how I am, dude. …I don't know what you should do about… _that_, though." I really hope he doesn't kill me. I do in fact enjoy living. Okay, that's a little much, I know I wouldn't _die_. I just need to placate him a little; I'll talk to him _after _he calms down a bit. I need to suck this up and be a good friend—just tell him the truth… I just need to get my courage together. I'm being dramatic; No one ever said being in love with or being friends with Mello would be easy.

"…You mother-fucking, shit-eating—"

"Mello-kun! Watch your language!" Tokomo-san, you have just saved me from what was bound to be the worst verbal and possibly physical assault of my life. Too bad you had to forfeit your dignity and/or life to do it. One of us will die today—be it physical or otherwise—and I find I am totally okay with it being you, if only because I hate you, too.

"Shut the fuck up, you annoying bitch! I'm trying to figure out some important shit and I don't need you to fucking make things worse! I am so fucking tired of hearing your shit for three hours on five days out of the fucking week! I already have to deal with mother-fucking Near and the assholes at my school! Aren't counselors supposed to _help _with stress, not _fucking add _to it?!"

"Well, Mello-kun, that _is _what group is for, now isn't it? To solve our problems? Talk them out, _without _cursing up a storm? Like the _supposedly mature_ young adults we are?"

"Fuck you, Tokomo. You don't have to bitch out on us just because you can't even get a good pity fuck. You're what? Twenty-seven? Get laid, already. You're a shit-eating, dildo-shoving, child-raping slut with nothing better to do but sit around here hitting on guys ten years your junior _and_ you dress like a fucking ten dollar corner whore. I don't need lectures from the likes of fucking street trash like _you_. I'm surprised you even _have_ a psychology degree—which professor did you have to fuck to graduate?"

_Ha ha_, it is at times like this that I remember _why_ I like Mello so much. Gorgeous _and_ witty—a sexy combination. Very sexy, indeed. Though he's not one to talk about fashion… I love him, but he goes to school dressed in more leather than a male BDSM stripper. I don't think I've ever seen him in denim jeans; tight t-shirts and normal tops, yes, but his gloves, shoes, his collar, his pants… they're always leather. …But I must admit, he does look hot in that sinfully tight leather; no one else could pull that off like he can… All sexy and tempting…

"…R-regardless, I-I would appreciate some respect, Mello-kun. Y-you can't just talk down to your elders like that." I don't miss the fact that she didn't argue against the suggestion of her fucking someone to get her degree. I wonder who it was… The dean? Or her professor? Someone on the board? How many times? …Actually, I don't want the answer to that last question…

"What the fuck have _you_ ever done to earn my fucking respect?! Even _Near _has more of my respect than you! I respect you about as much as I respected my_ fucking parents_, and you _know _how they're doing, pushing up daisies and shit, so fuck off, Tokyo-hoe! I don't have to deal with_ your _bullshit, too. Last I checked, _you _were supposed to deal with _our _bullshit. Isn't that what these fuckers _pay_ you for?"

"…U-um… w-well that's… uh…" Tokomo-san is stunned into silence, unable to retort. Oh, well. This argument was fun while it lasted.

Ha, I must admit that I love Mello's nickname for her: Tokomo the Tokyo-hoe… Tokomo-san, you picked a really bad day to fuck with Mello, but at least you got his anger off me. It's not all bad; not many people ever earn his respect. The only people I can think of that _do _have it are Near, his older brother L—who I have never met—Beyond, a past crush of his, and myself. …Of course everyone giggles at Mello's show—excluding Near, because I don't think he's physically capable of laughter—and joins in Mello's verbal assault, laughing at her misery and expense. It's her own fault for choosing this career, working with the worst and most temperamental teenagers in the city. I wonder if she's a psychological masochist or trying to compensate for something. …Probably.

"W-well, in group today, we can talk about our week before me get to today's topic. Let's try to break the ice, huh? How is everyone? School? Home? …Let's start with… Matt-kun."

…Fuck. You. Tokomo. No honorific. You've lost the right. "…We just saw you yesterday, but fine. …I'll humor you. …I hung out with someone my parents set up for me to be 'friends' with. Seems they think I'm still too shut in," I say, my voice tinged with a bit of bitterness. "I… _talked _with Mello last night. …It was …interesting. …Awoke some things in me I didn't know were there." Like feelings. …Damn sexy, hormonal, and occasionally violent leather-clad blondes. I try to stifle my blush at the thought. Half of the reason why I said what I did last night because I thought he was joking. Now though… I don't know. I'm confused, conflicted, reasonably scared of Mello's reaction to confrontation and not to mention pressed for time—he needs to realize he likes Near before he fucks this up. It's the only time I've seen Near on the offensive and actually care about something enough to be assertive. …I admit …I'm jealous, and I want him to like me, but… I know he likes Near, even if he doesn't know it… And I'm not going to be selfish and make him unhappy. He_ needs_ to get over Beyond. _Badly_. I've tried, but I know I can't be the one. As much as Mello can scare me sometimes, I would do damn near anything for him.

"Care to elaborate, Matt-kun?" Yes, bitch, as a matter of fact, I do. My home life is none of your damn business, and Mello would kill me if I talked about the 'problem' he _clearly does not _want to talk about here. Stop fucking prodding. My life as a hikikomori is behind closed doors for a damn reason. Let's try to keep it that way. …Really hit a sore spot.

"…It's Near's turn," I say, looking to him with pleading eyes. He seems to get the message and takes the spotlight off me—we have a type of secret friendship outside of my obvious feelings for Mello (though he probably views it as more of an alliance or plain friendship). We don't talk at all, but I know he tolerates me more than the others. I don't think Near knows I love Mello, and I don't think either of them know I'm gay, but hey, it's easier that way. No one would want to date a hikikomori anyway, but… I think… if I _had_ to hand over Mello to someone… that it would be Near. He would treat Mello better than most guys… and he's known him longer than anyone else… So, I'm going against you this once Mello-chan, but it's for your own good. I'll help Near win you over. …You'll thank me for it later… after you finish maiming me and beating me within an inch of my life.

000

"Well, Near-kun? How about you? How was your week at school so far? Anything eventful happen?" Tokomo-san asks. I look at her lethargically before responding in expert monotone.

"…Mello and I are… discovering many things. …Otherwise, our lives remain unchanged," I say. I look to Mello to gauge his reaction. His face, surprisingly, does nothing, not even a slight twitch of the eyebrow. This calm Mello is… extremely worrisome. I do not know how to handle this. It is clear he talked with Matt about what happened at school.

I find my thoughts wandering off as it becomes clear to Tokomo-san that I will not be offering up any elaborations on my statement. She asks the others the same questions, and I tune them out, in favor of pondering this newest development.

Matt always seemed to have a type of… _infatuation_ with Mello. I suspected it was more than a friendship, but Mello doesn't seem to notice his feelings, nor does he return them. I didn't even pick up on the signs before I gained insight. I wonder if he will be a hindrance to my plans… I can't have him trying to win over Mello… But what to do… how should I go about preventing this…? …What if I—?

"Okay, everyone, it's break time. Head out and get snacks in the cafeteria. You have twenty minutes," Tokomo-san announces. Has it been that long already? As I stand, I see Matt approaching me; this works in my favor, as maybe I can convince him to give up on Mello.

"Hey, Near, can I talk to you for a second? It's about Mello… We gotta hurry before he comes looking for us," he says. I nod, getting up to follow him out front, where he pulls out a cigarette and lights it, taking in a long drag. I wince as he exhales, sighing in relief. He looks to me before speaking.

"…Mello called me last night," he begins, pausing for another drag. I wait patiently for him to continue. "…He says you kissed him." I watch his face for any reactions to this news that may spell trouble for the future; so far, I find none.

"…I think I know what held you back before," he says. I look at him with a slightly inquisitive look. He notices, and explains. "Why you didn't approach him about your feelings earlier. He put you off because he always acts like he hates you, am I right?"

I am… confused by his words. What feelings? I only hold feelings of mild annoyance towards Mello; he's loud, obnoxious, temperamental, excessively violent, and overall hard to deal with—his only use to me lies in his okaa-san and his abilities. I suppose I could use him… _physically _as well, but that is unimportant. Why would I _feel _something for him? I feel lustful towards him; I can admit as much… Am I supposed to feel more? Do others feel in situations like this? If they do, I suppose I should agree. I am supposed be giving the false pretense of 'love' towards Mello, am I not? Nii-san said that was the goal, to lull him into trusting me… I decide to humor Matt; perhaps he is not an enemy… I may even be able to convince him to ally with me.

"…Yes," I say tonelessly. He nods, as if he understands.

"Yeah, it was the same for me, at first. Being his friend isn't easy, by any means… He's kinda intimidating… makes it hard for people to get close. But, all he ever does is talk about you… even if it is harshly… It makes me kinda jealous, to be honest," he says sheepishly. His demeanor seems almost melancholy. I allow my eyes to widen marginally in shock. I never knew he would be jealous of me… And just for being the receiver of the brunt of Mello's wrath. …Is …is Matt …a …masochist?

"…I …wish he liked me the way he likes you. …Pay attention to me as more than a friend, you know? He's still not over his first love, someone named Beyond Birthday… In fact, he says it's why he doesn't take that collar off, since it was the only gift he ever got from him… Says the guy's in prison, though."

_'He was infatuated with our cousin Beyond? Why? …And the reason he always has that collar is because of B? I know it is unlikely that B would feel the same way; he's far too hateful and self-centered… He likely used him for something… I never would have guessed he knew Beyond… Did he have anything to do with Mello wanting to talk to nii-san so often? And why his messages couldn't go through me? It seems like something B would do, to find a way to get what he wanted… to get to L-niisan… Strange… I'll have to ponder this later.'_

"Yeah… Well, I know you two have known each other for years… and I can see why someone would like him. The way he always talks about you shows he spends a lot of time thinking about you… even if they aren't exactly kind thoughts. …I know I can't be the one to help him let go of this Beyond person, but I'm pretty sure he has feelings for you, too—he's just got the world's worst case of denial and doesn't realize what his own heart is saying. He's stubborn. …I love him, even enough to give up my happiness for his."

I listen in stunned silence, though my face gives away nothing. I… don't know how to take this. This is… this is so similar to my parents… this heedless sacrifice… and for _love_, of all things. How worthless. He might not die from this like my parents did, but my goal is to create a world where everyone is content without useless sacrifices, be them emotional or physical, a world without flaw. A logical world. I can't have things like this happening in the future I envision. I still don't comprehend such a choice, but for now, I force down the post-traumatic fear and pain I feel caused by that which I don't understand in favor of listening to the rest of what he has to say. I may be able to use it to my advantage.

"…So …since I can't be the one to make Mello happy… I'm willing to help hook him up with the one person that can," he says, giving me a meaningful look. I don't quite understand, and as though he can sense my confusion, decides to change his wording. "…I'm going to help you win Mello over. You know, make him realize his love for you?"

"…Okay," I respond, not sure of what else to say. I look to him, waiting, expecting him to present some kind of plan. He does not disappoint.

"…Well, clearly you aren't on the best of terms with Mello. The best way to remedy this would be with chocolate, probably Godiva. It's his favorite. Usually milk chocolate, sometimes with caramel or mint flavoring—it depends on his mood. But _never_ white," he says seriously. …His mood? It changes? …When? I was under the impression he was angry all the time and it merely varied in intensity. "You should always be prepared for the worst with Mello. You never know when or how his moods will change. Lucky for you, I always keep extra chocolate on me for days like today, when he's feeling particularly partial to murder." He hands me a bar and I make sure to memorize the label for future reference; I know without doubt I will need it. "Give this to him in school tomorrow. I can't say that you were wrong in your approach; he doesn't take to well to subtlety, since if he did, Mello and I would be together right now or at the very least, he would acknowledge my feelings."

I acknowledge him with a silent nod. I am not surprised he knows so much about Mello and how he works; he is turning out to be an invaluable ally in winning Mello's favor. I suppose it could do no harm to heed his advice and take his instruction—if I am fortunate, I will accomplish my goal even faster than I predicted. Speed and efficiency are of the utmost importance.

"If I were you, I would keep going about things as you have been," Matt says. I wait for him to explain. "…You and I both know the only effective way to get through to Mello is through force. He won't look at things differently otherwise. It's probably why he respects you so much—you aren't intimidated by him. We both know he would never outright admit his respect, admiration or adoration for you. …I only ask that you treat him well, Near. He's been through enough and doesn't need any more pain."

"…I understand. …I appreciate your assistance in this matter …and your trust, Matt," I say. I make sure to try and squeeze some form of emotion into my voice to make the act more convincing, though not because I care in the least for Mello—I can keep him under my control with much more ease thanks to Matt. Speaking of control… I wonder how things are going with nii-san's subject.

000

Things with Light-kun are going… well, I am unsure of where they are going as of yet. I hope that Light-kun comes to a conclusion soon; things are getting boring and I do not wish to progress further without more information.

Dinner is in a few minutes, so I decide to head out to the recreation room and wait for today's cake to be served—several hours have passed since our little… 'talk'. As I walk by Light-kun's room, I chance a peek through his window and am somehow surprised by what I see. Light-kun's look is one of… shattered confusion. He clearly doesn't know what to think or how to handle what I did to him. He's completely lost; at this rate, he won't be stable enough to uphold his hard-earned image. I don't know why, but I find myself… sorely disappointed; his reaction pains me in some way—it is just a slightly uncomfortable pang in my chest mind you, but it was never present before now. I know I shouldn't, and it would be more logical to wait until he has processed the situation before continuing in my advances, but I slowly open the door to his room, granting myself access. Closing the door behind me I turn to face him once more, and as he looks to me, his eyes can only be described as hollow.

"…Light-kun." It is a statement. My eyes bore into him, saying all the things my mouth cannot. I slowly shuffle over to him, the only sounds being that of my slippers sliding across the linoleum. I halt in front of him, looking down with hard eyes. He attempts to return the look—I say attempt because he doesn't really _see _me, just through me, as his eyes are severely unfocused. …The look doesn't suit him at all, really. It is like he is watching something he isn't sure is there, something blurred and unclear.

I grab his chin forcefully, a slight glare pushing through my impassive exterior. He looks slightly more focused now, furrowing his brows in question. "…_Light-kun_," I say his name once more and allow some firmness to enter my tone, hoping to get my message across to him: come to your damn senses. His eyes seem to get clearer with each passing second, that familiar defiance returning. I smirk at the change. I find I like this Light-kun much better—obedience and conformity just don't work for him; he is too strong willed to simply give in to me. I _want _him to challenge me. Is that not why I chose him?

Deciding to push my limits further, I lean down and kiss him with punishing force. I instantly slip my tongue past his soft lips and taste him. As I suspected, the action startled him into awareness and eventually, responding. He pushes against my shoulders, trying to distance himself, though the attempt is half-hearted—he twists and entwines his tongue with my own, trying to win the battle for control. I must say, I like this… quite a bit. I was never as ignorant of the human body as Near was, but I have also never experienced this myself. There was no need to excessively explore it; my knowledge is basic at best, but I am grateful to know enough to gain the advantage.

"Mmmn…," Light-kun moans into me once I win the right to dominate, sending vibrations throughout my body. I believe that this is a sensation I could easily become addicted to. …However, I find this kiss is not as fulfilling as I had originally hoped; I discover that I like it better when he fights me and the satisfaction of a hard-earned victory makes the moment he relinquishes power that much more intoxicating. If I could just get more of him to come back, shock him back to reality… He is far too comfortable with the situation. …I intend to change that.

I slip my hand under his shirt, slowly moving my cool, slender fingers up his chest, brushing against his left nipple, taking it between my fingers and pinching. He gasps sharply, and I meet his eyes. I am thoroughly pleased to see he is back to his normal self. His eyes widen in shock, and he hurriedly shoves me backwards, pressing himself up against the wall in a humorous attempt to put distance between us. I smirk before speaking.

"…I am glad to see that Light-kun has returned to his normal self. Now that he is in his right mind once more, perhaps Light-kun will be able to decide his next move? I rather enjoy this new game of ours…" I turn to head out the door, but remember why I came in the first place. It would seem I became a little side-tracked… how odd. "…Also, Light-kun should be informed that dinner is being served soon. It is not healthy to miss meals, Light-kun. …After all, Light-kun is my very first friend; I do not wish harm upon his body." _'And what a very nice, toned body it is,' _I think lustfully. I suppose I must be homosexual if I am thinking like that. Light-kun surprises me with a rather interesting response.

"…And yet you wish it upon my psyche? That is _not _how 'friends' treat each other. …You're a god damn sadist, Ryuuzaki. Are you aware that sadism counts as a mental disease? Still, I'm not all that surprised. Of course, you'd like to fuck with my mind like that, wouldn't you?" He inquires flatly. Before I can offer him a reply, he answers his own question. I find the accuracy of his conclusion to be rather amusing. "…Never mind. Of course you do. It's obvious you get your kicks from this. Besides, you have no room to talk where health is concerned; you're going to die or become comatose from all the sugar you eat."

I stop him before he can leave with my next words. "…Masochism is also a disease of the mind, Light-kun. Light-kun is just as unwell as I am by that logic."

He gets up and leaves, not bothering to look back at me; I assume he did not deem my observation worthy of response. Either that, or he is silently conceding. I allow a gleeful smile to play across my lips. I did not miss the fact that he did not deny my 'friendship'. Once I regain my impassive look, I head in to the recreation room with the others, finding a hefty slice of red velvet cake with chocolate frosting and strawberries awaiting me. I feel my mouth salivating at the sight. _'I suppose lust for Light-kun is not the only lust I feel; it is time I attended to my sugar lust as well.'_

000

I don't know what the hell is with Ryuuzaki! I guess I just _assumed _he was incapable of feeling any kind of lust for anything other than sugar. Of course 'assume makes an _ass _out of "_u_" and _me_' meaning that I was sadly mistaken. I am Kira, I am Yagami Light, I am God; I am not _supposed _to be wrong! _Ever_!

I sit down and try to situate myself in a way that doesn't make my partial arousal obvious to others. Damn Ryuuzaki. What the hell is he playing at?! Is he trying to trick me? It was clear then that he could have used my moment of… _weakness_ against me and taken advantage if he was only looking to satiate his obvious lust for me. _'The fact that he didn't means he wants something else from this… He did say something about learning about me… He obviously expects me to make a move… Could I use this to _my _advantage? Sure, I could get some much needed release, but maybe he would let his guard down in the midst of something like that… But he doesn't seem like someone who would be so careless as to let his name slip, even in the throes of ecstasy… I suppose I'll have to think on it further… In the meantime, I'll need to mentally prepare for group…'_

Thinking on it, perhaps he didn't think I was much of a challenge when I was shocked out of commission like that. How the hell was I supposed to guess he would kiss me when he said he wanted to _talk_?! …That asshole. How dare he do that to Kira! The only reason he's probably so damn cocky is because he knows I _can't _kill him.

I go to the serving line and Yuki strikes up a conversation with me as per usual.

"Oh! Yagami-kun! …Is something the matter? You look like you have something heavy on your mind," she says, preparing my dinner tray. I guess she has _some _observational skills after all. I decide to humor her; with her being a female, maybe she'll have some useful knowledge on the topic. I never felt attracted towards men or women, and as a result have had no romantic or physical relationships with anyone prior to Ryuuzaki's borderline sexual assault.

"…Actually, yes, there is something on my mind… Would you mind hearing out my troubles, Yuki-san? If it's too much of a hassle, then…" I trail off, making sure to sound like I actually care about her time; of course she'll listen. She has a crush the size of China on me and would do anything I asked. She does not disappoint, at least not this time.

"O-of course, Y-Yagami-kun! L-let me just finish serving the others. I'll come and sit at your table when I'm finished," she says excitedly while blushing furiously, not doubt thinking this is a step she can use to get on my good side and win my favor. She's just as selfish as any other female with affection towards me. Part of the reason I avoid them like the plague.

"S-so… Y-Yagami-kun," she begins, looking up at me shyly from time to time. I can see two other nurses glare enviously towards her. Really, these idiots are going to compete over someone in an _asylum_? Are they that _desperate_? Or are looks really enough for them to overlook the issue of _mental instability_? "…W-what's on your mind…?"

I make sure to act the part of the 'somber, confused teenager'. Really, this is too damn easy. At least Ryuuzaki is challenging to fool. "Well… um… there's this… friend," I start. I pause as necessary before continuing. "…_She _told me she had feelings for me… by kissing me. …I don't share her feelings, but she is persistent in her… _advances_. …I'm …not sure how to let her down gently…" I am never the type to go elsewhere for advice on my problems, but this is completely uncharted territory, and other people are my only sources of information on what to do in situations like these. Obviously, I have to twist some things around though.

Yuki looks up, shocked and clearly more than a little jealous; she probably thinks it's one of the psycho bitches locked up in here for personality disorders or something. Please, as if I'd even look twice at anyone here. (He refuses to acknowledge Ryuuzaki.) "Well, um, Yagami-kun… I think the best you can do here would be to tell her no. …I-if that doesn't work, you could always try to get her away from you by… showing affection towards… someone _else_…" An obvious hint to let it be her. No way in hell, Yuki. I'd rather be with a man over you or any other female in the ward.

"Thank you for your advice, Yuki-san, but I think I'll just think over more solutions on my own," I say, preparing to head into group, gathering my mental bearings. I just know I'm walking into the fires of hell after what transpired with Ryuuzaki.

000

I swear, if I hear _one more person_ so much as _mentions_ anyone with a name even starting with 'R' I am going to punch them in the _fucking mouth_ and keep their canines as souvenirs to remind me of their screams of agony before they choke and/or drown in their own mouth blood. That's the _only_ way I'd want to hear anything out of Ryuuzaki Nathan's fucking mouth right now.

I can't _believe _Matt ran off with Near during the break! I mean what the fuck?! I thought he was my _fucking friend _not an ally to my _enemy_! What the fuck is with the world lately?! I would swear it _enjoys _fucking anally raping me and screwing me over on a damn near _daily _basis! Where the _hell_ is he?! I'm gonna rip his damn dick off!

'_Once_ _I find that back-stabbing, red-haired, goggle-wearing, game-obsessed, cancer-loving mother fucker, I am going to shove the heel of my leather boot so far up his ass he will be picking bits of leather _and_ my toe nails out of whatever teeth he has left for a month,' _I think venomously. I'm so wrapped up in violent, bloody and somewhat murderous thoughts that as I round the corner, okaa-san's concerned voice makes me jump in surprise as it breaks through my blind rage.

_"Mello, dear, what if Matt is just trying to help you…? He could be confronting Near so that he doesn't get to you again and prevent this from getting worse for you," _okaa-san tries to reason. Yeah, there is no fucking way. I would hope that he was, but I really fucking doubt it. He was acting really fucking suspicious today, not to mention last night! What if he's talking to Near about it as I'm standing here trying to talk to okaa-san? I can't have him telling Near how fucking weak I am! Like I don't have enough of his shit to deal with already!

I get back to the cafeteria and see a bar of my favorite chocolate sitting at my table; I recognize it as the special kind Matt always has on hand in case of days like this where he feels his life is in danger. Damn right, it is! I'm gonna kill the bastard! No one had enough balls to touch it, even if it was expensive and unguarded, 'cause they know I'll kill them if they do. This only means one thing. Matt's nearby. "…Jeevas _mother-fucking _Mail, get your _ass _out here, _now_! I _know _you fucking heard me, you back-stabbing son of a bitch!"

Matt shyly comes out of hiding from around the corner, speaking up before coming any closer. "…Before I come over there, I want you to start eating the chocolate bar, Mello. You know how you are when you get this angry," he says. I narrow my eyes, silently seething. I know I have to get him into a false sense of security if I'm ever gonna get him to come close enough to kick his ass, so I begin to unwrap it slowly, glaring at him all the while.

"I wouldn't _be _this fucking furious if you didn't think I was joking about… _that _last night!" I exclaim. I angrily bite off a chew a piece of the chocolate, trying my damnedest not to sigh contentedly; he knows this brand is more effective than the most powerful sedative on me. …Son of a bitch. "Now get the fuck over here and tell me where the fuck you were! You _know _we always hang out during the break and you weren't in your normal smoking spot," I growl out. I see him cower a bit before responding.

"I-I went out to a new spot to smoke… and… well, before I say anything, I need you to promise me that you'll let me finish before getting verbally or physically violent," he says nervously. I look at him suspiciously, weighing the consequences of such an agreement. It's obviously fucking bad news.

_"You should hear him out, Mello. …It might be to your benefit," _okaa-san suggests.

_'…Fine, okaa-san, but you had better be right about this shit and him helping keep Near away. Otherwise… I just don't need more shit from people, least of all him.'_

"…Fine, Matt," I concede. He sighs in relief, but before he starts, I continue. "But just let me fucking clarify that _after _you are done with whatever you have to say, if I don't like it, I _will _kick your ass. I'm talking the 'you won't be able to sit the fuck down from me beating the skin until I'm down to the raw muscle' type ass-kicking. I will make that shit _bleed_, Matt. I know that whatever you have to say must be pretty fucking bad, otherwise, you'd take the ass-whooping like a man and not the spineless pussy you are now. So _start talking_. I'm _fucking_ waiting, and you _know_ I'm not patient."

He swallows audibly before taking in a deep breath and speaking in that voice he uses to try and placate me, but really just makes me more _fucking pissed off_. "…I went out for a smoke, okay? And… I brought Near with me," he begins. He brought that little albino bitch instead of _me_?! What the fuck?!

"…I wanted to talk to him about what he did. …He was… acting weird. It turns out he doesn't hate you! He… well, I'm on your side, Mello. You might not believe me, but it's true. I told him that he just needs to talk to you to get things sorted out… Turns out he just didn't do things right! So… he won't be harassing you physically any… more…?"

My voice is deadly calm and frigid as I ask him my next question. "…Are you done?"

He quivers in fear. He _knows _this deal will only hold me back for so long. He gulps loudly. "…Y-yes."

I am so fucking furious that it has actually come full circle and I find that I'm _too _fucking calm to respond—the most dangerous type of fury for me. I leave, heading outside, not even bothering to attend the rest of group. Matt better watch his back; I will be coming for his ass soon enough, and he'll be lucky if I leave anything intact.

**End Chapter Eight**

… 6900 words. Putting up the word count is habit now.

Well. …That was interesting. I don't have much comment other than I have never ended a chapter with Mello before, least of all like that. I always imagined a calm, silently furious Mello to be more shit-your-pants scary than Beyond. Beyond is just "D'awws, you killed him and I'm so _proud_ of you (hugs)" type scary. Like Gaara scary.

R&R if you like. I'm at my boyfriend's house, so no evil Miss Kitty in my way this time. … (pouts) As annoying as she is, I love her and her craziness brings me much joy and amusement.

Ja ne

Rainbow-chan :3


	9. We are NOT in a Relationship! Are we?

Hey, Deathnote-lovers! Rainbow-chan is back again after chapter two of "Even the Powerful are Powerless", and let me say writing that story is a lot of fun. I love angst and drama like this more though. Rainbows are something that are amazing and magical, even if I never deign to actually wear a lot of colors aside from black, red, purple and green. I still love them! A beauty of nature!

This has more L/Light focus than last chapter. I have successfully balanced development! I'm so proud of myself! I've been trying my best to keep the focus on them, as it should be. And I just can't help sprinkling in some mild Matsuda-bashing. It's just too easy; even the show had an episode dedicated to it. …Hee hee.

Also, each chapter will have one kiss minimum probably. Can't really be avoided any more, what with the games L and Near like to play (not that _I _was ever avoiding it; just didn't want to rush it and be awkward—if anything I love it). Just a warning. I don't think anyone has a problem with it now, but LEMONS and LIMES _will _be present in the future and they will be _graphic_ if you didn't already notice by how much I like to describe mere kissing. Don't say I didn't tell you ahead of time.

Sorry for reposting the chapter three times! I kept spelling the chapter title wrong and I'm really anal retentive about that stuff. Like a freaking grammar/spelling/punctuation Nazi.

Raising Hell – Chapter Nine

I knew I would be walking into the flames of Hell when group started after dinner. Unfortunately, there was no way to avoid such a thing. If there was, you can bet I'd do everything in my power to avoid Ryuuzaki by this point.

Heading into group, I can admit that I'm not sure what to expect in terms of Ryuuzaki-brand weirdness and unpredictability. I _do _know to expect underhanded mind games, though. …Now, what is he going to play…? I'm not going to be safe from Ryuuzaki's 'attack' and confrontation once _Matsuda _comes in here—useless idiot that he is—so I need to come up with an evasion tactic. _'I don't think I want to use Yuki's advice—how is someone else touching me any better than Ryuuzaki's advances? Besides, Ryuuzaki knows I show no interest in anyone here, so it wouldn't be the least bit believable and if he doesn't buy it, such a plan serves no purpose… Physically avoiding him is impossible, as I would be forced into seeing him at least four times every day as I _have _to eat a minimum of two meals a day and I see him in group for an hour after lunch and dinner… The only course of action I can take is to fight against him—which he clearly likes and have already decided to not do, since I don't want him to have the satisfaction—or try to use his… _attraction _to me to my advantage… Argh, but that's exactly what the bastard expects me to do! He's completely cornered me. …And by the look in his eyes, he knows it, too—he's left me no other viable options!'_

I glare at Ryuuzaki, speaking to him without words, but getting my point across all too clearly: I hate you. He gives me a look of his own, his face seemingly unchanged, but the glimmer in his eyes shifting as if to say 'I know, but whatever will Light-chan do?' in that annoyingly childish and condescending tone of his—and yes, his eyes can even relay _how _he would say it. …Bastard. He _would _call me 'Light-chan' just to piss me off. _'Just you wait, Ryuuzaki; one of these days you will react negatively to something, and once I find out what it is, I will exploit it to the fullest extent—I don't care what it is or how long it takes. I will pay you back for all the misery, disgrace and belittlement you have put Kira through.'_

Sadly, Matsuda decided to walk through the door in the middle of my non-verbal battle with Ryuuzaki. …That's just _wonderful_, Matsuda. I was safe until you came in. You seem to have the best knack for being unhelpful. Why did they even hire you? Being unhelpful in a place like this… when I get out of here, I'm going to make an exception just once and kill him simply because the world shouldn't have to deal with his stupidity, and if that's not enough, just because he made the god of the new world suffer like this... That can be considered a crime, right? Even if he didn't know it. But, that bit of information is irrelevant.

"Good afternoon, everyone! How are you all? The air doesn't seem as…" He trails off, glancing between Ryuuzaki and I in a way he probably _thinks _is inconspicuous, but that draws the attention of everyone in the damn room. After his not-so-covert observation of us, he continues. "…malevolent." What a wonderful way to put it, Matsuda. I'm surprised you know such a big word, but not only are you wrong—as I am _far _beyond mere malevolence and quickly becoming murderous—but you couldn't have worded it in a way that would make someone angrier than I am now. Are you _trying _to provoke unstable mental patients? I mean, what the hell?! You're lucky I don't have the violent tendencies others do.

"…So, how is everyone? Do we have any volunteers to go first?" Your vocal cords will be severed in the most brutal way I can think of. When I get out of here and can write your name in the Deathnote, I will make sure to take time out of my day for the sole purpose of planning the most creative and painful way to kill you, much like your voice makes me want to kill myself. Lucky for the world, I can't. Wouldn't do much good to have their god dead before he finished reforming the world and made his great reveal.

"No one, huh? Well… how about… Ryuuzaki-kun?" Great, just pave the way to more harassment, why don't you?

"…Very well," Ryuuzaki states. "…I am …learning some very interesting things," he says. "…Light-kun has been a rather good _friend _to me." Damn it, Ryuuzaki, I am _not _your god damn friend! Why would I ever want to be friends with a freaky, sugar-addicted insomniac I only met less than two weeks ago _and_ who just tried to molest me for the second time less than an hour ago?! Your 'friendship' is _completely _one-sided! Besides, we both know this 'friendship' claim is nothing more than a poorly-crafted farce. _'…But if that's true, why is he so damn persistent in pursuing it? There's no need to try when no one's watching us… He can't be serious, so it has to be a damn plot of his. Well, the hell with your damn plotting, Ryuuzaki! I won't lose to you.'_

"Oh? Light-kun, is that true? That's wonderful! Why don't you tell us about it? Last time… well, you and Ryuuzaki-kun didn't seem to get along," Matsuda says uselessly. Matsuda… if you had _any _observational skills what-so-ever… Actually, you know what? No. Just… no. I have no words left for you anymore. I've said all I can and I'm going to stop lest I become redundant.

"…Ryuuzaki and I are on… complicated terms, Matsuda-san," I say, careful to choose my words carefully. I know that anything here can and will be used in his arguments against me, even if it is an unofficial, unspoken and underhanded battle. I suppose this part of Ryuuzaki is fun to an extent; I never had anything this challenging or interesting happen before he came. …I can admit that as a fact.

"…Care to explain, Light-kun?" Matsuda asks, pressing for more information. Honestly, why can't he ever ask Ryuuzaki to elaborate? He asked him first! He's probably too scared of him. You're pathetic, Matsuda. …Just plain sad, really. I _almost _pity you.

"…Well, it is as you said, Matsuda-san. We got off on the wrong footing. We are in the process of setting up _boundaries_—" I make sure to emphasize that when I glance to Ryuuzaki. "—at the moment. Once that's clear, I'm sure things will be fine." I know Ryuuzaki got the message. He needs to back the hell up. No doubt he'll ignore me, but at least he can't say I conceded.

"Um, well, uh… That's… good?" Apparently Matsuda isn't even sure whether or not this is good. I quit. I'm so done. "Well, um, today's group topic! Let's get to that, shall we?!" Your nervous shouting is only making things worse, Matsuda. …Really. "Let's talk about relationships! Today we're going to talk about relationships, what your views on them are and what should be required or expected of each partner," Matsuda explains. I can feel Ryuuzaki's gaze become predatory at those words and I swear Matsuda secretly conspires against me.

000

What the fuck was with Matt conspiring against me?! I won't tolerate his bullshit! He _talked _to Near about it?! What the fuck?! Now he knows for sure how _fucking weak _I am! I hate that son of a bitch! Isn't he _supposed _to be my _fucking friend_?! Friends don't _do _shit like this!

I storm outside, silently fuming. My temper is so hot I can almost feel the damn pavement melting under my footsteps. That mother-fucking prick! And the worst part is that I promised not to fucking hit him! I might be pissed the fuck off, but I still won't break my fucking promises. I chew angrily on my chocolate bar; I might not accept Matt's fucking peace offering, but I won't waste good chocolate, especially Godiva. I decide to take things up with okaa-san, but the moment I try to talk to her, guess who just had to show their _fucking face_?! Doesn't he know that he's the _last _person I want to _fucking look at_ right now?!

"…Mello," he starts, twirling his hair in that fucking irritating way he does. I hope he gets a fucking bald spot. It would serve the bastard right to have a god damned flaw of some kind. "…I am here to discuss the terms of our… relationship."

At first, I'm not sure if I fucking heard him right—I've always known that he's a pompous and arrogant asshole, but even _that_ should have its fucking limits, right?! _Right_?! As I try to register his words, I just stare at him in open-mouthed shock. He wants to _do WHAT_?! When the fuck did this happen?! This is the fuckin' equivalent of him asking Matt to have butt-sex and shit out a litter of kittens! "…_E _…_Excuse me_?! When the_ hell_ did I _ever_ agree to a _fucking relationship_?! Last I checked, I still hated your fucking guts, asshole! Like hell I'd ever be in a _fucking relationship _with a pompous albino freak like _you_!"

Of course, fucking Near has the audacity to continue like I_ didn't_ fucking interrupt him and ask him some important shit! What the hell?! I am not listening to _anything _this fucker says until he answers my damn questions! I don't expect much from _fucking Near _of all socially inept assholes, but I didn't expect what he fucking said next. He must have finally fucking snapped and lost it—it's the only explanation for this… this _bullshit_. He's _fucking delusional_! He's finally gone deep-end crazy!

"…You will be my boyfriend. …We will also be exclusive. No one is to touch you aside from myself; that being said, I will do whatever I see fit with you. …I will handle things in school. Leave everything else to me. …I will answer any questions you have, granted they are actual questions that you do not already have the answers to and are not simply insults."

000

"When the hell did I _ever _get drunk enough to agree to this shit?! That's the _only fucking way _this shit is for real! _I would never fucking date you_! I _fucking hate _you!" Mello shouts. I should have expected this, but still… the way Matt had explained it made it seem like it would be somehow… different…

…

_Matt comes back outside, looking like he ran a marathon, as his clothes are disheveled and his hair is messy. I silently raise a brow at his appearance in silent questioning, and upon seeing my look holds up his index finger, a silent request for me to wait, and I politely comply. He takes out a fresh pack of Newports and lights up a cigarette—I vaguely wonder how many he goes through in a day. With Mello, I'm sure he must smoke at least half a pack a day. I would imagine that Mello would be quite the source of stress. _

_After a while, he speaks up. "…Sorry about my clothes and needing to light up again. I just got back from telling Mello that you wouldn't harass him physically, even though it probably isn't going to be true. If you don't, he won't accept the message at all," Matt explains, exhaling smoke and occasionally coughing. If the way he's breathing is any indication, he must have been running for his life. I find that I almost… pity him._

_Regardless, I am grateful for his sacrifice and I nod in confirmation to his statement and explanation. I had no plans to refrain from kissing or touching Mello, no matter what he said; as much as he can irritate me, I enjoy the contact with him. _

"_As far as being forceful, you'll want to be as commanding as possible. He'll never agree to it if you just ask, but as long as you enforce things, he won't be able to stop you. …Wait, I doubt that Mello hasn't attacked you yet—were you able to physically stop him?" Matt asks._

_"…Mello has not attempted to attack me as of yet. …Actually, he has been making quite the effort to avoid me. …However, I have received numerous 'challenges' from him over the years, and have beaten him in every one, even the physical ones."_

_Matt sighs in relief before continuing. "That's good, because when Mello gets mad he is one of the strongest guys I know. He can kick the asses of guys three times his size. Knowing him, if he hasn't tried to hurt you yet, he will soon enough. …I do find it strange that he's avoiding you that intensely, though—that's not like him at all. …Normally, he'd try to eliminate anything he sees as a threat," Matt mumbles, developing a far-away looking in his eyes and seeming to be lost in thought. After a few moments, he seems to regain focus and turns to face me once again, resuming where he left off. "…Anyway, just lay out your terms. Actually _talk _with him about it, though. But if you give him too much say, he won't go along with it. Sometimes forcing his hand is the only way to make him see things another way."_

_I nod in understanding. "…I think I can do that."_

_Matt takes in a long drag of his cigarette, closing his eyes before puffing more smoke, tapping the ash and looking away for a moment. Once he seems to gather himself, he faces me, a look of seriousness and concern on his face. "…Mello will fight you with everything he has at his disposal. I mean he'll do _everything _he can think of_. _He'll use violence, words, allies, blackmail, weapons, reputations—anything he thinks will work against you, any weaknesses he can find. He'll feel like he's been backed into a corner, panic, and probably act like a caged animal. …Can you handle it? …He'll do his damnedest to put you through hell, you know."_

_"…I have known Mello long enough to know his trends and behavioral tendencies. I believe I can succeed. …I appreciate your assistance, Matt."_

_"…Not at all. I'm only doing this for Mello's happiness, after all. Sometimes a little hurt can be worth the outcome. I'll see you tomorrow, Near. …Good luck—you'll need it."_

…

I find myself sighing in exasperation. Thinking back, I am beginning to doubt my words. I have never had the chance to observe Mello's reaction to something like this simply because he never dated, but observing this now, I am… unsure of where this will go. Everything up until now was simply a guess based on his past reactions. Now that he is veering off course, it is best to enforce the physical aspects after answering his questions. First, to answer him now.

"… You were not—nor have you ever been—drunk, Mello. You know that. …Your consent was not necessary. You have no choice in this matter. I am merely being polite in informing you," I respond. This only seems to worsen things, though I expected as much. He is Mello, after all.

"Like you've ever been _fucking polite _to me or anyone else! And what the hell do you mean 'my consent was not necessary'?! I'm_ pretty damn sure_ you need the other person's _agreement _to do shit like this! And I know Matt's been saying shit to you behind my _fucking _back! What the fuck are you two up to, huh?! Did Matt put you up to this shit?! Is this some kind of sick, fucked up _joke_?! Why the hell are you _doing _this to me Nathan?! I'm not just some _fucking toy_ you can mess with, so why?!"

I allow my eyes to widen slightly in surprise. He has never called me by name in the seven years I've known him. I feel a twinge of… _something_ in my chest when he does so. I find it is a mixture of irritation—as he knows I prefer to be addressed as Near—surprise and… a third thing I'm unfamiliar with. I ignore it in favor of thinking about how to answer his question. I can't tell him the real reason, but now is one of the only chances I'll have to prove my 'genuine feelings' to him. Before I answer, I decide I need to claim him physically to ensure my next point will reach him. Both verbal and physical enforcement are shown to be more effective in proving a point than words alone.

"Hey, what are yo—" I move to press my lips to his, somewhat gentle at first before lust overcomes me. I soon push my tongue to his lips, falsely requesting admittance under the presumption that he might be more willing if I was to act polite; as I find he still resists me and I am denied, I demand entrance and force my tongue through, tasting the caramel and chocolate he just recently finished—Matt's peace offering. He doesn't seem to fight as whole-heartedly this time, something that surprises me.

"Mmm… Nnn…" His eyes seem to slowly close as he subconsciously moans and leans into me. I take his hair and pull it harshly; I want to hear more of the delicious sounds he makes, sounds so unique to him.

Moving my hand to his cheek, I bring my fingers slowly across his smooth skin. Once I reach his neck, my fingers find Beyond's collar. This collar irritates me; as long as he has it, he will feel attachment to B, and I won't allow that. I will get him a new collar and later remove this one. I already know how I am going to do so and it can only help to solidify my possession of him. Everything he has is now mine—his okaa-san, his body, everything. I am his new keeper now, _not _Beyond, and I will make sure that he _knows_ it.

The surge of possessiveness coupled with my irritation causes me to become more forceful as I grab the collar and pull him closer to me, earning me a groan of pain-laced pleasure—it would seem Mello is masochistic. I move my free hand from his hair to the base of his neck, adding pressure to the kiss and digging my nails into his skin, causing the fresh, crescent-shaped wounds to bleed. I nip and bite at his lower lip for a while; after a few more seconds, the need to breathe takes precedence, and I am forced to release him.

Mello looks up at me, panting slightly, his eyes hazy and cheeks lightly flushed. I feel more warmth pool in my abdomen at the sight. I allow the barest of smirks to cross my lips as I let the idea of this sight being mine and mine alone sink in. "W… why—?" Mello begins, but I cut him off.

"…Because I like you, Mello. …I hope to satisfy your needs in our relationship." With those words I feel it wisest to depart so that I can think on all of the weird feelings that Mello has aroused in me. I can only hope that I said the right things to gain his trust, or at the very least his acceptance or favor. …Even if my only reasons for satisfying him are solely to benefit me. As I move to go back to finish group I hear him shout from over my shoulder.

"We are _NOT _in a relationship!" Once he believes me to be out of earshot, he whispers something I certainly did not expect, his voice somewhat… somber. "…Are we…?"

000

I must say that today Matsuda's stupidity works in my favor. Having a topic like relationships allows me a much wider range of words and hints when getting at Light-kun in regards to our situation. I can almost feel the temperature drop as Light-kun hears those words.

"Well, who wants to start? …Light-kun? How about you, you know, since I asked Ryuuzaki-kun before," Matsuda says. I can barely contain the snicker trying to force its way through my lips. Light-kun's face says it all: Why does he always call on me or Ryuuzaki? Doesn't he know there are other people in the room?! …No doubt that's what he is thinking. Eventually, he concedes as I knew he would—wouldn't want to destroy your hard earned image, right, Light-kun?

"Uh, sure. …I …haven't ever been in a relationship before, so I can only guess, but… Relationships should be _mutual_," he says, glancing at me as he does so. I know his words are for me, not the group. …Silly Light-kun; does he really think I'm so clueless? "…As for what to expect of each partner… well, communications should be open, they should be patient with one another and respect boundaries. That's all really."

Light gave a very generic answer; it definitely speaks to his not being in a relationship before, not that I ever have either. Though I can't help thinking that it is less than I would have expected from the ever-social Light-kun.

"…But Light-kun, not everyone has the chance to make relationships mutual. Acceptance or approval is not always mutual in the beginning; some people are forced into interaction and come to accept this over time, do they not? Also, I should point out to Light-kun that he forgot to mention his views on relationships," I state, sure to include our present situation, or at least one aspect of it—we are forced to interact to an extent. There is a 91.2% chance that he will agree, but have some form of retort as is Light-kun's way. There is a 5% chance he will agree for his images' sake, and the last 3.8% is the probability of him ignoring me or giving up and saying nothing.

"That may be true, _Ryuuzaki_, however, most people _consent_ to being mutual, even in places such as work environments whereas we have not. I don't particularly like your approach." As I predicted, but he seems to be losing his edge—he is hinting more than necessary to the others. I suppose I should use this to my advantage, but I hoped Light-kun would have been able to pull himself together with more efficiency.

"…But Light-kun, I don't believe I have calculated incorrectly. I have approached Light-kun in the way most likely to gain his acceptance." A painfully obvious lie, but here it works in my favor; he can't say what is really happening in front of everyone. He is far too prideful. The real situation is the last thing he'd want to get out, plus this also serves to remind him of just how much he's slipping up. "…What else can I do to gain Light-kun's favor? And I thought Light-kun and I were getting along so well…" Let's see where he'll take things from here—I've left things pretty open. My eyes hold the unspoken challenge. Light-kun is quite attractive when he is seething with rage. I can tell that he knows when he's been beaten.

"…Being as socially inept as you are Ryuuzaki, I doubt that. But if you must know, we can discuss it _outside _of group," he grinds out. Too bad; I was having fun. I mentally pout.

"…Regardless, Light-kun still has not mentioned his views," I state.

"Relationships, more often than not, are only used for selfish gain and are only consented to when both parties acknowledge and accept that fact. No relationship is completely selfless or without gain—it is only a matter of _what _a person stands to gain, be it psychological comfort, physical gain or otherwise. Even parents gain the knowledge that they are doing right or some other form of emotional or psychological gratification in taking care of their children. No relationship is without gain, not even allegedly 'innocent' ones."

"…" At this point I decide to stop; Light-kun is taking the game too seriously. I wanted to play, not fight. Though, it is not that he is incorrect—in a way, I am also using Light-kun, and I am sure he will use the situation I have presented to his advantage as well, seeing as I have left him no other option.

"U-um…Well… Light-kun, Ryuuzaki-kun… You took up a lot of our time, so I'll let you all out now. See you tomorrow." Matsuda hurriedly gathers up his things and leaves and Light-kun heads for his room. I immediately follow.

"Ryuuzaki, go away. Didn't you hear me in group?" Light bites out, clearly irritated by my presence. I merely bring my thumb to my lips and chew gently, thinking over whether or not proceeding without tact would be worth the amusement I am sure to receive. I decide that I will be blunt.

"…Of course. Honestly, Light-kun has such a low opinion of me. …He said that we could discuss our… _relationship_ outside of group, did he not? I am sure I heard Light-kun correctly." Light turns to face me quickly, a fierce glare on his face, as he grabs my arm and pulls me behind him into my room and closes the door swiftly behind us before lowly growling out his next words.

"We are _not _in a _relationship_, Ryuuzaki. I only interact with you because I _have no other choice_. I'll admit, you got me this time. I'll give you that. But as soon as I can do so, I _will _kill you. You're only standing in my way." He turns to leave, but before he can do so, I grab hold of his arm, turning him to face me, and without prior thought or warning, I press my lips to his.

Light seems to be shocked into silence, his body stiffening and his lips unresponsive. Using the momentary pause, I move my lips against his slowly, giving him the chance to respond on his own before I become more aggressive. He remains motionless, so I begin to get harsher in my treatment of him.

I nibble at his lower lip, causing him to gasp, and I use that moment to slip my tongue into his mouth, occasionally brushing against his own. At that stimulation he begins to respond with fervor, trying to fight me for dominance, but of course I can't let him win. Knowing him, he has decided to make this a competition. This should prove to be very entertaining. I wonder… how will he react this time? I hope he handles this better the third time around, as there will be many more to come.

000

I just came back from a day of killing more humans—no thanks to Light and his 'rivalry' with that Ryuuzaki guy preoccupying him, if one can call it that—and guess what I walk in on? Light and Ryuuzaki sucking face. Normally, I would be pretty mad that he's shirking his responsibilities as Kira to get a boyfriend, but seeing _who_ it is and that fact that it's a _boyfriend _made my day. I normally just come to pick up my apple and head right back out, but _this_… This is so _interesting_. So much for Light not being gay. I always knew he was too pretty to be straight. …I never bought into that whole 'metro-sexual' thing, anyway. That's just a term for guys who are so far in the closet they don't even know they're in denial. …Like Light. Hyuk.

Deciding to ask Light-o about it later tomorrow, I head to his room and get the apple waiting on the desk—thankfully he didn't see me. I'll need to keep a special eye on Ryuuzaki; maybe Light has plans for him that pertain to his goals. An ally, perhaps. They certainly seem to be… _friendlier_ with each other lately. If he is with us, then he is no threat to my plans and serves to keep me laughing all the more. I'll keep him around a while, just to see what he does, hyuk hyuk. How amusing.

000

I am so furious! Ryuuzaki's behavior is driving me up a wall! How dare he say those things! We are NOT in a relationship! And we never will be! What the hell is wrong with him? This has got to be some kind of trick, a game—he can be certain I won't lose, and if this is how he wants to play it, fine!

I can feel Ryuuzaki's tongue brush against my own, and that stimulation shocks my body enough to respond full force. I move to twist and dance with him, but whenever I think I've gained the advantage he forces me back into submission—damn it, I will _not _be the woman here! I allow him to re-enter me, and when he does I suck on his tongue, earning an almost inaudible moan from him. I smirk into the kiss as I revel in the small victory, but I find it was short lived.

He moves to nip at my lower lip, sucking my tongue in return, and unlike him I can't hold back my voice as I express my pleasure. "Mmm…" I know the bastard is basking in his damn victory, but I won't let it go that easily. But before I can make up a plan and take action, he moves his lips to my neck, quickly finding my pulse. How in the hell does he know all these things?! There is _no way _he's ever been with someone, be them male or female! He can't have experience, so how does he—?

"Haah! Uhn… Nnnn…" I can't control the sounds that fall from my lips as he takes the skin between his teeth, nipping a sucking gently at first, slowly becoming more insistent. Without waiting for me to adjust to the pace or the feeling of his mouth on my neck, he suddenly becomes aggressive with his ministrations, sucking on the skin before I am hit with a slight stinging sensation at the juncture of my neck and collar bone. After moment, he moves his tongue over the area, soothing the irritated skin and goes back to sucking my neck, moving up to my ear. After a minute or so, I register the fact that the bastard marked me! He freaking _marked me_! How the hell am I supposed to explain that to people?!

Before I can voice my anger on the subject, his lips are on mine again, and I taste the coppery flavor of blood. This asshole _broke skin_?! Does he have _any idea_ how long that will take to heal?! He probably planned this!

Eventually, he pulls away and takes a few steps back. As I look him over, I see that he has absolutely _no _signs of what transpired between us—his hair is always a mess, as are his clothes, and his face is no different except for a barely noticeable swelling of his lips. You wouldn't see it unless you were looking for it. On the other hand, I now have tousled and messy hair along with rumpled clothes—a sharp difference from my perfect style with every hair precariously in place and neat clothes—and as for my face… I have noticeably swollen, dark pink lips and a light flush across my face, not to mention I'm kind of breathless and panting slightly. Wait a damn second, I shouldn't say it like that! It's not like it felt _good _or anything! I'm just pissed off—how is it that he can walk out of here with _no signs _of what happened and be completely unscathed?! I got a damn _hickey _now and it's not like I have anything to cover it with! The damn thing will probably take a full week to fucking heal!

After a while, he speaks. "…It would seem that Light-kun has lost the battle. I have to wonder, though… what will Light-kun say about that mark I gave him? I believe that we are now in agreement in regards to the terms of our relationship, Light-kun."

What?! I can only stare at him incredulously for a moment. Did he really just say what I think he did? "…Excuse me?! I don't know what you mean, Ryuuzaki. I'm pretty sure nothing could _be _discussed with your tongue down my throat!" I exclaim. I don't want to admit it, but… he got me again! And so what if I lost this one battle, Ryuuzaki?! Sure, I lost... _this time. __Next _time, _you'll _be the one sporting a hickey as _your _battle wound! Because that's what it is! A battle wound. You don't fucking own me, you son of bitch!

He turns to look off into space, a distant and contemplative look in his eyes as he brings his thumb to his lips in a thoughtful gesture. I just can't get over how damn nasty that is! Seriously! "…Light-kun did not resist my advances, and did not stop me when I marked him. Usually, when one does such things, it is a form of consent. This means that we are in some form of relationship, specifically of the physical if not romantic type," he reasons. That's his sorry excuse for an explanation?!

"Y-you didn't ask to kiss me! Y-you caught me off guard… a-and then you _bit me_!" I argue. I curse my damn stutter, but I was forced into shock! Besides, there is no way he's getting out of this with whatever twisted form of 'approval' he's conjured up! I won't allow it!

"…It became consensual when Light-kun kissed back. As for the mark, Light-kun could have resisted or said something to stop me at any time. His voice was occupied releasing clear sounds of pleasure, and his lack of discouraging words were taken as a silent request to continue," he says simply, as if this is the _weather _we're discussing and _not _his sexual assault. I'm really starting to hat his lack of response to me.

"I did _not _sound anything like that! B-besides, th-that doesn't mean I liked it!" I say in a desperate attempt to keep him from being right. I know I responded, but it was because I wasn't going to lose! I don't _want _a relationship with him or anything else to do with this guy! (A/N: Yes you do, Light-chan~. Sorry, couldn't help myself.)

"…Regardless, Light-kun reacted to me. As for his point of 'not liking it' I would say that Light-kun's body is willing to argue that issue," he says, none-too-subtly glancing over my body. I can feel my face heat up to what is an undoubtedly unnatural shade of scarlet in shame. I am _not _gay! Maybe it was just my body going awry because this is the first person I've ever kissed. (A/N: That's a pathetic excuse, even for you, Light-chan. No more A/N's now.) I didn't think my body would react like… _this_. I don't know, but I'm not a god damn deviant, I'm _not_!

"…" I can't even think of anything else to say. Of course, Ryuuzaki uses this moment to interject his thoughts on the matter.

"…Light-kun and I have now discussed the terms of our relationship, since he could not read them from his actions. Unless Light-kun wishes to continue where we left off, I would suggest returning to his room to find a way to cover up the mark he is so ashamed of." With that, Ryuuzaki leaves to go to the recreation room, probably to watch the Kira case or some other network. He probably only left because I'm still in his room.

I mechanically move to my room, and I couldn't be more grateful when my mother appears to comfort me. If Sayu and tou-san came… there's no doubt I would break completely.

000

When I saw Near and Mello outside, I thought I would break. Near was so… harsh to Mello, and even though I know he had to be and that this is for Mello's sake, I couldn't help being jealous. When Near kissed him, I died a little. Something that I've always wanted so easily taken by someone else…

Once I got home, I didn't even bother to play my DSi, PSP, Play Station, Wii, X-Box or any other system. I was too depressed. Mom came upstairs and tried to get me to talk to her, but I ignore her as I always do. Whenever I talk to someone I get hurt. It's part of why I like Mello so much. He talks enough for the both of us, and he's been through so much pain, just like I have—the only difference is that he became extraverted and defensive about it, while I became reclusive and withdrawn. At around 8:30 I get a text from Mello, and despite everything, I can't help smiling a little. Maybe I really am a masochist.

_matt, something bad happened! my aunt just fuckin called n misa's overdosed on heroin! she's being admitted 2 TIA (Tokyo's Insane Asylum) in 2 weeks as soon as her body's recovered n near fucking assaulted me again! what an a-hole right?! oh, brb, someone's here._

I decide to reply anyway. I briefly wonder who the hell would be at his door at this time of night. Doesn't he live alone?

_hey, dude. srry about misa. she's ur famous model cousin, right? so she's being committed? wow, that sucks. wait… isn't that the same place that near's brother is in? i heard it from him a while back… ur friends w/ near's brother, aren't u?_

After a while, he still hasn't gotten back to me. I can't help but worry some more; who could he be with right now? I immerse myself in my PSP game and decide the feeling is just my imagination. It couldn't be that bad, and if it is, I'm sure Mello's strong enough to handle it.

**End Chapter Nine**

6600 words. I'm still keeping my 6000 word minimum, it's just that writing the previous 7000 is getting harder when the right stopping point presents itself.

Not bad, huh? Yeah, there's gonna be a time skip of two weeks next chapter. Misa is introduced, so cover your ears! Lol Also, MORE ANGST! Things have been fluffy lately! Prepare for more Sayu and Soichiro! They come in next chapter and _man _have they got something to say to Light!

Special thanks to all my frequent readers. I only posted this today and already two frequenters reviewed and over two dozen people read it. I'm so happy! I started college today, so I'm not sure when I'll be able to be back, but chapters will probably be done little by little and posted about every four days to a week. I enjoy all you've had to say!

Ja ne,

Rainbow-chan :3


	10. The Owned and Their Owners

Hey, guys~! I just had a thought! My user name has a double meaning because reading and writing yaoi makes me happy and high as a kite AND being that rainbows are the symbol for gay pride, I can say yaoi is rainbows! Yay! …That was probably confusing. My personality is so scattered that I confuse myself sometimes… Going from happy yellow to somber blue. That's what I meant it to be at first and then had one of those almost-but-not-quite asleep moments and realized this.

Anyway, I have another thought: HOLY SHIT WE ARE AT CHAPTER TEN in like, just over a month! I am so awesome!'

WARNINGS: Amane Misa. Need I say more? Also, Mello-bitching (as if that wasn't already there) and sexual thoughts (again, already been there) and an 1800 word lime (Near/Mello). Yays! Some type of sexy!

With all I'm giving you in this celebratory chapter, you guys are _spoiled_. MORE L/LIGHT FOCUS **NEXT** CHAPTER! I needed to lay down the ground work for next chapter, which has next to NO Near and Mello since it will be Misa being stupid, L being pissed off, and Light being the prick that he is. It is ALL ABOUT L and Light's counseling NEXT CHAPTER! If I didn't break it up like this the chapter would be over 13000 words, and that's just too damn long.

Raising Hell – Chapter Ten (OMG still in shock!)

I finally get a text back from Mello… thirty minutes later. I wonder… what he could have been up to? It was probably just a nosy neighbor again… He's always complaining about them coming to his door and asking about the noises...

_hey, matt. sorry, it was just the bitch next door wondering about some shit she heard. i swear she comes like every other day, man! why the hell can't these fuckers leave me alone, huh?! i hate them all! n now this shit with misa 2? really? fml_

I text back quickly. Mello's pretty impatient and the last thing I need is his wrath upon me. …Even if he's kinda hot when he's mad. But now I need to focus on getting him calm, asking about Near, and staying in his general favor, _not _how hot he looks when mad and what he would look like… with his flustered face… Yeah, Matt, now's a good time to stop.

_yeah, that must suck 4 u dude. so what happened w/ her? why'd she od? n why heroin of all things? that's some pretty hard shit dude…_

_like hell it sucks. that's a fuckin understatement, matt! n it's not like i would kno shit about it. hell if i even give a fuck. she probably had some shit happen w/ her crap-ass douche bag of a bf. u kno, ryuuga hideki? that pop star pretty boy who makes movies n he's all over daytime tv n stuff? yeah, he used to b her bf, but i knew he was never serious about her. no one ever is. even i don't take her seriously, n i'm her damn cousin. i never bothered 2 say shit 2 her since she's a dumbass n wouldn't listen 2 me anyway_

I can't help being a little surprised. I knew Misa was famous and all, but I never thought they would get together… They just seemed to have nothing in common—well, as long as you don't count shallow materialism. I guess compatibility doesn't matter in the entertainment world; it's all about publicity, remaining relevant and not fading into obscurity, so I guess their hook-up makes sense, in a way. …I never liked the guy or Misa for that matter, and I was never into tabloids, but being friends with someone who has a famous family, I guess I should start… Yeah right. Mello can just tell me everything. Even _he _doesn't like being a part of all the drama his cousin causes.

_yeah i kno of him. i don't really like him tho, not that i like misa much either. knowing misa n her parents, they probably sent her there so u could check on her, right? they never did want much 2 do w/ her since she didn't want to become the heiress 2 the firm the amane's own… don't they own a cosmetics firm n develop formulas n stuff? …i guess they think she's some kinda slut now. tho it's not like they r totally wrong about that…_

_i kno, right? u kno more about their company than i do. i didn't even kno that. anyway, she's being dumped on me n shit. so now i got misa-sitting. fucking fantastic. i gotta baby-sit a bratty, materialistic, shallow n stuck-up little bitch w/ a heroin addiction n listen 2 her whine about the man she no longer has since he dumped her 4 some dyke named takada kiyomi. fun. i'm 8 yrs younger than this bitch, so i shouldn't have 2 deal w/ this shit! i'm still in fuckin high school! i'm only 15! i mean she's fuckin 23 matt! u shouldn't need 2 send a 15 yr old high school kid 2 do this shit! she's supposed 2 b the fuckin adult, not me_

_i'm totally with u there, man. that's just pathetic on misa's part, n her parents aren't even gonna do anything? they're gonna dump it on a 15 yr old? they're just as bad as misa. also, isn't takada kiyomi that news girl w/ the short black hair? i'm kinda surprised by such a down grade. if he wanted publicity, he'd b better off w/ misa. she's so damn stupid n crazy that she's always in the media. i don't kno why she's so popular… i kno i wouldn't want 2 date anyone that crazy n she's seriously 23 man? that's just all kinds of sad. it's ridiculous on so many levels_

_yeah, i kno, matt. so what else is up w/ u? i can't deal with misa's BS right now…_

Well, do I tell him about this new game or do I continue to go with my plan at the risk of him hating me even more…? …I decide to breach the subject I've been avoiding until this point. No doubt he'll remember he's supposed to raging and furious with me for trying to help with his… _situation _instead of Misa and her… issues. Misa being who she is an issue all its own. Oh well. I guess I gotta deal with some Mello-shunning.

_this whole thing just seems 2 really suck 4 u, man. so… i kno u won't wanna hear it right now, but is stuff with near… better at all? i tried 2 talk 2 him n make him stop…_

_DON'T TALK 2 ME ABOUT THAT FUCKER! HIM AND HIS FUCKING MOUTH RAPE! I FUCKIN HATE HIM! AND UR 2 BLAME, 2, U SON OF A BITCH! U FUCKIN HELPED HIM W/ THIS SHIT! WE R SO NOT FRIENDS RIGHT NOW! _…Just like I thought. I really don't want him to be mad at me… I try to soothe him.

_i'm sure it'll get better man. just don't freak out. i kno u aren't happy. but i get it, so i'll give u some space until ur calm again. i'm still ur friend, mels. _

As I thought, I get no reply. Maybe he broke his phone—it wouldn't be the first time. I really don't like going behind Mello's back and helping Near—I mean he's a romantic rival; I didn't even like conceding to him! Still, I knew I would be shunned and ignored by Mello, but at some point he would have to come back and make things up with me. It took almost two weeks, but he did come back, and boy did he have some things to say. I can't say I wasn't totally surprised, but I wasn't exactly prepared either.

000 (Fast-forward Two Weeks) 000

My aunt called me two damn weeks ago and gave the fucking bad news that would officially be the icing on the shitty, crap-ass cake that was my life. Near is starting to do more than just the occasional molesting of my mouth, Matt betrayed me and I'm_ still_ not talking to that back-stabbing son of a bitch, I'm out of chocolate, and now _fucking Misa's _in the hospital for a heroin overdose. As if I don't have enough shit to deal with already! _And _she's being committed to T.I.A. today, so I have to see her after group for the first time. This is why I got a _fucking apartment _and moved _away _from them! I don't want _anything _to do with them!

Lately I've been taking it out on okaa-san, and I know she doesn't deserve it, but at least she listens! Near has been such a fucking bastard, and no matter what I do he won't stay the hell away from me! I've tried everything! _Everything_!

_'Okaa-san, why does all this shit happen to me? How am I supposed to deal with Near, Misa _and _Matt? Things are… they're just… I can't do it, okaa-san. I so fucking weak, and I can't fucking _deal _with this shit! I can't even talk to Matt now! I can't trust him!' _I mentally scream, frustrated and wanting to abuse another wall, but unable to since I'm in fucking class.

_"…I understand, Mello dear, but you will pull through. The storm in just beginning. You need to be prepared. Things will be getting more chaotic from here, and it would do you well to regain Matt as an ally," _okaa-san explains. I can't help but think this shit sounds like the same thing from the whole shit with Near—vague and useless. I hope that I can go against this, or at least prevent the shit from fucking happening. I'm just so fucking tired of it all…

_'What the fuck do you mean, okaa-san? I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do with information like that. Don't get me wrong—I trust you and shit—but how would I get Matt back on my fucking side? He's fucking ignoring me!' _I argue.

_"Did you check the text messages from two weeks ago, Mello dear? He said that he would give you some space and wait until you calmed down. …He's been waiting for you to get back into contact with him," _okaa-san says. I check through them, and sure enough, she's fucking right. Damn it! I text him immediately.

_matt… it's mello. near is… he's… i need u._

Matt texts back almost immediately. I have _never_, and I mean _NEVER_, been happier to hear from this fucking fool.

_i knew i just had to wait. so what's wrong, mels? _

_all kinds of shit, matt! near's doing more than just mouth rape 2 me matt! he's …touching me now. n misa's being admitted to TIA today, so i gotta visit the bitch after group! n i'm outta chocolate 2! things r horrible! fml _

_damn, that sucks. i didn't think u would try 2 get back 2 me until things got 2 bad 2 handle, but i didn't expect things 2 get this bad. …i'll bring u chocolate during group. as 4 near… idk what 2 do, mels. i kno u don't like 2 hear it, but maybe he is for real… just give the dude a chance, mels. if he's bad, i'll talk 2 him 4 u or kick his ass. i'm still ur friend, mels._

…_fine matt. i'll try this with him. it's not like blackmail or threats did shit 2 him anyways. but this doesn't mean i like it either! n u better bring my favorite, matt cuz u owe me!_

_i'm glad u'll give him an earnest shot. n u kno i always bring the good stuff, mels. have i ever let u down when it comes 2 chocolate?_

000

I walk towards Mello's normal spot in the cafeteria and find myself wanting to shake off Kimiko and Yoko a lot more than usual today. Of course, Kimiko is still rambling on about mindless nonsense, but after a while I hear something of relevance that I might be able to use to my advantage in escaping these two.

"So, you know, like, that really famous Gothic Lolita model? You know, Amane Misa? I'm sure you know about her, Yoko. You know of her, right, Ryuuzaki-senpai? Well, if you don't, all you need to know is that she's this famous blonde model who poses for Gothic Lolita fashion magazines."

_'Mello's cousin? I remember her… she went into modeling after she refused to marry our cousin Beyond and head up the Amane cosmetics company. Her parents didn't approve of her being one of their models, since she should be the CEO, and disowned her in a way. What happened with her now?'_

"Well, you've heard of Misa-Misa's boyfriend, Ryuuga Hideki, right Yoko? There's no way someone_ wouldn't_ know who he is since he's in so many movies and on lots of TV shows. Well, people were saying that he was having a fling with Takada Kiyomi, that news channel chick, behind Misa's back and it was _true_! Can you believe it?! And then Misa went and overdosed on heroin! She, like, _almost died_! And now she's being committed to T.I.A. I always knew she was a nut case, hanging all over our Ryuuga like that! Oh, but he's _nothing _compared to _you_, Ryuuzaki-senpai!" Kimiko quickly amends, batting her eyes, hoping to make me jealous or perhaps flatter me. I would never spare such feelings on someone like her.

Yoko then looks up at me shyly, bright green eyes honest and earnest, blonde hair falling gently across her lightly tanned face, and I find myself becoming somewhat fond of her. I really hope that she does find someone to treat her well, along with a better friend than Kimiko. She's too honest and open to be with shallow brutes like Kimiko who use and abuse her. She's the type of person who would fit well into my future vision for the world. "U-um… Ryuuzaki-senpai, a-are you okay? …Y-you seem to be distracted…"

I look to her and then to Kimiko, who looks pretty upset and angry. Her hair is down today and her stormy blue eyes only make her irritation easier to spot. I really don't want to be in her company, and besides, I need to check up on Mello. I could use the guise that he is Misa's cousin, which is true, but… I can't be outright. It would only cause me more problems.

"…It merely reminded me of Mello's cousin. They went through a similar thing," I say, planning to say that I should check up on him, since 'it hit him pretty hard'. Before I can do so, Kimiko interjects.

"Anyone related to that freak would deserve it! Who cares about that loser, anyway? You're so above him, Ryuuzaki-senpai!"

This irritates me further; I can't stand people who judge others with no prior knowledge of a situation. "Takiyama-san," I say, being as formal and distanced as possible, knowing that it is the only way to make her take me seriously. "You shouldn't judge others without knowing them personally first. One could do the same for you, thinking that you sleep around or are a promiscuous person when it could be that you merely have a flirtatious personality. I would not judge you, and I do not judge him. I am going to see how he is handling things." I don't bother telling her that I know she whores around, since that was not necessary to prove my point. It would have been wasted breath on her anyway, since she would avidly deny the accusation. With that, I turn to leave, but I hear Kimiko yell back at me.

"Why are you defending him so much, Ryuuzaki-senpai?! What is he to you?! I… I've tried to get your attention for months! I… I want you to notice me! But it's always about _Mello_! Do you… do you _love _him?! Is _that_ why you ignore me?! What the hell is so special about _him_?!"

I turn to face her, allowing some of my irritation to show on my face. She has angry, frustrated tears streaming down her face, her hair is wild and her pale face is lightly flushed from yelling so loudly. I am unfazed by this, and my only registered thought is of how much more I like Mello's flushed face and how cute he is when angry.

"…No, Takiyama-san, I do not love him," I reply. I see her face relax a bit, before she looks at me determinedly, daring to ask her next question. I may as well sort out this nonsense with her as soon as possible—then I won't have to deal with it in the future.

"S-so, you're still single, then? …But… if he's not a lover, than what is he to you? Why care so much for that low-life loser? He's a worthless freak!"

"…I will not go out with you, Takiyama-san," I respond icily.

"B-but why? Why don't you give anyone a chance with you?!" she screams desperately. …Really, must she make such a scene? Her dramatic behavior is one reason.

"…You have insulted Mello," I say simply.

"WHY THE HELL IS THAT FREAK SO DAMN IMPORTANT?! HE HATES YOU! EVERYONE CAN SEE THAT! ALL HE EVER DOES IS FIGHT WITH YOU AND TRY TO HURT YOU! SO, WHY WASTE YOUR TIME ON HIM WHEN YOU COULD DO SO MUCH _BETTER_?!"

I certainly hope she doesn't think that _she _is this alleged 'better option'. Not only am I homosexual, but she's the school whore. Everyone's slept with her at some point, and not only do I not want tainted, dirty seconds and possibly even thirds or fourths, but I don't want diseases. I love being the first to have Mello in this way. I simply don't desire anything else.

"…I do not expect you to understand our relationship or our history together. …I have known him for many years—seven to be exact—and I suppose you could say he is a… friend to me. As for why I won't date you… I don't care for your behavior in general. You are jealous and possessive of someone that you don't have and I find that, along with you as a person, to be rather annoying. I have tried to be civil up until this point, but you are now testing my patience, Takiyama-san. Now, I am going to talk to Mello. If you'll excuse me, Takiyama-san, Yoko-san," I say, turning to leave.

I quickly walk to Mello's table, seeing that he is now seated and texting someone, most likely Matt. I take his phone form him and give him a meaningful look. He glares for a moment before conceding. He seems to have learned his place, and I'll have to ask Matt if he has agreed to consent to this. We walk to an empty classroom, and I immediately shove him against the wall, kissing him heatedly. I soon break the kiss, looking him in the eye as I speak.

"…Has anyone given you trouble today?" I ask. I did promise him that I would handle matters in school. He looks away a moment, glaring lightly before answering.

"…No, okay? Now what the fuck do you want, Near? I know you don't actually give a damn about me so do whatever the fuck you came here to do and leave, like you always do," he says. I can't help noticing that there is substantially less venom in his tone today. I am almost positive that Matt got him to give me a legitimate chance. I hope so, as that would work strongly and favorably for my plans. Regardless, I answer him in the same way I always do.

"…You know what I want, Mello. …You want it, too. You know as well as I do that you like what I do to you, especially when I make you bleed. Is that not why you follow me easily now?" I ask lowly, moving my lips across his neck and slowly dragging my fingers across his chest. I can't wait to present Mello with his new gift. Over the past two weeks, I've grown comfortable with the feelings I have around Mello, especially when we are together like this.

"No, that's not it at all and you fucking know it, Near! The last time I tried to fucking run from your sadistic ass you chased after me for _twenty fucking minutes_ and got us_ both _a _fucking_ _detention_! I _can't _fucking get away from you! What about your fucking precious _reputation_, Near? I thought that meant _so_ fucking much to—Haah!"

I deliver a bite to the juncture of his neck and collar bone as punishment, not licking over it to soothe it until I speak my next words. "…You should know better than to speak to me that way, Mello. I have kept up my end of things. I kept my word." As I move my tongue across his skin, he shivers involuntarily.

"…J-just get it over with, Near. Get what you came for and leave me the fuck alone," he mumbles, clearly aggravated, but conceding defeat. I like when Mello submits, but the victory is made so much sweeter when he fights. Maybe Mello is right to an extent… Perhaps I do have a hidden penchant for sadism. If that's the case though then Mello has an obvious masochistic streak; first Beyond and now myself… It's actually amusing in a way.

"…No. …I'm going to make you feel good today. …I'm feeling generous. Also, I think you'll like the present I got for you," I say. Before he can ask what I mean, I get to work devouring his lips. This time he willingly opens his mouth to accept me, and that confirms my suspicions; Matt convinced him that he should stop fighting me. I'll have to thank him later in group.

I move one hand to Mello's hair and my other hand to my back pocket, taking out a strip of fabric I brought, just in case Mello decided to be a little too feisty; knowing him, he won't take too kindly to my next course of action. It turns out that I was just in time, since he is trying to touch me and is reaching for me once again. I quickly grab his wrists and twist them behind his back, earning a pained groan from him, and I move quickly to tie the restraints, looping them in a figure eight around his wrists before tying them tightly. His eyes widen and panic floods him as he finds out what I've done, but before he can say anything, I move to catch his soft lips once more, nibbling on the lower lip before biting down and drawing blood. I cover my tongue in the crimson liquid before forcing Mello to taste it himself.

"Mmmn," he moans into me, probably wanting to say something, but I won't let him. Forcing him up against the wall and trapping him with my body, I make sure to distract him by sucking his neck and violently pulling his hair, occasionally biting down harshly and drawing blood, using my free hand to unbuckle Beyond's collar. Today is the day I truly make Mello my own.

Once I have the collar undone, I make sure to claim his lips, using my knee to spread his legs and grind against him, earning a loud, pleased moan. Through his pants and gasps, he tries to ask me a question.

"Ughn… Hnn… Haah… Near, what are you… doing…? Nnnn!"

"…Just wait. You will find out soon enough," I say simply.

"Wh-what do you… Haaan… m-mean by… th-that? Ahh!"

"…Be silent," I command, pressing my lips to his to enforce my order. I can't have him speaking or looking at me while I do this. No doubt he'll only make it more difficult.

I take out a thick, shiny, new, black leather collar with a sliver tag in the shape of a gothic 'N'. It took two weeks to custom order, and I did so just for Mello. I make sure to quickly put it around his creamy neck, buckling it in front, and just to make sure he can't take it off, I place a small lock around the metal clasp, a lock only I have the key for. I had to go through a lot of trouble to get this made properly, giving it a flexible metal core so that he can't cut it either. I hope he comes to appreciate it. Mello-proofing isn't easy.

After I finish placing the collar on him, I move my left hand lower, resting it atop his waistband, hooking my fingers in the belt loops. I can feel his need pressing into me; no matter how much he denies it, he loves it when I'm forceful with him. I bring my right hand around to the back of his neck, my nails digging into his tender flesh and drawing small trickles of blood, pressing my now-swollen lips to his bloodied ones with punishing force, before drawing back to watch him. I want to see his reaction to what I'm going to do next.

I move to take off his belt, and Mello struggles to form words, his lust-hazed blue eyes becoming focused for a moment. "N-Near… W-what are you—?"

"…I said I would make you feel good, Mello. I think we both know where this will go."

I am now unbuttoning his leather pants, kneading him through his black silk boxers before I move my hand to grasp him. He gasps loudly before moaning with need. "Nnngh… N-Near…no, don't…" He begins struggle uselessly against his restraints and trying to move away from me. I hold him in place, pinning his shoulder back with one hand and my legs trapping his body.

"…You want this, Mello. I will not be denied simply because you are stubborn. You know as well as I that you like this." I slowly move my fingers up his length, earning a long, loud, pleasure-filled moan from him. There is no denying that his body wants this. I watch his face throughout the ordeal, relishing in every change his face goes through, how is flush darkens, how his soft hair sticks to his face and neck, how his body heats up, how his eyes become glazed over with lust and need… every enticing and arousing sound that falls from those soft, tempting, silken lips of his… The blood smearing them so beautifully… his blood…

"Haaa… Nnngh… I… Near… P-please… S-sto—"

"…You don't want me to stop, Mello."

"Ahh! N-Near… don't… I-I can't—"

"…Let go, Mello. Give in to me," I command, still watching his face; his expression is full of resistance, as if afraid of what will happen should he give in to the pleasure, pleasure that the one he hated—and likely still harbors some hatred for, especially after he finds what I did to him—is giving to him. I can tell that he is near his end; his length is weeping warm tears and his legs are weak, yet he still fights me. He's trying so hard, even though his body involuntarily moves into my hand, trying to match my rhythm, to make me move faster. However… I can't help getting some pleasure knowing that I brought him to this. I am the first one, the only one, to witness this sight. The thought brings me a euphoria I can't even begin to describe. I use his essence as a lubricant and quicken my pace—he cannot escape me, and given the withering puddle of desire and need that he is now, he won't be able to delay his orgasm much longer.

"N-Near… _P-please_… Don't… I… I-I'm gonna—"

"…I know you are close, Mello. …If you want this to end… just give in to me."

"N-Near I-I'm… s-so close… I-I can't… I—"

"…Stop holding back, Mello."

"N-no… I-I can't… Near, I… I-I… Nnngh… I-I'm—"

"…Come for me, Mello. …I want to see your face. I want to hear my name from your lips."

"Hnnn… A-aah! I-I… _N-Near_!" I feel a sticky warmth wash over my hand as he climaxes, and seeing his face in an expression of pure ecstasy sends a rush through me that I had never felt before now. I love that only _I _bring him this, that he is untainted—that he is mine.

I feel his body shudder violently and he throws his head back, arching his back as he rides out his orgasm, his hair sticking lightly to his face, breathing heavily. I decide to let him ride this out, to come to terms with what just happened—what I just brought to him. My plans are working better than I could have anticipated. I move to untie his wrists and clean off my hand, turning to face him. Before I go, I grab the new collar and jerk him closer to me, claiming his lips with a final, searing passion before speaking to him.

"…You should clean up soon, Mello. Lunch will be over in ten minutes. …Also, I hope you like the gift I got you. It's custom made." With those parting words I leave, purposely leaving Beyond's collar in plain view on the floor for when Mello regains his senses. Sure enough, I can almost sense his movements as I walk down the hall, visualize him seeing Beyond's collar, touching my own around his mark-laden neck, his face contorting into expressions of confusion, shock, and finally anger as I hear his scream. "_NEAR, YOU SON OF A BITCH_!"

000

"Hideki, you son of a bitch! How could you leave Misa like this?! Misa-Misa loved you! …What do you mean, Misa has a problem?! Nothing is wrong with Misa! …Well, you can't leave Misa because Misa's leaving you first! …Misa doesn't care if you're with that tramp, Takada! Go to hell, Hideki! …I guess you like lying sluts, then! You'll never find someone better than Misa, Hideki! _NEVER_! And when you come crawling back, Misa won't take you back! …Misa will make _sure _you regret this! …Fuck you, Hideki! …Yeah, whatever. Good ridi… redi… Hey! Misa isn't stupid! You just use too many big words! …Misa is not annoying! Misa is cute! People love Misa-Misa! Misa has _fans_! No one loves that Takada bitch! …Well _Misa's _too good for _you_, Hideki! Misa can do so much better than you anyway! …Oh yeah? Well when Misa-Misa marries Kira, Misa will tell him to kill YOU! …Bye to you, too! Forever!"

OMG, Hideki makes Misa sooo angry! Misa HATES him! How could he do this to Misa?! Misa does NOT have a problem! It's everyone else who's messed up! Now Misa's gotta go to some crazy house?! Misa's not crazy! Well, now Misa's gotta see this idiot who's gonna tell Misa what's wrong with her, but there's nothing wrong with Misa! Misa's FINE! Who's that weirdo with the bad posture?

Oh, well. Misa will show Hideki who's stupid! Misa'll find a guy a million times better than him! And then he'll come back to Misa, begging for Misa to forgive him. And Misa will tear his heart out and squash it, just like he did Misa's!

Misa wonders… who can make Hideki jealous? It's not like Misa's perfect prince Kira is in a place like this… Oh well. Someone from here will have to do. Turns out they won't release Misa for a while.

000

I turn to head down to Light-kun's room once I hear the high-pitch screaming of what I thought was a dying cat. Who would have thought that was a girl? I wonder what she's in for—she seems like a total wreck. There is a 38% chance she is suicidal, a 24% chance she is homicidal or violent, a 30% she is suffering from a drug-related addiction or problem, and the final 8% is the chance that she has a personality disorder. Regardless, I am going to visit Light-kun, as we have developed a type of… _routine _since our encounter two weeks prior.

Often, Light-kun and I will alternate where this takes place; usually it is my room one day and Light-kun's the next, though we never go to his room after evening group. I am sure he has a reason, perhaps pertaining to him being Kira, but he cannot kill me, so I am unconcerned. I don't care if he continues as Kira, and in fact I wish to utilize his powers in the future to further the goals of otouto and myself.

We have not moved beyond kissing yet, but I feel that Light-kun is getting upset with his many 'losses', and may try to change the battlefield or use different, more extreme tactics to gain the advantage... or perhaps it is merely to try and even the playing field, as he thinks I will be just as inexperienced as he is. Little does Light-kun know I merely do my research. Once I enter his room, Light-kun tries to catch me off guard and gain the upper hand that way. How naïve of Light-kun. I quickly regain my footing and composure, grasping Light-kun's shoulders, digging in my nails and trying to get him to open his mouth for me. Interestingly, he resists, and merely tightens his grip on me. Seeing that I clearly have to go about this a new way, I move to brush my knee against him, the unexpected stimulation causing him to gasp and finally granting me access to him warm mouth. I swiftly move to taste him—it is a taste I've come to crave.

"Mmmm…" he moans into me, and I love the vibrations it sends down my spine. I move to his neck, hasty in my movements, wanting to trigger that one spot on his neck that makes him crazy with lust for me, the spot that instantly wins me the battle—his pulse. He really has been making an effort to keep me from it, but he knows that once I get to sucking in that especially sensitive area he'll lose control and be at my mercy. All last week Light-kun constantly complained about the mark I gave him, even though he found a turtle-necked sweater to cover it up. I was a little disappointed; I would have loved to broadcast Light-kun as my own, even if only for the sake of otouto's and my ambitions. Now I only make marks that take less than a few days to heal and can easily be covered; I've also been courteous enough to not break skin, but today I am annoyed and make the mark a little bigger than I intended.

"Haaah! R-Ryuuzaki…! Nnn…" He moves to grasp my black tresses, tilting his head and giving me more access, a silent way of conceding defeat. At this point, my mouth leaves him, aroused and frustrated. He looks at me in frustration, not doubt about to ask me something he already knows the answer to… how childish. I expected more from you, Light-kun.

"What's wrong with you Ryuuzaki? You seem sort of… moody," Light-kun states, curiosity seeping into his tone. I look at him blankly before responding.

"…It would appear we have a new addition to the ward, Light-kun. …However, it is no one note-worthy. Light-kun should be aware that lunch is being served soon. …He should handle his erection and get ready to head to the recreation room." With those words I turn to leave but before I go, I look over my shoulder to see a very embarrassed and red-raced Light-kun. …I must admit, he looks rather… cute. I can't help teasing him a bit.

"…Does Light-kun still insist on claiming heterosexuality? Our many encounters have provided much evidence to the contrary, Light-kun."

"Sh-shut up Ryuuzaki! I am _not _gay!" I barely manage to dodge a slipper to the face. How rude, Light-kun.

"…For someone so intelligent, Light-kun is very insistent on ignoring the facts," I observe. I quickly leave after Light-kun throws another random projectile at my face. I do not think it wise to become a target for Light-kun's wrath, regardless of how cute it may be. I wonder what cake will be served today… Angel food cake? I hope so.

000

I don't care _what _Ryuuzaki says—I. Am. Not. GAY! I am simply determined to not lose these fights with him. Even if they are tongue battles. I won't lose in any challenge he throws at me; I don't care what it is!

I get ready to go and cover this new mark courtesy of _fucking Ryuuzaki _and deal with my problem—again, no thanks to Ryuuzaki—changing into a clean turtleneck sweater. (Never in my life was I more grateful for Aizawa and the other task force members caring for me after my family's death. Before what happened two weeks ago, I almost threw the damn thing out; it's so ugly.) Suddenly, I feel the air get darker and colder around me, a tell-tale sign of _their _angry presence. I can almost feel their gazes on my back. After I am finished, I turn to face them: Sayu and tou-san. They look absolutely _livid_.

"…Nii-san, what the hell are you doing? I thought we told you to stay away from Ryuuzaki-teme," Sayu states coldly, her voice terrifyingly calm, her face betraying nothing.

"…B-but Sayu… Please, hear me out… It's a plan I hav—"

"A plan to be _FUCKING FAGGOT_ you _worthless sack of_ _shit_?! You're a sorry excuse for a son! I don't even _know_ you anymore, you _disgusting abomination_! _Nothing _is worth my own _flesh and blood _getting _physical _with a _man_! And your _enemy _of all people?! I thought I_ raised you better_, Light!" Tou-san shouts, red in the face and shaking from rage. I can already feel the desperation coming back. I can't choose between them… When did Ryuuzaki become so… important?

"It's either_ him_ or _us_ Light-_niisan_! Are you even _worth_ calling a brother anymore?! I don't even _know_ you, Light! You lied _every single time_ you said you _loved_ us, and now you'd_ betray_ us _twice_?! First by _lying_ and then by_ fucking a man_?! Or should I say _getting fucked_? You can't even be the _seme_! Not only are you a _fucking faggot_, but you're the _bitch_ in the relationship, too?! How _DARE_ you_ disgrace_ otou-san and okaa-san like this!"

I can feel the sting of tears in my eyes as I try to reason with them. "But, I'm doing it to find out his name! I _can't_ kill him without it! This is the _only_ way to get him to slip up-"

"The _only_ one _slipping up_ is you, Light! Tou-san and I are _LEAVING_! _That was the deal, Light_! You _clearly_ don't want us _or_ care about us, so we are _gone_, Light! Consider yourself _disowned_. …You were _never_ my brother! _My own brother_ wouldn't_ kill me_ and then have the _NERVE_ to_ not_ avenge my death! _My brother_ wasn't a _FAGGOT_!_ My brother_ wouldn't _disgrace_ his_ family_ this way! _My brother_ wouldn't _abuse_ otou-san's gift like this. And even if my brother somehow _WAS_ all of these things, my brother wouldn't be the_ BITCH_! He wouldn't be another man's _UKE_."

I fall to my hands and knees, begging and crying, but I know that this is the end. The only thing comforting me is okaa-san, saying that she still loves me; that she'll stay and won't ever leave me. I think she's the only thing keeping me together now… I can't even consider begging for them back until I prove myself to them… by killing Ryuuzaki. I have okaa-san supporting and comforting me. I will do it. I will kill him once he is no longer useful to me. And for now, I can play these little games, secure in the knowledge that once I kill him, tou-san and Sayu will come back. I can't have lost them forever. …I can't.

**End Chapter Ten**

6800 words.

…Damn. Well, we all know that Light is incredibly detached from reality. It'll all come crashing down later. MUCH MORE L/LIGHT GOODNESS NEXT CHAPTER! Sorry, Seishirou Hitsugaya, but know that things are only focused on Near/Mello for this chapter, and I needed to have some big mark for chapter ten.

There is little to no Near/Mello next chapter. Believe it or not, both L/Light and Near/Mello took up EXACTLY HALF of this chapter. It just felt like more because of the lime. L/Light lime in a chapter or two. Be patient!

Also, in a future chapter, there will be an inappropriate day dream of L misusing cake (I am a firm believer in the idea that Death Note is the anime of food fetishes—L and sugar, Mello and chocolate, Ryuk and apples… Near just likes dice. Not a fetish, just a hobby). If this bothers you, you have been warned. I always wanted to write this dream. I think people will find it cute, funny and hot all at the same time. I know I do.

I was in such a good mood that I couldn't get the angst as… angsty as I wanted, so settle for unintentional fluff. Sorry. Also, the amazing director Miyazaki is RETIRING! I was mourning his loss. I love his movies! :'(

R&R if you like.

Ja ne

Rainbow-chan :3 (I still put it here even though that news made me sad)


	11. The Blonde Revaltion: Welcome to Hell

Hey, everybody! Rainbow-chan is back! Is it a miracle? …Probably… College is hard, and only getting harder. I want some skittles… How is it that I never run out of things to say about rainbows?

Anyway, we are at the momentous second installment of the double digit chapters! Yay! I suppose everything from here on is momentous… the story, too, since it's my first ever.

As promised, this chapter has more L/Light and very little Near/Mello. I gave you a lime and it only took 73000 words and ten chapters (sarcasm—it's wonderful). What more do you _need_?! Lol The dream with L and the Devil's food cake will be when L goes to bed in a few chapters because I couldn't place it here without a REALLY awkward transition. So he will dream it. In a few chapters. Because you should all know one day's events in this story can span three or four chapters with me.

WARNINGS: Again, Amane Misa… a lot more Misa. People need to be warned of her presence, she's just that awful. She is Mello's twenty three year old cousin in this story, so expect Misa to have a mouth on her. She is a necessary evil! _Necessary_! If she wasn't she wouldn't be here. ALSO SOME ANGST! Well, towards the end, but still. Most of this is silliness thanks to Misa's stupidity and obliviousness.

Well, let's begin. And yes, I did keep track of time during the story and I can say that exactly twenty five days has passed including chapters that spanned a few hours or one night. Seems like a lot longer doesn't it?

Raising Hell – Chapter Eleven

Hmm… Light-kun seems to think that this is all something he can 'win'. I do not deny that I too find my fair share of enjoyment in seeing him put forth his best efforts for me, but… I also feel… off?

_'When did I become like this? I've only been here about a month or so… Actually, twenty five days to be exact, but, I have changed; even I can see that. I feel, but it doesn't… bother me as much as it should. Light-kun… he is changing me. I have not forgotten my goals and reasons for doing this, yet… when in the act, I find the importance of those things doesn't matter as much… This is becoming dangerous…'_

Regardless, my musings are put on hold as I eye the Devil's Food Cake in front of me. I was really hoping for Angel's Food cake, but the irony of the situation is not lost on me. Light-kun is essentially the devil. He is tempting, alluring, and seemingly harmless, almost completely with soul—he is a monster in human skin, as am I. He seeks companionship even though he does not know how to love, and he eats, even though he has never been hungry for the things he consumes. He does not desire the admiration; he only seeks redemption from those he has long since lost—I found out what happened to his family thanks to gossip on the part of the nurses. His hunger is one that can never be sated, the worst kind of hunger.

I have come to fall prey to this devil, received a taste of that forbidden flavor, and now I find that I don't want to stop. I look at this cake, and I think of this beautiful devil, of Yagami Light. I crave it now, my own dormant hunger now awakened. Who knew I could feel this after so long…?

I soon hear the nurses mutter about the new patient. I've not spoken a word to her, and yet I already find this girl insufferable, loud, obnoxious and irritating. …It is a bold and daring statement to make, but I will hold steady to the opinion that her voice, mannerisms and conduct are… worse than those of Matsuda. …I stand by these words. She is a petite blonde and looks to be around twenty two or twenty three in age. Her lips are drenched in a hideous red lipstick and her eyelids look like they can barely be held open with how heavy and fake her eyelashes look. Amazingly, though, her eyes are quite wide. …Her entire appearance seems fake and does not feel like it belongs in real life. Also… she looks familiar…

"Hey! Isn't that _Amane Misa_?! _The _Misa-Misa?! She's being admitted here?" Amane? The girl who spoke of her Kira worship on that radio show? …This is much worse than I could have anticipated. I know that Light-kun would never allow this girl knowledge to his true identity, but still…

"She was on Sakura TV's top news story. I heard that she had a major overdose on heroin," a brunette nurse says in a loud, excited whisper. The blonde nurse and brunette nurse are always gossiping about patients; it's how people here learn things they aren't supposed to know. The least they could do is learn to whisper quietly. Oh well—regardless, it would seem that I was right, not that I am ever wrong.

"I know, I saw! She got dumped by Ryuuga Hideki for that news anchor, Takada Kiyomi. And then she overdosed! She was close to death! I guess they sent her here to rehabilitate…" the blonde responds.

"Poor Misa… She must be heart-broken…"

"But she was totally crazy! She—" The blonde is cut off.

"Misa is _not crazy_! How dare you! Misa has _fans_! Misa is fine because Misa is loved!"

"We didn't mean anything by it, Amane-san—" the brunette tries to amend. She always seems shy and sympathetic, but she can never keep her mouth shut either. …Females are such strange creatures.

"Don't you dare say anything _like_ that about Misa! You don't _know _Misa-Misa! Hideki is a lying, cheating bastard! Misa doesn't _have _a problem! It's not Misa's problem if Hideki likes lying sluts!"

"Of _course_ not, Misa-_chan_. _None _of this is _your _fault. It's not like you _chose _to shoot up heroin, or you got dumped for being a _petty child_. And if Ryuuga Hideki likes lying sluts wouldn't _you_ fall into that category as well, Misa-_chan_?" one of the nurses says in a sarcastic tone, pretending to console her. She always seems brash, and if I didn't know any better, I'd say she was quite envious of Misa. What other reason would she have to be so cold towards the girl? She may have had a celebrity crush on this Ryuuga Hideki, or perhaps is jealous of Misa's status.

I resist the urge to roll my eyes at her words and move to get my cake, taking in the sight, feeling my mouth salivate from the anticipation and hunger. They really don't give me enough sugar here. I take my fork between my thumb and index finger, delicately taking a bit from the hefty slice and bringing it to my lips, repressing a sigh of contentment as I see Light-kun come into view. He seems… shaken. I wonder if his hallucinations visited him…. _'If they did, it would stand to reason that he would be more vulnerable to outside influence… and yet… he seems… distanced. Is he in denial, perhaps?'_

Unfortunately, my musings are interrupted by that god-awful girl. …Again.

"Hey, you! Why does Misa-Misa have to wear these hideous hospital scrubs? You can't seriously expect Misa-Misa to wear this, can you? Misa wants her dresses! Where is Misa's make-up bag? And Misa needs her earrings!"

"We have a policy here, Amane-san… You can only have clothes that are approved on arrival…"

"But that weirdo over there gets to wear jeans!" she exclaims, pointing rather rudely and accusingly in my direction. How childish and unbecoming; I have met few people older than me with less manners than this girl. Frankly, it's no wonder her boyfriend dumped her for another—I'm surprised the guy was ever taking the relationship seriously… Then again, there is a 93.7% chance he never was really invested and merely indulged her for sex, money or publicity, perhaps even a combination thereof. "And so do other people! Misa can't wear her dresses or jewelry?! Why?!"

"Well, neither can any other girl here Amane-san…"

"Why?!"

"W-well, it's to prevent the girls from being… um…" I feel almost… sorry for the brunette girl.

"Being what?!"

"…Provocative. …We try to discourage relationships here… We try to help patients focus on recovery, not love…"

"Well, you can be sure you'll be hearing from Misa's—"

Her screaming stops, and though I am relieved, I have to wonder what caught her attention so abruptly. I turn to see Light-kun speaking to Yuki as he does every day, but when I glance at Misa and see her expression, I find myself seething with anger. …She has those _eyes_. The eyes of the lustful.

000

How _dare_ these dumb bimbos go and _insult_ Misa, as if they even _know _anything _about_ Misa! Misa-Misa has _connections_! Misa _knows_ people! Misa can put these bitches in their place! _Especially _that blonde street trash! What a _bitch_!

Misa was about to go complain to the boss of these whores, but then Misa saw him; Misa's new prince. He's… perfect for Misa, a million zillion times better than Hideki! Misa's not sure if she even _wants _stupid, ugly Hideki anymore after seeing _him_… So dreamy… Misa _must _have him! But who's that fat bitch Misa's man is talking to?! She can't touch him! Misa claimed him! He is _Misa's_!

_'Okay, Misa. Go put this bitch in her place!' _Misa goes over to defend her man.

"Hey, you! Back away from him! He's not yours!" Misa's arm hooks with that of the boy with the perfect, shiny light brown hair (A/N: yeah… Misa has next to no variation in adjectives because I perceive her to be _that _stupid), moving to get him away from this hoe. He looks kinda upset and surprised, but soon he'll be Misa's—Misa just has to tell him first!

"…Uh… Hi? …Who are you?" Misa's eyes light up as she hears his voice. It's so nice and smooth… Pretty. (A/N: Only Misa would describe Light's voice as pretty…Ugh.) Misa looks up at the man's face; he looks kinda young… like… eighteen. Oh no! Misa's cradle robbing! …But it's okay, right? Misa loves him! His face has a nice light tan, his eyes are a pretty brown and he's tall and toned and _hot_… Misa can't wait to kiss those soft-looking lips… Misa thinks she'll do it now!

Misa does her cutest pout—Misa doesn't want her first kiss with the pretty boy to be bad, now does she? Misa leans in, but at the last second Mr. Handsome and Perfect pulls away! Aww…

"Uh… we just met. Who are you? My name's Light, Yagami Light. …And you…?" Oh my _gawd_, he's so nice! He probably wants to be polite to Misa-Misa! And his name—Light… Yes, he most definitely is Misa's Light. He brought light into Misa's life ever since that jerk Hideki left Misa-Misa. Oh, Misa should answer her Light's question!

"Amane Misa is Misa's name. Um… Misa-Misa has a question for her Light…"

"…Yes? What is it?"

"Well…" Misa really hopes Misa's Light says yes, or else Misa will have to work really hard, won't she?

000

Well, after having okaa-san console me for a time, I felt secure enough to go out to the recreation room and deal with Ryuuzaki and see whatever or whoever it was that bothered him so much. He might not have let it show much, but it bothered him a lot more than he's willing to show. Honestly, I don't know why I even care. Maybe I'm just too damn used to the guy.

Once I walk in, I see Ryuuzaki sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest and poking at what looks like Devil's Food cake. _'Wait, I know what kind of cake he has now? …Yeah, I've definitely gotten waaay too used to Ryuuzaki. Damn fool, worming his way into my life like that…' _He seems like he's contemplating something, but then his eyes actually twitches—quite a feat in itself, since even a normal person with next to no observational skills could have caught the movement. I can't help internally smirking. _'I didn't think anything would bother the unshakable Ryuuzaki like that… I need to know what caused the reaction. I knew I'd only have to wait; I have to take advantage of this weakness.'_

I decide to get my dinner first, though, since the source of his obvious irritation has to be in this room. I talk to Yuki, getting my extra apple; I'm so high on the idea of me getting one up on Ryuuzaki that I don't even hear annoying screeching until it's right in my ear.

"Hey, you! Back away from him! He's not yours!" I haven't turned to face the owner of this horrible voice, so I'm able to take full stock of Yuki's angry, possessive and challenging look, an obvious hint that's it a girl behind me if the pitch of the voice wasn't enough. I guess even she isn't as genuine as she acts… Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with women?

I plan to turn around and be polite, but all chances of that go flying out the window when this dumb girl decides to touch me and drag me away. Seriously, doesn't this bitch know about that wonderful thing called _boundaries_?! Now I have to deal with _two _socially retarded people who have never heard of or respect _fucking boundaries_?! It's like a blonde, hyper, loud and exceptionally slutty female Ryuuzaki. That image… That's just… terrifying.

"…Uh… Hi? …Who are you?" I manage, trying to not bitch-slap her. (A/N: How manly, Light, how manly. Sorry, no more. I just can't help it today. I don't know how many times I've had to write the word 'Misa' so far and I already want to hit something. Seriously.) I don't know what to do, honestly. How the hell was I supposed to guess that some girl would come grab me by my arm—which is a _severe _violation and invasion of my personal space—drag me away from my usual routine, and try to say she owns me? What the hell is wrong with this girl? I can barely stand Ryuuzaki in my space like this; why the hell would I tolerate this idiot, too?

Her eyes seem to sparkle at my words, and I can safely say I'm scared. She has worse mannerisms than Matsuda. He's stupid and annoying, yes, but she is _so _much worse. No contest, really. It's a bold statement to make, I know, but I'm not budging on it—Not. One. Inch.

Her lips seem to pucker into that really ugly face girls make when they want to look cute and sexy on Facebook… what do they call it…? Oh, yeah—the 'duck face'. I would think a face named after something as unattractive as a duck would tip people off to not make a face like it, but I guess not. …Idiots. _'…Wait… Is she… is she trying to _kiss me_?! What the fuck? Is she a sex addict or something? Is that what they sent her here for?!'_

I lose my composure for a second and shove her away. I couldn't help it—wouldn't you do that too is some freak you never met tried to kiss you out of nowhere? She steps back, blushing and twisting her hair, which is in really childish pigtails on the sides of her head, might I add. This is the adult ward, so you have to be at least eighteen to be here. I know for a fact that I'm the youngest on the ward, so she either has to be nineteen like Ryuuzaki or in her early to mid-twenties… Please, you can't be a child on the outside forever, so grow up. You have to be close to twenty three already, yet you act like a damn grade schooler!

Well, can't let my hard earned image shatter now, can I? I regain my composure and address her. Be polite, Light, be polite. "Uh… we just met. Who are you? My name's Light, Yagami Light. …And you…?" There.

"Amane Misa is Misa's name. Um… Misa-Misa has a question for her Light…" Oh, god, what is with referring to yourself in the third person? I already deal with a weird insomniac with an oral fixation and poor sense of style with no social skills who refers to everyone _aside _from himself in the _fucking third person_! What is wrong with you people?! And who the hell told you I'm _yours_? I belong to no one!And of course she has a question. I hate you so much already. Sigh… better set aside time in my schedule to plot your death along with Matsuda's… You'll both cause me to die from stress if I don't. Or worse, I'll get graying hair.

"…Yes? What is it?" Might as well get it over and done with…

"Well…" she pauses, looking away shyly before meeting my eyes hopefully and determinedly. "…Will you… make Misa your girlfriend?"

000

"Well… Will you… make Misa your girlfriend?"

I almost choke on my cake at the sound of that. …Did she seriously ask Light-kun to date her? Many girls and staff here have bin pinning for Light-kun's affections but none have been that forward. I wait; I'm curious as to what Light-kun will do. I am 99% certain he will deny her, but I am not sure what he will do otherwise. This is… unexpected.

"U-um…" Wow, Light-kun stuttered. This is new. "I, uh… we just met…" …That was a rather weak excuse, Light-kun. I expected more; what happened to that ability to compose yourself in mere seconds?

"Yes, but—" This girl really would be more likeable if she never spoke to anyone. Maybe a body-language interpreter? Sadly the only professional interpreters are those of verbal and sign language. I let out an inaudible sigh. "—Misa… Misa-Misa loves her Light! She'll do anything for him! Please, give Misa a chance to make you love her! Misa will do her best to please her Light!"

Is… is Light-kun actually contemplating this? Impossible. I have never hated his covering of one of my marks more than I do right now, especially since he takes them willingly. Even though the one he has now is smaller than the first one I gave him two weeks ago it would at least tell her to back off. "…I can't Misa." I knew he would reject her. I'm not sure why that makes me feel… relieved, somehow. …Perhaps because the Light-kun I have come to be so acquainted with would not stoop so low as to date someone of such little intelligence. If he would do something so… _offensive_ it would be insulting to me for associating with him. …That must be why it bothered me so much as well as why I feel relieved.

The girl seems heart-broken. Good. She needs to be knocked down a few pegs. "…Misa still loves her Light! Misa-Misa will wait forever if she has to! Misa knows her Light loves her, too! Misa just needs to give her Light time to realize it."

This is ridiculous. I'm not even sure I _want_ to know how she bounded back from that. Instead, I wisely choose to ignore her for the rest of lunch; group will be starting soon.

000

This girl is _insane_. Does she _really_ think I'd even _consider _dating someone I just _met _let alone someone so _stupid_? Sorry, but no matter how hard you try, you can't change your IQ. …Oh, look, Matsuda's here.

"Okay, everyone, time for group!" I follow him into the group room and sadly, this parasite of a girl keeps clinging to my arm, hanging off me like the slimy little leech I'm thoroughly convinced she is. Wait… is Ryuuzaki… glaring?

When I sit, I am not at all surprised but extremely annoyed that this… _girl_ sits right next to me—she's practically in my lap! I can't stand her! Not to mention her perfume smells cheap! Matsuda speaks, and I can honestly say that I've never been more grateful for his presence.

"Um, excuse me, miss? You can't touch people like that here… It's against our policy. There has to be at least an arm's length of space between people… So, please let go of Light-kun."

"_Huh_?! But he's Misa's Light! Misa-Misa should be allowed to see and touch her Light whenever she wants! Who are you anyway?" I don't recall ever agreeing to be 'yours', you half-wit. You might even be _less _than a half-wit. Matsuda is a half-wit, so does that make you? A quarter-wit? Pathetic.

"I-I'm Matsuda Touta. I'm the group counselor… Surely they told you all this when you arrived and they gave you the tour?" It would seem Matsuda gets a little more confident with people on equal or lesser levels of intelligence. Interesting.

"W-well, yeah! O-of course they did! Misa just… Sh-shut up, oldie!" I don't even want to dignify that with a response, let alone thoughts.

"Yes, well, since we have a new member of the ward and the group, let's go around and introduce ourselves for the young lady, okay? Please state your names, ages and what you're here for. We'll start with… well, Light-kun why don't you start? You seem to know her already, so…" I really wish you wouldn't make that assumption, Matsuda. I hate her, and I've only known her ten minutes.

I let out an inaudible sigh before I speak. "…Very well, Matsuda-san. I am Yagami Light, age eighteen, and I am here for hallucinations, various psychological traumas, and a particularly severe case of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or P.T.S.D. for short." I doubt she understood a word of that by the severely confused look on her face, but she nods anyway; that's probably her way of 'trying to make me love her'. You can't force love, idiot. Clearly your own parents have difficulty expressing 'love' for their own daughter; I've heard of tough love, but it's still a bit much, not that I'm sympathizing. The day I sympathize with Misa is the day I dye my hair orange and call myself a ginger. The others went around making introductions and just like last time, Ryuuzaki finished last… How similar to our first group together.

"…I am Ryuuzaki. I am nineteen years of age and I am not a liberty to say why I am here."

This only seems to anger the twit; thanks for helping things Ryuuzaki. Thanks a lot. "Hey, oldie! Why isn't _he _saying why he's here? Everybody else did! Why's _he_ so special?"

"The higher-ups have told us that he is not to be forced into revealing information he doesn't feel comfortable sharing. He has… special circumstances. He has ever since he was admitted."

"But that's not _fair_!"

"Life is not always fair, Amane-san." Yeah, just like it's not _fair _to me and my _fucking boundaries _to have you hanging off me like a malignant tumor. Or how it's not _fair _to my lungs to be forced to inhale those nasty, cheap, toxic fumes you call perfume. Or how it isn't _fair _that I will be half-deaf _before_ the age of _twenty_ because of your inability and/or refusal to learn how to control your decibel count. I'm not about to get down to your level and tell you to use your 'inside voice' for three reasons: one, you don't _have _an inside voice—you have the ever-so-rare 'I scream anytime, anywhere' voice. Most people grow out of this by the time they turn ten, but you seem to have a permanent issue. Two, such an action would imply that I hold the belief that you can understand something, even under kindergarten simplicity. Three, and most importantly, I _will not_ damage my _pride_ for someone like you. What the hell about this situation is _fair _to me,_ huh_?!

"Shut up, you creeper! You're worse than the old guy!"

"I'm not old…" Great, now Matsuda's losing control of the situation. Now I'll have to step in. …That's just wonderful. When did this become a kindergarten class? ...Oh yeah, when Misa came. I guess I can add 'baby-sitter' to my list of skills if I don't commit suicide first. ...No, the world needs Kira. ...Ugh. Never have I felt more burdened in my work.

"Misa, it doesn't matter why he's here. Ryuuzaki, stop playing into her games. It's childish and not helping at all. And Matsuda, please regain control of the situation. You're the counselor—you're supposed to diffuse things like this, not sit back and watch. Now what is today's topic?"

Misa looks like she wants to argue, but one look from me shuts the bitch up. Matsuda seems to gather his bearings and Ryuuzaki looks absolutely adorable as he brings his thumb to his lips and he pouts. _'Wait, adorable? …Weird… I need to stop that train of thought right here, right now. I almost scared of where it will go if I don't.'_

"…Ahem… Well… Yes, you, um… have a point, Light-kun. Um… I actually didn't have anything planned out today, since I was out yesterday at the hospital… You know, my wife and I just had a baby girl. We named her Matsuda Kimiyo. …So, in light of that, why don't we just talk about developments in our own lives? Share pasts a bit, hm? Uhm… Let's start with you, Misa-chan, since you're new and all," Matsuda offers. …Well it's more convenient that way. I can make up just about anything and they have no way to verify it; it'll also help with my release if I participate. And of course Ryuuzaki will be forced to divulge some truth as well. I'll just have to weed through the lies to get to it.

"…Fine oldie! Misa-Misa's a famous model. She works for Gothic Lolita magazines and sells all kinds of stuff! Misa's parents own the Amane Corporation, and they make make-up and stuff, but Misa won't take over it! Misa hates her parents," She says, huffing towards the end of her rant.

"And why is that, Misa-chan?" Matsuda asks in that annoyingly condescending 'I'll pretend to care and make you think it's okay to tell me about it because I'll act like I won't judge you but in the back of our minds we both know I am' voice, looking at her with those pitying eyes I hate so much. And people wonder why so many patients are adverse to share anything with counselors. …Idiots. We aren't children so stop acting so god damn condescending. Most of the people on this ward are older than Matsuda.

"Because they're assholes! They tried to make Misa-Misa marry some guy and take over! He was, like, five years _younger _than Misa! And he was _totally crazy_! He had a really weird name, too! He called himself Beyond Birthday. Geez, seriously? What kind of name is that?! Misa wouldn't marry someone so ugly and creepy. And when Misa said she wouldn't, Misa's parents threw her out! They said modeling was demani…demee…"

"Demeaning?" I offer. I'm so focused on dealing with Misa's stupidity that I don't notice Ryuuzaki's face pale.

"Yeah! That's Misa's Light for you! So smart!" I'm not yours and stop acting like you've known me for years! I barely know you, you freak! "They said it was bad since Misa _should _be the CEO and not a lower worker in the company, and they said it objeve… objeco…"

"Objectified?"

"Yup, that's it, ob-somethy-fied me and that is was disgraceful—" she didn't have a problem saying that one? Maybe they said it enough times that it stuck. Wouldn't be all that surprising since she did just try to kiss a stranger and is a slut. "—so they told Misa she was on her own," she said sourly.

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that Misa-chan," Matsuda said consolingly. I'm not going to risk her latching onto me further by encouraging her with my attention. I don't give a damn about what she went through. She sounds just like a damn spoiled brat. She's rich and her family just wanted her to do what all people in her position do. Someone has to. I'd love to still _have_ a family to please.

"Yeah. That Beyond guy was so weird. He had these creepy red eyes and he looked just like Ryuuzaki! He was always eating strawberry jam and had the worst posture and habits and he was annoying and—"

At this point, I couldn't even hear Misa anymore. I was too focused on what she said about this Beyond Birthday guy looking like Ryuuzaki. Red eyes… black hair…

_His face is now completely clear; he has black hair, and terrifying red eyes…_

He was engaged to Misa…

_B's parents were rich, but because of the way B looked and acted, they never thought they would have a successor to their company. So they did the sensible thing; arranged a marriage. It was to a girl five years his senior, Amane Misa…_

I go over Misa's words in my head again…

_They tried to make Misa-Misa marry some guy and take over! He was, like, five years younger than Misa! And he was totally crazy! He had a really weird name, too! He called himself Beyond Birthday…_

They have to be the same guy… It's the same person… Damn it, what else did he say?!

_B wasn't all too happy with this, so he ran away to his secret place. It was near a relative's estate, the Ryuuzaki estate. B would run away here every day and one day B fell in love. He was smitten with a beautiful boy named L…_

L…? Ryuuzaki Estate…? But—

_He was a year older than B and B's cousin, but B loved him…_

It can't be… Misa's words echo in my head…

_He had these creepy red eyes and he looked just like Ryuuzaki! He was always eating strawberry jam and had the worst posture and habits and he was annoying and—_

I remember his words…

_B wanted to get closer to L so he started to dress like him, act like him, speak like him and even ate the same things..._

And what he did with Sayu… The flashbacks… I thought I repressed them…

_He walks over to the drawer where our mother kept the special knives and takes out two turkey knifes, using them to stab Sayu through both of her hands and pin her to the wall across the room from me. Ignoring her screams of agony, he saunters nonchalantly over to the cabinet. _

Wait, she... said...

_He looked just like Ryuuzaki! He was always eating strawberry jam..._

And he—

_After digging around a bit, he gets out the homemade strawberry jam that our grandmother had made earlier that week and begins to it with his bare hands, which are still covered in blood._

That asshole he… he killed my family…

_"Your blood is so sweet..." He approaches Sayu with a knife and slowly runs it along her face and down her neck, drawing out her life's essence. "L liked sweet things…"_

Sayu's death... he—

_I race towards the man, trying to save Sayu with the knife I grabbed from the kitchen earlier, but the killer side-steps me, increasing my momentum by pushing me forward towards Sayu's half-dead form. I can't stop in time; Sayu is stabbed through the heart, her warm blood washing over my hands, rinsing away the last of my innocence. She looks up at me, eyes wide with shock and disbelief before she musters up the last of her strength to speak her dying words._

Damn it, I don't want to remember any…more… I can't…

_"Light... why...? What... did I... do... wrong?" Sayu coughs up blood; the smell overwhelms me as the light in her eyes slowly recedes._

My vision is fading to black… I… I can't see… I can't… hear… Everything's muted… The last thing I think I see is Ryuuzaki, eyes wider than usual, full of an… emotion…? What is that emotion…? I… I think it's…

…Fear? Sadness? Or maybe, just maybe it's…

…Regret?

000

I knew I recognized her mouth and attitude from somewhere. Amane Misa. Mello's elder cousin… The 'sweet sixteen'… and Beyond's fiancé…

I see Light-kun's reaction to the information and I can't help feeling a little… curious. What happened to him? Did he know Beyond? If so, what did he do to him? It can't have been anything pleasant…

Suddenly, I see his eyes fade, and his form wavers. He suddenly collapses, and I see realization in his eyes—he must know that Beyond is connected to me in some way. There is no doubt he'll seek answers.

"L-Light?! Light! Lighty, are you okay?! Wh-what should Misa do? Somebody help him! Misa's Light just fainted!" Gee, thanks for the obvious news Amane-san. Why not just say you can't do anything either? …Useless idiot.

"W-we have to get him to the doctors! Ryuuzaki-kun, please help me lift him," Matsuda commands with surprising authority. I never knew he could be this commanding under this much stress… I suppose he isn't _completely _inept, after all.

"…Of course, Matsuda-san," I say, still keeping my monotone even under the stress of the situation at hand. I grab Light-kun under one arm and Matsuda the other, rushing him to the hospital wing. Once we get him to the doctors, they say that they will work to stabilize him. Before I can turn to go back to the ward, Matsuda stops me with a hand on my shoulder. Looking at him, I can hardly believe him to be the same meek and fumbling idiot that holds our group therapy sessions.

"…Ryuuzaki-kun," he says, his voice strong, yet laced heavily with worry and concern. "…You are one of the most stable patients here, right alongside Light-kun."

I don't bother to correct his statement. Light-kun may be extremely unstable, but he is well-practiced in hiding it. I could not convince him otherwise. Regardless of that fact, I nod, waiting for him to continue.

"…I would like to ask you to stay here with him. I'll need someone to be here when the doctors report on his condition, and I can't do it because I need to be back at the ward to control the chaos. The nurses can only handle things for so long. …I trust you with this. Besides…" he pauses, looking at Light-kun's stressed face, sweating and barely breathing. "…I think you're his only real friend here. You're the only one he seems to take seriously."

I know this to be true, but despite everything around us I am extremely curious as to how someone as dense as Matsuda came to deduce the correct conclusion. Light-kun has done well to convince everyone else of his stability.

"…How did Matsuda-san reach this conclusion?" I ask.

"Oh, well… He talks to you more and seems to banter and be around you more than anyone else. I know we probably just annoy Light-kun… When we got his file we saw his IQ. It's over two hundred! …Now, I know I'm not the smartest guy, but I think I'd be pretty bored and annoyed if I was Light-kun… with no one on my level to talk to… And an asylum is a boring place to be in to begin with. He's been here for more than six months…"

I nod silently. That would make sense; I suppose Matsuda understands other by placing himself in the places and situations of others—an interesting and surprisingly accurate display of the one thing I forced myself to lose…Empathy. …I wonder… Why do I feel regret?

"…But then you came, Ryuuzaki. It doesn't have much of anything on your file, not even your IQ, but you seem to have the same air about you that Light-kun did… Almost bored, tired in a way. I hope you'll open up soon… But you are equals, Ryuuzaki. I… I have a feeling he'll need you when he wakes up."

I consider Matsuda for a moment. I find that I almost _want _to be truthful with him, to tell him things… _Almost_._ 'I wish I could, Matsuda-san… But I can't; it is a risk I cannot afford to take.'_

"…Anyway, Ryuuzaki-kun, I leave things to you," Matsuda says confidently, turning to leave. I nod my affirmation. The doctor soon enters, a tall man with a muscular build. He introduces himself.

"Hello, I am Mogi. I'm the doctor on duty right now. I happened to overhear what Matsuda said, so I'm just going to cut to the chase, here. We've found that Yagami Light is in a state of shock; we don't know what caused it. We have managed to stabilize him, but he's going to be out cold in a coma-like state for anywhere from a few hours to a few weeks. …We're not sure when he'll snap out of it."

"…Is there anything I can do the help him, Mogi-san?" I ask. I'm not aware that the words left me until Dr. Mogi responds to my unintentional inquiry.

"Unless you know what triggered it and how to counter it, then no."

"…I am 87% certain that Light-kun's current condition was triggered by something spoken by a member of our ward during our group therapy session. Light-kun paled before fainting. …He looked scared."

"Ah, so it's a psychological trauma. In that case, there's not much _anyone _can do. Those kinds of things have to be sorted out by the person themselves. …The only thing you could try would be to stay by him and encourage him to get through it," he explains grimly.

I don't care what it is. I find my desire to help Light-kun is overwhelming, but I don't have the time to ponder why at the moment. "…Of course, Mogi-san. Would my staying and personally caring for Light-kun be permissible? …He is my very first friend and I am worried for him."

"Very well, Ryuuzaki-kun. You can stay; it would actually be a great help since our staff are busy with other patients. But before you do, it would be a big help if you could please pass the news along to Matsuda about Yagami's condition."

"…Of course. …But before I leave, is there a telephone I may have access to? I wish to consult a friend who may be able to help." It is a partially true statement.

"Yes, right over there."

"I am grateful for Mogi-san's assistance."

Heading in the direction Mogi-san pointed, I quickly dial Near's cellphone; calling the school is slightly more risky and I have to account for the possibility that Near's façade cracking, especially given the fact that I had been delaying telling him everything until I was sure I had Light-kun on our side. …Oh well, there's nothing he can do to change it now, which I suppose is just as well.

_"…This had better be important, L. …You are lucky I was in the bathroom and able to take this call."_

I can tell he is upset by his lack of greeting and his use of my nickname in a harsh way—he no doubt would be using my first name if he wasn't so aware of the constant surveillance on me. "…It is, otouto. Firstly, I have a great many things that need to be explained, _Near-kun_."

He pauses, no doubt trying to discern what could warrant such extreme behavior on my part. I know he will listen. _"…Very well, nii-san. As this is extremely out of character for you it must be of high importance. …I will allow you to explain specifics later, but for now give me the most essential elements of the situation and we will proceed from there."_

"…Of course. I would expect no less of your reasonability, otouto. …Well, I suppose the first thing Near-kun should know is… I've found _him_."

**End Chapter Eleven**

6900 words.

Well, you'll all see what that means next chapter. Trust Misa to hurt people and fuck everything up. So now, Light's in mental shock, unable to have hot make-out sessions with L, but this is how L realizes what he feels and how Light figures out everything _besides _his damn feelings. Of course, L has too much pride to admit them to Light—it's an obvious matter of 'winning and losing'.

I finally got more of that angst I was going for. Yay me!

Thanks to Sae-senpai (just because) and all my new followers! I have nine?! What? People actually_ want _to read this?! I guess I have to keep going then! Please deal with the waiting; I'm in school and I make my chapters a minimum of 6000 words _without _author's notes so that the wait is worth it… I hope is has been and will continue to be.

ALSO, _no one _caught the fact that Mello's last name was spelled wrong so I had to go edit _every single chapter_ and change it from "Kheel" to "Keehl". I did take the time to fix other errors as well, but my grammar check is virtually non-existent and my spell check can only do so much. If a word is missing or I use 'or' when there should be 'of' I can't help it; the keys are right next to each other. Forgive me.

May not-god grant you all a lovely rainbow.

Ja ne

Rainbow-chan :3


	12. Beyond Reality Itself

Hey, guys! Rainbow-chan is baaack~! I wrote that one-shot lemon I promised—it's a GaaNeji as people wanted me to write about them. I was _definitely _going for romantic and would appreciate input!

Whelp, when Misa dies you guys are in for a _treat_! And you have the best senpai in the entire internet to thank for it! Wait for it; its sooo worth it.

WARNING: Misa _whining. _And Beyond being… Beyond-ish. Yes, these two both need a warning all their own. Writing Misa did give me a literal headache at one point. And I just thought to give Beyond a warning because I didn't before. But, honestly, people should have known after his first mention in CH 3 that he was going to have a bloody, crazy presence in this story. Oh, I lurv him so much. (sigh) And a _severe _lack of Mello, Matt and anyone else really. Even Misa for a bit.

Onwards, yaoi-lovers! Let's shoot up the rainbow together, hm?

Don't own Death Note, do own Matsumoto Kaiten (he's so adorable and he's my OC, but not as much as Near). I really wish I owned Beyond and L. I'd be kind and let you all fight over Light. ^_^ See, not totally selfish. Just a little.

Raising Hell – Chapter Twelve

_"…Very well, nii-san. As this is extremely out of character for you, it must be of high importance. …I will allow you to explain specifics later, but for now give me the most essential elements of the situation and we will proceed from there."_

"…Of course. I would expect no less of your reasonability, otouto. …Well, I suppose the first thing Near-kun should know is… I've found _him_."

_"…Explain yourself, nii-san," _Near says harshly, clearly _not at all _happy with my avoidance of the topic. I know that I had not originally planned for otouto to find out this way, but at this point it can no longer be avoided. Still… I would have liked to have gained Light-kun as an ally before telling otouto…

"…Light-kun is the one, Near-kun. It's _him_," I say, waiting to see what Near will do. He could try to interfere, though this is doubtful; he is well aware of the risks involved by this point and has more than likely figured out my reasons for acting as I have.

_"…I am extremely displeased, L. …I thought we would be more open with one another after our… _experiences _together, niisan, but it would seem I was mistaken. Despite my feelings on the matter, I am not unreasonable—should you provide me with a decent explanation for keeping this from me, I will grant you forgiveness, L." _

Ah, so this is your approach, is it, otouto? Or perhaps he is allowing his anger to cloud his ability to see the obvious. Despite his calm and unknowingly adorable exterior, Near always did have signs of an anger problem in the making; he never could handle internal stress well. If he doesn't speak to me about his problem soon, it'll release itself at much more inconvenient time and hinder him. I'll have to ask him about his progress and what's troubling otouto; I know that if I didn't stop him and I had the ability to do so that it would hurt him more. Regardless, that will have to wait; I suppose I'll have to break the current situation to him relatively gently.

"…Otouto knows whom it is of which I speak. As for why I withheld this development from him… I believe that otouto should find my reasoning obvious—I was concerned about him having this reaction. I am aware that Near-kun would worry and consider Light-kun a threat, but Light-kun is close to breaking and submitting. We can use him as an ally. I am very close to achieving this, Near-kun. As for how his abilities work… They remain undiscovered, but I have deduced that as long as Near-kun does not reveal his true name he is safe.

"…Light-kun is in a state of shock at the moment. He collapsed after what I assume to be flashbacks of some traumatic experience and I am now caring for him. I hope to uncover more about him. He frequently mumbles while he sleeps…

"…As far as the trigger, a new patient named Amane Misa was speaking of her previous engagement to Beyond when Light-kun suddenly paled and collapsed; it would appear he is more closely linked to us than I originally thought. I plan to keep strict watch over him, otouto. Now that you have been informed, I implore you to not interfere."

Near is silent for a long while, no doubt to process this information. I can't help feelings slightly… nervous and apprehensive. I never wished to incur otouto's wrath upon me, but this was a near inevitable outcome, especially given the delivery of such information.

"…_L. …You are aware that I _will _be expecting the whole story from this point on, including any information you haven't shared. I know there is more than you are letting on, but this is of little relevance now as I only asked for the details pertaining to your immediate situation. …Interfering with you at this point would be fruitless, so I leave things to you. At least things haven't been a complete failure on your end. …I have to return to class, nii-san. I will discuss this with you during my visit after group."_

I am promptly met with the dial tone. Clearly my explanation did not warrant otouto's forgiveness, at least not at this moment. I didn't even get to ask how things on his end were progressing or what was stressing him… How disappointing. I do hope otouto can contain himself; normally I would have no such reason to worry, but with the weight of this information… I am unsure of what he'll do.

000

After hanging up the phone, I simply stand at the bathroom sink, hands gripping the sides on the porcelain so hard that my knuckles become as white as paper and shaking uncontrollably. I had just excused myself from class to use the bathroom and do a more thorough job of cleaning up after my little encounter with Mello, and now this? _'How could he have done such a thing without my consent?! Doesn't he know what a massive risk he's taking?! We can't afford mistakes, L! And you're risking everything we've built up and worked for all because you selfishly decided you wanted to play games with a mass murderer?! You can't be so reckless, L! We have an agenda to keep!' _I hate it when he does things like this!

'_Okay… I need to calm myself. So far, the threat to nii-san and I isn't entirely detrimental. It can probably be avoided. …There's no use in panicking now. I just have to trust L-niisan. He seems to think that having Kira's powers on our side would benefit us, and he's not wrong… But, it's also something that I would have immediately said was too risky for us to even attempt. That's probably why he acted on his own… I'll have to trust him; it's not like I have any other productive options, and he hasn't been wrong before, so… it should be okay, right? Regardless, in my current state of mind, I'm not calm enough to think this whole thing through rationally. …I won't be any good like this.' _Calming myself and exiting the bathroom, I head back to class. I can think more about it there. Besides, staying in the bathroom is extremely unsanitary.

Opening the door and nodding politely to the sensei, I move to my desk at the far back of the room, sitting back down in my seat. Before long my self-proclaimed 'best friend', Matsumoto Kaiten—though everyone simply refers to him as 'Kai'—passes me a note. I don't think I've ever spoken a single word to the guy, but he insists on being in my presence and keeping me company; I see no harm in letting him do and say as he pleases so long as it does not interfere with me.

Suddenly, a small folded note is on my desk, no doubt from Kai. I decide to humor him and open it; it must have been pretty important for him to do this. He knows how much I hate these types of things; they are childish and only serve to disrupt others (mainly me) and get oneself into trouble. He may not know anything personally about me, but I do have to credit him on the memorization of my likes and dislikes—it makes it easier to deal with him.

_Hey, Ryuuzaki, what was up with lunch? I didn't see you at all and I've been hearing around school that you've been hanging out with Mello. What's up with that? Kai_

Sighing inaudibly, I scribble a reply. I don't see how it's any of his business or how this was urgent enough for him to pass me a note during the lesson—regardless of whether or not I actually care or am paying attention—but I need something to get my mind off of this stress.

…_I had things to do. My tolerance for Mello is of little importance. R._

Kai picks it up and reads what little I've written. Kai is pretty popular with the girls, as am I, but like me he seems to show no interest in them. I frequently find him watching me. He is quite tall and has soft yet icy light blue eyes, full and soft-looking pink lips, and pale blonde hair reaching his shoulders. Surprisingly, he has smooth white skin and not a tan like Yoko. I suppose he is somewhat attractive, though I never bothered to pay him any mind; it took months for me just to remember his name.

_Oh, well that's good. I didn't want him to hurt you or something. I've heard stories about that guy. He's insane! Also, you looked like you were on cloud nine before you left for the bathroom and now you look like death just slapped you in the face. Are you okay, man? Kai_

I read the note, finding myself a little upset at his choice of words. Was my reaction and change in demeanor really that obvious? I really have been letting myself slip. Still, I write down a quick answer.

…_It's nothing you need to worry about. Thank you for your concern. R._

His face seems to glow as he read the note. I find his reaction peculiar, but disregard it, completely prepared to ignore the lesson. Unfortunately, just as I am about to do just that, another note appears on my desk. I slowly unfold it and read its contents:

_Also… I don't meant to butt in or anything, but rumors are going around that you're gay… Are they true? Just wondering, you know? Kai_

I glance up at him and gauge his reaction. He's blushing slightly and once I catch him he hastily looks away. I'm not sure if this is because of the personal nature of the question or if he's homophobic… I decide to give him a straight answer. (A/N: ha ha, no pun intended.)

…_Yes I am. However, I don't need the school to know about it just yet. Is this a problem? R. _I figure that if he is homophobic he'll either stop hanging around me—which would be a wonderful burden off my shoulders—or tell the school, which would get the hordes of girls off of my shoulders. Either outcome works well. On the other hand, if he is not homophobic, he'll remain my 'friend' and a good source of information about what's being said around the school. I put in the line about keeping my sexual orientation a secret to help convince him of my 'trust' in him, and will hopefully help strengthen his conviction in either choice he makes. I wouldn't want him to try and have it one way only to change his mind. That would be the most inconvenient outcome. I patiently await an answer.

_No, no! It's fine! I don't mind it at all. And don't worry, I won't tell anybody. You're my best friend, Ryuuzaki! If it'll make you feel any better you should know that I'm actually bisexual, but I'm not outed yet either. :3 Kai_

I look at the note blankly before nodding at him and going back to staring out the window. I wouldn't have suspected him of being bisexual; I always assumed he turned the girls down because he already had someone. I could swear I saw him blush again in my direction, but I don't think much of it; I have too much on my mind that requires my immediate attention. Regardless, I don't care about him or his sexual orientation so long as he's not in my way. I think about what I'm going to do about Mello and Matt instead—I'll wait until my visit to confront nii-san; worrying about it uselessly won't accomplish anything now.

000

"…_Nii-san…"_

'…Whose voice is that…?'

"…_Nii-san…"_

'I don't…'

"…_Light-niisan…"_

'I can hear someone in the background… It sounds like… but it's too gentle to be her… Sayu?'

"…_Wake up, nii-san…"_

'Yeah… She is my only sibling, after all… But… she's… dead, right…? And she's angry with me… Why wouldn't she be…? I deserve it…'

_I slowly pry my eyes open and move to stand and take stock of my surroundings. My body feels no pain, and when I look behind me I see Sayu's face in an expression I haven't seen in years, not since her death. Her face is… serene, the picture of absolute bliss. She holds no resentment of any kind; frankly, I'm a bit worried because it's normally a prelude to emotional pain or belittlement, not that I don't deserve it—I did kill her after all. _

_Her robes are the purest of white, her chestnut hair falling loosely around her shoulders. Her eyes are… so innocent. …How could I have taken something so wonderful from existence? I tore everything she had to offer from the world, not that the world ever deserved her. Still, I know that I had no right to do it… none whatsoever._

"…_S-Sayu? What are you…?" I hate how hesitant my voice sounds. My grasp of things is pretty loose right now, almost like I'm on heavy anesthetic, but I still know to be wary of Sayu when she's like this; many first hand experiences with her moods have taught me that._

_Instead of answering me she gently grabs my hand, leading me away from the safety and comfort of my current surroundings. Her hand is so warm and comforting. …Actually, now that I think about it, I'm not sure where I am since it has no distinguishable features or landmarks. It's like no problems exist here and the feeling of contentment manifested itself into a single space, blocking out reality entirely. If I had to put a name to it… it would be like Purgatory, or an endless, boundless white abyss. Not necessarily bad, but not good either. There's nothing to tie you down, but you don't feel free or liberated either. Neutral. There. Existing. _

"…_Don't worry, Light. I just want to show you something," she explains soothingly. I want to keep my guard up, I need to, especially knowing Sayu's patterns, but her voice is so inhumanly disarming that not even I can resist it. She could have a knife behind her back and I would be too calm and blissfully ignorant to notice until it was piercing my chest. I nod absently and she smiles warmly in return._

_Before I even realize what's happening, we are at our old house, the surroundings frighteningly familiar, and the smell of blood hanging lightly in the air around us. It almost smells like a theater stage was just wiped down with plain water so as not to add any new scents and now was set for a retelling of the events that took place. Unfortunately, that is _exactly_ what's happening. _

"…_Wh-why did you bring us here?" I ask, my nervousness and fear obvious. For some reason I can't bring myself to care about that; the feelings are too overwhelming. I quickly realize why she brought me here—I know it before the words even leave her lips. I try to beg her not to; again, I can't bring myself to care at this point—_anything_ to avoid going through this again. "…S-Sayu, please don't—"_

_She is quick to cut me off, eyes meeting mine and seemingly eager to confirm my worst fears. "It's to help you remember, Light. You aren't allowed to forget. …I thought you knew that, nii-san," She says, voice full of seemingly genuine confusion and concern—regardless of how it sincere sounds, I know it's a farce. This fits the pattern of Sayu's cycles and mood swings perfectly, but her appearance and voice and serenity caught me so off guard that it feels like it's happening for the first time. The whole time her face never changes, though instead of being locked in an expression of pain and betrayal, it's a look of happiness, bliss, forgiveness, a smile radiating waves of unnatural purity. It's like she's doing this as a duty, like she knows she has to, and has completely accepted it to the point of feeling absolutely nothing. Like an angel slays a devil; a duty for the greater good—though she and I both know that this isn't a duty. It's a self-appointed job for the sole purpose of making me feel guiltier than I already do, a way to appease her sadistic need to see me suffer—and really, why shouldn't I suffer? It would never amount to her pain. She smiles as it all happens again, her eyes never leaving mine for a second._

_Time seems to slow down as I watch everything play out. It all continues to replay endlessly, somehow louder, more acute, more vivid than the first time—my family's death, the killer's words, all the _blood_… my acquisition of the Death Note, Ryuk's laughter… _

"…_N-no… Sayu… Get away… Stop hurting her!" I try to get the murderer away from her, a faceless mannequin as the killer coming towards her and pinning her to the wall, just like before. I can't do anything; I'm not in control of my body anymore. She doesn't scream; she doesn't even wince as the blades pierce her flesh and tear through the ligaments. There's no sadness in her eyes, no upset, no anger, no understanding, no nothing—just that inhuman contentment. The smile doesn't ever seem to reach her eyes; those light-brown depths aren't soulless, though. In fact, they seem _soulful _but it seems artificial somehow, almost hollow, the most convincing kind of fake. _

_Throughout the reenactment, the only face I see is Sayu's—no doubt because she is the one I harbor the most guilt towards. Okaa-san, otou-san and the killer don't have faces or voices; they are only mannequins filling in their roles silently and emotionlessly. I almost wish I could hear them cry or see their faces; at least that would show me something more than this fake serenity tearing me apart inside. _

"_Please, stop…" I plead. I can't stand this… I can use my voice, speak my own words and use them to express my thoughts and regrets freely, but my body moves as it did in the past, with no control, and my actions will contradict my voice regardless. _

"_I can't Light-niisan. Do you know why?" she asks calmly. She looks up at me with more purity than that of an angel._

"…_Don't know…" I mumble, tears freely streaming down my face. _

"_What was that? I couldn't quite hear you, onii-tan," she says, playing up an unnatural amount of cute and happy given the situation. She's never called me 'onii-tan', not even once. I can almost hear the evil nature behind those words… Almost. The worst thing was that her face never once turned into one of even the slightest hate or resent, despite the words—her features remained as serene as ever, even as I was forced to stab her again. _

_"…I don't know…" I repeat, the warm crimson elixir bathing my hand once again._

_Sayu giggles as she explains. "…You're silly, Light-niisan. I can't believe you forgot already, but I'll tell you again. It's because you can't forget me, Light. You're not allowed to forget."_

_The pain and reality of it all hits me in one blow, causing me to stagger and lose my balance. I soon find myself falling deeper into the pit of despair…_

000

"…N-no… Sayu… Get away… Don't know… I don't know… Why…?"

I hear Light-kun mumbling in his sleep, and I immediately he some things that catch my interest. _'He must be experiencing the death of the Sayu… But… Did Beyond kill her? I would not put it past him. However, if Beyond did kill the Sayu, why not Light-kun? And what would his motive be? What did he have against the Yagamis? I know that he was incarcerated, but… I need more. To my knowledge, he still is… And who does Light-kun not know? Could that be connected to cousin Beyond's motive? Revenge? For all I know, it could have been merely fun for him, though the chances of that are low… My meeting up with a survivor of a playful slaughter are merely 6%... no, more like 5%...'_

I gather up the wet cloth in my hands and wring it out, placing it over Light-kun's forehead, wiping it free of sweat.

"…I …S-Sayu…"

Tears are now freely streaming down his face, and I move to wipe them away. Whatever happened to him must have been horrible. I'm not sure why I feel compelled to do this for reasons other than otouto's vision. I am… conflicted. I move my hand slowly, running my fingers gently through Light-kun's soft auburn hair; it helped to calm otouto, perhaps it would help to calm Light-kun as well. However, I can't tell otouto about this; he expects me to be strong for him and not to falter. Straying from my principles now would only lead to disaster. I don't want to fail otouto…

000

'Again… I'm falling again… I failed… When will I stop letting them down…?'

_After witnessing Sayu's death again, otou-san's struggle, okaa-san's fearful face, and all the massive amounts of _blood_, I felt myself falling; the fall seemed endless, a spiral descent into darkness I never thought I could fathom. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, I feel a warm liquid around me. It's dark and I can't even see my hand in front of me, but the stench is one I'm well acquainted with._

'Blood… So much blood…' _I can't help the violent shiver that runs through my body. Once I stand, I find that the blood reaches up to my knees, surrounding me from all sides. Walking is difficult since it's so thick; it's becoming nearly impossible to breathe. The heavily sedated feeling certainly doesn't help matters, either. Suddenly, I hear a voice. It sounds so… familiar…_

"_Hmm hmm hmm… Ah, I love a good blood bath, don't you?" Splashes and slurps erupt from the darkness surrounding me. It sounds like someone bathing and maybe… slurping noodles? I can only assume whoever's out there has the audacity to drink it… Normally, the very idea would have me on the ground retching and I'd feel violated by the mere sound of it. …But, for some reason… I can't seem to bring myself to be bothered by that fact. I feel too numb, too detached from the situation. _

"…_Blood." It is a statement and a hard fact, not a question; how could I ever forget the smell of this one peculiar liquid? How could I forget the essence of life I so easily stole from my own sister, my own family? The one who always looked up to me to protect her? I know everything about it—the temperature, the color, the smell, the taste, even down to the consistency it had when Sayu's ran over my hands as the knife plunged into her chest…_

_I hear a spontaneous giggling in the background, slowly encasing my being. It's everywhere; even if I tried to pinpoint it, its source just seemed to move farther away while simultaneously increasing in volume. I stare out into the inky blackness surrounding me, trying to find the location of the voice, despite myself. Gradually, it seems to reach maniacal levels. This deranged laughter… I know I've heard it before. "Aha ha…Yes, Yagami boy. Lots and lots of blood… Don't you just _love _that nice, coppery scent? It doesn't quite smell or taste as good as that strawberry jam though… Yes, it was quite the recipe…"_

"_Who… who are you?" I ask slowly, unsure of whether or not I actually _want_ the answer to my question. I know this voice… I've know I've heard it before, but…_

"…_Oh? You don't remember me? Ha HA, you're _funny_! Maybe his letting you live _wasn't _so bad… You know, I wasn't for his idea at all at first, considering I died as a result… Actually, he no less than forced me into it. I was pretty sore about his taking little Lawli from me. I'd kill the bastard if I could. …But when he told me what was happening lately, I just had to come and visit you. I've gotten bored of just watching. He said it was time I got involved myself. Might make things interesting, he said. … I have to admit, he was right; you certainly ARE entertaining!" the voice laughs condescendingly, and though I might not have much of grasp on what's happening around me, I know that looking down on me doesn't sit right with me and won't be tolerated._

"_Who are you?!" I exclaim, demanding an answer. He's not making any damn sense…_

"_Well, since you asked so _nicely _I suppose I could put a name to my voice, though I'm sure my ex-fiancé already has… She was always such a _whiner_… Annoying little bitch…" His sing-song voice is really getting on my nerves. Damn it, where in the hell have I heard him before?! _

"_Ex-fiancé? You…"_

"_Hmm, you have really terrible memory, don't you? First you forget me, then your motives for using the Death Note in the first place, and now what is possibly the only thing in existence more annoying than Paris Hilton's Chihuahua… Your own dead sister has to constantly remind you of why you are who you are. …Well, I can't exactly blame you, what with you trying to repress everything like the weak little bitch that you are. …But still, I thought that her horrible voice, childish mannerisms and astronomical stupidity were rather unforgettable… Especially now that she's taken a peculiar liking to you. A regrettable fact, isn't it? That I _can't_ forget her no matter _how hard_ I try, even in _death_… I don't even _want _to remember that tramp! To think she was actually_ five years_ my _senior_! I mean, really—Lawli is so much cuter than her, especially when he's child-like and pouting…" I can hear the obvious disdain in his voice, though when he speaks about that 'Lawli' person his voice seems wistful; there's an obvious fondness and I might even go so far as to say his tone almost sounds loving—that is, if I could ever be _convinced_ that someone like this _heartless murderer_ could actually feel _anything _aside from the desire to hurt others in the most excruciating ways possible. …Probably made it into a damn hobby._

'Wait… the only person that stupid would be… Misa? So he's her ex-fiancé… But… Damn it, what was his _name_? I know she said it… It was strange, too… Not Japanese…'

"_You're…" My eyes widen with sudden realization. He's—_

"_Yuuup! I'm glad you _finally_ remembered! I'm Beyond Birthday. Pleasure to make your acquaintance, though you already know we've met before. I've been looking forward to meeting you again for quite some time now. Hee hee… Your face when you killed me… I must admit, it was such a beautiful expression… Almost enough to stand up to my Lawli-pop… But of course, I'm in love with my Lawli. Only Lawli…" _

"_H-How are you here?! I killed you, you son of bitch! How the fuck are you here?!" I exclaim, shouting at the darkness. There's no way he could be here. He just can't be, not even if this IS my subconscious. How would he know of current events, anyway? There's no way he could know about the Death Note—I got it over a month after his death! How can he do _anything like_ this?_

"_Oh, my. That's pretty damn _rude_, don't you think, Light? And after I went to all this trouble…"_

"_Tell me how you're here! What do you want?!" He can't be here. He can't!_

"…_I thought that someone as smart as you would know. I want my little Lawli-pop back. You're stealing him, and now I'm going to reclaim him. I know things, you know. Things about you, things about Lawli. So many things… You have no idea how _many_ things… All _kinds_ of things…" He trails off, his breathing becoming slightly erratic and raspy, whispered giggles erupting from his throat, madness in his voice. _

_Suddenly, everything is bright, momentarily blinding me. Once the light fades a bit, I see the face that haunts my nightmares. Vivid red eyes shimmering with madness, thick, black and disheveled hair and pale, ghostly white skin. He… He looks just like…_

"_Ryuuzaki…?"_

"_Ah, there you go! That's what I'm after! My adorable little Lawli-pop… Mmm…" He wraps his arms around himself, almost as if he's trying to enact hugging the real Ryuuzaki. His nails dig into his skin, staining the shirt with more blood. Surprisingly, this only seems to make him feel more pleasure. What the fuck is wrong with this guy?! He moves his hands along his chest, coming to rest on his face before closing his eyes and allowing a blissful, nostalgic smile to play across his lips. With the sensual way he moves his hands along his body you'd think he was truly convinced he was caressing the real Ryuuzaki… It's almost like he's trying to become him somehow. "…Although, Lawli is far more beautiful than I. You see, you should feel proud that he's even wasting his precious time on the likes of worthless, filthy trash like you."_

_I silently seethe; how dare he say that about me! He doesn't know anything about me! Like Ryuuzaki would ever pay attention to a freaky psycho like him? I've _never_ been called something so _demeaning _in my life, and I sure as hell won't take it from him! Why the hell do I even care if Ryuuzaki ever paid attention to this guy? I see why _he_ would care being the psychotic and insanely possessive, murdering stalker freak that he is, but why kill _me_ for being _interesting_? "What does he have to do with me?"_

"…_A whole lot more than you think, you little whore," he growls lowly, grabbing me by my hair and pulling me to face level. I can't help crying out in pain. Why is my body so sensitive in this place? Even before, with Sayu, things seemed amplified somehow. "You would dare to act so blasé when my Lawli is actually paying attention to you?! You're not worthy of him! Don't you dare think for a second that I don't know what you've been doing to him! You're a fucking slut! How dare you taint him, you filth!" His eyes fix on me, and I can see the sheer intensity of the loathing he harbors for me. What's worse is I can see my face reflected I those crimson eyes of his and I hate what I see—the rawest form of fear, hatred and pain._

"_L thinks about YOU. You're_ _on his mind __**all the fucking time**__! But, __**I**__ know about you, too. I watched you; I _**never stopped**_ watching you. Lawli __**never**__ watched you, not like I did—not like I still do. I know your birthday, your favorite color, your favorite music, your favorite song, your likes, your dislikes, when you eat, what you eat, when you sleep, where you sleep, how much you slept on any given night, how you fold your clothes, why you're so obsessive compulsive, when you bathe, what you bathe with, what shampoo you use, who you consider your true friends, who you hate, why you act the way you do, when you touch yourself, how long it takes you, what you like to do to yourself and how you like it done—"_

"_What—"_

"—_I know so MANY things… I know _**everything**_ about you, Yagami Light. Every. Last. Detail. And I know what you've done recently, too. You're always being watched. _**ALWAYS**. I won't let you get away. You can't have him!_" _

_I don't know how many hours pass before he's through with me, but there is one thing he guarantees me. "This is not the end; in fact, it's just the beginning. Mercy never _was_ my style. But don't worry; regardless of how long it takes, I __**will **__kill you. You will pay for tainting someone so above you and out of reach. I'll do anything necessary to teach you your place before you die. __**Anything at all**__." The last thing I hear is his hysterical laughter…_

000

"Who are you? …I …"

Light-kun has been like this for several hours now; I have been permitted to watch over him indefinitely, but I do worry over his condition. Regardless, dinner is being served and I will not be able to keep my vigilance over Light-kun if I do not keep myself in decent physical condition.

Walking over to get my cake—which ironically, is Angel's food cake—I sit down to eat, but of course, I find my ears assaulted by that inhumanly high-pitched squealing.

"HEY, CREEPER! WHERE'S MISA'S LIGHT?! DON'T YOU DARE IGNORE MISA, 'CAUSE MISA KNOWS YOU CAN HEAR HER!"

I sigh. It would be impossible to _not _hear her. I don't know how Light-kun can put up with this girl as well as he does. His social skills are something I could silently admit to being envious of. I mentally prepare myself for the whiny verbal assault I'm sure to receive as I give my answer.

"…Amane-san, Light-kun has fainted. He is in a state of psychological shock and unable to be here at the moment. Light-kun is in good hands—" _'Those hands being my own.' _"—so there is no need for Amane-san to worry herself to the point of madness." _'Regardless of prior or current madness, and I'm 98% certain that both situations apply in your specific case.'_

"But, he's _Misa's Light_! Misa should look after him! No one will _let_ Misa-Misa see her Light! _Why_?!" she wails shamelessly, tears cascading down her cheeks, eyes red from hours of crying. Honestly, does she have no self-respect? I assume she does not, nor does she know that a lack of the aforementioned self-respect lowers the chances of others respecting you. Really, she brought all these harsh reactions on herself.

"Hey, creeper! Don't ignore Misa! Answer her!"

Ugh. Her screaming is going to make me deaf. I need to get her away from me and convince her to harass someone else about the matter. Better someone else suffer this than sacrifice myself—how would I care for Light-kun then? Besides, people here are paid to deal with patients like Amane-san whereas I am not. Even so, I don't think I ever _could_ be paid enough to handle the likes of her. (Not that money is an issue what with him owning the Ryuuzaki firm.)

"…I am unsure, Amane-san," I begin. A total lie, but it's not like someone of her mental capacities would be able to tell. She can't even see the reason for the staff keeping her away from Light-kun when it's so painfully obvious. "…Perhaps one of the other staff members would have the answer? I am sure that if Amane-san were to ask nicely and be persistent in her efforts, something to the effect of visiting rights may come about as a result." I know they would never allow it; someone in Light-kun's condition couldn't handle any outside strain, and Misa is one of the most obvious sources of stress I've ever had the misfortune of meeting. Still, it will keep her away from Light-kun and I. The short term effects are worth it.

"OH WOW, that's actually a really good idea, Creeper Guy. Misa'll go ask someone else. Misa's sure to see her Light soon," Misa says enthusiastically. I really do hope she doesn't. Light-kun isn't hers anyway. Although, I do have to wonder about my possessive nature.

000

'_Oh, little Lawli… You are mine; you'll __**always**__ be mine. Always. Don't you worry your adorable little head—Beyond will protect you. I won't let that little bitch get away with tainting you further. You won't have to dirty yourself with him anymore. I have to kill him, Lawli-pop. It's for your own good,' _I think as I watch him. I know he can't see me, but I was always there.

I saw every moment. I even saw all those people he drove over the edge of insanity to their deaths. I helped him sometimes; I'd do anything for Lawliet. I fell even deeper in love with him, seeing the killer he is now. I just wish he would give up this ridiculous goal of bettering the world. The world isn't worthy of Lawli's thoughts or concerns or efforts. I had to escape Hell itself just to be able to manifest and be here with him, but it was worth it. He's so beautiful, especially when he's in pain… But I can't hurt him. Not now. That will push him away. Bondage and cutting can come later. I'll teach him to like it, and then he'll be even more perfect. _'Don't worry, Lawliet… we'll be together soon, no matter who has to die—it's our destiny. I'll kill as many people as I need to. I __**love**__ you, Lawliet. You'll see… They'll all see… hmm…'_

"…Watching him again? I thought you were going to see Light," a raspy voice says from behind me. I was wondering when he'd show up.

"…Oh, I did. He knows now—how much I watch him. How much I hate him. How much I want to kill him. But don't worry, I didn't say _too_ much. Wouldn't want things to move _too quickly_ and deprive you of your _fun_, right?" I reply cheekily. Oh, in no way, shape or form do I want Yagami Light to die quickly. Merciful never _was_ my style. Maybe Lawliet would join me and help me kill him? I shudder at the thought, a crazed grin playing across my lips. On one hand, watching my little Lawli-pop kill, covering himself in _nothing _but his victim's blood, drenching his perfect hair, smearing his lips and licking his fingers, cleaning himself of the crimson elixir… It's quite possibly the most_ erotic _thing I can imagine unless you added strawberry jam and chain or rope restraints. But, at the same time, Light isn't _worthy_ of _my_ little Lawli touching him, and his blood would only further taint him and stain him with his_ scent_. …I won't stand for that. I'll find someone better than Light for Lawli to kill. Then, I can slowly lick the blood off of his bare, perfect, porcelain body, hearing him moan sensually—

"…We aren't planning to act for a few weeks yet. Not enough criminals have died and I've been having to pick up his slack. I don't like it, but it'll be more fun if he's kept in the dark. We need Light _alive _until then, Beyond. I didn't help free you for nothing. I even went against the others to do it," the raspy voice interrupts. While I'm feeling extremely murderous at having my erotic dream stopped, I know I need to respond and not break the conditions set in place. It's only thanks to him that I have another chance at killing Yagami Light and getting Lawliet back at my side. …Even if the bastard is the reason we were torn apart in the first place.

"…Oh, I know. But I can do anything _else _I want to him, as long as he doesn't die, right?" I ask, hopefully. I want to torment him so badly. I can't help trembling in anticipation. A crazed look flashes across my eyes. I know a lot of people thought I was mad, and that I still am, but you won't know the sheer ecstasy I feel killing a person, cutting them, making them bleed and slowly eliciting screams of agony, eventually squeezing the life out of another living being until you try it yourself. Think about it; there's so many _techniques_, so many _options_, so many _weapons_… And with so little time to try them all. How will I ever complete my list of tortures? It's practically a lost art form; no one knows how to_ kill_ people anymore. They're all about that pesky thing called 'morals'. If I went about things the nice way I'd never win Lawli over.

"Of course. That goes without saying. I knew you'd be interesting, Beyond. As long as he lives, you can do whatever you like. Once he's of no more use, you can kill him however you want. I'm sure you'll be creative about it. Hell, I'll even watch. You always were interesting and entertaining as a human."

"…It's why you picked me, wasn't it?" I ask. "I know you didn't just get me involved at random. You're a lot more crafty then you let on. It's part of why I used to like you so much."

He told me from the beginning what this would all be leading to, but I didn't want to play along simply because I knew I was going to die, because my Lawliet would be torn away. Regardless, he used the Death Note and forced me to play into it. After my death, I was beyond furious. I wanted to kill him _and _Yagami Light for what they had done to me and Lawli! But six months after my death, a Lawliet-less existence in the fiery pits of Hell, and he comes by with news of a rebellion? And information on my Lawli-pop? Not only that, he offers me the chance to kill Yagami Light _and _be with my cute little Lawli forever? Can you say 'forgiven'? At least for now…

Hence, here I am. Still, I wonder about his motives for doing all this. Honestly, I don't care what they are, as long as I get my Lawli-pop in the end. Turning to leave, I take a strawberry lollipop out of my jeans pocket, unwrapping it and popping it in my mouth. After sucking for a few minutes, I slowly remove it with an audible 'pop', saliva connecting the candy and my lips, and lowly sing.

"…Lawli-pop, Lawli-pop, walking through the candy shop, it's where I once saw you… Lawli-pop, Lawli-pop, would you like to try a drop of the red candy, too…?"

I look back as I leave him for now, absently continuing to sing. "…Lawli-pop, Lawli-pop, I know they all tried to stop me from ever seeing you… Lawli-pop, Lawli-pop, you know that one by one they'll drop if they want to hide you, too…"

I won't let anyone try to keep him from me, _never again_. Anyone who would dare to try will meet a slow demise. I'll make sure of it… My little Lawli… Soon, I'll be able to touch you again, and I'll get you all the red candy you can eat. Just wait a little longer for me, Lawliet.

_'And just wait until you try the red candy, Lawli! Don't you worry. I promise you… It'll be the most delicious thing you've ever tasted…'_

**End Chapter Twelve**

Damn, 7500 words! Yay, went all out for you guys!

Sorry it took so long, guys! I tried to do a good job with Beyond. He's dead, but he has a massive role. :3

School is going well for me, but it also impedes my writing… Grr…

Anyhow, anything that doesn't make sense, say so. But keep in mind that all of it is meant to be foreshadowing and not supposed to make _complete _sense just yet. I'll be posting a bondage-y GaaSasu later on to practice for the Near/Mello lemon, which is rapidly approaching. If you want, read my GaaNeji, my first ever lemon. I was trying for romantic, but it won't be like that in this story until very close to the end. …Sorry.

Also planning on writing a Beyond/L, because this chapter inspired me! How can I inspire myself…? Isn't that supposed to be impossible…? …Oh well.

Love you guys!

Ja ne

Rainbow-chan :3


	13. The Twin Chains of Fate

Well, readers, this is it—the unlucky thirteenth chapter. O.o

Of course, I am one of the freaks who has never had bad luck when confronted with the number thirteen—in fact, I've had good luck on Friday the thirteenth for the past few years, including winning a school raffle. And I usually never win anything!

So, it stands to reason that my characters won't have bad luck. At least not because of the number thirteen. Ha ha, I love being misleading. ^w^

So, yeah. Here it is. The next installment.

This chapter is all about L's past with Beyond and his slow descent into obsession and crazy. B was NORMAL at one point, so understand that he has not developed into the crazy cutie we know and love yet. There is NO LIGHT in this chapter. It explores important things for later. AN UNINTENTED LIME IS HERE. You have been warned. Too bad my mind didn't give me a warning. I just looked up and it was kinda there. Also note that it is of the Beyond variety, so it's pretty screwy. Know this, and if it deters you, just skip the last segment. Though, I would think that with all the warnings and Beyond being the way he is, I shouldn't need to put this here.

I sometimes wonder what rainbows would sound like… I hear a bunch of awesome guitars and some classical instruments, like flute for yellow and violin for pink. You?

THE PLAN:

I have found that the best way to tie Beyond into this without overloading you guys (and me) would be to show through each character and future talks between characters how Beyond is connected to each of them. And then some Light-torture (it's okay because it's B), Light sorting things out, _maybe_ some citrus on Near and Mello's account, and Ryuk returns to the plot. Big time. This is the plan for the next few chapters.

Disclaimer: Death Note does not belong to me. With the exception of "Rue Ryuuzaki" I totally made up the names of the family members and other unimportant people.

Raising Hell – Chapter Thirteen

Dinner quickly ended with my being so preoccupied with my thoughts of Light-kun and annoyance from Amane-san's constant inquiry that I couldn't even find comfort in my cake, despite it being strawberry cheesecake, my all-time favorite. By the time group came about, I was so absorbed in my thoughts about Light-kun and how he was connected to Beyond that the session faded into the background as something completely inconsequential. I was abruptly pulled out of my musings after group by Matsuda-san; it seems I forgot to relay the information on Light-kun's condition from Mogi-san. I really am losing too much of myself over this…

"Ryuuzaki-kun, did they tell you anything about how Light-kun's doing? I'm worried about him, since the medical ward hasn't contacted me at all…" Matsuda trailed off, a concerned look playing across his face. His eyes are expectant, and he looks haggard with worry, almost like I _didn't_ just encounter him five hours prior. It's interesting what stress can do to a person... I answer him absently, an automatic response flowing easily from my lips in almost the exact same words Mogi-san used while I continue my contemplation.

"…Mogi-san's examination indicates that Light-kun has entered a state of shock; Mogi-san doesn't know what caused it. The staff have managed to stabilize him, but Light-kun is likely to be unconscious and in a coma-like state for anywhere from a few hours to a few weeks. Mogi-san is unsure of when Light-kun will wake.

"…I am 87% certain that Light-kun's condition is the direct result of a severe psychological trauma. I suggested this to Mogi-san, and he considered the possibility, ultimately concluding that this is most likely true. In this case, there's not much anyone can do. These types of occurrences have to be sorted out by the person affected.

"…Mogi-san suggested that the only thing I could do would be to stay by Light-kun and encourage him to get through it. I have gained Mogi-san's expressed permission to personally care for him. I must also apologize to Matsuda-san; I had lost myself in my concern for Light-kun and forgot to relay this information to him, as was requested by Mogi-san."

A look of understanding and relief came across him as he gave a breathy sigh and answered. "That's fine, Ryuuzaki-kun. I'll admit that I'm a little surprised, but I'm actually kind of glad that you did."

"…Matsuda-san is happy that I worried him? Or is it that he is pleased at my distress?" I can't help being angered at his assumptions. I would have never thought Matsuda to be someone who found sadistic pleasure in watching others worry over others or for him, not that I was—it was merely a token gesture to prevent him from frequently asking me questions on Light-kun's condition. The sooner he is made aware of changes, the less likely he is to pester me for further details.

"Huh? What do you…? Oh… OH! N-no, no! Of course not! It's not like that, Ryuuzaki-kun! I just meant that… well, you don't usually seem bothered or affected by… well, _anything_, so… it's a bit different and kind of refreshing to know that you really do care about Light-kun."

_'Seems he's returned to being the fumbling idiot I knew before... I wonder if there's a limit to how much seriousness and control he can have per day... Maybe a certain number of insightful moments a week or something... Still...'_

I stop my musings, and despite my low opinion of him, I take a moment to consider Matsuda's… observation. Is this really because I only wish to use Light-kun? Would I have ever taken this much care of an asset before meeting him and discovering his true identity as Kira? Is his status as Kira what drives me to watch over him and be so protective of him? No… That can't be it—it doesn't explain why he made me feel the need to comfort him as I do with otouto. I have never felt that before now, no matter how valuable someone was. Besides, if it came down to my being forced to choose—between Kira threating otouto's vision or otouto himself and keeping Kira as an asset despite the damage he caused—I would easily save Near and eliminate Kira.

…But when did I start having second thoughts?

I had never had the thought to try and salvage both assets in a situation like this. At one point, an operative of mine who went by the name of 'V' threatened Near for rejecting her affections. Though she was a talented hacker, weapons expert and technician, she attacked and hurt him. After I finally found and caught her, confronting her with her actions, she broke down.

...

_"What the hell is _wrong_ with you two?! You see a girl in tears and do _nothing_ to help her? Don't you care for _anyone_? Does _anything_ affect you at all? Near's single! Don't you dare try to tell me otherwise because I know he is! He doesn't have a girlfriend, but he won't give me a chance! Why?!" she screams hysterically. Her deep, chocolate brown hair flies around her face wildly, sticking to her face as she fights the restraints around her wrists and ankles, desperately calling out to Near. _

_"I love you, Near! I LOVE YOU! Why can't you just accept me?! Please, just give me a chance," she pleads shamelessly. I feel a sudden surge of anger at her words; she couldn't possibly love him. You don't hurt and threaten the ones you love until they submit to you. I may not feel much, but I can say with certainty that I love otouto more than anything or anyone. No one else matters to me, and I would never do those things to him. I will never tolerate someone else getting away with it, either. She will pay for her insolence and insubordination. _

_I look at Near, waiting for him to answer. I take in all of the bandages—the rope burns around his wrists, the scratch wounds on his face, and finally the defense wounds on his arms... And having dressed his wounds myself, I am all too aware of the massive bruises under his shirt from where he was punched and kicked in the chest and stomach. _

_"…I do not love you, V, nor can I ever love you," Near answers monotonously._

_"BUT WHY?! CAN'T YOU AT LEAST TRY?!"_

_Otouto pauses, thinking of the best way to phrase his answer. I know what he'll say, and I'm not looking forward to how V is going to take it._

_"…You do not understand me. I cannot love, nor can I feel anything for anyone as I am not capable. Emotions are a burden. …I do not love anyone aside from L-niisan. I will never love you." The words are said like a prayer or desperately clung to belief, a memorized saying and a firm, unchanging fact. She sobs, the tears flowing with renewed intensity, and otouto faces me, a cold 9mm pistol in hand. Pressing the glinting metal harshly into my palm, he meets my eyes with that same hollow emptiness he had all those years ago, the night our parents died. I have do this for him—he's seen enough death already and if I can prevent it, I'll shield his eyes for as long as I can._

_"…She claims to love me, nii-san." He pauses to look away before looking back to me with a tiny glimmer of resolve in those obsidian depths. "…Her feelings have burdened us and her actions only strengthen our point. Humanity is weak like this. We don't need someone like this in our vision. …You need to kill her."_

_I nod silently, waiting until he is out of sight before I point the barrel of the gun at her head, right between her frightened, wide eyes, terror filling those emerald green irises to maximum capacity. Still, she did not beg for her life nor did she look away. I smile mirthlessly as I memorize this girl. I do not like her and I will never forgive her for what she did to otouto. Frankly, I hope she rots in Hell, but I can't help respecting her courage in the face of death. I am glad that Near-kun will not have to be the one to remember this face._

_..._

She was non-repentant and angry at our lack of emotion—clearly she was not cut out for the job. I would have liked to have continued to use her, but she became a threat to us and her skills could easily be replaced… She was _eliminated_. Sometimes such things are necessary, as are the sacrifices of my victims to understand the extremes of the human mind. We are unable to explore those extremes in earnest unless the situations are earnest, otherwise it remains mere speculation. It is unfortunate, but those situations often result in death.

A few background mumbling noises made it clear that I had failed to realize that Matsuda had begun speaking again. I instead turn to leave and ignore him as he calls out to me. I return to my room, delving in deeper into my mind, expelling the outside world and wrapping myself in the realm of possibility. I place my thumb to my lips, gnawing at the sensitive yet abused flesh relentlessly. I vaguely become aware of the presence of blood on my tongue.

'…_I wonder why Light-kun makes me react as much as I do… I know I've never felt this up until now, but why? Near-kun and I swore against it, and I've killed others for falling into the trap of emotions—if we do not act as role models for the new world, who will follow us? And things are only getting more complicated, especially now that old faces are back in the picture…'_

Perhaps I could get some insight into Beyond's motives from my past memories. I knew him up until my parents' deaths, for a total of four years—looking back on those times with future insight may help me see signs I didn't before. I remember back to day I had first met Beyond, my cousin who was just one year my junior…

…

_I am nine years old, and I'm sitting in my favorite chair, curled up with my knees pressed tightly to my chest, right thumb to my lips and left hand atop my knee. I am next to the bay window, one of the few ways I can see outside; I was forbidden to leave without expressed permission from otou-sama and a staff member. My parents were worried for my health, since I had just recovered from a serious ailment while on vacation with them and Near to South America. I look towards two people entering the living room with slight curiosity. One is my servant and the other is a young boy I do not recognize. _

"_Lawliet-sama, you have guest," the young servant said, an atmosphere of false politeness heavy in the air. Her short blonde hair is down to her shoulders and her brown eyes are full of resentment. _

_I glance over to the new face, not sparing my personal servant a single once-over and no doubt annoying her to no end. The boy is young, around eight years old, and it's almost like looking in a mirror. His hair looks just like my own, black and wild, and his skin is just as pale. His mannerisms are normal, and his posture is perfect—he walks with a great deal of confidence, though a slightly predatory aura can be felt about him—but his eyes are what draw me closer to him. His eyes, also the same shape as my own with the same insomniac shadows, have deep crimson irises, giving them a crazed, maniacal and almost demonic look, no matter what light he's in. It's like he was born to be my anti-self. His black t-shirt and tight gray jeans look nice on him. His eyes don't leave mine for an instant, and his gaze is as blank as my own; we continue to stare each other down, unblinking and neither of us willing to back down. _

_The servant bowed lowly, if not a little stiffly, before gesturing to the guest and introducing the boy. Her eyes narrow as she looks at me with poorly masked distaste. "The master and mistress requested that you meet him while they discuss some things with the Birthdays, Lawliet-sama. He is your younger cousin, Beyond-sama, the only son of Beatrice and Bernard Birthday."_

_I remember okaa-sama talking to Near and I about our family once when we were young. She was talking about the relatives in a photo when one in particular stood out to us. It was of okaa-sama as a young girl, no more than sixteen with another, nearly identical girl who looked rather unhappy with her. She had waist length black hair, like okaa-sama, and beautiful pale skin. However, unlike okaa-sama's deep obsidian eyes, her eyes were an icy brown and they seemed to have a strange red undertone. Between the two girls was otouto's and my father, a handsome man with curly white hair and soft blue eyes, no doubt why our eyes have a blue undertone. I asked her about the girl, and with a solemn face she replied, _'…That is my younger twin sister, Beatrice Johanson. She is your aunt. She married a man in America, though, so you probably won't meet her.' _She wouldn't say anything more about her. _

_The only other things Near and I learned that day were stories of our grandfather, the great detective, Ryuuzaki Rue, and our ethnicity, being Japanese on our father's side and English, Russian and Italian on our mother's side._

_The newcomer looked at me intensely, though I am unable to place the look in those piercing red eyes of his. The servant then turns to the boy, talking down to him as she did to me, as if she was talking to a small child and not her boss with an IQ on par with Mensa members. "Birthday-sama, this is Ryuuzaki Lawliet-sama, the eldest son of Elisabeth and Ryosuke Ryuuzaki."_

"…_I am L." I say, my voice monotonous and testing._

"…_I am B." he says, copying my voice perfectly. Though most children would have been terrified of such an ability, I merely found it fascinating, my scientist mind wanting to know all the ins and outs of how it was possible. He interested me. Without facing her, I addressed the servant girl._

"…_Servant-san may leave and make the necessary accommodations for our guest. When servant-san goes to prepare the tea, please make mine Earl Grey with the usual bowl of sugar cubes and my afternoon assortment of confectionaries at my disposal as I am quite hungry. Just prepare the usual for my guest. I will not be made out as a poor host for a servant's mistakes, and remember that this is servant-san's last chance to redeem herself," I order, not at all bothered by the miffed look on her face or the angry and indignant flush across her cheeks. I expect she'll quit soon, but I may fire her before she can do so—she's starting to annoy me and the last blunder she made was inexcusable. The only reason she still has a job is from her constantly begging my parents for another chance. Apparently, she really needs the money._

_As she gapes rather unattractively, 'B' faces me and smiles. It's a scary smile, almost sinister, and his eyes seems to dance with an ominous joy. I brush it off as the effect his eye color is having on my mind—as he has given me no concrete reason to be paranoid as of yet—and wait patiently for what he has to say. While I wait, I take out a lollipop, unwrap it and suck on it audibly, giving him my signature blank stare. _

'…We could pass for identical twins… is such a thing even possible? Well, I do take after okaa-sama and Near-kun takes after otou-sama… Though we both get our eyes from okaa-sama… Are the genes in okaa-sama and obaa-sama really that prominent as to produce identical cousins? Interesting…' _Beyond soon speaks up, watching the servant girl leave with what I assume to be amusement. _

"…_I like you the way you run things here, L. Never taking anyone else's bullshit. I would introduce myself, but you know who I am thanks to that dumb bitch. I am Beyond Birthday and you are obviously my cousin, Ryuuzaki Lawliet. I guess since we're both rich we have people to talk for us, huh? Don't they know we can talk for ourselves?" He says, a clear irritation in his voice._

_I pause in my consumption of my lollipop to answer him. "…Yes, I suppose they do feel the need to speak for us. I find it both useful and annoying." _

"_Oh? Why's that?" B asks curiously, wondering how I can have two conflicting opinions. His eyes are sometimes hard to read, but strong curiosity and emotion can be picked up easily. _

"…_There are times when I wish to state my own thoughts but instead I am spoken for, and other times in which I don't feel I should need to say something but am forced to explain or elaborate anyway. It's part of the reason why I only speak to okaa-sama, otou-sama and otouto outside of giving the usual orders to the servants. Though introductions are not something I like doing, so it's easier when they do it for me." _

"_I see," he says, thinking the words over. _

"…_So why is B-kun here? I have never met B-kun before now nor was he mentioned by okaa-sama or otou-sama."_

"_I'm here with my family on business, but they've been talking about moving here permanently so I can be closer to my… fiancé." I tilted my head curiously as he said those words. He winced towards the end of the sentence, and I find myself curious about his fiancé. Near is much more popular with females, even at the age of seven, so I hope I will never need to be in Beyond's position. "I was born in the United States, so that's why I'm not good with honorifics and stuff. I don't say my surname first either. And don't call me 'Birthday-kun' or anything like that. It makes me sound like a birthday kid all fucking year. You can call me B or BB or Beyond, but never 'Birthday'. I have such a stupid name. As if having 'Birthday' as a last name wasn't bad enough they named me 'Beyond'. You might as well name your kid 'Apple' or 'Backup' or 'Alternative'."_

"…_Very well. I will respect B-kun's wishes and I will continue to use 'B-kun' as an address. Though I am curious… what caused B-kun to flinch at the mention of his betrothed?" _

_Another wince, this time accompanied by a slight shudder. He sighs before sitting down and speaking. "…Her name is Amane Misa, and she's so annoying! She's the stupidest, most shallow and materialistic girl I've ever had the displeasure of meeting and now I have to marry her, too. I know I'm not much to look at, but come on! Blondes all across the world probably have her to blame for the stereotype. You'll probably meet her at some point since she'll be marrying into the family soon enough, but basically they told me that I was going to marry Misa in the future for the sake of the company and that I didn't have a choice in the matter. Apparently, my eyes are creepy and scare people so they don't think I'll get married or produce and heir on my own. I've been running away daily and sneaking here ever since. I saw you in the garden once…" He pauses here, a strangely wistful look in his eyes, glazed over in that look adults get before the go upstairs for sex. I may be young, but I am in no way ignorant. Though the fact that he has this face does not concern me. He is a male, and therefore would not think of me that way. "…And I had wanted to talk to you ever since. Sadly, the chance to meet you didn't come for a while, and I'm just now getting to talk to you for the first time." _

"…_Hm. That is unfortunate. I wish we could have met sooner, B-kun. And I'm sorry to hear that B-kun must be engaged to such a person. I, too, find females annoying, especially ones that clearly lack intelligence."_

"_Yeah."_

_There is a long silence between us before he speaks again. It's not a strained or uncomfortable silence, mind you—it's a relaxing air that lets things settle. I notice that whenever he believes I will not see him, he gazes in my direction with something I would normally label as longing, having seen girls looking at otouto with those same eyes countless times. However, I find myself reluctant to call it such. He's a boy after all, and my cousin, a blood relative, so why would he have such a look? It must be another trick of his eyes again. _

_"You want to know something, L?"_

_"…What is it, B-kun?"_

_"Before I got to talk to you, I, um… I sorta watched you outside sometimes… Well okay, it was often. Almost every day, actually… But when I was watching you, when I would escape to get away from home… from _Misa _and the engagement… I feel like I got to know you really well, Lawli."_

_Honestly, I am a bit bothered by this and my paranoia is running rampant, screaming at me not to trust him, despite this inexplicable attraction and comfort I feel with him. I don't want to make that assumption about a relative, one of few people my age I can actually talk to intellectually, like Near, but secretly watching someone? That's just creepy no matter how you look at it. I decide against responding. …I don't want to hurt his feelings, since he seemed to do it out of the desire to be close to me, yet not disturb me, like he was trying to be courteous in his own awkward way. It's not like I'm someone with any valid say in what's considered socially acceptable, anyway._

"…_Hey, Lawli-pop?" _

_I don't particularly care for his nickname for me, but I don't feel like arguing with him. I was eating a lollipop a moment ago, ordered my usual masses of sugar and have a name that would all contribute to that conclusion. Still, I find that I don't mind if he calls me that, as I do find myself drawn to him in a way I can't explain. I turn to him in silent acknowledgement. _

"…_Do you believe in fate at all?"_

_I pause a moment, bringing my thumb to my lips in a contemplative gesture, tilting my head to the right slightly and looking up at the ceiling, mulling over the question. I do wonder why he would ask me such a thing, but brush it off as his curiosity and try to form an answer. _

_"…I do not believe in a higher power. As such, I am not sure I believe in destiny or fate either. I do, however, sometimes feel a pull or an instinct. It's some type of unexplained need or urge to do something. _

_"…However, with B-kun… I feel connected to him in a way that is extremely illogical and hard to explain, being that we have only known each other for thirty minutes. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, though I find it hard to believe that some mastermind god-like figure is behind it all, affecting all situations around the world simultaneously. …In this instance, meeting B-kun… I could say that… maybe people aren't lying about the other half of one's soul or a long lost friend, even if one has never met the person."_

_Beyond smiles before replying softly, his crimson eyes strangely beautiful and otherworldly, shimmering like polished rubies and a light blush coloring his cheeks. "…You know what, Lawli? I think I've found a piece of myself in you. I know we haven't even known each other for more than thirty minutes, but I felt it when I saw you… I feel it when you speak. We're the same. …I really like you. Ha, maybe we were born looking like twins because we complete each other… They say twins are two halves of the same soul…"_

_"…I would say that is going a bit far, B-kun. We are not twins; we are cousins, no matter how similar we may appear. Also, something like a 'soul' has yet to be tested and proven—or disproven—by science. I only used it in my explanation for lack of a better term. It is merely something people use as a basis to enforce humanity's morale. It feeds the fear of going to Hell, thus making people act accordingly in a selfish desire to secure their place in 'Heaven', when it could all be an elaborate lie. Don't be so foolish or naïve as to buy into religion. Always rely on what's real and what's proven. Don't believe anything until you confirm it yourself. Rely on facts." _

_I'm too wrapped up in my thoughts to notice his distinctly hurt and dejected face as he looks downward, replying in a soft voice, "…Yeah, I guess you're right… Lawliet…"_

…

I find myself emerging from my memories with a new thought in mind.

'_Light-kun had been saying things about how he didn't know something. But, I didn't consider the possibility of it being _someone_… It could have been Beyond, but if Beyond is still in prison then… I'm still unsure as to what B's motives could have possibly been—until I have some idea or grasp on that, speculating blindly as I have been is completely useless and utterly pointless.'_

I walk back out the recreation room, heading straight to the phones and dial punch in a number.

"_Moshi moooshi~?" _I try to reign in my irritation at the bubbly voice on the other end of the phone. My contact may be a seemingly hyper individual, but I know that they more than likely does this to annoy me. Still, I won't deny the fact that it helps to keep the conversation seemingly innocent and under the radar—it's easier to code things as well. It was what we (sadly) agreed on for her role should I contact her. I am nineteen, thus the people I call should sound like others my age since the only family member I call is Near-kun.

"…Wedy-san. How is Aiber-san? Has your relationship been well?" She gets the underlying message immediately: Are you able to reach Aiber? I have a mission for him. Still, it works out well, as she actually is in a relationship with the con artist. It will solidify her alibi should she need to actually use it.

'_Oh, so no 'hey how you doing', Ryuu-chan? You're so mean! As for our relationship… Well, that depends, Ryuu-chan~. Are we talking the conventional way, or _our _way?" _The emphasis on 'our' is barely heard unless one was searching for it. Of course, I was, and give her a vague yet definitive answer.

"…I only ever call on behalf of one way, Wedy-san." _'Obviously I need to relay a plan to the both of you.'_

"_You never change, huh Ryuu-chan? Well, in any case, we've been doing okay. Sometimes he goes out with his buddies, other times it's another girl, but we are in an open relationship, ya know?" _In other words, 'He's still in contact with me and available for a job, but he does take on other work and could be busy'. Since Wedy is a spy and thief, the last line implies that someone else is spying on my movements, but I am already aware of that, so I can disregard it. I don't have anything someone could steal, so there's no reason to consider that.

"…Is Aiber-san at home with Wedy-san right now, or is he out with friends?" Is he on a job right now, or can I hire him?

"_He's due home any minute, Ryuu-chan." _He'll be done with his current job soon.

"…Could he drop by and check up on my twin? He's been interfering a lot at home and with my new friend." Ask him to look into Beyond's current situation and how it relates to Light-kun at present.

"_But… isn't he grounded, Ryuu-chan? Did he sneak out somehow?" _I thought he was incarcerated. How is he out?

"…I am not sure, but he's done something to upset my friend and I need to know what to do to console him." I don't know how, but he plays a part in what's happening to Light-kun. I need his situation worked out right away so I can return things to normal.

"_Okay~! I'll tell Aiber-kun right away~! I know he'll know what to do."_

"…Has Wedy-san ever considered initiating a more committed relationship with Aiber-san?" Would you mind being his partner on this assignment?

"…_I'd like to, but I don't think he'd want me to be in the way. We both have needs, you know?" _I wouldn't mind it, but we both need to support ourselves in whatever way we can.

"…What if I could help both Wedy-san and Aiber-san by getting a relationship counselor? That way, they have a much better chance of staying together." What if I could support you both financially while you work for me?

"…_I don't know, Ryuu-chan… He's kinda sensitive about commitments, but I'll talk to him about it. You always have good recommendations, after all." _He isn't comfortable about contractual work, but I'll ask him about working under you permanently. You do pay us a lot and treat us well, after all.

"…Well, I'll be awaiting Wedy-san's answer and Aiber-san's call. Ja ne," I hang up and head back to my room for a time, only to be called down to greet a visitor. No doubt it's otouto. I have the strange sensation of eyes following me as I leave, but brush it off as my paranoia. There's no way someone could be in my room.

000

_'Lawli-pop, Lawli-pop… You're so very cute when you're plotting… No one else needs to visit you… I am all you need… I only let you have your brother because I can see you happy… Anything to see you happy…' _

I sit nearby in a vacant corner of Lawli's room, sucking loudly on a lollipop and alternately slurping strawberry jam from a jar, watching my cute little Lawliet try to solve his most recent puzzle. I only wish I could kill that puzzle in the most excruciating way possible and make it _impossible _for Lawli-pop to put him back together. I am glad that I'm on Lawli's mind, though, even if it's in memory. _'It really is true, Lawli! True love conquers all, even death itself…'_

I remember the day I finally got to talk to him… It had been so perfect; he had started to accept our bond as fate… But then he said I took it too far by implying that we might be possible soul mates, and he hurt me. I giggle at the thought. His words, _stabbing_ me through my _fucking heart_. If it were anyone else, it may have broken their spirit to hear their one _true_ love, their _other half_, their _**fucking soul mate**_, reject them. Hee hee… But I am _not_ just anyone. I am the pre-destined lover of Ryuuzaki Lawliet. I was MADE for him, to be his perfect partner and ideal lover, not that little _bitch_, Yagami!

_'Oh, Lawli, didn't you know? Your rejection hurts, but it feels _so good_. It takes effort on your part to distance yourself. You have to speak and use words to reject me; you have to let me hear your voice. You have to use your hands and touch me to push me away; you need to initiate contact. As long as you don't ignore me, I can still get what I want. I don't care how much they hurt, as long I can feel your touches. I'll make you see it… Even better, I'll make you want me just as badly… You'll need my voice and my touch just as much as I need yours… and I'll kill anyone that gets in our way…'_

I'm shivering in anticipation now, arousal becoming prominent, and speak my last thought aloud, slurping up jam and licking my lips clean, disregarding the lollipop in favor of my favorite treat. "…It's our fate, Lawliet… Do you… still believe in fate?"

I clutch the heavy chain connecting me to Lawliet, chest to chest, and moan as I think of him, of how I can't wait to _touch_ him, to _taste_ him, to be _inside_ of him, his hot, tight and willing body… With our chain, it's only a matter of time. I had always believed we were connected… I knew it had to be true… And now you can't deny me, Lawliet.

I remember back then… when the Shinigami picked me up, transporting me to my personal cell waiting for me in Hell…

…

_"So what the fuck is up with this chain?" I ask impatiently. I might have known I was going to die, but that didn't make me any less irritated. I lost my precious Lawliet! What the hell did they expect? Grieving? Fear? Hysteria? Disbelief? Please… Someone born with Shinigami eyes should know how to cope with death. I was prepared._

_"…What? You mean the chain?" He's an ugly shinigami with a skeletal body and decaying flesh. His raspy voice sounds like the wind blowing through a cracked wooden flute. He doesn't have eyes, but that doesn't make him blind. Still, I'd rather not look into empty sockets._

_"Why the hell do I have a chain coming out of my chest? And where does it connect? It won't break," I say tiredly. I hate this prick. I know he's not telling me just to be an asshole. _

_"Fine, I'll tell you! Just shut up already! …You've heard about humans who have regrets before they die, right? Well, it seems you have one, and you'll be chained to it until you can either obtain it, resolve it, or let it go. Since you only have the one chain, I'm guessing you only have one regret."_

_I look down at the chain curiously, holding the cold metal in my hand. The chain is thick, like an industrial chain, and ridiculously heavy. I feel like a part of me is constantly being sucked through it and I have to keep resisting the pull. I speak again without looking to the shinigami._

_"Why the hell is it so heavy, then?" I ask, not bothering to be nice. He hasn't exactly been nice to me either._

_"Damn it, human! Don't you know what 'shut the hell up' means?"_

_"Don't you know what 'answer my fucking question' means?" _

_"Fucking dumbass humans… Depending on how important the thing or person on the other end of that chain is, the weight and thickness can vary from person to person, okay? Judging by the thickness and weight of yours, you've got quite the attachment. Those types of chains are usually the kind you see when lovers or family are involved. Are you feeling guilty or something?"_

_"Nope. Not at all." I could never regret anything I did because I did it all for Lawliet. My sweet little Lawli-pop… It was all for you. I'm in Hell for what I did, but it's okay since it's you, Lawli…_

_"Are you done then? I _have_ answered all your fucking questions now, right? You are the most annoying human I've had to escort in decades!"_

_"…"_

_"…"_

_"…So this is—"_

_"Yes! You literally have a chain of fucking fate on you! Now shut the fuck up! We're at your cell."_

…

I was to spend the next six months there, waiting without any news on my beloved Lawli. They tortured me, but nothing was worse than being without Lawliet. After seeing normal methods of torture were ineffective, they let me see him, knowing how much it hurt me to see him and not reach him. Sometimes I only saw him, sometimes I could help him in his experiments, and other times I could go so far as to touch him, even though it was only so he could be ripped away in the end…

I want to touch him again… I want to run my fingers through that gorgeous untamed hair of his and over that perfect, bare body, feeling that smooth porcelain flesh just waiting for me to mark it like an open canvas… I move my hands downward, unzipping my jeans and stroking myself with thoughts of Lawliet, how he would sound, what he tastes like, how beautiful he'd look in the throes of ecstasy… covered in crimson elixir… moaning underneath me and begging for more…

"Ughn… Lawli… Nnngh… Haa… Aah, L…"

I harshly dig my nails into the skin of my free forearm, bleeding warm tears of red, and I eagerly drink them up, sliding my hot, wet tongue across the flesh and lapping at the fresh and bloody wounds over my free arm, imagining how sweet your life's essence is… each drop comes into harmonious contact with my saliva, mixing wonderfully and slipping down my throat with ease… I can't help but love it… And I want yours, I crave it—no, I _need_ it. I want to taste you so badly…

"Mm… Haah… God, Lawli… L…"

I moan loudly as I move my fingers over my shaft, using my thumb to tease the head and play with my body as you tease my soul with your presence and play with my mind with your ever-present distance and unapproachable attitude. I fucking hate you for thinking you're better that the rest of us, but the way you act has a forbidden allure. But you _like_ this game we play, don't you, Lawli? I _know_ you do. You _want_ me to catch you. And when I finally do reach you, I'm going to cage you like the raven you are, the dark angel, the physical manifestation of temptation. I'll hold you down and fuck you raw. I'll never, _ever_ let you go. I use the tears of precum as a lubricant, and move my fingers faster.

"Fuck, yes! Faster, Lawliet… faster…"

My body heats further as I imagine you touching me, obeying me, submitting to me and loving me as I love you. A willing vessel, my other half. You complete me and you balance me. I'm _not_ crazy… I _know_ we are one. Everything will be right again once we're complete—I just **know** it, Lawli! I heard it myself, Lawli, they told me why… We are connected by _**fate itself**_. You CAN'T be rid of me… _Never…_ _**NEVER**_… I will have you _forever_… We'll be like this for eternity, with me fucking you into oblivion, making up for all that time lost, our time to love as humans torn from us by that fucking shinigami… But I don't give a shit. I really don't care how it happens just as long as I have you in the end.

"Lawli, baby… I love you… so much… I'm so close…"

By this point I'm imagining what I must look like—probably like an eager little bitch wanting to be hurt, covered in sweat and needy. I like to look into a full body mirror whenever I masturbate; I especially enjoyed it when I was still alive—that way I could look in the mirror, dressed like you, looking like you, sounding like you might sound in the throes of passion and loving every single second of it. Part of the reason why I never took my clothes off when I did this was so that I could get as close to the fantasy as possible… The only thing that shatters the image are my fucking red eyes… I hate these eyes… Why can't I be like you…? Why the hell won't you love me?!

"God, _yes_! Lawli… More… I need more… so much _more_…"

I'm holding back for as long as I can; I don't want this pleasure to stop. I grip myself tightly, pumping furiously, unable to help myself—there is no way that I can keep this illusion forever. I imagine your tight, hot and willing body before me, looking down at your beautifully fragile form. I can see myself driving into you fast and rough with animalistic force, you loving everything I give you, begging, pleading and seeking more of me, wanting me to fill you. I try to replicate these sensations with my hand; it pales in comparison to what the real thing will be like, but combined with the taste of my blood on my tongue and the stinging pain of the wounds it stimulates me enough to drive me over the edge.

"_Lawliet_!"

I reach my climax, shuddering violently as my hot fluids run over my heated hand. As I slowly come down from the high of orgasm, I feel a new feeling shoot through my veins, one full of adrenaline, lust, love, desire, the thrill of the hunt, the satisfaction of the kill… I **will **have Lawliet. I have to either give him up, resolve the issue and find some kind of closure, or obtain what I desire. I will _never_ give up on my precious little Lawli-pop.

_'You _can't_ hide from me, Lawliet… I'll _let_ you play with Yagami… for now. I'll _let_ him love you. But once he's fallen for you, he'll be left broken and empty as __**I **__whisk you away. You are __**MINE**__. NOT __**HIS**__! I will __**not**__ be robbed of what I've claimed, what I own… I won't let anyone take you from me… Not now, not when I've waited so long…' _

I move to stand and clean myself up, pulling up my jeans and walking out of Lawli's room. I think it's time I paid our resident pretty boy another visit.

**End Chapter Thirteen**

7600 words.

… … …In all honesty, I did not expect to type this when I sat down at my computer today. I did not see this coming _at all_. I have a plot and I know how I want things to go, where I want to be and how to get there, and that plan will remain unchanged, regardless of how characters develop… …But… … …I did not foresee this. And I'm the damn writer. I planned to write about and describe B's obsession, but I just didn't expect it to come out like that. Still, it works. …Huh.

I know this chapter feels short, but I can't get into anything else without starting the next chapter. It would be too long. It felt right to end it here. I did my best. Besides, it probably feels short because there was a singular focus on L and B and I managed to not jump around as much as I normally do.

Anyway, SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG, BUT MID TERMS ARE SERIOUSLY IMPORTANT! ALL MY STORIES ARE GOING TO BE UPDATED WHEN I GET TIME! EXPECT A LITTLE DELAY!

I didn't think I'd be so comfortable writing about Beyond like that… He's a character I'm comfortable with, much like Mello. Somehow, I feel my familiarity with unstable characters _should_ concern me, but it doesn't.

Ja ne

Rainbow-chan :3


	14. An Eye for an Eye, A Heart for a Heart

Hey, guys! Rainbow-chan survived the mid-terms! Yes! So, I can now (hopefully) write more frequently. Of course school may still get in the way, but I don't have to start panicking again until finals!

So, here's the next chapter! We're still following 'The Plan' detailed to you all last chapter. Reading the A/Ns serves a purpose, people.

Also, HOLY SHIT WE'RE AT 106,000 WORDS PEOPLE! HOLY CRAP!

How come when you do mix all the colors in the rainbow together they make that nasty brown color? I asked my friend (she doesn't like rainbows as much as I do) and she said that it's because it reveals the truth—'rainbows are shitty'. How dare she! I felt so insulted…

In regards to the BB/L/Light poll, I took it down since it's been up forever. I got mostly 'yes' or 'maybe' votes. I'm still unsure if I'll post it. I have an idea and I've written most of it out, but the kinks are proving difficult to smooth over and edit, despite me only thinking about and working on it in my spare time… which isn't much. Besides, I like to spend that time more productively on my other ongoing stories.

WARNINGS: Light-torture, Mello being himself (language), Misa and Mello in the same fucking space (Uhm, yes this needs a god damn warning! Aren't you happy it never happened in the anime?), B being evil and some non-consensual sexual content. Also, Misa is VERY OoC in this chapter. She curses more than usual. Just know that.

**THIS CHAPTER HAS SOME FUCKING MAJOR ANGST! Like, MORE than I have EVER written before. If you were squeamish with BB last chapter, you may want to skip the second chunk of italics. Just saying. **

PLEASE DON'T KILL ME FOR WHAT HAPPENS TO LIGHT! I _like_ Light—A LOT—I really do, but it was_ necessary_! Honestly, if anything I've written up until this point gets flamed, I expect this chapter to be it. I did **not** enjoy this chapter, at least not the torture. If I could forgive Light after episode 25 I think I can forgive this chapter…

I did, however, like writing about Misa and Mello fighting. And I do forgive B because he's a character I can't make myself hate. …Even after this.

Onward!

Raising Hell – Chapter Fourteen

_I've been free of the torture of that Ryuuzaki wanna-be for what feels like a few hours now, but there's no way for me to tell how long I've really been here. The last thing I remember that makes any sense was falling… and seeing Ryuuzaki. But I don't know if that was a dream or not—his eyes were filled with some weird emotion and I know he always has that stupidly blank mask on. Kind of like my own mask, isn't it? It hides our intelligence… Our true selves…_

_He's slowly been cracking my own carefully crafted mask, though I can never seem to so much as dent his. I wonder… what is your true self like, Ryuuzaki? Are you scared? Lonely? And why are you so paranoid…? Obviously with me you are justified in that—I am Kira, after all—but what about everyone else…? It's almost like… you fear your humanity…_

'Why am I even thinking about something stupid like this? I don't care about Ryuuzaki… It must be because he's such a mystery… a puzzle to solve or a challenge to figure out… yeah, that's it. Let's go with that…'

_Honestly, I have no idea why I'm thinking about _him _of all people. I hate that guy… don't I? Suddenly, I hear splashing and sloshing again, getting louder and louder, obviously coming towards me. _'This is my mind though… No one visits me here, not even Sayu… so, that sound can only mean one thing…'

"_Heeeeey, Liiiiight! Did ya miss me?"_

'…That Ryuuzaki look-alike is back.'

_My body is still feeling heavy and drained from my previous contact with this psychopath and the sedated feeling still won't pass, no matter what I do. I don't even bother trying to lift my head—it is still lying partially submerged in the blood surrounding me. The stench stopped affecting me long ago, or at the very least stopped being notable. I blink slowly, my eyes hazy and confused—didn't he just finish torturing me no more than a few hours ago? Is his bloodlust really that insatiable? _

"… _Why… why are you… back…?" I manage to ask, my voice raspy and blood seeping into my mouth as I force out the words. I'm in so much pain from the last time… It hurts to breathe… I know this is my subconscious and it doesn't make sense, but it doesn't change the pain I feel…_

"_Oh, Light, didn't you miss me? I went to see my precious little Law-li-pop! And you wanna know what…?" His crimson eyes abruptly turn to meet my dead and passive caramel orbs, glowing with a powerful bloodlust. I can see him shaking what I can only assume to be excitement or anticipation. "He reminded me of why I want to kill you so badly… so very _badly…_"_

_I hear him move, my vision fading in and out of focus—I haven't had enough time to recover from his last bout of tortures and I don't think I can make it through another. His breathing picks up and becomes labored from the effort of containing himself, his body trembling and making slight ripples in the blood. I can sense that whatever he's going to do will only be that much worse now that his motives are in the forefront of his mind… It's weird—I can feel my fear and I know I should run, but I can't and not only because I lack the physical strength; it seems like this heaviness even effects my instincts and emotions… Now that I think about it, I wasn't all that angry when I said I hated Ryuuzaki either… There's no emotion to cloud my thoughts… _

_Suddenly, I feel my hair being fisted. "…Wh-what're you—?" Before I can finish, I'm yanked upwards by my blood-drenched hair. Pain explodes from my sensitive scalp down my spine and throughout my body. It would appear that I'm still hypersensitive to external stimuli. "Gaah!"_

_He drags me through the blood, towards what I think is a morgue gurney. I'm barely conscious as I'm strapped down and restrained, the cold metal of the surface stinging my body and the leather straps and metal buckles biting into my skin until it burns… Even if I wasn't restrained I doubt I'd have enough strength to fight back right now. His handling of me is rough and I scream the entire time, even if all I can manage after a while are strangled cries and raspy whimpers. Unfortunately for me, it only serves to excite him more. He looks down at me, red eyes glinting evilly and maniacally as his lips break into a hungry grin, and an eager giggle bubbles up from his throat. "This is gonna be so much _fun_, Light! Lawli-pop gave me some _wonderful_ ideas… so _many_ ideas… There's _all kinds _of_ _interesting things that I can only do to you here—I hope you never, _ever_ wake up," he says dreamily, almost like it's wishful thinking. "Would you do that for me, Light? I really like playing with you, you know," he says, almost pleadingly, his crimson irises shining with what appears to be genuine hope. I can't believe he just asked me that! If there was a way out of here or some trick to making it end sooner I'd have done it a long time ago! He's probably just messing with me. …Well, I won't give this bastard the satisfaction._

"… _Y-you… bast… ard…" I whisper hoarsely. I muster up whatever energy and hatred I have left and force it all into my glare—I know it probably didn't amount to much, but I won't just roll over, not even now. _

_He turns slightly to face me, and his eyes fill with pleasant surprise. "I'm so _happy _that you still have some of that spark left! It gets so boring when someone submits too much… I like that about you and Lawli-pop… No one owns you. …At least… you like to believe that… Hee hee…" He moves to another table, one that I assume has more of his 'toys', the clinking of metal filling the air in a twisted harmony with his off-key humming. But something about what he says bothers me:_

_I am not __**owned**__ by ANYONE!_

"… _N-not… owned… by… any… b-body…" I retort weakly. He looks up curiously, looking more and more like Ryuuzaki every second. His lips are closed gently around his right thumb and his eyes are wide with a child-like innocence. You could almost say it's cute. …_Almost. _Soon, his look returns to that unstable glee I associate with him, and I'm not sure about whether or not I should feel relieved or scared. I settle for relieved since I now no longer have thoughts of the man who slaughtered my family resembling a guy that I'm supposed to hate and planning to kill making a face I'm not supposed to label as 'cute'. _

_He picks something up with his thumb and forefinger, looking at a label before placing it on the tray beside him. He looks to me a moment, a slimy smile sliding across his features as he addresses me. I try my best to meet those eyes with challenge, but it's hard seeing as I'm strapped down and can barely turn my head. "But you see, Light, that's where you're _wrong_," he says, twirling a lollipop between his fingers. I don't even bother trying to figure out where he got it from. Maybe he pulled it out of thin air—who cares? He glances down at the red candy, pausing to bend down and dip it in the blood pooled at his bare feet before looking back to me with a meaningful look, slurping the metallic crimson liquid off of the sugary treat. "Everyone in this world and the next answers to someone else. _Everyone_, without exception. Jesus answered to God, as do his angels. Lucifer did, too, before he became Satan. I answer to someone, loathe as I am to admit it. Shinigami answer to the Shinigami King, who in turn answers to Satan. I wouldn't be free without them, the Shinigami, that is—well, more like one in particular—but they needed my help and if I can get what I want on the way, then who am I to say no? I know you like to fancy yourself a god and that you _are _the law, somehow. But even _**you **_answer to somebody. …Actually, two particular somebodies. _**You**_ answer to your hallucinations. Your father and sister, right?"_

_My eyes widen and focus immediately with those words. How the hell does he know all of this? How does he know about Kira—I became him after he died! Did the Shinigami tell him about the Death Note? How did he know about Sayu and otou-san? How could he even see them? Does he hear me talk to them? Before I can even try to ask any of these questions he continues._

"_They tell you how to act and sway you with false promises of forgiveness that you desperately cling on to even though you know it's a lie. They manipulate you into following orders…" His voice trails off, and he looks away for a moment before sharply turning back to me, face full of hatred, murderous intent and resentment. "…In fact, they want you to kill my beloved Lawli."_

'How does he know all this? Was he really watching me all this time…?' _I decide to ignore that last sentence and try to steer him away from that line of thought. Maybe if I can distract him he'll forget why he came. "… Wh-what… about…?"_

"_God? Do you really think that _God _answers to _no one_? You'd _like_ to believe that, wouldn't you? Everyone would, right? It's so much _simpler _that way, right, Light?" he asks, cutting me off. A sly grin dances across his lips as he barely contains a hysterical laughter. After a while, he doesn't even bother to hold it back, giggling and wheezing as if I made the world's funniest joke, doubling over and falling to his knees and throwing his head back from the force of his body shaking from his giggle fit. My confusion must being showing because he manages to calm down, standing up unsteadily and walking closer. I panic a bit, my eyes widening and my body squirming in a futile attempt to put distance between us. His breath ghosts across my ear as he gives me an answer. _

"…_I suppose people find it _easier _to put faith in one being like that. It's probably why your methods of 'justice' are working so well… Kira. But still… The only thing God answers to… Hee hee… is Fate." He then backs away, standing up tall and looking down on me with a hideous superiority. "You see, _Light_, Fate connects everything. It can't answer to anyone else because Fate is not a 'someone'. That's like saying gravity answers to humanity. Gravity is an unseen force and follows a law that we can't change. Humanity is a 'someone' and doesn't affect the way gravity functions in any way no matter what we do. Fate is the same. The only difference is that we've figured out the formula for the laws of gravity. I doubt we can ever decipher the laws of Fate. Besides, I don't want to change Fate… I owe so much to this chain…"_

_He looks down at the center of his chest, clutching what I guess he thinks is some kind of chain. His hand is clenched tightly in a fist, his knuckles white; he makes a pulling motion towards his chest, almost like he's trying to get whatever's on the other end of that 'chain' to come closer. I don't see anything, so I can only assume he's hallucinating. A chain? Really…? Where in the hell would that 'chain' connect anyway…?_

000

I suddenly feel a tug at my chest, almost like my heart is being ripped out. I'm not sure where such a feeling came from, but I can only brush it off. Perhaps I am simply anxious about how otouto will react to seeing me and the inevitable discussion we will be having in mere moments.

After heading out the recreation room, I find Near waiting for me. As I expected, he looks severely displeased. …Although, he hasn't even noticed I'm in the room yet—all of his attention is being diverted to the loud, obnoxious, leather-clad blonde next to him. He seems… familiar, somehow…

"What the hell do you mean, you want to talk to fuckin' Near?! Why the hell would you call _me _on _my _mother fucking phone for that shit?! …Fine. Fuck you, man. Clearly you don't give a _fuck _about how _I _feel anymore. …Ass wipe." The blonde boy (?) pauses to reluctantly hand the phone over to otouto. While this exchange takes place I use the opportunity to seat myself in one of the few comfy armchairs in the room close to the TV area.

"…Moshi moshi? …Oh. Hello, Matt. …I see. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. …A ride home? For him? …I see. …So you had to cancel. …Yes, I suppose his pride would prevent his simply asking me. …I suppose I—hm? Ah… yes, I see your reasoning. …Yes... yes… I will do so. I am certain I can handle it. …Thank you for your advice, Matt. …It will be a good move on my part. …I agree. Exchanging numbers would be beneficial for both of us. …Ok. My number is… 103-257-3891. …I understand. I wish you the best of luck. …Very well. We will see you in group tomorrow." He hits the end button before calmly and nonchalantly handing the phone back to the young blonde, who openly glares at him in return, snatching it back and looking down at it disgustedly. Near ignores him and glances around, no doubt to locate me. After spotting me, otouto walks towards me and takes a seat in the armchair beside me, pulling his left knee to his chest and twirling his soft white hair in a thoughtful gesture.

I pull my knees closer to my chest and focus on him, thumb to my lips and rubbing one bare foot with the other, waiting for him to speak first. He normally initiates the conversations between us, though his mind seems to be elsewhere today—he merely continues to watch the blonde. Curious, I also direct my gaze at him, and find him waiting a table on the other end of the room. He's glancing around nervously, almost as if he hopes to leave as soon as possible, and this time it clearly has nothing to do with his obvious dislike of otouto.

"…Nii-san." He speaks for the first time in several minutes, and I immediately redirect my attention to him. He is still staring at the blonde as he speaks his next words. "…You remember Mello, do you not? …From that day in the Rose Garden?"

Ah, yes—Mello-kun. It is at times like this that I am thankful for my photographic memory. It was difficult to recognize him with that burn scar across his face, though his icy blue eyes and penchant for leather haven't changed a bit. It would certainly explain his irrational anger towards Near. …I wonder what happened to him in the past six years… ever since _that day_…

"…Yes, otouto. I remember him; it is rather difficult to forget such a …_unique _personality. …What about him? Does otouto have other plans for him…?"

"…Yes, nii-san, I do. I have been putting your plan into motion, as you suggested. With the help of Mello's close friend, Matt, it has been far more successful than I ever could have hoped. Soon, he will break; I will be able to get whatever I want from him and his 'okaa-san' will follow suit, following orders for our purposes—she seems to support Mello, regardless of his stance. All I have to do is get him to love me.

"…I have also uncovered some information that you may find interesting as well as useful. Unbeknownst to us, Mello had previous connections with our cousin, Beyond. It would seem that his old leather collar was a gift from Beyond, though for what I am unsure. His best friend, Matt, told me that he held feelings for him; if that is true, it is possible that B would use that to his advantage; I sincerely doubt Beyond would ever return Mello's feelings. It may be why he was always trying to talk to you in private—to pass messages from B. I am still in the process of looking into it further and will update you on anything of use to us.

"…As for your end, I trust things with Light are going just as well? …Well, before his… _collapse_, that is," otouto says conversationally, though I can see his shoulders tense ever so slightly.

"…Things were going well, otouto… But then… several… _obstacles_ got in my way," I explain hesitantly. No one would pick up on the changes aside from Near; as soon as he seems ready to inquire about the aforementioned 'obstacles' one of them decided to be so kind—or sadistic—as to present itself.

"Mellooooo-kuuuuun!" Ah, here she is now. Amane Misa. As I recall, she is Mello-kun's older cousin—the one who's 'sweet sixteen' I received an invitation for. …Wait, wasn't she also Beyond's fiancé? How odd. I suppose that would explain why Mello-kun is here and why he seemed so anxious to leave. …Poor kid.

"Why aren't Misa-Misa's parents working to get her _out_ of here?! Misa _hates _it here! Misa needs her dresses and her make-up and her earrings and—" Misa starts, but thankfully her squeaky voice is cut off by Mello-kun. I suppose I now know where he got his foul mouth, despite his voice being preferable to Misa's.

"Will you shut the fuck up?! I only came here because your _parents _don't want to deal with your bullshit! And frankly, neither do I! It's your _own fucking fault _you went and overdosed on fucking heroin just because that fucker Ryuuga _dumped _your pathetic anorexic ass!" Mello shouts, clearly annoyed.

Misa huffed indignantly, face puffing up and reddening before pointing accusingly, shouting, "Hey! You can't talk to Misa like that! Misa's _older _than you! Misa is twenty-three years old, you little bastard! You're just a high school _brat_, Mello! Learn some respect, you god damn useless _freshman_! No wonder our family let you move out! You're so disrespectful! You fucking prick!" I don't think stating that her being eight years older than Mello-kun is exactly helping her case—it makes her seem childish for getting on his level. Besides, it's acceptable to act that way at his age, not at Misa's age. Stupid girl.

"_I'M _the fucking prick here?! You're nothing but a spoiled, rich, over-glorified media whore and spot-lighted _SLUT_, Misa! You'll fuck anything that moves, you can't hold a boyfriend for more than two months—hell, you can't even nab a guy who's _serious _about being with you! They only like you because you're such a cheap fuck! All it takes is a couple 'I love you's! They only 'love' your loose pussy, you dumb bitch! I guess you _would _only be useful as an easy cum dumpster, wouldn't you, you fucking whore?"

For a moment, Misa is stunned into silence. I must admit, I'm impressed with Mello-kun's skill. After taking a few seconds to collect herself, she attempts to defend herself—she fails miserably. "Misa… M-Misa… Misa is NOT loose, _Mello_! You wouldn't know jack about Misa's life! What the hell do _you _know about Misa-Misa and her relationships anyway?! Misa is never dumped! Misa dumped _them_! And that stupid Hideki doesn't know what he's missing! He'll never find another girl like Misa-Misa! And the media is full of _fucking liars_! At least _Misa _goes for the opposite sex! At least _Misa's_ a not a _fucking faggot_! You're a disgrace to your family name! You're a disappointment to Misa's family, too! How dare you be related to Misa, you god damn homo!"

"Yeah, I guess he wouldn't find someone like you, since you're a one of a kind whore with no virtue! You're like the poor man's porn star! You're no better than the average prostitute! Not to mention you dress like a ten dollar hooker! And they don't even have to pay your sorry ass! You're pathetic! And so what If I'm gay? I'm better than you any day! At least I have a fucking standard!"

"Misa is NOT cheap! And like you're one to talk, _Mello_! You don't even _have_ a boyfriend! You never have!"

At this point, I am genuinely shocked to see Near stand and walk towards Mello and Misa. I immediately understand that this is an act to help his plan progress, but I still didn't think he'd enter such an explosive situation willingly. …Still, the more severe the situation the more believable his actions will seem. I watch curiously—it nothing else it will make an interesting reference.

"…Amane-san." Both Misa and Mello-kun look to otouto with differing expressions: Misa with one of confusion and anger, Mello-kun with one of distain and hatred. "…Do not speak to Mello in such a manner. He is my boyfriend. If you continue I will be forced to take actions against you."

000

"…Do not speak to Mello in such a manner. He is my boyfriend. If you continue I will be forced to take actions against you."

What the fuck is that supposed to mean?! Now this albino bastard doesn't think I can handle my own family affairs on my own?! What the fuck! And for the last fucking time—I. Am. Not. Your. Boyfriend!

"Go away, _Near_! I can handle this myse—" Before I can finish, his lips are on mine. Immediately I feel his tongue enter my mouth, and his hands fisting my hair, pulling my hair back to tilt my head and give the bastard more access. His tongue twists and dances with mine, forcing me into submission and dominating effortlessly.

'_What the hell?! Why is he—' _I don't get to finish that thought because he gives my hair another forceful pull, causing me to moan into him. "Hnn! Mmmn…" After a while, he pulls away and over my heavy breathing and panting, I hear him whisper into my ear.

"…Misa will leave you alone if you just play along. Leave everything to me." At this point, I'm so confused that I just nod and agree. I don't even give a shit about his painfully obvious ulterior motives anymore. The promise of Misa going away is too tempting. The thought of his approaching visit has been stressing me out for the past two weeks and it's only gotten worse now that it's actually happening. He seems to smile slightly—though I was probably imagining it—and he whispers again. "…I am going to kiss you. I want you to play along—kiss me back like you mean it. When I speak to you again, act like we are truly dating. Say that you love me. Understand?" I nod.

"…Good."

000

That was so much easier than I thought possible. I never would have thought that being around Misa would make him this desperate, though I can't really blame him—she's a piece of work.

Finally, I can make a big leap in my plans. If I can get him to say he loves me, it may trigger a self-fulfilling prophecy, which can only work to my advantage. I admit that I never would have imagined willingly walking into a situation this explosive, but the more dangerous the situation, the more realistic and believable my actions will seem to Mello.

I move to kiss him again, moving my hands a little more gently through his hair; being too violent won't make the 'romance' between us seem genuine to onlookers. This time a whole new world of emotions and sensations rush through me at his non-competitive response. He kisses back, though not aggressively—it almost like he's being considerate. I imagine that this is him being honest and kissing in earnest, not lust. It… it feels so different than anything else we've shared.

I move my tongue to dance with his and he gently responds, following my lead. This isn't the Mello I know at all. It's almost like he's… not kissing me at all. Knowing him, he's probably imagining Beyond. This thought angers me—no, rather, I'm furious. This was exactly why I took Beyond's collar away from him; I hoped to destroy the physical manifestation of his connection and attachment to him. Why can't he just kiss _me_ and mean it without imagining _someone else_? I know I'm not exactly sincere but he doesn't know that; am I really so disgusting to him?

Still, despite my fury I keep myself under control, instead relishing in the feelings this kiss elicits—he tastes of a rich and creamy chocolate, like always. He's… wonderful. I don't want to stop kissing him. I don't even want to bite him as I often do. Just his natural taste is enough this time.

I slide my hand down his face to lightly grasp his collar, pulling gently in a silent attempt to coax him into coming closer. He places his hands on my chest and moves into me, and in response to the movement I wrap my free arm around his slender waist. His body fits against mine so well…

After a while, the need to breathe overcomes me, and I slowly part from him, a thin trail of saliva connecting our lips. My obsidian eyes travel across every inch of his face, committing the overall image to memory: his slightly swollen, dark pink lips, his tousled hair sticking ever so slightly to his neck and forehead, his glazed eyes full of a strange and unfamiliar warmth instead of their usually icy coldness. I look into those beautiful blue eyes of his and speak my next words softly.

"…Mello. Don't let things like this get to you. You know that I care about you, right? Do you care about me, Mello?"

His eyes seem to register the conversation we had before the kiss and focus a little as he answers, though the haze doesn't completely clear. "…Yeah, 'course I care about you…"

I move my hand from his collar to his cheek, cupping his face gently and trying to force a little emotion into my voice to make the act convincing. I need him to say he loves me, though I won't say the words myself—I'm afraid of what will happen if I do.

"…I want you to say it, Mello." He seems to get the point and the answers as I told him to.

"…I love you, Near."

000

EWW! That did so NOT just happen! Misa doesn't want to see that! That's _disgusting_! How could _anyone _want to kiss someone of the same gender as them! Nasty! Why do people like that? It's… it's just unnatural!

"What the hell is wrong with you faggots?! Misa doesn't want to see that! That's so gross! Get away, Mello! Misa doesn't want to be anywhere NEAR you and your perverted boyfriend! Do you even know how unclean that is? Go fuck each other somewhere else! Misa doesn't want to catch your gay! It's disgusting and immoral!"

"Oh, like _you're _one to talk about fucking morality, you little—"

"…You seem to be misinformed, Amane-san. Homosexuality is not a contagious disease. The way you say it implies that you believe homosexuality to be something akin to an airborne pathogen, which—"

"Stop using so many big words, you freak! Misa'll be in her room, _away _from nasty people like _you_! Tell Mello to tell Misa's parents to call her later!"

Misa shouldn't have to deal with something like this! It's indecent! At least Misa's Light isn't nasty like them. Misa hopes her Light will wake up soon—who knows what the Ryuuzaki pervert is up to while he's out cold!

000

_My body still aches, but now I'm also cold; the Ryuuzaki look-alike stripped me down and tied me back down the gurney again. I'm not sure why he did this—to humiliate me? To make me seem more vulnerable? Maybe he's just a fucking pervert, but either way it's working. _

_He approaches me after a few more minutes, though it feels like he takes an eternity deciding what 'toys' will suit his purpose this time. He seems to have chosen the tools necessary for what he has planned this time, and he picks up the tray, moving it by my side. From what I can see, he didn't bring much—a pill bottle, a few syringes and needles, some custom knives and a strange collar of some kind… From what I can gather, his methods seem to be more psychological as opposed to the incredibly physical pain he put me through last time. _

"_Do you know what we're going to do this time, Light? I know that last time I gave you a lot of pain. But don't worry; I made sure that you'll like it this time," he says gleefully. I'm not sure what he means by that, but whatever it is it sends chills down my spine. He moves purposefully, picking up the pill bottle with his right thumb and index finger, screwing the cap off and taking out two pills. _

_He forces them against me lips, but when he sees that I refuse to open my mouth, he uses his other hand to pry my jaw open, dropping the pills in and clamping my mouth shut. "Swallow," he commands, and after a while, I have no choice—I can't spit them out and if I don't swallow them they'll just dissolve in my mouth. I obey him. _

"_That's a good boy, Light," he says sadistically, moving to get the strange collar. From a distance it looked like a spiked collar. As he lifts it, I can now see that the spikes are on the inside of the collar and are more needle-like, obviously meant to pierce skin. He's going to put that around my neck?! He notices my eyes widening in fear and he grins, eyes glinting a cruelty I have never known before now. _

_He moves to wrap the collar around my neck, each sharp metal point piercing my neck as he slowly and torturously tightens it, finally buckling it and attaching a chain link leash a loop at the front. My eyes squeeze shut and I clench my jaw in an attempt to keep quiet—I won't let him hear how much this hurts me, since it will only spur him on. _

"_Aww, Light, you make such a _cute_ pet. I can see why Lawli likes playing with you so much," he says, moving his hand to cup my cheek in pseudo-comfort and fake gentleness. His eyes glimmer with hatred, completely contradicting his words. _

"_Now, I need you to hold still for this next part, okaaay?" he says in a sing-song voice. He grabs a rubber tie and wraps in around my arm, searching for my vein. Once he finds it, he fills the needle with a strange liquid and stabbing my arm with intentional force—clearly he wants to make this a painful as possible; he doesn't even numb my arm first. _

"_This little injection will numb your other senses, Light. And do ya wanna know what the pills do for you, hmm? I'll tell you," he says, pausing to giggle. His wild eyes meet mine with striking intensity as he says his next words. "It's not that bad. It only heightened your sense of touch… I don't want you to miss one touch I give you."_

_He gets a serrated blade from the tray as he moves to straddle me, pressing the cold metal into my chest and leaning in close to my ear, his breath tickling my skin as he speaks rapidly and excitedly. "I know what you want from my Lawli-pop, Light. You… You want to take him from me. I know you want him, but you can't have him. Haah… I won't let you… Never… You've dirtied him. You tainted my perfect Lawli… My sweet, innocent little Lawli-pop… HOW DARE YOU!"_

_His hands lashes out and strikes me, pain exploding under my skin and my nerves on fire—I feel like my body could combust from the force of the hit and the heat of the pain… It's more excruciating than anything he did before, and I know this is only the beginning. Tears fall down my cheeks and I can't hold in the scream that tears through the silence. He continues his insane rambling as he reaches down and pinches my nipples harshly, hatred swimming in those crimson depths. As he moves the blade across my torso, he speaks, his voice full of malice. _

"_You took my Lawli's first kiss, you little slut. I know you want him, but you can't have him. You took his first, so I'll take yours… I'll take so much more. You deserve it; you like it, don't you, you little whore?" He grinds into me, fear and anxiety getting to me; I can soon feel his growing arousal against me, his rough jeans chaffing me. I'm scared, terrified. I didn't even think I was gay before I was first kissed—I don't want to lose myself this way!_

"_N-no… d-don't…" I plead; I'm not above begging right now—I'll do anything to make him stop. _

"_But you need a reminder, don't you? I can't have you forgetting this later on…" he says, driving the knife in deeper and purposefully wriggling it at times, making some mark I can only guess at. "…Don't worry though. I marked you; now you won't forget. Only you can see it, but now you belong to me, Light." He runs his fingers across the mark in the center of my chest in false gentleness and my body shivers involuntarily at the caress. "Do you want to know what it says, Light? …It says 'B.B.'—now you'll never escape me, even if you wake up."_

"… _S-stop… please…" I beg. I can't take anymore…_

"_Shut up!" he shouts, grabbing the chain leash and yanking violently. The metal spikes cut into the back of my neck sharply and for a moment my vision blacks out entirely, leaving me only able to feel the sensations he's eliciting from my body. I hate this, but my body reacts against my will, responding to his touches. _

"_You like that, you little bitch? You like me hurting you, don't you? It's okay—it's better that way; I like hurting you. Your pretty face… I want to cut it…" He moves the blade to my cheek, cutting long and deep, licking up and ingesting my blood, moaning as he swallows. "You taste so good… but not as good as my Lawli… I know you want this. You said I look like Lawli, right?" he asks, fisting my hair and forcing me to face him. _

"_You said I looked like him, didn't you?! __**Answer me**__," he demands. I nod shakily, barely able to move, the metal in my neck twisting and cutting deeper from the motion. He smiles, lightly laughing. "I already knew that, though. And I know what I can do. You want Lawli to touch you, and I want you to be tainted so that you learn not to touch my Lawli-pop… This should work for both of us, then."_

_He moves to close his lips around my left nipple, biting down and drawing blood, grasping my slight arousal in his hand and stroking me. I whimper pathetically and my body writhes, trying desperately to get away. "Your body seems hungry for this touch, doesn't it, Light? You really are a slut," he grinds out, his voice husky. _

"_Does Light-kun want more?" My eyes snap open against my will. That voice… That way of talking… "I know Light-kun wants this… Why not lie still and take it?" _

_Suddenly, something in me snaps—how DARE he think he can act like Ryuuzaki in a situation like this! I won't take anymore of this! I can't!_

"_NO! G-get away! MAKE IT STOP!"_

_After I scream, I feel the ground shake beneath me, and the Ryuuzaki copycat smirks, a look of disappointment crossing his features. "I guess this is the end of our fun, Light. But don't worry—I made sure you couldn't forget, remember?" As his voice fades into the background, he says just one more parting sentence. I swear his eyes are the familiar obsidian as he speaks. _

_"…Whatever you do, Light, don't touch Ryuuzaki again… I will kill you; that's a promise." The last thing I see is 'Ryuuzaki's' eyes flash from endless black to demonic crimson as he turns away and leaves, with me waking up to scrambling nurses and someone calling for Ryuuzaki. _

_I immediately return to my panic. _

000

Suddenly, Mogi-san comes bursting in the doorway. He immediately seeks me out, grabbing my arm and away from the scene in the recreation room, an urgent look in his eyes.

"What is it, Mogi-san?" I ask, curious as to what has him so worked up and stressed. Did something happen to Light-kun…?

"Light is awake."

My eyes widen as I hear those words. This is the news I had been waiting for! Before I can ask to see him, Mogi-san continues.

"There's been some progress in Light's condition. I need you to get Matsuda and tell him to come down immediately. We're having some trouble restraining him and getting him to calm down. His heart rate is unstable and he might be able to help."

"Shouldn't I be there to help calm Light-kun? He is my friend, after all," I reason, unsure of why I have not been asked to see him.

"I would say yes, except…"

"…except…?"

"…When I asked a nurse to go get you, he panicked. …He doesn't want to see you."

**End Chapter Fourteen**

6600 words.

… … …I **hated** writing that scene. Like, _really _hated it. You have no idea. I hated the physical pain, the psychological pain, all of it. I love Light! I didn't want to write this. But, I never plan to write a rape scene. Not a full one. But that scene is over now, and it helped him wake up. I needed something horrible to make him crack badly enough to send his body into that fit and wake him up. I figured that Light is too prideful to let physical pain get to him (as per his glaring and resistance) and he is a little unstable without his 'family' so… I figured a severe combination of physical and psychological torture was necessary. Now there will be some awkward tension between L and Light for a little while.

ANOTHER PLAN:

This plan will work alongside the Other Plan, detailed last chapter. There will be a time skip of roughly a week soon and Light will resolve his moderate fear in therapy. Can you blame him, though? Forgiveness for me, please? Nothing like that will EVER happen to Light again—I PROMISE! I know Light has been taking several 'leave of absence' moments, but they end soon.

A Near/Mello breakthrough! Yay! I smell a lemon later~. Seriously, while they both contemplate the kiss wait until they reach Mello's apartment… Mmm…

Also, thanks to people following/favoriting. It makes me so happy to know people like this story so much…

Also, JUST BECAUSE I PUMPED OUT THIS CHAPTER DOES NOT MEAN DELAYS ARE NO LONGER EXISTENT! SCHOOL IS STILL HAPPENING, SO EXPECT INCONSISTENT UPDATES UNTIL DECEMBER!

Thanks for staying with me this long, guys. Four favorites, eleven followers and more than thirty reviews... Makes me so happy! (bows)

I hate this chapter so much... *cries* I'mma go hide in the emo corner now...

Ja ne,

Rainbow-chan :3


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